Have you heard of "main character energy?" It's something that I recently remembered and found useful. I often feel powerless, as if I am a spectator of my own life. This isn't out of the blue: a recent series of events has shown me how cruel life can be for no reason. However, last night, I set aside some thinking time to try and resolve this issue. That's when I remembered main character energy, a social media term coined in 2020. It's a concept that deeply resonated with me, so I revisited it online and spoke about it with my therapist. Here's what I discovered. 

What Is 'Main Character Energy?' 

My therapist clarified that there are various negative traits associated with this term, such as narcissism and a sense of entitlement. However, in this post, I will only focus on the positives of main character energy (MCE).

According to VeryWell Mind, it is defined as follows. 

"Main character energy describes a person who lives life as if they're the main character of a novel or movie. It refers to an attitude toward life in which you invest in yourself and put yourself first. That can be a good thing if it's used in a way that prioritizes self-care, and many people mean it this way, but it can be a bad thing if taken too far."¹ 

I would say MCE is about treating yourself as the most important person in your life, knowing your worth, and owning your choices. 

How Can You Embrace Main Character Energy?

It's one thing to say I'm going to embrace MCE and another thing to do it. When you live with a mental illness like anxiety or depression, it is difficult to see yourself as the protagonist of your life. These conditions tend to flare up at the worst possible time and prevent one from getting things done. But I believe MCE is not about hiding your imperfections; it is about owning them and doing the best you can anyway. It is also about taking care of yourself and personalizing social definitions of success and normalcy.

Remember, when you focus on the things you can control, it gets a little easier to let go of the things you have no control over. When you accept who you are, work on what you can, and give yourself grace when things aren't going your way, give yourself a pat on the back because you, my friend, have become the main character of your life. 

Source

1. Vinney, C., PhD. (2024, February 1). Main character energy: being the hero of your own story. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/main-character-energy-8550923

Recovering from gambling addiction throws a lot your way, including coping with triggers. You're constantly dodging old habits and navigating a world that sometimes seems designed to trigger cravings. From the countless betting advertisements on your screen to casinos on almost every block, there are so many triggers, and it is so easy to feel overwhelmed. For a long time, these triggers proved too strong for me to overcome. I found myself repeatedly drawn back to gambling, each time promising myself that it was the last. In this article, I'll be sharing some of the strategies that have helped me manage my triggers in gambling addiction recovery.

Triggers and Recovering from Gambling Addiction

Here are some of the ways I handle triggers in gambling addiction recovery:

• Knowing my triggers — What are your triggers during gambling addiction recovery? Is it feeling stressed about money or work, the social atmosphere of a bar, or the adrenaline rush you used to get from placing a bet? Once you identify your triggers, developing a plan to address them becomes easier. 
• Practicing self-care and mindfulness — Find something you enjoy to keep your mind occupied. For me, a quick jog, a high-energy workout class, or even just some brisk walking can completely shift my mood. Mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing techniques are also a great way to clear your head and detach from the emotional pull of a gambling addiction trigger.
• Taking away the bait — Sometimes, the most effective way to manage a trigger in gambling addiction recovery is to avoid it. If walking past a casino is a major challenge, try taking a different route. Unsubscribe from all gambling-related emails and texts and anything else that can be a trigger. You can also use website blocker tools to restrict access to risky sites.
• Remembering why you started — When cravings get intense, it's easy to forget the progress you have made. In those moments, I remind myself why I started this journey in the first place. I visualize the life I'm building for myself, free from the destructive cycle of gambling addiction.
• Joining support groups or finding people you can share your journey with — It is easy to feel like you can't make it, especially when you don't have someone to walk the journey with you. Sharing your struggles with a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or sponsor can help you develop strategies to resist the urge to gamble.

Handling triggers in gambling addiction recovery is not a sprint. It takes time, and there will be setbacks along the way. However, with dedication and the right tools, you can overcome these obstacles. Remember, there are many resources available, and a supportive community awaits. Keep moving forward, one step at a time. You've got this.

I live with major depressive disorder. Much like any diagnosis, disability, disorder, illness, and so on, there is a politically correct way to discuss those who have a mental health disorder. Through my research and curriculum development at my job, I learned that the people-first language for mental health uses the phrase "living with." For example, I would say that I am living with major depressive disorder, not that I suffer from major depressive disorder. This is a more appropriate way to describe ourselves and others. 

Acceptance of Living with Major Depressive Disorder

As I said previously, I am living with major depressive disorder. If you have read my other posts or my blog, you may have noticed a common theme to my coping with depression. My motto is to take life one day at a time. This is all I can ask of myself, and all others can ask of me.

Two years ago, I experienced my most intense suicidal ideation and intent crisis. As I was recovering, I realized that I needed to take smaller steps in life and not take on more than I could handle. Hence, I am living one day at a time. I wear a bracelet daily to remind me of my new outlook on life. I also came to terms with the fact that I need to accept that I am living with major depressive disorder truly, and it is a lifelong journey. Recovery is not an end state or finish line; it is a daily journey that will last for the rest of my life. Consequently, some days are better than others. 

Living with Major Depressive Disorder

So here we are. I do agree that the phrasing of a person living with a disorder is appropriate and more realistic. When I was first diagnosed with depression in my mid-30s, I figured I could take an antidepressant and be good to go. I was wrong. I went back to the doctor and asked for a supplement to my antidepressant. At no point did I think that I should have coping skills or other ways to deal with my depression along with the medication I was taking. I was ignorant of the fact that depression is not curable; it may go into remission, but it is not curable. 

It wasn't until recently that I came to terms with the fact that my depression will always be with me. How I live and cope with major depressive disorder makes each day a good or not-so-good one. Think of it this way: if I were diagnosed with chronic arthritis, I would say that I am living with arthritis in my knee. There is no cure for arthritis, but there are ways to manage and cope with the pain and stiffness. For instance, I may take an anti-inflammatory and do physical therapy exercises to keep the stiffness at bay. Then, I may begin to avoid staircases because they could trigger the pain in my knee. 

Living with major depression is similar. I take medications, but I also practice mindfulness and use my coping skills daily. Practice makes perfect, right? I have also recognized some of the external triggers that could cause me to head towards a depressive episode. Thus, I avoid them if possible, or I have developed specific coping skills to deal with those particular triggers. Additionally, because I am living with, not suffering from, depression, my coping skills are constantly evolving because as life goes on, I am also changing. 

All in all, acknowledging that I am living with major depressive disorder and will always live with major depressive disorder has helped me learn to cope and continue my journey of recovery one day at a time. 

For someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD), a complex emotion like jealousy in relationships can be particularly intense and pervasive. I'm afraid of how jealousy tends to impact my relationships and self-perception. But these days, I strive to question its origins and implications. Here's how I've handled jealousy in relationships with borderline personality disorder.

Jealousy in Borderline Relationships: Identity Formation and Fear of Abandonment

Exploring the roots of jealousy in BPD relationships sheds light on its connection to identity formation and interpersonal dynamics. When freshly diagnosed with BPD, I'd often grapple with a fragile sense of self, marked by feelings of emptiness and instability. This lack of a solid identity fueled a constant need for validation and approval from others. As a result, the idea of sharing the affection and attention of my loved ones triggered intense feelings of loss. 

The fear of abandonment led to a constant state of vigilance and insecurity. The closer the bond, the more acute the jealousy became as the fear of losing that connection intensified. Reflecting on personal experiences, jealousy in BPD relationships felt like a persistent sense of competition for love and acceptance. 

Jealousy in Borderline Relationships: The Quest for Validation

Without a firm anchor in my own identity, I relied heavily on mirroring others to define myself. This tendency to emulate external personalities can blur the lines between my own desires and those of others, leading to a sense of emptiness and confusion.

As a result, jealousy in BPD relationships led to anger that served as a means of asserting control and reaffirming my existence in the face of perceived threats to my identity. The pangs of fear and jealousy were so sharp I justified passive-aggressively fighting for what was mine. I'd counterintuitively start fights to make my partners prove their love and affection to me so I wouldn't have to feel insecure. Of course, that only pushed them further away.

Jealousy in Borderline Relationships: Managing Emotions

When considering how to manage jealousy in BPD relationships, the importance of validating my feelings stands out. It's tempting to let jealousy morph into indignation, yet if my loved ones aren't intentionally harming or betraying me, these accusations aren't justified. Accepting my uncomfortable emotions allows for meaningful dialog. While it may not always feel instinctive, prioritizing honesty in my relationships is needed for growth and understanding. Once I started digging into my insecurities, it was like stepping into a whole new world. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) techniques helped me challenge irrational beliefs, and I soon began developing coping strategies to manage intense emotions like jealousy in BPD relationships. 

The resiliency I've gained through DBT has given me the ability to face past traumas head-on. In my 30s, I pursued somatic therapies, like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), to help me uncover where my fragile sense of self came from. This psychotherapy helped me process traumatic memories, unlocking profound levels of emotional healing.

While fear and jealousy in BPD relationships still lingers today, it now feels more like a subtle prick rather than a devastating blow. 

Learning how to make the shift from rigid to flexible behavior is a crucial part of eating disorder recovery. But I will be upfront about this: I am not a naturally adaptable or flexible person. I consider myself a creature of habit, someone who finds comfort in strict routines and stable environments. I structure my life in precise, meticulous detail—from the location in my house where I work, the times I eat and exercise, to the number of steps I take on a daily basis. Therefore, shifting from rigid to flexible behavior in eating disorder recovery is no simple task.

Precision creates a sense of order, which calms the anxious undercurrent humming in my brain. However, it also causes rigidity to the point where I feel wildly off-balance if a situation throws my routine for a loop. This lack of control can easily draw me into anorexia's orbit, so I recognize the need to shift from rigid to flexible behavior in eating disorder recovery.

Why It's Beneficial to Shift from Rigid to Flexible Behavior

Let's underscore this conversation with a story to help illustrate why making the shift from rigid to flexible behavior is so important for eating disorder recovery. The incident I will share in the following video is a recent example from my own life—and for the sake of honesty, I am not proud of it. But although I spectacularly fumbled this sequence of events, I do think it shows just how harmful rigidity can be. Not to mention, it reinforces the gifts of flexibility.

I'm Learning to Shift from Rigid to Flexible Behavior in My Recovery

Rigid behavioral patterns can offer an illusion of security, but where is the freedom in that? In my own experience, rigidity cements the foundation for an eating disorder to wreak havoc, whereas flexibility creates the space to flourish outside the limits of my comfort zone. So, I will take this lesson to heart as I move forward in the healing journey. 

See Also

• Eating Disorder Behaviors Are Adaptive Functions
• Symptom Switching: When Your Eating Disorder Wears A Costume

Comments about verbal abuse can help or hurt. People can be generally helpful, even when they hear of a verbally abusive relationship. They may offer words of support or advice they think are beneficial to the situation. Often, these people mean well, but sometimes, their comments about verbal abuse are not helpful or well-received. There can be a fine line between supporting a victim of verbal abuse and minimizing their experience. 

Hurtful Comments About Verbal Abuse Disguised as Support

Unfortunately, not everyone can put themselves in your shoes when you are in a verbally abusive relationship. This lack of empathy can create tension between someone trying to be supportive of another. In some cases, an individual may offer advice or comments about verbal abuse that are unintentionally hurtful.

Some of the remarks I've heard from outsiders that didn't sit well with me were: 

• Every relationship has problems. You both need to work at it to make it work. 
• They never seemed verbally abusive when I met/worked/lived with them.
• Why don't you stand up for yourself? I wouldn't let someone talk to me like that.
• If it's as bad as you say, just leave. 
• I warned you about them. 

When I receive comments about verbal abuse like these, I feel more alone than ever. Common remarks like these show a lack of understanding of my situation. An outsider cannot fully comprehend how challenging it can be to try and work on a relationship with someone who is abusive or has no resources to change their situation.  

Comments About Verbal Abuse that Are Supportive

Instead of making assumptions about an individual's verbally abusive situation, there are other ways to support them. Some things to remember when talking to a person who discloses verbal abuse to you include: 

• No one ever deserves abuse for any reason. 
• Everyone should feel safe.
• There isn't a one-size-fits-all solution to every problem.
• It can take time and courage to face a verbally abusive situation.
• Verbal abuse is more common than you think. 

If you want to support a friend or loved one, try using these helpful comments about verbal abuse:

• Thank you for telling me. I'd love to help you in any way I can. 
• I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm here to talk anytime you need. 
• You aren't alone. I am here for you. 
• Verbal abuse is not okay. Did you need help finding local resources to help you through this? 
• You have a right to feel safe. Can I help you find support and resources in your area? 

Being the target of verbal abuse is never easy or deserved. This behavior can slowly escalate over time, making it difficult for the victim to identify with a harmful situation until it's too late.

Remember that verbal abuse comes in many forms, and everyone may handle these circumstances differently. It's not a question of why the verbal abuse happened but how to stop it and heal from it. 

Recently, I got my blood levels tested for a schizoaffective disorder medication I’m taking. My levels were slightly low. Let me tell you why it’s important that I get my blood levels tested regularly for this particular medication for my schizoaffective disorder.

This Medication for Schizoaffective Disorder Prevents Hearing Voices

Simply put, the worst thing that could happen if I’m on too high a dosage of this schizoaffective disorder medication is kidney failure. Other side effects include hand tremors and weight gain, and I’ve experienced both.

However, if I’m on too low a dosage of this schizoaffective disorder medication, I have psychotic episodes and hear voices once again. These episodes aren’t dangerous, and they don’t make me violent. But they are very painful and distressing. If I am out of our apartment when they come on, I must go home and rest. If I am already at home when they come on, I have to stop whatever I’m doing and take steps to calm down.

I didn’t hear voices even though the schizoaffective disorder medication levels were low, but my main concern still was that my psychiatric nurse practitioner would want to increase my dosage. I had a feeling that she wouldn’t because medication levels that are too high are generally worse than too low. But I was still worried–I don’t want hand tremors and I don’t want to gain more weight than I already have because of medication for my schizoaffective disorder. Luckily, my nurse practitioner saw no reason to increase the dosage.

Why Am I On a Schizoaffective Disorder Medication with Such Bad Side Effects?

Here's a good question: why am I even on a medication with such drastic, potentially deadly side effects? It’s just that I’ve been on it for over 20 years, and it helps with my schizoaffective symptoms. Most importantly, this schizoaffective disorder medication stops the voices. So, that’s why I take it.

By far, the worst side effect I’ve personally experienced from medication for my schizoaffective disorder is weight gain. Heart disease runs in my family, so I’m trying to lose some weight without changing my medications. That’s an uphill battle. In the past, I’ve changed around my schizoaffective medications to lose weight, and I’ve lost weight, but I’ve always found that the medications that cause weight gain are better for my mental health. I’ve tried the new weight loss prescriptions, but they make me seriously nauseous.

I’ve got a lot going on right now. I’m trying to lose weight, and I’m going back on birth control pills, which are messing with my hormones. But since I’m on a good medication cocktail, even though I hate weight gain, and I have the support of my family, I think I’ll be okay.

In this video, I talk more about medication for schizoaffective disorder and wanting to lose the weight it can cause.

Living with mental illness doesn't make you weak. If anything, it requires immense strength to fight a war in your mind, one that nobody can see. It's stigma that reinforces the idea that mental illness makes you weak.

Mental Illness Does Not Make You Weak, But Stigma Persists

It's 2024, yet many people still believe that mental illness is the result of weakness or a character flaw. In fact, there are a variety of wrongly held beliefs when it comes to mental health. For example, one stigma I routinely deal with is related to my age. Whenever I tell people I have depression, I get told off for being "too young to be depressed." In reality, mental illness does not discriminate -- it can affect anyone irrespective of age, gender, race, socioeconomic status, or any other factor you can think of. But I digress. It's high time we rewrite the narrative. 

Mental Illness Doesn't Make You Weak, It Makes You Strong

First off, know that I am not romanticizing mental illness. Irrespective of ignorant popular culture portrayals, there is nothing beautiful about mental illness. If I had a choice, I would always choose good mental health over mental illness. That said, I believe it is crucial to challenge the misconception that those who live with a mental illness are weak.

Living with mental illness requires strength, and there is no one definition of strength. Strength looks like accepting your struggles and asking for help, even though you know you will be judged. Sometimes, strength is speaking your truth even when your voice trembles because the repercussions may be severe. Strength is standing up for yourself and asking for what is yours, like equal access to opportunities. And sometimes, strength is about doing whatever it takes to get through the day. Strength comes in these and many more forms, so how can anyone say that those who live with mental illness are weak? You can have a mental disorder and still be a strong individual. 

Mental Illness Doesn't Make You Weak -- Celebrate Your Unique Strength

Life with mental illness is hard enough without dealing with stigma from people and ourselves. So, if you're living with a mental illness, know this: you are not weak. You are a warrior, fighting battles others may never see or understand. The world may not appreciate your strength, but I do. And honestly, so should you. It's high time we neurodivergent folks celebrate our unique strengths and embrace a culture of empathy, compassion, and inclusivity. Remember, mental strength and mental illness are not mutually exclusive. Those of us with mental illness have to work harder to function in a world built for the able-minded and able-bodied. If that doesn't make us strong, what does? 

When I'm anxious, one of the hardest things to do is to stop overthinking. After all, this seems to be what anxiety is about, beyond, of course, the physical symptoms. Anxiety causes you to worry about what you are experiencing stress about. Therefore, you end up overthinking about the situation and about various scenarios. It's hard to stop overthinking.

Overthinking, though, doesn't make anything better. If anything, it just makes me feel worse. Any physical symptoms that I experience, like a racing heart and shakiness, end up getting worse instead of getting better when I overthink. In other words, my anxiety turns into a downward spiral where I am experiencing both physical and psychological symptoms.

Strategies I Use to Stop Overthinking

At some point, I realized that this was no way to live. Since I often dealt with anxiety, this also meant that I spent much of my time overthinking about things, which would make it difficult to concentrate, sleep, and relax, especially during times when I needed to. Also, I would find that my thoughts would become chaotic and uncontrollable, and then my feelings would follow, and sometimes I would end up feeling depressed because of those troublesome, racing thoughts.

So, I started taking steps to stop overthinking. Using what I learned about anxiety, I started to put a lot of effort into using strategies to calm those thoughts and to calm myself overall. These strategies have included:

1. Deep breathing -- Focusing on my breathing helps me to slow my heart rate, so it helps to calm the physical symptoms of anxiety. Also, it requires me to focus on my breath, which helps to draw my attention away from what I am overthinking about, and it becomes calming. Additionally, deep breathing is something I can do in any setting. So, if I find myself overthinking in a situation that isn't ideal, I know I can still focus on my breathing because it is always there.
2. Mindfulness meditation -- I have found that practicing mindfulness meditation in an area that is free of distractions in my environment helps to calm me. Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on what I am sensing in the present moment and doing so without judgment. This also helps me relax my mind, and guided imagery can help achieve relaxation as well.
3. Distraction -- Sometimes, distraction can be extremely helpful in reducing those racing thoughts and anxious feelings. While distraction is not always the best strategy for coping with every situation, if there is nothing you can do to change a situation in the moment and you feel anxious, distraction can sometimes be the best way to deal with it.

These are the main strategies I use to help stop myself from overthinking. While I wouldn't say that I am always completely successful or that it isn't something I still struggle with, I have experienced significant improvements in this area over the years.

What strategies to stop overthinking do you use? Share them in the comments below.

Masking depression is something many people do. I tell people when I discuss living with major depressive disorder that I am the queen of masks. And it's true; I can smile when I need to. I became such a perfectionist at masking my depression that I could even fool my closest friends. Yet, when I am alone or turn around, my smile disappears from my face quicker than a scared jackrabbit. 

Masking depression is one of my favorite coping skills. Even though it is not genuinely coping, it is like putting a loose band-aid on a wound that won't clot. I know it isn't healthy to mask my emotions constantly, but even today, I will still take out my mask and put it on at work or an important social function.

How Often Do I Mask My Depression?

In my video post, I discuss a meme sent to me. It certainly made me chuckle, but it also got me to reflect on how often I wear a mask. Those around me think I am laid-back and don't get upset. Truth be told, I can't let myself get upset because that is when the dam breaks. Therefore, I can't show the sadness, frustration, and anger I feel inside. 

Do you all mask your depression or wear a mask to hide your depression from others?