Basic human decency is the glue that holds society together. It is the golden rule we were taught as children: treat others as you would like to be treated. Unfortunately, basic human decency is lacking in our world, and it affects our mental health in several ways. Let's take a look.
What Is Basic Human Decency?
I define basic human decency as treating people with kindness, respect, and empathy, irrespective of race, religion, or social class. For example, holding the door open for someone carrying bags exemplifies kindness. Respecting someone's opinion, even if it differs from yours, demonstrates respect. Offering a listening ear to a friend in need showcases empathy. Simple acts like these cultivate positive relationships and a more compassionate society.
How Does a Lack of Basic Human Decency Affect Mental Health?
Speaking from personal experience, the absence of basic human decency has impacted my mental health in the following ways:
I recently completed two rounds of interviews at a company. Only one more round was pending, after which I would get either a job offer or a rejection email. But what did the human resources person do instead? They ghosted me, leaving me with no explanation for what went wrong. Even when I sent polite and specific follow-up emails, they simply left me on Read. (I use mail-tracking software that notifies me each time someone opens my email.) I even reached out to the other point of contact, hoping for some answers, but they meted out the same silent treatment. If this doesn't exemplify a lack of basic human decency, what does?
The Importance of Practicing Basic Human Decency
Their mistreatment affected my self-worth and gave me unnecessary stress and anxiety. What's worse is that my interactions with both interviewees were pleasant, and my interviews went well, so I did not see this coming. Their incivility triggered my trust issues and made me feel incredibly lonely. And finally, since this rejection was out of the blue, I blamed myself: maybe I had done something to warrant their disrespect. My negative self-talk went through the roof, and it took me introspection and therapy to resolve all these issues. Because you guessed right: this wasn't the first employer who had pulled this stunt, and a string of similar bad experiences can affect anyone's mental health.
As you can see, a lack of basic human decency has far-reaching consequences. They say hurt people hurt people, but honestly, it doesn't take much effort to be kind. Let's do our bit to make the world a less hostile place by being decent to each other.
Hello readers, I am Kirsi Cannaday, a new writer for Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog. I am excited for the opportunity to share my experiences with anxiety. I believe that being open about our mental health battles gives us the strength to heal from them and gives others the courage to do the same.
I am 30 years old and have two beautiful little girls. I have been married for eight years, and my wonderful husband has been navigating my anxiety experience with me. It hasn’t been easy for him or me, but we’re figuring it out.
Kirsi Cannaday’s Experience with Anxiety
I was diagnosed with anxiety in my 20s after having my second child. I’ve experienced panic attacks, anxiety while driving, and the physical symptoms of anxiety like nausea, dizziness, and rapid heart rate. I’ve had times where I struggled to leave the house or accomplish simple tasks. I feel a constant mental battle with “what ifs” and “should haves” and irritability. This gets heavy sometimes. Some days are a big struggle, but I’m learning how to cope.
Kirsi Cannaday's Plans for 'Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog'
I went to therapy for anxiety and learned many tools to help me. I’ve learned some triggers for my anxiety are feeling trapped and feeling out of control. Knowing my triggers allows me to gain control when I start to feel anxious and panicked. Sharing my story with others has also been healing.
For more about me and my plans for Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog, watch this:
I hope everyone reading can learn how to use the tools I share to help them. I am excited to write about how I cope with anxiety in daily life, as well as to share hope and healing with all of you.
Pet adoption in mental illness recovery is an important decision. Pets are cute, comforting, and can be great for someone's mental health. Even last week, I saw a dog sporting his "emotional support dog" vest. Many people with mental illness find comfort in their pets, and there are many reasons why pet adoption during mental illness recovery makes sense, but the decision to bring a pet into your life can be equally amazing and stressful.
Adopting a Pet During Mental Illness Recovery
I adopted a pet during a low in my life. She's brought me great joy but has also taught me lessons on what to consider before adopting a pet in mental illness recovery, so I wanted to share my story.
Pros of Adopting a Pet During Mental Illness Recovery
Adopting a pet in mental illness recovery feels like adopting a friend. Having a companion that doesn't require social energy is highly comforting. Pets can even start to pick up on your moods, and I've found that my own cat's affection will increase as she senses when things are not right. (And it's a bit harder to wallow when I have a cat purring on top of my chest.)
A pet also brings structure. For example, a dog will need to be walked and provided exercise. What a great incentive to get out of bed, grab some fresh air, and get some steps in for the day. Since a pet requires a certain level of routine, so will the owner. This is beneficial for someone who struggles to muster up the motivation for themselves -- now there's a different motivator in the mix.
Speaking of structure, having a sense of responsibility is rewarding. There is a reason people call themselves "proud pet owners." It's because a pet is an extension of someone. Adopting a pet in mental illness recovery and then providing quality care for that pet, especially one that requires a lot of work, is something everyone should be proud of.
Cons of Adopting a Pet During Mental Illness Recovery
But responsibility isn't always easy; it usually comes with hardships. Having a pet means that there is a living, breathing thing that is now reliant on a person. That's a lot of pressure, especially for those who are at a point where they are struggling to take care of themselves.
There are financial aspects to consider when adopting a pet in mental illness recovery. I was hit with an unexpected $750 bill after taking my cat to the vet. (Don't worry, she is okay.) I hadn't been financially prepared for a situation like that. I didn't have a set savings for an emergency like this.
Additionally, adopting a pet in mental illness recovery means there needs to be a lifestyle adjustment. When there's an animal in the picture, their care needs to be considered when planning trips, late nights out, bringing over visitors, moves, and more. There is going to be a time and space commitment, especially when it comes to highly active animals, and cleaning usually becomes a more frequent chore.
Pets are often loving and affectionate and feel like part of the family. But they also require time, space, money, and effort. Pets can be an excellent addition to the lives of those recovering from mental illness, but the decision to adopt a pet in mental illness recovery should be carefully considered.
Setting boundaries is not commonly recognized to boost self-esteem, but I have found that it does. Self-esteem is integral to helping us traverse life. Navigating life with mental health challenges can be like treading water in a stormy sea. I have faced my share of turbulent waters, struggling to maintain my self-esteem amidst the chaos of emotions and thoughts. One practice that has proudly transformed my journey is setting personal boundaries. It's not just a skill; it's an act of self-love and empowerment. Setting boundaries can enhance self-esteem.
The Connection Between Setting Boundaries and Self-Esteem
Boundaries are the invisible lines that we draw around ourselves to define what is acceptable and what is not in our interactions and relationships. When we have mental health issues, these boundaries can easily blur or even disappear altogether. There once was a point in my life when I allowed others to dictate how I should feel, what I should do, and where my limits lay. This lack of boundaries left me feeling lost and disconnected from my own needs and desires.
Setting boundaries for self-esteem starts with a deep exploration of oneself. I had to identify my values, triggers, and limits. Which behaviors from others make me uncomfortable? Where do I feel most vulnerable? Answering these questions helped me recognize the areas where I needed to establish clear boundaries for my self-esteem and wellbeing.
Communicating boundaries effectively is another vital aspect. I used to fear asserting myself, worrying about disappointing or angering others. However, I have learned that healthy relationships respect boundaries. It is okay to say no, to express discomfort, or to ask for space. Setting these limits not only protects our mental health but also fosters healthier connections with those around us.
Learning to set boundaries for self-esteem was a gradual process. I started small, perhaps by asserting my preferences in simple situations. As I gained confidence, I tackled more challenging scenarios. Each successful boundary set was a victory for my self-esteem, a tangible reminder that my feelings and needs are valid and worthy of respect.
Setting Boundaries for Self-Esteem Isn't Selfish
One profound lesson that I have learned is that setting boundaries isn't selfish; rather, it is an act of self-care. By defining my limits, I am honoring my mental health and asserting my autonomy. This process has restored my sense of control over my life, reducing anxiety and boosting my self-esteem.
Of course, boundary-setting isn't always smooth sailing. I have faced pushback and discomfort along the way. Some individuals may struggle to accept our boundaries, which can be tough to navigate. However, I have found that those who truly care about me will understand and respect my needs.
Today, setting boundaries for self-esteem is an ongoing practice, a cornerstone of my mental health toolkit. It's not about building walls but about fostering healthier, more fulfilling relationships with myself and others. By respecting my boundaries, I am cultivating self-esteem from within, embracing my worth, and creating a life that aligns with my values.
To anyone grappling with mental health challenges, I encourage you to explore the transformative power of setting boundaries. Start small, be patient and kind with yourself, and remember that your wellbeing matters. As you define your boundaries, you're not just protecting yourself; you're reclaiming your sense of self-worth and paving the way for a more empowered and fulfilling life.
In today's video, I share a number of examples to help you set healthy boundaries.
Coping with depression triggers generally requires practicing specific skills. It isn't always easy to continuously do so, especially when the skills should be practiced proactively. However, practicing coping skills and being self-aware of how to cope with depression triggers could help some either avoid a depressive episode or experience a less severe depressive episode.
Tips for Coping with Depression Triggers
Along my major depressive disorder recovery journey, I have come up with a few tips on coping with depression triggers that have helped me along the way and will hopefully help you.
Be Proactive with Coping Skills for Depression Triggers
First, I have found that it is essential to be self-aware and begin to recognize your most common depression triggers in order to cope with them more effectively. Is it a person, specific calendar day, holiday, place, song, movie genre, or something else? Regardless of the trigger, having coping mechanisms ready and a wellness plan in place is critical. Self-awareness is also vital.
For example, Memorial Day is coming up in a few weeks, and for many veterans, it can be a trigger for depression. Therefore, to lessen the chance of falling into depression or having a depressive episode lasting as long as it usually does, the veteran must have a depression-trigger coping plan in place. It could be having lunch or dinner with a loved one, creating a busy schedule for the day, participating in Memorial Day activities, volunteering at a hospital, or taking a self-care day. The trigger may not be overbearing if the veteran is proactive.
Be Mindful When Coping with Depression Triggers
Mindfulness is often misconstrued as meditation, but it's much more than that. Yes, meditation is a way to be mindful, but there are other ways to practice mindfulness. I know I have not perfected the art of meditation because I either fall asleep or my mind wanders all over the place. However, I think it is all about being in the moment and enjoying what life is now, not the past or future. So, even if it is just breathing exercises or standing out in nature for a few minutes, take time to stop and take a moment for yourself to reflect on the good things going on now. Look for the silver lining, per se, to be present in the now. Being mindful takes practice; it doesn't happen overnight.
Challenging Negative Thoughts When Coping with Depression Triggers
Challenging your negative thoughts stems from being mindful. For instance, when triggered, I tend to get emotional and thus tend to jump to conclusions and blow things out of proportion. Being self-aware and mindful allows me to stop and rethink how I comprehend the trigger or trauma. I have to stop and ask myself what is truthfully going on. In other words, challenging your negative thoughts means being mindful of the situation at hand and that you are in a situation where you could go into an emotional spiral if your thinking doesn't change. Changing negative thoughts when coping with depression triggers requires thinking logically. Then, much like mindfulness, it also takes a lot of practice.
Coping with depression triggers is not an easy task in any way, shape, or form. Plus, even with practice, there will be triggers that may catch us off guard. Life happens. Yet, if we are proactive and mindful and attempt to change our negative thinking into more logical thinking, we can lessen the amount and severity of future depressive episodes.
I would like to hear what you all think and if you have any tips on coping with depression triggers.
Parenting in gambling addiction recovery is not easy. The weight of gambling addiction isn't just on us, the ones battling it; it bleeds into the lives of loved ones, especially our children. That's why it's important to consider parenting in gambling addiction recovery.
Gambling Addiction and Parenting: The Impact on Children
My gambling addiction didn't just take money — it also stole precious moments and fractured the trust between me and my kid. The moments that should have been filled with laughter and joy were overshadowed by the ever-present strain of my gambling. Even if they were too young to understand the full picture, their innocence picked up on the instability, leaving them insecure and afraid.
Now, in recovery, I'm learning how to be the parent they deserve, and it's both challenging and deeply fulfilling.
How to Parent in Gambling Addiction Recovery
Here's what I've learned so far about parenting and gambling addiction.
Honesty is the best policy — I have learned how to be open with my kid about my past and my ongoing recovery journey. We talk about my mistakes and how I'm working to improve. While it is not easy, it is important as it helps build trust. It also shows them it is okay to ask for help. Remember, when talking about gambling addiction with children, it is important to tailor the conversation to their age and understanding. For younger children, it might be a simple explanation like, "Mommy/Daddy used to make some choices that weren't healthy, but now I'm getting help to make better choices."
Focus on quality time — Gambling stole years from my family. I missed milestones and I deeply regret it. Now, I consciously try to spend quality time with my child. We play games, have movie nights, and go for walks — simple things that create memories and strengthen our bond.
Prioritize your wellbeing — Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. If anything, a well-rested, healthy you is better equipped to handle parenthood's daily joys and challenges. When parenting in gambling addiction recovery, I have learned to prioritize activities that support my recovery, like going to therapy and regular exercise, to be the best parent for my kid.
Create new traditions —Lastly, try to create new family traditions. Holidays can be particularly risky for those in recovery for various reasons, including the amount of free time on your hands and the trauma of the absent parent from the children. Instead of the usual (potentially triggering) activities, create new traditions that involve your kids and strengthen your family bond.
Parenting is hard, and parenting in gambling recovery is even more challenging. There will be setbacks, but the unwavering commitment to your recovery and your children's wellbeing creates a powerful foundation for growth. If you're a recovering gambling addict and a parent, know that you're not alone. There is hope, and your children are worth the fight.
My name is Radhika Lakshmanan. I am excited to join the Binge Eating Recovery blog and share my story about my recovery from binge eating disorder. I developed binge eating disorder during my first job, where I struggled with depression, anxiety, and binge eating. I had unresolved past traumas from childhood due to growing up in a physically and emotionally abusive family.
Mental Health at My First Job -- I Started Binge Eating
My first job was in a hospital, and it was extremely stressful; I often worked more than 24 hours and experienced constant bullying, which made it challenging to sleep well and have peace of mind. I started binge eating and gained a lot of weight. Food became my only stress buster, and I would eat until I felt very full. However, after eating, I would constantly feel shame and guilt.
Radhika Lakshmanan Recovers from Binge Eating Disorder
When I gained weight, the bullying at work became worse. So, I changed my career to the corporate field and managed to get better sleep and peace of mind. Healthy food, good sleep, proper exercise, and meditation helped me to heal myself. I also underwent cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and hypnotherapy to heal my past emotional trauma.
Today, I am free from binge eating disorder and living a peaceful and joyful life. I can choose a healthy diet and eat mindfully. I cope beautifully with stress without binge eating. My healing journey inspired me to become a subconscious transformational coach, a CBT practitioner, a spiritual life coach, and a certified hypnotherapist who helps people heal from their subconscious limited patterns and emotional disorders.
For about me and my quest to increase mental health awareness, watch this:
I am delighted to work at HealthyPlace and write on the Binge Eating Recovery blog. I look forward to meeting more people with similar issues and inspiring them to look at binge eating disorder from a different perspective. I hope to inspire them to have an emotionally fulfilling, healthy life.
Many people find it challenging to cope with disappointing others, whether a loved one, a friend, or a coworker. I am no exception. I will avoid disappointing someone if possible. We all know how it feels to be disappointed or let down, so why would I want to inflict that feeling onto someone else? I possess great empathy for others, almost to a fault. So, to know that I am about to confront someone and make them feel sad or disappointed makes me feel guilty, which then leads to depression. However, lately, I have been trying to reroute my thinking and people-pleasing tendencies to remember the positives and why I can no longer appease everyone to help cope with disappointing others.
Coping with Disappointing Others: My Conflict
For instance, I am in the process of transitioning to a new job. It will have a more secure salary, and I can still work from home part of the time. Unfortunately, that means I need to leave coworkers and a job I love, funded only by grant funding that is not guaranteed every year nor guaranteed to last the whole fiscal year.
In this transition, I have to discuss with my boss (and friend) the possibility of leaving our mission to help service members, veterans, and their family members train to be peer support specialists in holistic mental wellbeing. My new job will start very soon, and there is only a little time that I can waste procrastinating on having a challenging discussion with my boss about leaving.
I have agonized over how I will even begin the above discussion as I must cope with disappointing her. Will she be angry with me? Will she be disappointed in me? Will she try to convince me otherwise? Will I even get to say everything I want and why I have decided to leave for a new opportunity even though I genuinely believe in our purpose and mission? This conflict and pending conversation have had me in a tailspin, so much so that I have found myself not only under significant anxiety but also slipping into depression.
How Do I Cope with Disappointing Others?
So, how do I cope with disappointing my boss, who has been so supportive of me for the past two years? Although I am excited about the future, this is also a significant loss. So, trying to stay upbeat has been hard enough, much less adding the pressure of telling my coworkers I'm leaving.
In the past week, I have come up with some ways that will help me cope with disappointing others and hopefully divert any depression from setting in.
Tips to Cope with Disappointing Others
Giving myself a timeline -- Giving myself a set day to speak with someone about a particular decision will provide me with a deadline I must abide by. This way, I can do what I need to do, and my anxiety and depression will stay at bay until close to the deadline.
Journaling about my thoughts -- Journaling is always a go-to when I'm feeling upset or down. Here, I can write out what I want to say and remind myself why I chose what I did. While writing, I can also work out my feelings of disappointing others and feeling guilty before going down the road of sadness.
Talking it out -- This post is about coping with disappointing others. To avoid feeling bad about it, I try to talk it out with the person I think I am disappointing. This will not only prevent burning bridges but also allow me to understand how someone is feeling instead of assuming how they feel.
Remembering my toolbox -- As always, using the items listed in my wellness toolbox (puzzles, scary movies, ice cream, etc.) also helps me avoid getting too deep into a depressive episode.
Ultimately, my empathy and guilt for disappointing others are significant. They can often cause me to become depressed, especially when it comes to my children and loved ones. However, as I have gotten older, I also know I must make choices for my best interests. My tips on coping with disappointing others will be put to the test very soon. If anyone else has any other tips, I am all ears. Please let me know in the comments below.
Once a person has experience with a person with bipolar disorder, they may assume that they will always have a similar experience with others who have bipolar disorder. In other words, a person may paint everyone with bipolar disorder with the same brush. If the first person with bipolar disorder they have experience with is very intelligent or creative — they may think all people with bipolar are. On the other hand, if their experience with a person with bipolar disorder was very negative, they may assume that all their future experiences will go the same way. Generalizations of any group don't help us, however.
Generalizing Experiences with a Person with Bipolar Disorder Is Normal
Treating every item of the same type in the same way is a shorthand for the brain. If we learn that triangles have three sides and then see a three-sided shape, we call it a triangle and treat it as such. When we're talking about shapes, that works just fine. When we're talking about people, though, it gets more complicated. However, our brains still look to take those same shortcuts. It's how we process the myriad of complex stimuli that surround us every day. So, generalizing experiences with a person with bipolar disorder makes sense in that regard.
Generalizing Experiences with a Person with Bipolar Disorder Is Not Helpful
Unfortunately, generalizing your experiences with a person with bipolar disorder is not helpful, as while we are part of a group, we are also individuals. We may fit the diagnosis of an illness, but there are an infinite number of variables that define a human — not just one. We all have hopes, fears, dreams, likes, and dislikes that make us unique. None of those things are necessarily dictated by the illness. When you generalize one experience with a person with bipolar disorder onto all of us, you do us and you a disservice. By generalizing, you aren't learning about who we are or having a genuine interaction. You are projecting history onto the present.
Unfortunately, this often causes harm. I hear from people all the time who think that people with bipolar disorder are incredibly destructive and toxic because of one experience in their past. This tars and feathers all people with bipolar disorder because of what one person did.
How to Not Generalize Your Experience with a Person with Bipolar Disorder
As I said, people are more complicated than shapes. We know this, but applying this knowledge means overriding our brain's basic desire to generalize and categorize. We have to use wisdom and insight to overcome this simple way of thinking.
Essentially, it comes down to remembering that people are complex individuals. You can place them into illness groups if you like, but you can't judge a person based on that group. For example, not everyone with cancer is the same. Not everyone with diabetes is the same. Not everyone with bipolar disorder is the same, either. Bipolar disorder may influence who a person is, but it doesn't define it. Some of us are incredibly brilliant; some of us aren't. Some of us are artists, while some of us can't draw stick figures. And some of us are awful people, but that doesn't mean we all are.
While I will admit that a particularly great or particularly terrible experience can (rightly) influence your feelings in the future, it's important to recognize our history's influence and not project it onto other people — regardless of the group they may be in.
Living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often means grappling with borderline PD mood swings that can swiftly turn my world upside down. When these BPD mood swings hit, thoughts become tangled in cognitive distortions, and black-and-white thinking takes hold, making it difficult to see shades of gray or to check the validity of my assumptions. In other words, BPD mood swings are a rapid descent into a world where worst-case scenarios feel like certainties.
Borderline PD Mood Swings: Lost in Translation
Explaining my BPD mood swings to loved ones who don't share the same condition can be a daunting task. The speed at which emotions shift can feel impossible to convey. This has left me feeling isolated and misunderstood. Borderline PD mood swings are what I imagine it's like to be thrust into an alternate reality where familiar landscapes suddenly seem foreign and unsettling.
Even moments of joy can quickly sour with the slightest perceived criticism or misstep from a loved one. A seemingly harmless comment can trigger a shame spiral, plunging me into a whirlwind of self-doubt and emotional turmoil.
Perhaps the most challenging aspect of living with BPD mood swings is the normalization of these intense emotional fluctuations. What may seem chaotic to others is simply the default setting for those with BPD. Navigating everyday life, particularly interpersonal relationships, becomes a constant struggle against the tide of shifting emotions and distorted perceptions. I find myself wishing my loved ones could experience a day in my body so I didn't have to explain my moods in plain and trite phrases. Simply saying I feel sad doesn't cover the amount of pain I'm in during a BPD mood swing.
Underlying these BPD mood swings is often a deep-seated yearning for love and validation stemming from unmet needs in childhood. However, when faced with expressions of care and concern from others, individuals with BPD mood swings may find themselves recoiling, their instinctual response being to withdraw rather than embrace the comfort offered.
When a friend notices a change in my mood and extends support, instead of embracing it as an act of kindness, I often find myself overwhelmed with shame and discomfort. The vulnerability of having my emotions observed and acknowledged triggers a defensive reaction within me. I'm working to unlearn my instinctive urge to evade questions like, "Are you ok?" and to perceive these moments as gestures of care.
Living with BPD mood swings is like surfing through a storm on a leaky raft: you're constantly balancing between sinking and riding the waves. It's a journey marked by peaks and valleys, breakthroughs and setbacks. Recognizing my life as it is now has been crucial. The people in my life genuinely want to understand and support me, which is a stark contrast to the emotionally neglectful environment I grew up in. While navigating these complexities can be challenging and sometimes painful, I'm giving myself credit for not only riding the waves but settling into these waters and staying on the path to healing.
