Ghosting can affect a person's depression. And while people with mental illnesses like bipolar disorder are known to sometimes ghost others, we, ourselves, get ghosted too. So, what happens to a person's depression when they're ghosted?

A Past Ghosting and My Depression

I have had ghostings in the past. The worst was when a person I considered to be a very close, even best, friend dropped me without a word. This person I loved for years simply stopped responding to my emails and phone calls. We hadn't fought, and there was no conflict. They just ghosted me. It was awful. 

That ghosting worsened my depression. For years, in fact, it brought about great pain. I still can't think of that person without feeling terrible. 

The ghosting's effects on my depression and overall mental health included:

• Increasing my depression
• Creating sorrow and despair
• Lowering my self-esteem (as I felt I had done something to deserve it)
• Creating paranoia that it would happen again
• Causing negative ruminations about myself and the situation

Depression After Being Ghosted

While I do not doubt that ghosting can hurt anyone, it absolutely hurts more when you're already dealing with something devastating like depression. Depression throws you into a pit. It's a pit you have to try to dig yourself out of. And when someone ghosts you when you're depressed, they just make the pit deeper. I don't know why anyone would want to do that to someone they cared about. It is, literally, beyond me.

Dealing with Depression After Ghosting

I could tell you just to ignore the ghosting because it's about the other person, not you. And while there is truth to that, I'm not sure how helpful it is. I think when you're depressed and ghosted, you need a bit more. 

Here are a few other things I try to remember:

• Depression gets worse when bad things happen. This is normal. While it's painful, it's a part of the illness.
• My self-worth is not dictated by others. Yes, rejection is horrible, but self-worth is born into a person and can't be taken away by the actions of others.
• One person's actions do not indicate what others will do. Yes, it's possible someone else important to me will ghost me in the future, but I can't live my life and have productive relationships focused on that possibility.
• Ruminations are a part of depression. In my experience, depressive ruminations will always find something on which to focus. Even if they choose to focus on my ghosting, I will get through them.

If Ghosting Is Worsening Your Depression

While I find the above points helpful to remember, they may not sufficiently quell your depression after a ghosting. Sometimes, talking with a friend or support group about your feelings can be helpful, but you may also need to reach out to a professional for further help. Dealing with the complex feelings that can arise after a ghosting may not be easy. Therapists tend to be acquainted with the issues around interpersonal rejection and ghosting. They can help you process your feelings. There is no shame in saying you need their help.

If your depression becomes severe, you may also need to talk to your psychiatrist, as a medication change may be needed. It's awful that someone else's thoughtless actions could result in a medical issue for you, but depression is awful. Don't hesitate to talk to your doctor about what's happening.

I think when you're ghosted by someone you truly care about, your depression will worsen. I feel like there's no avoiding it. That said, you can deal with it and move forward in a positive direction.

Coping with cognitive distortions can be a challenge. In the intricate landscape of our brains, thoughts can often be like tangled balls of yarn, distorting reality and discoloring our perception of the world around us. For those of us coping with depression, these cognitive distortions can become particularly prominent, taking the tangled yarn and weaving a complex tapestry of negativity and despair. It becomes imperative to untwist our thinking and return to a more logical and realistic mindset. In the past year, through training peers about cognitive distortions and mental health wellness, I have come up with a couple of strategies to assist with coping with cognitive distortions. 

Cognitive distortions, or what I'm calling twisted thinking, are like optical illusions of the mind. They are deceptive patterns that lead us astray from seeing things as they really are. Jumping to conclusions, magnifying the importance of adverse events, and minimizing the positive in myself or a situation are typical distortions that I have that can lead down a dark highway of depression. It is as if my mind wears dark-colored glasses, casting a shadow over even the brightest moments. 

Coping with Cognitive Distortions: Step One

First, I have found that the most critical aspect of coping with cognitive distortions so that I do not become depressed is to identify and question the negative thoughts. By identifying and questioning my negative thought processes, I can straighten the once-tangled yarn's knots, thus reclaiming my cognitive processes and proceeding forward, making logical decisions or reacting to a situation more logically. 

An Example of Coping with Cognitive Distortions

For example, if you have read some of my other posts, you have probably noticed that finances are a tremendous and common trigger for my depression. My coping strategies are also often challenged by a decline in financial stability. Therefore, many of my cognitive distortions consist of or are precipitated by a modification to money coming in or a large unexpected bill that suddenly appears. It has not been easy, but I have implemented a coping skill that does assist in breaking the cycle of my finances triggering a depressive episode. 

Most of the time, I have become self-aware enough to realize that my mood is starting to feel slightly off. When this transpires, or a change in my finances occurs, I consciously stop what I am doing or thinking and take a deep breath. I then directly ask myself, "What is actually going on?" In other words, I challenge myself to determine the truth -- not what I assume will happen, what conclusion I have jumped to before looking at the facts, or what I think after discounting the positives. I make myself determine what the outcome could be based on facts, not on what I feel or what has happened in the past. As a result, I can usually cope with my cognitive distortions and proceed forward. Granted, it is not 100 percent effective for all situations, but it has cut the amount of my triggered depressive episodes considerably. 

It's Important to Cope with Cognitive Distortions

Understanding and recognizing our cognitive distortions is critical in our recovery journey. As we navigate the intricate landscape of our minds, we must be self-aware enough to recognize the signs when we begin to journey down a dark path. Part of self-awareness is recognizing our thinking processes and how to confront them with courage and grace. It is not easy to untwist our thinking and cope with our personal cognitive distortions. Ultimately, I have only described one way I cope with my distortions. There are several ways to do so. We each have to find what best works for us. 

I would love to hear from you and some of the ways you cope with your cognitive distortions. 

When you have a history of trauma, dealing with betrayal can feel devastating. We all face betrayals of sorts throughout our lives. Unfortunately, hurt people hurt people. Some parents exploit their children; some spouses have affairs; some friends backstab their childhood besties, etc. Betrayal is all around us. We betray others in small ways; they betray us just the same. Sometimes, it's unintentional. Other times, it's purposeful. Nevertheless, it happens. But add a history of trauma to betrayal, and it's even more detrimental.

The Correlation Between Trauma and Betrayal

Dealing with betrayal after trauma can be especially difficult. In my experience, it's already difficult for me to feel loved, valued, and respected. I grew up feeling like my body was not my own — like I owed it to others. I felt like my body was all I had to offer, really. My appearance was a golden ticket to love. And so, any time someone came into my life and truly valued me for who I was in my entirety — my thoughts, my energy, my passions, my personality — I lived and breathed by their validation. I finally felt like I could be seen fully as myself — and be loved for it.

But when that same person betrayed me, whether by lying to me, disrespecting me, or manipulating me, I felt re-traumatized. The wound that person initially helped heal was now deeper. It was bleeding again, and I was left to nurse it alone.

Noticing a pattern of betrayal after my own trauma made me question myself and everyone around me. Not only that, but I also felt as though I unintentionally attracted more betrayals. Perhaps it's because I, myself, didn't feel worthy of love. In turn, I searched for it in the wrong people. I ignored red flags and gave my power away, all in the same of "love."

Dealing with Betrayal After Trauma

Now, this isn't a "woe is me" narrative. Today, I'm careful not to wallow in victimhood. Have I been a victim? Yes, I have been. We all have been, in some way. But remaining one and continuing to label yourself one only keeps you small and vulnerable. 

Instead, what I've learned to do is change the script. I remind myself that another person's actions do not reflect my worth. If someone chooses to betray you, they can live with that reality for the rest of their lives. You, on the other hand, get to walk away knowing it wasn't your fault. You get to choose a brighter future with more kindness, love, and self-compassion.

I've learned to reflect on my past and consider how I can better protect myself while also accepting that we can never truly predict how someone will treat us. Sometimes, we have to trust that either way, we are strong enough to endure the outcome. 

Betrayal might feel heavier when you have a history of trauma. However, it can actually heal on a deeper level than you expected. It can help you search for the love and validation within yourself so you can meet others more authentically and form more genuine connections. 

No matter what, betrayal plagues us all. But you get to choose to move forward and try again. Try until you get it right — and believe that you will.

People, I feel wrongly, assume that you are either depressed or moody. When I was a teenager, I used to get frequent mood swings. At this age, I would also get episodes of depression. Unfortunately, I was labeled moody, and this was one of the primary reasons I was diagnosed with depression in my twenties. Honestly, I believe this is pretty common: depression and moodiness are considered mutually exclusive. However, according to personal experience, a person can experience both depression and moodiness.

Signs of Moodiness; Signs of Depression

Do you often experience rapid emotional changes? If you feel angry one minute and sad the next due to a minor inconvenience or for seemingly no reason, you might call this moodiness. I'd say that moodiness or mood swings are all about experiencing unpredictable, intense feelings; I know this because I have been moody for years.  

When you feel persistently sad, empty, or hopeless for at least two weeks and meet additional criteria, you have officially crossed over from moody to clinically depressed. Note that there are various types of depression, with each type having its unique diagnostic criteria. From what I have seen in myself and others, depression is a lot more severe than moodiness and also lasts longer.

You Can Be Both Moody and Depressed

Take it from me: it is possible to be a moody person who also gets depressed from time to time. Moodiness is a mood, and at the end of the day, depression is a mood disorder. It can be hard to distinguish between moodiness and depression, so it's best to consult a licensed mental health professional to know whether you are moody, depressed, or both. 

Whatever you do, don't make the same mistake as me and the people in my life by assuming that depression and moodiness are mutually exclusive. If you find yourself asking if you are depressed or just moody, know that you can be both. What's more, moodiness and depression can even co-occur and amplify each other.

It's high time we stop labeling an individual with mood swings as moody without considering that they might also be depressed. The consequences of doing so can be severe because moodiness is an emotion, and depression is a mental illness. Incorrect self-diagnosis can prevent a person from getting diagnosed with depression and seeking the professional help they need to cope with it. If you or someone you know struggles with mood swings and prolonged sadness, make sure you consult a professional. 

Technology does not have to be an enemy for recovering gambling addicts. The right digital tools for gambling recovery can help you achieve and maintain abstinence and even improve emotional wellbeing. Let's take a look at how technology can aid in gambling recovery.

Technology for Gambling Recovery

In the context of gambling addiction, technology is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it has brought about numerous advancements that have enhanced the gambling experience and made it more accessible and convenient, which can increase the temptation for those struggling with addiction. On the other hand, technology offers innovative solutions and support mechanisms that can significantly help recovering gambling addicts. Here are some types of technology that can aid in gambling recovery.

• Self-awareness apps to track triggers -- Using self-awareness apps to track triggers and moods helps me to identify the situations or emotions that send me reaching for the gambling app. With this technology, one can focus on coping mechanisms, like taking a walk or calling one's sponsor, to counter those urges before they spiral.
• Online recovery groups to share your struggles -- When you're in gambling recovery, technology platforms like Discord and Facebook provide a safe space for connection and encouragement. You can share your gambling recovery journey with others worldwide and learn what you can do better.
• Financial apps to monitor spending -- Financial apps that monitor spending and block gambling transactions offer a powerful safeguard, removing the ability to gamble on a whim. Setting spending limits and receiving alerts on suspicious activity can help prevent relapse and rebuild trust within ourselves and our loved ones. 
• App blockers to block gambling apps -- Thanks to technological advancements, we now have blockers that work on certain apps. These apps block access to gambling websites and apps, making them impossible to access in a moment of weakness.
• Podcasts and recovery blogs to learn more -- Listening to others' journeys and learning different coping strategies can be incredibly empowering, and podcasts provide this information. Podcasts and recovery blogs offer a wealth of information, personal stories, and expert advice to help us recover.

Technology in gambling recovery is a double-edged sword, and positively harnessing it is not without its complexities. But its potential to revolutionize the way we approach gambling addiction treatment and recovery is undeniable. By embracing the various digital tools, virtual support communities, and even remote counseling services, recovering gambling addicts can easily access the support they need from any part of the world.

One of the most difficult side effects of my anxiety is irritability. I can easily snap over small things. It's exhausting to feel irritable most of the time, and my poor family gets the brunt of it. In my journey to healing, I have found that I am most irritable at certain times of the day. Gaining this knowledge has helped me find ways to conquer irritability, and because of this, I know that you can, too. 

My Common Anxious and Irritable Times

Early on in my anxiety diagnosis, my therapist helped me realize that lunchtime was a peak anxiety point in the day for me. My toddler would get whiny and clingy as she started to get hungry, the baby would need to be nursed, and I would feel shaky because my body yearned for lunch, too. Everything seemed to come crashing down together, and I would get irritated and overwhelmed. 

Discussing my days further, we also discovered that bedtime was another peak anxiety and irritability point for me. I just needed my kids to go to sleep, and they (especially my oldest) would fight it so hard. After feeling anxious all day, irritable, and exhausted my coping skills would be to a minimum. I needed relief or I would snap, be grumpy, and maybe even yell or cry. 

Conquering Anxiety and Irritability at Lunchtime and Bedtime

Realizing my peak anxiety points in a day became a turning point in conquering them. I implemented the plan for lunchtime to set an alarm for one hour before the usual time we ate lunch. Setting this alarm helped me prepare our food earlier so that when our bodies were ready to eat, the food was ready, too. 

This simple step made all the difference. I made the food without a crying, clingy toddler on my leg and a crying baby ready to be nursed. Our lunchtimes went smoother and I felt less irritable and more peaceful. Making a menu plan the night before was another simple step that took the pressure off for meal time the next day. 

Bedtime has remained a peak anxiety point for me throughout the last few years. The biggest conquering tool for me is making sure to ask for help. I shouldn't ever feel guilty for asking my husband to help or even take over if it is becoming too much for me to handle and I can feel the anxiety and irritability rising. 

Other steps that help are having a good bedtime routine, turning on peaceful music to calm myself and my kids, taking deep breaths, reminding myself that they will fall asleep at some point (I am not trapped in bedtime forever), and putting my anxiety in a box in my mind and locking it away.

Hope from Feeling Anxious and Irritable 

In my experience, I found that pinpointing peak anxiety times in my day is a great way to start conquering your anxiety and irritability. When do you feel most anxious and irritable? Take time to acknowledge throughout the week if there are any consistent points where you feel this way. Once you have those, make an action plan. 

My action plan includes setting an alarm, making a list, practicing coping skills (such as deep breathing or meditation), and asking for help. As you acknowledge your peak anxiety points and implement a plan to combat them, I believe you will feel more peaceful. Share your plan with someone who can help you keep on track, and you'll be well on your way to conquering your anxiety and irritability. 

Daily journaling has been my guiding light on the path to managing borderline personality disorder (BPD). When hit with a BPD trigger, there are intricate layers to my emotions and thoughts. Having those thoughts in front of me is sometimes the only tool that loosens the grip cognitive distortions have on me. It's more than just putting pen to paper; it's a safe place where I can process my inner turmoil and gain invaluable self-awareness. Journalling is definitely helpful for BPD management.

Journaling for BPD Management Is a Tangible Outlet

When faced with triggers, I find myself struggling to recognize fact from fiction. There are facts in situations that I miss because I am so emotionally charged and afraid of the worst-case scenario. It's like I become a conspiracy theorist, connecting dots that aren't there. Daily journaling offers a tangible outlet for the overwhelming thoughts and feelings that fuel my catastrophic thinking. It's only through writing that I can externalize my inner chaos. For example, rather than plunge full force into my greatest fears being true, I'm able to free up mental space by listing alternative outcomes that are probably more likely. The process of independently reframing my thoughts is profoundly empowering, offering a glimpse of mental liberation.

Journaling for BPD Management Offers a Sense of Self

For me, grappling with a fragmented sense of self has been a lifelong challenge. It's not easy for me to form my own opinions or trust my intuition because I tend to fill my mind with external influences, such as relationship what-ifs and fleeting interests. While I'm starting to grow beyond this tendency, it still doesn't feel entirely natural to me. At times, I find myself escaping from my own reality, preferring to dissociate rather than confront the discomfort of solitude, especially on tough days.

However, daily journaling for BPD management has become a vital form of quality time spent with myself. It might be trivial to some, but it's become my primary means of self-expression and introspection. Through daily journaling, I carve out moments to understand myself without the burden of external pressures or expectations. I candidly articulate my experiences, fears, and aspirations, fostering a deeper sense of self-acceptance and validation. Embracing this ritual has enabled me to strengthen my connection with myself and approach my journey of healing and self-discovery with renewed purpose.

Daily Journaling for BPD Management Provides a Witness to Recovery

I have issues with remembering my progress, especially since BPD triggers can be so pervasive, but daily journaling for BPD management is a powerful tool for tracking progress. Just recently, I delved into entries from 2020, and the experience was enlightening. I was confronted with memories of the arduous efforts I once exerted to employ my dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills, which at the time felt mechanical and forced. I had to encourage myself to ingrain the basic tenets of therapy continually. Upon revisiting those past entries, I gained a profound appreciation for the strides I've made. Reflecting on my journal entries not only reaffirms my dedication to self-care but also fosters a sense of optimism for the future, which has never come naturally to me.

In my latest video, I delve into overcoming common obstacles to journaling for BPD management, offering insights for those who may find it challenging to begin.

Understanding your binge eating triggers can help you break the cycle. Embarking on the journey to recover from binge eating disorder (BED) was a great experience. There were many moments of triumph and self-discovery. In this article, I will share my journey of breaking the cycle of binge eating by understanding my triggers and embracing a path toward healing and self-love.

Recognizing My Binge Eating Disorder Triggers to Break the Cycle

The first step in my journey to break the cycle was recognizing the triggers that fueled my binge eating episodes. Stress, anxiety, and emotional turmoil often acted as catalysts, driving me to seek comfort in food. By identifying my triggers, I gained a huge awareness of the underlying emotional struggles that contributed to my disordered eating patterns.

4 Other Things That Help You with Your Triggers and Breaking the Binge Eating Disorder Cycle

1. Seeking Support and Guidance for Binge Eating Disorders

Seeking support from loved ones and professionals played a pivotal role in my recovery journey. Opening up about my struggles with binge eating was a daunting yet liberating experience. With the guidance of therapy, spiritual practices, and support groups, I learned invaluable coping strategies and gained the strength to confront my challenges head-on.

2. Challenging My Negative Thoughts Related to BED

Challenging my negative beliefs was essential in reshaping my relationship with food and self-image. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) empowered me to challenge distorted thinking patterns and replace them with more balanced perspectives. Learning to practice self-compassion and forgiveness allowed me to release the weight of shame and guilt that had burdened me for so long.

3. Embracing Self-Love and Acceptance When You Have BED

As I progressed on my journey, I gradually began to embrace a newfound sense of self-love and acceptance. Letting go of unrealistic expectations and embracing my imperfections became liberating acts of self-empowerment. Nourishing my body with wholesome foods and engaging in self-care practices fostered a deeper connection with myself and a greater appreciation for my worth beyond the number on the scale. I stopped consuming junk food and white sugar.

4. Celebrating Milestones in BED

Celebrating milestones along the way reminded me of the progress I had made and fueled my determination to continue moving forward. Every time I resist my urge to binge eat or nurture myself, I consider it a small victory. It gives me more confidence and reaffirms my commitment to my recovery journey.

Breaking the Cycle of Binge Eating and Triggers

My journey of overcoming binge eating disorder has been marked by challenges, growth, and moments of profound transformation. By breaking the cycle of binge eating, understanding triggers, and embracing self-love, I have discovered the power within myself to create a future defined by health, happiness, and inner peace.

I recently flew in an airplane, and it triggered my schizoaffective anxiety. Here’s how my schizoaffective anxiety was affected by flying in an airplane.

Schizoaffective Anxiety When I Last Flew on an Airplane

I was anxious about flying again after many years, not because I was afraid of the plane crashing or a door flying off but because I was very afraid of airport security. And I had a right to be. Airport security is downright dehumanizing—especially when flying out of O’Hare International Airport in Chicago. That was the departure point from where my mom and I were flying to visit my brothers, sister-in-law, nieces, and other family in California. Airport security has gotten worse since the last time I flew to New York to visit old college friends and see a Diane Arbus exhibit in 2005. It is true that I had a lot less schizoaffective anxiety than I did when I flew to New York in 2005, but airport security has also tightened since then.

Flying with Anxiety Now

When my mom and I were going through airport security at O’Hare, I had to go in a separate line from my mom because she is almost 75. I know I’m a grown, 45-year-old adult, but I needed to be near my mom because the whole process of flying in an airplane with schizoaffective anxiety was overwhelming. So, I started crying when I was standing in line to go through security alone. I am no stranger to crying jags, so I knew how to get it together before I had to talk to security personnel. It was also difficult taking off my shoes to go through the x-ray machine because I’ve recently had knee replacement surgery.

Because of this difficulty, the trip back from San Francisco to Chicago was just as bad. When I got to airport security, I told them about the recent knee surgery and the difficulty taking off my shoes and standing up. I asked for a chair. They kept scanning my shoes while they were still on my feet. The scans didn’t clear my way. Five minutes later—a long time when you’re standing around being scanned—a supervisor came by and asked me if I could take my shoes off if I were sitting in a chair. I said yes.

One of my brothers, Billy, had told me that the airport security in San Francisco was more laid back than at O’Hare. Based on my experience, the system in the Bay was not aggressive but just plain incompetent. And while it’s great that I no longer need a cane to walk and, for all intents and purposes, can walk normally, if slowly, it means that, as I continue to heal, I now, for the time being, have two invisible disabilities. My knees, while still healing, are an added challenge to my mental illness.

Even if flying on an airplane triggered my schizoaffective anxiety, it was great seeing my family. I want to tell my family how much I loved being in the Bay Area with them. It was worth all the airport dramas. I just don’t like flying because of my schizoaffective anxiety. But I love them all, and it was great to see them.

Now, I've learned how to keep my anxiety from hurting others. There was a time when I was a lot younger that I was easily agitated and often angry. What I realized later on in life was that this was related to my anxiety. I often found myself experiencing these intense feelings that I couldn't quite express, and unfortunately, I couldn't quite find an outlet for them either. As a result, I found that I would often express these feelings to others. Things are different for me now, though, as I work to keep my anxiety from affecting others.

When I am referring to how I have kept my anxiety from affecting those around me, I am referring to the irritability and anger that I have often felt as a result of it. Earlier in life, I was often told that I had a "bad temper" and was quick to anger. I would always just agree with this because I wasn't sure how else to describe the intensity of the emotions that I would feel. I always just knew that I often felt like I was on edge, almost as though I was expecting something terrible to happen, and I would never be able to figure out why.

Strategies I Use to Keep My Anxiety from Affecting Others

Throughout the years, I've learned different ways to manage my anxiety when I am around others so that I am not expressing my feelings in a harsh way and so that it is not negatively impacting my relationships with others. Additionally, I've learned to manage my anxiety so that it does not impact me to the point when it is difficult to function.

First of all, to keep my anxiety from affecting others, it has become important for me to recognize when my anxiety is causing me to feel irritable to the point that I might start snapping at others. When I recognize this, I usually either take a break or, if I am with someone I am close to, I express to them that I am feeling this way, so I need to step away.

Additionally, practicing mindfulness helps me to stay grounded and focused on the moment. Anytime I start to feel myself becoming extremely anxious and agitated, I focus on grounding myself in the moment. Mindfulness allows me to feel calm and in control and prevents me from taking out my frustrations on others.

Lastly, to keep my anxiety from affecting others, I schedule time to address the issue that is making me feel stressed if I know what that is. So, for example, if there is a problem that I need to solve, I schedule time for me to focus on it, and I don't allow myself to worry about it until then. This prevents me from feeling unnecessarily frustrated when I know it is not the right time to experience that. It also prevents me from then expressing those frustrations inadvertently towards others.