I have bipolar disorder, and I have studied abroad. From the moment I enrolled in my first college classes, I eagerly searched for opportunities to study abroad, unaware of the impact my oncoming diagnosis would have on my plans. Here's how bipolar disorder affects studying abroad.
Bipolar Mania Prevented Me from Studying Abroad
By my second semester, I planned to take summer courses in Italy. However, between my initial plans and the required paperwork, I experienced two manic episodes and received a bipolar diagnosis. When I filled out my study abroad application, I noted my disability and listed bipolar disorder type I. My application was accepted with one stipulation: I needed a psychiatrist's approval to study abroad.
When I brought the request to my psychiatrist, I was devastated to learn I would not receive approval to study abroad because of my bipolar disorder. The program was set too soon after I had endured two hospitalizations back to back. My psychiatrist was concerned that I was not ready for this step, fearing that a manic episode abroad could be dangerous, given the lack of support I had in that country. Although this news disheartened me, it motivated me to focus on stabilizing my condition.
Steps I Took to Study Abroad with Bipolar Disorder
A year later, the opportunity to study abroad in France arose. The program better suited me, as I studied French for five years. Once again, I listed bipolar disorder as a disability and required a note from my psychiatrist for approval. This time, however, I had more stability in my track record. I was delighted to be approved to study abroad despite bipolar disorder.
Before departing for France, I ensured that my psychiatrist was able to prescribe two months of medication for the trip that I could pick up before leaving. I also requested a note for use at the airport in case of any issues. The school I attended in France offered optional counseling sessions with a therapist who, though native to France, was fluent in English. I met with her weekly during my six-week stay.
It was enlightening to engage in counseling with someone who grew up in a different culture. Something that I will never forget is her perspective on sensitivity. I always saw my sensitivity as a weakness, but she helped me to realize it was a gift that the greatest artists were given. Sensitivity seemed to be valued in a different way in French culture.
Rediscovering My Independence When Studying Abroad with Bipolar Disorder
Socially, I struggled during my time in France. I felt isolated from others because of my extreme experiences with my mental health. As a result, I spent a lot of time alone. I picked up a sketchbook and some colored pencils, then spent a lot of time at cafes drawing the different European environments. I studied photography and graffiti in the area as well. Thanks to therapy and these creative outlets, I rediscovered a love for art that was lost in my worst episodes. I also learned how to enjoy time with just myself again and discovered a love for solo travel.
Although my initial attempt to study abroad was interrupted by my bipolar disorder, I still made my way there in the end. With medication and therapy, the program was a success, and the French culture reinvigorated parts of myself that I felt I had lost.
Relapse is a scary word for any recovering gambling addict and a common hurdle in the recovery journey. My first relapse was at 11 months. I had been clean for almost one year. I had rebuilt my life, friendships, and even finances. But then stress from work hit, and that familiar itch came back. I justified it as a one-off, a harmless distraction, but before I knew it, one bet had turned into 10, then 100. I was experiencing a gambling relapse.
How to Deal with a Gambling Relapse
If you have recently gambled again, here is what you can do to pick yourself up and recommit to your recovery:
Recognize and acknowledge what has happened -- Denial often prolongs the gambling relapse. Acknowledge that a relapse has occurred. Don’t try to ignore or downplay it.
Assess the damage -- Assess how much you have lost and develop a realistic financial plan to regain control of your finances. If the losses are too big, I recommend seeking help from a financial advisor. Reaching out to a therapist or counselor to help you repair trust with friends and family is also essential.
Identify triggers -- What pushed you into a gambling relapse? Knowing and understanding your triggers will significantly help you move on and avoid future relapses. For me, it was a combination of feeling overwhelmed and seeking a quick escape. My job was not doing that great, and I was so in my head about it. Some other triggers include financial stress, loneliness, boredom, peer pressure, and environmental cues such as seeing gambling advertisements or receiving promotional gambling messages and offers.
Reach out for support -- Talk about your gambling relapse with your sponsor, support group, therapist, and close friends. Share what led to the relapse and measures you are adopting to avoid gambling again.
Invest in self-care --Prioritize your physical and mental wellbeing through physical exercise and other self-care practices. If the cause of your relapse was boredom or loneliness, you can look for engaging activities like joining a sports team.
Avoid isolation --Gambling addiction, like many forms of addiction, often thrives in isolation. Build a support network that will help you stay on track. They can be other recovering gamblers or family.
Focus on the future -- Lastly, do not dwell on the past. Start working on a recovery plan and set new goals.
A gambling relapse can be mentally and emotionally devastating. Shame, guilt, and even disappointment may creep in, but it is essential to be kind to yourself and remember that relapse is not the end of the journey. It is a chance to learn, adapt, and recommit to your recovery journey.
Anxiety can be about the present and future. This came to mind because we had a big transition in our family recently. My baby started kindergarten. Now, both of my girls are in school. The house is quiet, and life feels a little different. This isn't what I pictured life would be at this moment. I thought we would have at least one more little kiddo around to fill our house with noise and laughter, but that hasn't happened. I feel sad. I feel a little lost. I wonder what the future will hold since this phase of life has come sooner than I anticipated. This change brings up anxiety about the present and the future, but I know I can overcome it and live happily in the now.
Anxiety in the Present
Change in the present brings me anxiety because it comes with a lot of unknowns. In my current experience, when my kids are at school, I don't know how they are feeling, if they are behaving, or if people are being kind to them. Because of my anxiety, I haven't always been the best at arranging playdates and opportunities for my kids to socialize. I worry that I have hindered their ability to make friends or speak their needs to another adult. Have I given them the tools they need to succeed?
Anxiety for the Future
The future brings me anxiety for the same reasons. Have I prepared them to become adults? The silly thing is they are five and six. I have many more years to help them. I don't need to panic about that right now. Sometimes, my mind wanders and remembers my first life experiences on my own, like applying for jobs, paying rent, and registering for college classes, and I panic. I realize they have no idea how to do those things. Then, my mind races with all the things I need to teach them. Because of the anxiety slump I was in for five years, I feel like I'm five years behind in teaching them. Have I failed my kids?
Stopping the Present and Future Anxious Spiral
Anxiety causes me to spiral like this a lot. If I give in, I find myself frozen in a panic and unable to function. If that happens, I will fail my kids, so I don't give in to the anxious thoughts. To calm my anxiety, I try to find the good things about right now. Today, those things look like the following:
My five-year-old made a new friend on the first day of school.
My six-year-old went to class the first day without crying and chatted with her best friend instead.
My youngest knows how to count to 100 even though we didn't do formal preschool.
My oldest is doing well academically and has even been placed in the gifted program.
When I take the time to list the good things, no matter how small, I realize we're not doing too badly. Our kids know how to make friends and function in society in a way acceptable for their ages.
Life looks and feels different than I had envisioned it looking right now, but life's still good. The anxiety for the present and future will always be there, but it doesn't have to be heavy and overwhelming. As I continue to love my kids, work on myself, and communicate with my spouse, we will navigate this crazy, wonderful life together, and all of us will be ready for anything that comes our way.
I've found that boredom and depression are linked. In high school, I had a teacher who used to say that if you are bored, it is your fault, and you are probably boring. Her harsh words stuck with me, lingering in the back of my mind for years. Since then, I have also come across this toxic opinion in the online world. I have just two things to say to everyone who believes it: this statement is untrue, and when depression hits, boredom is not a choice.
Understanding Depression: Why Boredom Is Not a Choice
Everyone gets bored from time to time, but the boredom that accompanies depression is fundamentally different. Ordinary boredom is usually temporary and can be fought by pursuing a new activity or changing one's environment. On the other hand, boredom associated with depression is hard to get rid of. I have found that it's not just a matter of disinterest; it's a profound inability to get engrossed in anything. When depression hits, my hobbies and interests feel dull and pointless.
Depression often robs a person of the ability to feel pleasure or interest in anything, and this condition is known as anhedonia. Anhedonia can be thought of as a state of emotional numbness, and it is a common symptom of depression. When I experience it, I find little to no joy in things I once loved. Instead, I feel a deep sense of emptiness. Therefore, activities that usually relieve boredom for a person without depression don't do anything for a person with depression.
Boredom Is Neither a Choice Nor a Personal Failure
I believe that irrespective of whether you are depressed or not, boredom is not a choice. What's more, boredom is not a character flaw that indicates you are boring. Do not let yourself believe in the toxic opinion held by my teacher and faceless strangers on the Internet. They are either too privileged to experience boredom or lack mental health issues and awareness.
Boredom experienced during depression is not a reflection of one's personality or effort. It's a symptom of a serious medical condition and requires understanding and support. That said, is it possible to reduce it? Check out the video below, where I talk about ways to ward off boredom caused by depression.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, remember that help is available, and it's okay to reach out for support. And if you are struggling with boredom, know that you are not alone.
Writing helps calm my anxiety in times of chaos. It allows me to express my thoughts and emotions freely, giving me a sense of clarity and control. There are many forms of writing that relieve my anxiety, including creative writing and journaling. Here's how.
How Writing Helps Anxiety
Writing helps my anxiety in two ways. First, it helps me release my emotions in a tangible way by jotting them down on paper or in an online diary. This process helps me figure out exactly how I'm feeling, and writing about my anger, frustration, and anxious thoughts brings a sense of relief by freeing them from my mind.
Moreover, through writing, I can reframe negative thought patterns. For instance, when I lack confidence, especially when taking on new projects or going through interviews, journaling my negative thoughts helps me believe in my skills and abilities to be successful. Writing gives me the power to gain insight into my emotions and create a new, calming perspective.
Writing Techniques that Help My Anxiety
I've found a couple of helpful techniques to reduce my anxious thoughts while writing. The first technique is gratitude journaling. Before going to bed or whenever I feel upset about my circumstances, I make it a habit to write down five things I am grateful for. These things can be broad, like the comfort of my home or the joy of spending time with friends, or they can be specific, like a delicious meal I had that day. Expressing gratitude for the things in my life helps me remember the many wonderful experiences I've had and gives me something positive to focus on. After writing in my gratitude journal, I often feel a sense of calm about my life.
The second technique is creative writing. This could involve crafting a short story or reflecting on a specific life experience from a new perspective. In my professional life as a freelance writer, I engage in a lot of creative writing on many different topics each week. This practice keeps my creative juices flowing, distracts me from anxious thoughts, and excites me to learn and write about new things. It also helps me improve my writing skills, leading to a sense of fulfillment and an overall reduction in anxiety.
More on Writing Techniques for Anxiety
If you've experienced anxious thoughts, check out the video below, where I discuss a specific writing technique and how it has helped me manage my anxiety.
Do you enjoy writing, and has it helped reduce your anxiety? I'd like to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
I'm worn out from my borderline personality disorder (BPD), pushing me into hyperproductivity and distorting my sense of mental wellness. I used to think my worth was tied to my output, but now I see that this endless chase for productivity is actually undermining my mental health. This idea from borderline was making my mental wellness more fragmented.
The chaos and instability of my moods fuel my drive for hyperproductivity. A to-do list in front of me feels like the only solid thing in a world of quicksand, but it stings when my volatile moods take over, shredding my mental wellness in the process. On the flip side, my hedonistic tendencies lure me in. When ambition and productivity wane, I surrender to overindulgence because, in the throes of depression, all I crave is to feel good again.
My mental wellness takes a hit when I ignore this pattern in my BPD, pretending it's not there. It's like knowing I have eczema and forcing myself to go a day without moisturizing. I do a disservice to myself and then act surprised when the inevitable flare-up comes. Maybe it's time to use my eczema as a metaphor for my underlying trauma and BPD: both need regular attention to keep from spiraling out of control.
BPD and Mental Wellness: A Realistic View
When I'm in the throes of an eczema flare-up, I don't mess around. I pamper my skin with medicated creams and slather on lotion after every tepid bath, even scrutinizing my diet to avoid sparking another eruption. I wish I didn't have to be obsessed with moisturizing 24/7, but staying hyper-aware of my breakout tendencies saves me from managing a rash that's spiraled out of control.
To truly manage BPD and mental wellness, I need to be just as pragmatic about my symptoms. This means keeping my mental health front and center: recognizing the mood swings, the impulsivity, and the fear of abandonment triggers that can derail my stability. Instead of masking these symptoms or bulldozing through them, I need to accept their presence and recalibrate my expectations. Some days will be harder than others, and that's okay. Allowing me the grace not to be hyperproductive every single day is important. By setting realistic goals and being gentle with myself when I stumble, I can maintain a healthier balance and stave off the overindulgence and unhealthy escapism that tend to creep in when I'm at my limit.
Holding My Values Impacts My Mental Wellness and Borderline Personality Disorder
When I stay tethered to what truly matters to me, I find a sense of purpose and direction. Creativity, connection, and self-care are my North Stars. They anchor me, building me up through emotional storms. By keeping my values at the forefront, even on the bleakest days, I can make choices that align with my true self rather than being yanked around by my volatile emotions. This alignment brings stability and authenticity to my life, steering me away from the temptations of overindulgence.
Right now, my values are the bedrock of my mental wellness, weaving ritualized self-care into my daily grind. I'm obsessed with skincare, and my weekly exercise routines have become sacred rites. Knowing my tendency to neglect these routines, I start with small, attainable goals. For skincare, I research dermatologist-approved creams and use them daily. For workouts, it's a 20-minute run three times a week. There's something comforting about setting goals for tangible, physical things.
Beyond taking care of my BPD and mental wellness through physical health, I'm realizing how much I need to sprinkle creativity back into my life. I want to play with my imagination more through writing and daily journaling. It doesn't matter if my projects are good or not. The point is that it brings me joy. It's about having fun, letting my mind wander, and finding little pockets of happiness in the everyday.
More on Mental Wellness and Borderline Personality Disorder
In my video below, I delve into finding those pockets of happiness when they don't just fall into your lap. I introduce a daily practice I call "taking in the good," which puts a unique spin on the usual gratitude listing.
My journey towards managing binge eating disorder (BED) took a significant turn when I began to understand the crucial role of nutrition. Proper nutrition has helped stabilize my mood, reduce binge episodes, and improve my overall health. Learning about how food affects my body and mind was a transformational experience. For me, nutrition and binge eating disorder recovery are linked.
Nutrition and Binge Eating Disorder
One of the first steps I took was establishing a balanced meal routine and regular eating patterns. I used to skip meals or severely restrict my food intake, which led to intense hunger and cravings, often resulting in bingeing. Eating balanced meals and healthy snacks a day regulates my hunger and significantly reduces my urge to binge. This structure gives me a sense of control and predictability over my eating habits.
Identifying and understanding my food triggers was another critical component of my recovery. Certain foods, particularly those high in sugar and fat, often set off binge episodes. Keeping a food diary allowed me to pinpoint these triggers. This awareness is empowering. It enables me to make conscious decisions about what I eat and avoid situations that might lead to a binge.
Nutrition also impacted my binge eating disorder when I learned to incorporate nutrient-rich foods into my diet. I focus on foods high in fiber, protein, and healthy fats, which help me feel fuller longer and stabilize my blood sugar levels. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and nuts have become the foundation of my meals. These foods not only nourish my body but also help reduce cravings and promote a sense of satiety.
Working with a Nutritionist Can Help Binge Eating Disorder
Working with a nutritionist who specializes in eating disorders has been invaluable. They provided personalized guidance and support, helping me develop a meal plan tailored to my nutritional needs and recovery goals. Their expertise in nutrition and understanding of BED was instrumental in helping me manage the disorder.
Nutrition Can Help Binge Eating Disorder, But It Isn't Enough
Nutrition alone isn't enough for my binge eating disorder. Emotional and psychological support, including therapy and support groups, play a critical role in my recovery. Addressing the underlying emotional issues and developing coping strategies have been essential for long-term success. Therapy helps me understand the emotional triggers behind my binge eating and provides tools to cope with them.
Managing binge eating disorder is a complex and multifaceted process, but understanding the role of nutrition was a crucial step in my journey. Establishing regular eating patterns, identifying food triggers, incorporating nutrient-rich foods, and seeking professional guidance have helped me regain control.
I’ve been driving to my intensive outpatient program (IOP) five times a week despite my anxiety about driving. It’s not a very far drive, but it’s a start. Here’s how I have been able to drive, despite anxiety, to the IOP.
Driving to My IOP Despite Schizoaffective Anxiety
I’m in the IOP for structured group support during a difficult medication change. The group meets five days a week for the first four weeks (I’ve completed almost all four weeks) and three days a week for the next two weeks.
I had planned on taking the train to the hospital where the IOP is held. But there is an immense number of stairs at the train stop nearby, so I thought it was ridiculous not to drive. (I don’t do very well with stairs because I’ve had double knee replacement surgery.) My sister quipped that there must be a lot of stairs indeed to get me to drive. So, I guess too many stairs is what it takes for me to put away my schizoaffective anxiety and drive.
The members of my group and the therapists who facilitate group discussions are my cheerleaders for driving despite my anxiety. I bring it up a lot. I’ve learned at the IOP that driving a short distance every day is an achievable goal, whereas it would be a recipe for failure to expect myself to drive from the suburbs to downtown Chicago every day, for example. I used to do that in graduate school, but my schizoaffective anxiety about driving was nonexistent back then.
Fighting Schizoaffective Anxiety About Driving to the IOP Is Hard Work
I don’t want you to get the idea that I just snapped my fingers, and my schizoaffective fear of driving just magically went away because I have to drive to the IOP. It’s something I struggle with every day. I’m far out of my comfort zone. It’s hard work. But I had been looking for a reason to drive. I just hope that I keep driving when I’m done with the IOP, so all this hard work isn’t for nothing. The IOP also offers support strategies for taking new steps in life, and I believe those will last.
The reason I want to drive despite my anxiety is that I feel like an invalid when I am unable to drive. Maybe I’m touchy about conditions that disable you because I went through two hellish years when I could barely walk because of bone-on-bone arthritis. But the point is that not only are my knees healing, but I’m driving again. At the point I’m at in my life now, I’m driving. And that’s the point in my life that matters most.
A little over four years ago, I came across an opportunity to write about a topic I have been passionate about for quite some time: Treating Anxiety. The chance to write for HealthyPlace was exciting and so important to me, but at the same time, it was a bit daunting knowing that I would be sharing a part of myself with an audience of readers that I didn't know. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.
Chronic anxiety is something that I have experienced for a long time. Because I have invested so much of myself -- including time, resources, education, etc. -- into understanding my own anxiety, I felt it was important for me to share the things I learned about with others. So, as vulnerable as I felt in sharing my experiences about my anxiety, I decided to write for the Treating Anxiety blog for HealthyPlace. Being open about my own struggles and the things that I learned along the way helped me to put a lot of things into perspective about my anxiety. It gave me a place to express my thoughts and feelings, and hopefully, it was helpful for readers, too.
It's Difficult to Say Goodbye to 'Treating Anxiety'
Ironically, despite how important it has been for me to write about my anxiety, it has also become important to step away from writing for this blog. As my responsibilities have changed over the years, and as I have recently taken on new ventures, I have found it necessary to make some changes to keep my professional life from negatively impacting my mental health. In other words, I have to take care of myself, including making some difficult decisions about my professional endeavors.
So, as I write my last piece for HealthyPlace, and I know I am doing what I need to for my own self-care and mental health, I am reminded of the importance of taking a step back to reflect on things that are working, things that aren't, and perhaps where there are areas for growth and possibilities. I'll miss being a part of the HealthyPlace community, but at the same time, I also know that I am parting ways and staying true to the things I have shared with you all over the years. Goodbye, and all my best.
Have you ever wondered how to practice self-care when your therapist is away? As someone taking a break from therapy, this question is often on my mind nowadays. While it is possible to get by without your therapist, the ultimate goal is to thrive and not just survive, so regular self-care is essential. Here's what to do when your therapist is away.
Tips to Practice Self-Care When Your Therapist Is Away
First, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Then, try out the tips below:
Consult your treatment plan -- After about every six months, my therapist and I create a detailed mental health treatment plan. This plan defines my ongoing mental health issues, the goals I am working towards, my strengths, and the therapeutic approach being used in my treatment to help me manage my mental health issues and achieve my goals. Now that I am on a therapy break, I consult my treatment plan whenever I feel my mental health is on the decline.
Follow a routine -- Having a routine gives a sense of stability and provides structure to the day. Note that your routine doesn't have to be strict or jam-packed. As long as you incorporate the basics like rising and sleeping at a set time, eating healthy food, and getting regular exercise, you are good to go.
Get creative -- Engaging in creative activities is therapeutic; it can help you express your emotions and distract yourself from stressors. So whether you enjoy reading or cooking, make time for it regularly when your therapist is away.
Practice self-therapy -- Self-therapy, or being your own therapist, is a powerful way to practice self-care when your therapist is away. In my opinion, self-therapy is a good way to test whether you can implement the techniques you learned in therapy (see "Self-Therapy For Managing Depression -- Here's How To Do It").
Create a self-care toolkit -- What brings you comfort and joy and helps you stay grounded during tough times? Whether it's bright makeup, positive affirmations, or scented candles, these are a part of your wellness toolkit. Having my collection of things and activities to soothe me helps me cope with challenges.
Note down your struggles -- Use a journal to keep track of the struggles you go through in the absence of your therapist. Writing about my challenges helps me gain insight into my state of mind, recognize patterns, and identify triggers. Even though writing doesn't always help me figure out solutions, I now know what to talk about in my next therapy session.
When Your Therapist Is Away, and Self-Care Isn't Working
If your mental health isn't improving or is on the decline even after practicing self-care, don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional right away. Please remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of because asking for help when you need it is an important self-care practice.
