Supporting your loved one during a gambling addiction recovery journey is quite difficult. Seeing a loved one struggle with gambling addiction can be heartbreaking. You may feel a mix of emotions – concern, fear, anger, and even frustration. But amidst these feelings, one desire likely stands out: to help them get better. However, starting a conversation about a sensitive topic like gambling addiction can be daunting. In this article, I'll share some tips to guide you through this difficult but necessary conversation that serves as a starting point when supporting a loved one in addiction recovery.
How to Support and Talk to a Loved One About Their Gambling Addiction
Here's how to talk to and support a loved one dealing with gambling addiction recovery.
Choose the right time and place – The place and time are essential and highly affect the results. Pick a time when you are calm and have privacy. Avoid initiating the conversation when the other party seems stressed or intoxicated or if there's a major event happening soon. Find a quiet space where you won't be interrupted and can talk openly.
Focus on "I" statements – Instead of accusatory statements like, "You are ruining your life with gambling," focus on how their addiction is affecting you. For example, "I'm worried about how much you've been gambling lately." "I" statements convey your concern without placing blame, making them more likely to be receptive to your message.
Express your love and concern – Start by reassuring them that you care about them. Let them know you are not there to judge but to offer support. Statements like, "I love you, and it hurts to see you struggle," set the tone for a caring and supportive conversation.
Be specific about your concerns – Don't generalize your worries. Clearly explain specific behaviors that have raised your concern, such as missing work due to gambling, borrowing money, or mood changes.
Listen actively – Give them the space to express themselves. Listen attentively without interrupting. Validate their feelings and acknowledge the challenges they might be facing.
Offer support – Lastly, let them know you are there to help them find the support they need. This includes sharing helpful resources like gambling addiction hotlines, support groups, and counselors with them. Don't pressure them into anything, but emphasize your willingness to accompany them to support groups or appointments.
Support towards gambling addiction recovery is really important, but remember, recovery from gambling addiction is a journey. Having this conversation will not solve the problem overnight. But it can be a crucial first step towards recovery.
Watch the video below for more about how to support loved ones during addiction recovery.
I have anxiety while driving, despite my previously being a confident driver. I never worried about anything terrible happening while driving, but then I had kids, and my problems with anxiety and driving appeared. Suddenly, the precious cargo I was carrying weighed heavy on my mind. I saw potential accidents and danger everywhere.
When my youngest was four months old, we drove five hours to visit my parents. While I was driving, I had a panic attack on the freeway. My vision tunneled, my breathing became heavy, and my heart beat rapidly. There was construction, the lanes were different, and the change triggered something in me. I felt out of control.
Recognizing the Cause of My Driving Anxiety
Shortly after that experience, I began seeing a therapist. Through attending therapy, I realized that feeling out of control had been the trigger for my panic attack. My therapist also helped me see that I was in control the whole time. I maintained the speed limit, stayed in the correct lane, and got us safely to the next exit so my husband could take over driving.
Tools I Use to Lessen My Anxiety While Driving
Now, when I have to drive, whether 10 minutes to the store or five hours away, I have a few tools that I learned in therapy on which to rely. The tools I use to handle driving and anxiety include:
Putting it in a box -- Before driving, I take a minute to close my eyes and visualize placing my anxiety into a box, closing the lid, and locking it away. This helps me maintain control of my emotions.
Saying my mantra -- If I start to feel panic growing inside me as I drive, I repeat the mantra: "I am in control." This convinces my mind that everything is okay.
Using a map -- I put every destination into Google Maps. This alleviates any stress about navigating and gives me a timer so that I can tell myself I'm in control for the 20, 10, or five minutes left on my trip. Seeing the time left in the trip decrease helps keep me confident.
Driving is still anxiety-inducing for me, but by using my tools, I can cope with it and drive with confidence again. As I use them, I realize I'm in control, and there's no need to panic. I can get my precious cargo safely wherever we need to go.
As someone who has been on the healing journey for almost 15 years (and counting), I can assure you that there is no need to rush eating disorder recovery. Of course, this does not mean you should overlook urgent health concerns or delay the search for crucial therapeutic interventions. But once you are in a safe and stable place, the work to heal from those false narratives or unresolved traumas beneath your eating disorder behaviors can take years. This process does not come with a linear time frame, so moving too hastily through it could rob you of valuable growth opportunities. For this reason, I firmly believe there is no need to rush eating disorder recovery.
It Was Not Helpful to Rush My Eating Disorder Recovery
During my three months of residential treatment back in 2010, I recall a therapist warning me of a scenario called "the flight into health." As she went on to explain, this is a common reaction that many eating disorder sufferers have in the early stages of their treatment. Basically, it's a quick 180-degree reversal away from eating disorder behaviorstoward a healthier course of action. For instance, they might transition from severe caloric restriction to consuming three square meals with no outward hesitation. But while this sounds like a positive turnabout, the flight into health can be unsustainable long-term—that was my own experience, at least.
I wanted to become a model patient, to follow every rule of the program, to embrace recovery with enthusiasm and excellence so I could ultimately punch a ticket out of there. Basically, I just wanted to rush eating disorder recovery. However, the repressed inner turbulence that caused my eating disorder in the first place would not remain dormant forever. It resurfaced with a vengeance, and all my efforts to accelerate this healing process crumbled. Eventually, I learned that behavior modification is not enough. If I wanted to resolve my illness at its source, then I would have to take a more holistic approach.
Sure, I had to focus on restoring physical health—but I also had to unravel a lifetime of body image insecurities, mental anxieties, internalized societal messages, and emotional traumas. A few weeks into this journey, I realized it would be a marathon, not a sprint. Moreover, racing to the finish line (if such a milestone exists) would only stack unreasonable pressure on my shoulders. I began to see the value of small but consistent and incremental progress. Sometimes, I took three steps forward, then felt myself careening twice as many steps back. But I also formed the resilience to continue on this path, no matter how arduous. Over time, I learned there is no need to rush eating disorder recovery—a lesson that still compels me to grow, heal, and persevere today.
A Word of Reassurance: You Don't Need to Rush Eating Disorder Recovery
As someone who is also walking this road one step at a time, let me encourage you: There is no need to rush eating disorder recovery. Each small ounce of progress and momentum will steer you that much closer to the healing you deserve.
Do you ever feel tempted to rush your own eating disorder recovery process? Is it hard for you to move forward at a realistic, sustainable pace? Do you resonate with the invitation to take it slower or be more gentle with yourself? Tell me more in the comments.
If you are active on social media, you are probably aware of the "bed rotting" trend. Coined by a TikTok user in 2023, this term has become synonymous with self-care for Generation Z. However, I believe that bed rotting is not an act of self-care because it occurs when getting out of bed feels impossible.
What Is Bed Rotting?
According to TODAY, bed rotting is:
"To spend basically the entire day or even weekend in bed, doing everything from napping and doom-scrolling to watching TV and eating."1
If this sounds familiar to you, you are not alone. For those of us who have a mental illness like depression, anxiety, or posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), bed rotting is neither new nor trendy. What's more, it is a consequence of our mental health struggles, not a choice. And if something is not a choice, it cannot be an act of self-care. When my depression becomes overwhelming, the everyday act of getting out of bed feels impossible. I have had days when I was unable to leave my bed. Labeling a symptom of mental illness as a trendy self-care practice is as dangerous as it is ignorant.
The Dangers of Glorifying Bed Rotting
There's nothing cute, quirky, or glamorous about bed rotting. Considering it a trend is just another example of the romanticizing of mental illness. When people on social media post about how they are relaxing or having fun while rotting in bed, they are inadvertently downplaying the severity of mental health issues. Some people also categorize bed rotting as laziness, which is an untrue but popular stereotype about mental illness. Such attitudes only make it harder for those in need to consult a mental health professional. Lastly, speaking from experience, lying down for hours is not good for your health in general and can worsen preexisting conditions.
Staying in bed all day is often an indicator of poor mental health. If you find yourself stuck in a cycle of bed rotting, don't put it down to needing more rest or being lazy. Instead, take it as a sign that you have some underlying mental health issues and consult a licensed therapist. It's 2024: let's ditch pseudo-wellness trends and invest in real self-care. While building a culture that prioritizes genuine mental wellness may take years, calling out trends that glamorize mental health struggles is a step in the right direction.
Source
“Bed rotting” is the latest viral wellness trend. What is it and is it safe? (2023, October 2). TODAY.com. https://www.today.com/health/news/bed-rotting-rcna108074
Emotional neglect stands out as a significant borderline personality disorder (BPD) cause. Looking back on my childhood, I can clearly see how moments of emotional neglect contributed to my struggles with borderline PD. Below are examples of daily symptoms and their root incidents.
Emotional Neglect as a Borderline PD Cause with Impaired Emotional Regulation as a Symptom
One part of emotional neglect leading to my BPD symptoms includes my expression of emotions.
In my childhood, every time I let my emotions show, it was like throwing a message in a bottle into a black hole. No response; or worse, punishment was the result. The silent treatment was my parent's language of love. They never told me how to be better, just how wrong I was. I grew up with this persistent feeling that I was fundamentally flawed. Emotional dysregulation became my constant companion, a hallmark of BPD. By my teenage years, self-harm was the only way I knew how to cope with the silence, the dismissal, and the punishment of simply feeling.
Emotional Neglect as a Borderline PD Cause with Interpersonal Difficulties as a Symptom
Another example of emotional neglect leading to BPD symptoms involves erratic cycles of affection.
My caregivers were like emotional weather patterns: unpredictable and always changing. Their erratic love brewed a deep-seated fear of abandonment within me, making stable relationships feel like a foreign concept. I was always on edge and always wondering if today's warmth would turn into tomorrow's cold shoulder. It's hard not to view the roulette wheel of emotional responses I grew up with as a BPD cause. Without a stable foundation, I never learned how to truly connect with others. Everything feels transient, like building castles in the sand.
Emotional Neglect as a Borderline PD Cause and Chronic Feelings of Emptiness as a Symptom
When I was young, I frequently felt this gnawing, bottomless emptiness, like some crucial piece of my existence was always missing. It's the BPD special, making me feel fundamentally broken and unworthy. For neurotypicals, it might be like never growing up mentally past those awkward prepubescent years. It wasn't until my late 30s, when I delved deep into trauma therapy, that I started to piece together a real sense of self.
Even now, this arrested development challenges me daily. I have an idea of who I want to be after the past five years of trauma therapy, but what comes naturally to a neurotypical doesn't come naturally to me at all. That old emptiness sneaks back in, especially when I fear being abandoned or forgotten by those I love. It's like I could just vanish into thin air, and it wouldn't make a difference.
Understanding Emotional Neglect as a Borderline PD Cause
It wasn't until recently that I started seeing emotional neglect as a BPD cause. My 20s were a mess of desperately seeking validation and then distrusting it, always bracing for the inevitable abandonment. At 31, the fog started to lift, and I finally saw the trauma puppeteer pulling the strings behind my disorder. Realizing that my BPD symptoms were tangled up in the trauma of my childhood changed everything. It's like the absence of emotional support and validation during those crucial years laid the groundwork for all the emotional and relational chaos that defines BPD for me.
I write this for anyone lost in the fog of their disorder's origins and for those who think their trauma doesn't qualify as trauma yet are suffocated by the weight of unvoiced agony. I don't have all the answers, but learning to show myself kindness for the first time seems like the only answer worth discovering. Maybe the path to healing starts with recognizing our pain and giving it a space to exist. Here's to trying, to treating ourselves with the care we've always deserved.
Binge eating at festivals used to be an issue for me. Festivals have always been a highlight of my year. The joy, laughter, and abundance of food make these times special. However, for many years, the celebration was marred by my struggle with binge eating. Learning to manage binge eating at festivals was not easy, but through personal experience and practical strategies, I have found ways to enjoy festivals without overindulging. Here's how I did it.
Planning to Prevent Binge Eating at the Festival
One of the most effective strategies for coping with binge eating at festivals was planning. Before attending any festival, I would ensure I had a healthy, balanced meal. This typically included protein, fiber, and healthy fats to keep me full and satisfied. It helped me resist the urge to dive into every delicious treat the moment I arrived. Additionally, bringing a healthy snack as a backup saved me from making impulsive food choices when hunger struck.
Practicing Mindful Eating, Not Festival Binge Eating
Mindful eating became a game-changer for me. By paying attention to my hunger and fullness cues, I learned to eat slowly and savor each bite and not binge eat at festivals. This not only made the food more enjoyable but also helped me recognize when I was satisfied, preventing the tendency to overeat. I found that eating mindfully allowed me to appreciate the flavors and textures more deeply, turning each meal into a delightful experience.
Controlling Portions with Smaller Plates to Avoid Festival Binge Eating
Portion control was another crucial aspect of my binge eating recovery journey. I started using smaller plates to help manage the amount of food I consumed. Instead of piling my plate high, I took small portions of my favorite dishes. This approach let me sample a variety of foods without feeling guilty and overly stuffed by binge eating at festivals. Knowing I could always go back for more if necessary made it easier to start with smaller servings.
Staying Hydrated to Curb Binge Eating at Festivals
Staying hydrated played a significant role in my strategy to avoid binge eating at festivals. I discovered that drinking plenty of water throughout the day helped me feel full and reduced the temptation to overeat. Often, I realized that what I thought was hunger was thirst. Keeping a water bottle with me became a constant reminder to stay hydrated and avoid unnecessary snacking.
Avoid Binge Eating at Festivals by Maintaining a Regular Eating Schedule
Skipping meals to save up for a festival feast always backfired on me, leading to uncontrollable hunger and overeating. Instead, I maintained a regular eating schedule; this kept my metabolism steady and prevented extreme hunger. This approach helps me to approach festival meals with a balanced mindset rather than a ravenous appetite.
Focusing on Social Activities
Shifting my focus from food to socializing was another effective tactic to avoid binge eating at festivals. Festivals are about connecting with friends and family, not just eating. I engaged more in conversations, games, and dancing, which helped keep my mind off food, and reduced the likelihood of overeating. Enjoying the company of loved ones became the highlight of the celebration.
Stop Festival Binge Eating By Setting Realistic Goals and Seeking Support
Setting realistic goals was crucial for my mental wellbeing. I accepted that occasionally indulging was okay and didn't strive for perfection. When I did overeat, I forgave myself and refocused on my healthy habits. Seeking support from friends and family also made a significant difference. Talking about my challenges provided emotional relief and practical advice, making the journey easier.
Healthy Snacks Can Prevent Binge Eating at Festivals
I also discovered that healthy snacks can help prevent binge eating at festivals. Watch this for more:
Through these strategies, I found a balance that allowed me to enjoy festivals without the stress of binge eating. It has been a transformative experience, proving that with mindful choices and a supportive environment, it's possible to celebrate fully while taking care of oneself.
When I started seeing a psychiatrist, he said I would get back to life before bipolar disorder (well, I was diagnosed with just depression at the time). He focused on it a lot. He wanted to know how I was doing compared to what I was like "before." But there are so many problems with that thinking. I'm not sure you can ever get back to life before bipolar disorder.
What Is Life Before Bipolar Disorder?
I barely have a notion of life before bipolar disorder. While it wasn't recognized at the time, I started manifesting signs of mental illness as a child and then started having major depressions in my teens. Many people do have years of life before mental illness, but I don't.
That being said, I experienced a prolonged period of euthymia when I was 18 that I think of as life before bipolar disorder. It's life before psychiatrists. It's life before medication. I will never get back there, obviously, as psychiatrists and medication are always going to be a part of my life, but if I could get back to feeling the way I did, then that would be the definition of success.
Is It Possible to Get Back to Life Before Bipolar Disorder?
The thing is, I don't think it's possible to get back to life before bipolar disorder. I think it's ridiculous of doctors to say you can, and I think it's ridiculous to compare your life now to what it was before bipolar disorder. Once you become a pickle, you will never be a cucumber again.
Why Do Doctors Say You Can Get Back to Life Before Bipolar?
I think doctors tell you that you will get back to life before bipolar disorder because they think it will motivate you to go through treatment. Treatment can be awful, but if you think it'll get you your life back, you'll do it. The thing is, while it can get you a life back, I don't think it can get you your pre-bipolar life back. Doctors who say differently are being disingenuous or are wildly inexperienced.
What Can You Get Back If Not Life Before Bipolar Disorder?
I'm not a great example of successful bipolar disorder treatment. I'm so far away from normal (mentally healthy) that the light from normality doesn't even reach where I live. That said, there is a lot to be said for not being dead. And make no mistake about it, when I started treatment, that's where I was headed. I've headed that way and have had that outcome averted by treatment many times since. I suppose if you avoid death, everything else is just a bonus.
But there are other things that treatment gives you, too. Treatment offers you a chance at happiness. Treatment offers you a chance to build healthy relationships and the opportunity to find fulfillment. Without treatment, bipolar disorder would override all of those things.
I think most people never get back to their life before bipolar disorder because there are too many ways bipolar disorder invades your life. It changes your thoughts. It changes your priorities. It changes the you that you were bound to be before the illness. But honestly, that's okay. Life changes everyone. It just so happens that a life with bipolar disorder is drastically changed.
So, I would say that comparing your life to a life before bipolar disorder is pointless. The better thing is to compare your life to the life you want to have ― given your particular situation. With bipolar disorder, you will never be an astronaut, but there are still a million other things to be. Life after bipolar disorder is, without a doubt, different than before it, but it is absolutely still worth having.
Maintaining friendships is no easy task, and it's all the more difficult when you have a mental illness. I should know; I struggle with double depression and generalized anxiety disorder, and many of my friends have mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). That said, it is possible to sustain friendships even when you live with a mental illness. Here's how my friends and I do it.
Tips to Maintain Friendships When You Have a Mental Illness
1. Talk About Your Mental Health Issues
This tip is the hardest to implement but is essential for maintaining friendships when you have a mental illness. Whenever you feel the time is right, discuss your mental health journey with your friends. Let them know about your issues and how they affect your life. Doing so will help them to be patient and understanding when you behave differently due to your mental health condition. For example, when depression hits me, I tend to stop texting my friends and make no plans to hang out. When I explained this to my best friend a few years ago, she learned to stop taking my absence personally. Thanks to this knowledge, she now checks in on me when I've been silent for too long instead of assuming I am disinterested in being her friend.
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Boundaries are a must in any relationship, and they are particularly crucial when maintaining friendships with a mental illness. Be clear with your friends about what you can and cannot do. While planning to meet with a friend after a long time, I state that I would probably be anxious about seeing them. As a result, I cannot handle crowded and noisy places; they will only worsen my anxiety. My boundaries help them understand my needs, and together, we pick a low-key venue to keep me at ease.
3. Stay Connected Digitally
When in-person meetings feel overwhelming -- and they often do for me -- stay in touch digitally. Just like me, one of my friends struggles with depression frequently, so we barely hang out in person. However, she makes it a point to share memes and music occasionally, and so do I. This way, our friendship is alive even though we spend little one-on-one time.
So there you go -- you now know my tried-and-tested tips to maintain friendships when you have a mental illness. Give them a shot and see what works for you. Remember: you will inevitably lose some "friends" when you open up about your mental health issues. Don't let this stop you because, at the end of this process, only true friends will be a part of your life. After all, fake friends are the first to flee when the going gets tough.
In recent years, the practice of intermittent fasting has become a mainstream wellness trend—but while it might prove beneficial for some, intermittent fasting is not an option for my eating disorder recovery. I have been thinking about this lately because intermittent fasting sounds harmless at face value. It's a dietary plan that focuses on when ratherthan what to eat, which seems reasonable. But I am also self-aware enough to know that even well-intentioned parameters or structures around eating can turn into full-blown restriction. So, intermittent fasting in eating disorder recovery is not for me.
A Quick Summary of Intermittent Fasting in Eating Disorder Recovery
I will not dive into the specifics of intermittent fasting, as it can be a difficult topic for those in eating disorder recovery. But, to offer some basic context, Johns Hopkins University defines the practice as eating within a daily 6-8-hour time frame, then fasting over the next 16-18 hours. This may make it easier and more efficient for the body to convert food into energy.1
As clinical research shows, intermittent fasting might enhance metabolic function, improve brain health, and lower the risk of chronic or neurodegenerative illness, all of which can help increase longevity.2 But this research has also found a connection between eating disorder behaviors and frequent cycles of intermittent fasting—and that gives me serious pause.
Why Intermittent Fasting Is Not an Option for My Eating Disorder Recovery
In 2022, a team of psychologists asked more than 2,700 volunteers about their relationship with intermittent fasting. Around 38 percent of men, 47 percent of women, and 52 percent of transgender or nonbinary folks reported intermittently fasting over a 12-month period. Many also exhibited common eating disorder risk factors such as perfectionism, low self-esteem, or body image dissatisfaction.3 For this reason precisely, intermittent fasting cannot be an option in my eating disorder recovery. While some choose to fast in moderation for wellness benefits or religious observances, I would use this practice as a justification to micro-manage my caloric intake.
Because I am prone to unsafe extremes—specifically in terms of fitness and nutrition habits—the sheer concept of moderation is a challenge for me. An occasional intermittent fast would not remain "occasional" for long. Eventually, intermittent fasting would lure me into an eating disorder relapse. Sometimes, I wish this reality was different, but I also know better than to open the door to restrictive temptations. So, if intermittent fasting is not an option in my eating disorder recovery, then I must honor my own healing process and intuitively do what works for me: Eat when I feel hungry, then stop once I am full.
Intermittent Fasting: What is it, and how does it work? (2023, September 29). Johns Hopkins Medicine. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/intermittent-fasting-what-is-it-and-how-does-it-work
James, D. L., Hawley, N. A., Mohr, A. E., Hermer, J., Ofori, E., Yu, F., & Sears, D. D. (2024). Impact of intermittent fasting and/or caloric Restriction on Aging-Related Outcomes in Adults: A scoping review of randomized controlled trials. Nutrients, 16(2), 316. https://doi.org/10.3390/nu16020316
Ganson, K. T., Cuccolo, K., Hallward, L., & Nagata, J. M. (2022). Intermittent fasting: Describing engagement and associations with eating disorder behaviors and psychopathology among Canadian adolescents and young adults. Eating Behaviors, 47, 101681. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eatbeh.2022.101681
Do you work to unfreeze because of anxiety? When we experience a stressful situation, we experience a stress response, also known as the fight-flight-or-freeze response. How we respond depends on several factors, but I've found that I often freeze in stressful situations. Because of this, I've had to learn ways to unfreeze during anxiety to help me move forward.
Why I Need to Unfreeze Because of Anxiety
When I am anxious and freeze, I notice that it is related to me feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I am in a situation that I simply cannot handle. Unfortunately, as I've learned with my anxiety, I often feel that way in unexpected, stressful situations. So, I react with immediate panic. Or, if it is related to life circumstances, I find myself reacting with inaction.
I find that I feel immobilized, as though I cannot move. I feel helpless and powerless, as though I don't have control over the situation I am in. I feel like I can't make a decision, let alone process the situation. Physically, I feel like I just can't seem to move. If, at the moment, freezing is related to my life circumstances, instead of taking action, I find myself completely shutting down and avoiding anything having to do with real life. I need to unfreeze when I'm that anxious.
Steps I Take to Unfreeze When I'm Anxious
When I need to unfreeze because of anxiety, I know it's important to bring myself back to reality without allowing myself to dissociate. The problem is, I've been accustomed to numbing and detaching from real life for quite some time. So, this is honestly an area that I find myself continuing to work on despite all that I have learned over the years about how to manage my anxiety.
The first step that is always important is self-awareness. I have to be aware of what triggers this response. The more self-aware I am, the more effective I can be at intervening before my body is fully in a freeze state that is more difficult to pull out of.
Deep breathing is the next step that I take, which helps to calm my nervous system and also helps me feel grounded. Additionally, paying attention to what each of my senses is taking in helps to ground me in my environment and brings me back to the present instead of feeling numb and detached. It helps me unfreeze in the face of anxiety.
Lastly, I force myself to move. Movement helps me to get unstuck. Sometimes, even the smallest movement helps, but what I will usually do is force myself to walk into another room. Not only does this help me unfreeze during anxiety, but it also grounds me and helps me to feel more in control, which lessens my anxiety.
Take a look at the video below as I talk about what I do to unfreeze.
Do you freeze in response to anxiety? What do you do to help you get unstuck? Share your suggestions in the comments below.
