Research reveals that regular exercise and healthy eating can prevent or delay the onset of Alzheimer's Disease and other dementias.

Physical exercise is very important for maintaining good blood flow to the brain. It also encourages the development of new brain cells and reduces the risk of heart attack, stroke and diabetes which are all risk factors for Alzheimer's and other dementias.

Growing evidence shows that physical exercise does not have to be strenuous or even require a major time commitment. It is most effective when done regularly, and in combination with a brain-healthy diet, mental activity and social interaction.

Aerobic exercise improves oxygen consumption, which benefits brain function; aerobic fitness has been found to reduce brain cell loss in elderly subjects. Walking, bicycling, gardening, tai chi, yoga and other activities of about 30 minutes daily get the body moving and the heart pumping.

Physical activities that also involve mental activity - plotting your route, observing traffic signals, making choices - provide additional value for brain health. And doing these activities with a companion offers the added benefit of social interaction.

Avoid head trauma when exercising

• Use protective headgear when engaged in physical activities, such as bicycling, horseback riding, bouldering, skating and so on.
• Wear a seat belt.
• Guard against falls by using handrails, watching out for tripping hazards and taking other precautions.

Severe head injuries have been associated with increased risk for later development of Alzheimer's disease and other dementias.

Adopt a Brain-Healthy Diet

According to the most current research, a brain-healthy diet is one that reduces the risk of heart disease and diabetes, encourages good blood flow to the brain, and is low in fat and cholesterol. Like the heart, the brain needs the right balance of nutrients, including protein and sugar, to function well. A brain-healthy diet is most effective when combined with physical and mental activity and social interaction.

Manage your body weight for overall good health of brain and body. A long-term study of 1,500 adults found that those who were obese in middle age were twice as likely to develop dementia in later life. Those who also had high cholesterol and high blood pressure had six times the risk of dementia. Adopt an overall food lifestyle, rather than a short-term diet, and eat in moderation.

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Reduce your intake of foods high in fat and cholesterol. Studies have shown that high intake of saturated fat and cholesterol clogs the arteries and is associated with higher risk for Alzheimer's disease. However, HDL (or "good") cholesterol may help protect brain cells. Use mono- and polyunsaturated fats, such as olive oil, for example. Try baking or grilling food instead of frying.

Increase your intake of protective foods. Current research suggests that certain foods may reduce the risk of heart disease and stroke, and appear to protect brain cells.

• In general, dark-skinned fruits and vegetables have the highest levels of naturally occurring antioxidant levels. Such vegetables include: kale, spinach, brussels sprouts, alfalfa sprouts, broccoli, beets, red bell pepper, onion, corn and eggplant. Fruits with high antioxidant levels include prunes, raisins, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, plums, oranges, red grapes and cherries.
• Cold water fish contain beneficial omega-3 fatty acids: halibut, mackerel, salmon, trout and tuna.
• Some nuts can be a useful part of your diet; almonds, pecans and walnuts are a good source of vitamin E, an antioxidant.

Not enough information is available to indicate what quantities of these foods might be most beneficial for brain health. For example, it is not clear how much fruit would have to be consumed to have a detectable benefit. However, a study of elderly women showed that those who ate the most green, leafy and cruciferous vegetables in the group were one to two years younger in mental function than women who ate few of these vegetables.

Vitamin supplements may be helpful. There is some indication that vitamins, such as vitamin E, or vitamins E and C together, vitamin B12 and folate may be important in lowering your risk of developing Alzheimer's. A brain-healthy diet will help increase your intake of these vitamins and the trace elements necessary for the body to use them effectively.

Disease and risk factors you can't control

Alzheimer's disease is the most common form of dementia - brain disorders that affect your ability to function effectively in daily living. Well-established risk factors for Alzheimer's disease are genetics and aging (10 percent of those over age 65 and 50 percent of those over 85 have Alzheimer's). Unfortunately, aging and genetics are two risk factors you can't control.

It's not known what causes Alzheimer's disease or what role genetics plays in most cases of Alzheimer's, though having parents or siblings with the disease increases your risk. A small percentage of cases is known to be caused by inherited mutated genes. In other cases, variants of specific genes increase risk, but even people who inherit such variants from both parents still may not get the disease. These risk factors that you cannot change will set a starting point for you, but there is hope that adopting the healthy brain life habits might delay or prevent the appearance of Alzheimer's disease.

Sources:

• Science Daily, "Serious Head Injuries Linked To Alzheimer's Disease," October 24, 2000.
• Luchsinger JA, Tang MX, Miller J, Green R, Mayeux R. Relation of higher folate intake to lower risk of Alzheimer disease in the elderly. Arch Neurol. 2007 Jan;64(1):86-92.
• Alzheimer's Association

next: Alzheimer's Disease: From Symptoms to Treatments

Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 11

1. The Productive Narcissist
2. Abandoning the Narcissist
3. Unloving the Sick or Needy Spouse
4. Moving On
5. Inspirational Messages
6. The Phases of Mourning
7. Forgiving Enemies, Forgetting Friends
8. Self-Confidence and Real Achievements
9. Communicating Emotions
10. Possessive Jealousy
11. Pessimism versus Realism in the Treatment of Narcissists

1. The Productive Narcissist

A good feeling is also a kind of narcissist supply. This insight - that a narcissist can gain narcissistic supply by HELPING others - was instrumental in my transformation. Narcissists have been rejected and abused early on in their lives, so they became defensive. Their personality disorder makes them the target of scorn, hate and contempt. It is a vicious circle. It makes them even more defensive. So they ignore or deny the possibility of GETTING ALONG with people, of engineering positive emotions, of being loved.

To survive, we all MUST give love. But so very few of us know how to ACCEPT it. Narcissists wouldn't recognize love if it hit them on the head. Their world is inhabited by dependency, control, power and fear, not by love.

I do good things but I am not a good person in the sense that, to me, people are bi-dimensional, instruments for my satisfaction, the fountains of my narcissistic supply, objects.

Since I derive most of my narcissistic supply from constructive and productive sources - there is no need for me to go to the negative extremes that I did go to previously. But I still do sabotage myself incredibly.

2. Abandoning the Narcissist

The narcissist INITIATES his own abandonment BECAUSE of his fear. He is so afraid of losing his sources (and, unbeknownst to him, of unconsciously being emotionally hurt) - that he would rather "control", "master", "direct" the potentially destabilizing situation - than confront its effects if initiated by the meaningful other. Remember: the personality of the narcissist has a low level of organization. It is precariously balanced.

Being an abandoned could constitute a narcissistic injury so grave that the whole edifice comes crumbling down. Narcissists usually entertain suicidal ideation in such cases. BUT, if the narcissist did the initiation, if HE directed the scenes, if the abandonment is perceived by him to be a goal HE set to himself to achieve - he can and does avoid all these untoward consequences. See the section about Emotional Involvement Prevention Mechanisms here.

3. Unloving the Sick or Needy Spouse

The Narcissist lives in a world of ideal beauty, incomparable (imaginary) achievements, wealth, brilliance and unmitigated success. The narcissist denies his reality constantly. This is what I call the "Grandiosity Gap" - the abyss between the narcissist's sense of entitlement and his inflated grandiose fantasies - and his incommensurate reality and achievements.

The narcissist's partner is perceived by him to be a source of narcissistic supply, an instrument, an extension of himself. It is inconceivable to the narcissist that - in his blessed presence - such a tool should malfunction. The needs of the partner are perceived by the narcissist as THREATS and INSULTS. He considers his very existence as sufficiently nourishing and sustaining. He feels entitled to the best without investing in maintaining the relationship or in catering to the well-being of his spouse. To rid himself of deep-set feelings of (rather justified) guilt and shame - he pathologizes the partner. He projects sickness unto her. Through the intricate mechanism of projective identification he forces her to play an emergent role of "the sick" or "the weak" or "the naive" or "the dumb" or "the no good". What he denies in himself, what he is terrified of facing in his own personality - he attributes to others and moulds them to conform to his prejudices against himself.

The Narcissist MUST have THE best, the MOST glamorous, stunning, talented, head turning, mind boggling spouse in the WORLD. Nothing short of this fantasy will do. To compensate for the shortcomings of his real life spouse - he invents an idealized figure and relates to it instead. Then, when reality conflicts too often and too roughly with the ideal figure - he reverts to devaluation. His behaviour turns on a dime and becomes threatening, demeaning, contemptuous, berating, reprimanding, destructively critical, and sadistic - or cold, unloving, detached, "clinical". He punishes his real life spouse for not living up to his standards as personified in his Galathea, in his Pygmalion, in his ideal creation. The Narcissist plays God.

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4. Moving On

There is always a risk of judging harshly when we are in pain.

Moving on is a process, not a decision or an event. First, we have to realize what happened and acknowledge the facts. It is a volcanic, shattering, agonizing series of little, nibbling, thoughts countered by strong resistances. The battle won, we can move on to learning.

We attach a label to what bothers us. We assemble material. We gather knowledge. We compare experiences. We digest.

Then we decide and we act. This is "to move on". The success of this list is measured by the numbers of its deserters. Having gathered sufficient sustenance, support and confidence - they leave to face the battlefields of their relationships, fortified and nurtured. This stage is reached by those who come here not to mourn - but to fight; not to grieve - but to replenish their self esteem; not to hide - but to seek; not to freeze - but to move on. This list should be a safe house, a library, an arsenal - in short: a home.

5. Inspirational Messages

What matters is not necessarily the content. What matters is the timing and the music and the meaning attributed by the listener/reader to the content. The same speech that aroused millions yesteryear, looks quaint, even ridiculous today. The same message might revolt you - and motivate another. The pertinent questions are: WHO reads it, WHEN does he read it, WHAT are the circumstances (context), WHAT meaning does he attribute to it, DOES it motivate him. If it is sugar-coated, sentimental, Polyannish but it WORKS - this is IT. In matters of the heart perhaps it is best not to look for the truth - but to seek the heart.

6. The Phases of Mourning

After being betrayed and abused - we grieve. We grieve for the image we had of the traitor and abuser that we will never have again. We mourn the damage he did to us. We experience the fear of never being able to love or to trust again - and we grieve this incapacitation. In one stroke, we lost someone we trusted and even loved, we lost our trusting and loving selves, and we lost the trust and love that we felt. Can anything be worse? I should think not.

The emotional process of grieving is multi-phased. At first, we are dumbfounded, shocked, inert, immobile. We hope that our monsters will let go if they can't find us. So, we remain immobile and frozen. We die. Ossified in our pain, cast in the mould of our reticence and fears. Then we feel enraged, indignant, rebellious and hateful. Then we accept. Then we cry. And then - some of us - learn to forgive and to pity. And this is called healing.

ALL stages are absolutely necessary and good for you. It is bad NOT to rage back, not to shame those who shamed us, to deny, to pretend, to evade. But it is equally as bad to stay like this forever. It is the perpetuation of our abuse by other means. By endlessly recreating our harrowing experiences, we unwillingly and defiantly collaborate with our abuser to perpetuate his or her evil deeds. It is by moving on that we defeat our abuser, belittling him and his importance in our lives. It is by loving and by trusting that we annul that which was done to us. To forgive is never to forget. But to remember is not necessarily to re-live.

7. Forgiving Enemies, Forgetting Friends

Forgiving is an important capability. It does more for the forgiver than for the forgiven. But, to my mind, it should not be a universal, indiscriminate behaviour. I think it is legitimate not to forgive sometimes. It depends, of course, on the severity or duration of what was done to you. In general, it is unwise and counter-productive, in my view, to establish "universal" and "immutable" principles in life. Life is too varied to succumb to rigid principles. Sentences which start with "I never" are either not very credible or, worse, they lead to self defeating, self restricting and self destructive behaviours.

How can the worst enemy suddenly become a friend?

Your friendship must not mean much to you if you give it away so easily and so profusely. Friendship is a gradual thing, based on many trials and errors. It is profound and, at its best, it is nourishing and supportive. How can you get all this from a former worst enemy? And how can you become "instant" friends with anyone, let alone your worst adversary?

Conflicts are an important and integral part of life. One should never seek them out willingly - but when confronted with a conflict, one should not avoid it. It is through conflicts and adversity inasmuch as through care and love that we grow.

Some people will always dislike you. It is inevitable and a good thing it is because it allows you to separate the wheat (your true friends) from the chafe (those who dislike you). That someone dislikes you says a lot about HIM or HER - not necessarily about you. People are not objects to be manipulated. They have their own emotions, opinions, judgements, fears, hopes, dreams, fantasies, nightmares, role models and associations. What are the chances for a perfect fit every time? Nil.

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Human relationships are dynamic. We must assess our friendships, partnerships, even marriages periodically. The past is insufficient to sustain a healthy, nourishing, supportive, caring, and compassionate relationship. It is a good pre-condition, perhaps a necessary one - but not a sufficient one. We must gain and regain our friendships on a daily basis. Human relationships are a constant test of allegiance and empathy.

8. Self-Confidence and Real Achievements

This is how we go about life: we find out what we excel at, we develop these talents and gifts, we show the results to people, we secure their appreciation, and this adds to our self confidence. We should be proud of our REAL achievements and qualities.

9. Communicating Emotions

Impressive "emotional intelligence" is typical of people who were hurt in the past. They are more attuned to the emotional needs of others. But there is a big difference between "being mean" and expressing emotions, even negative emotions. I think you should communicate your emotions. If you are angry you should say so and explain both what made you angry and how it can be avoided in the future. If you are jealous, you should express your jealousy in a constructive way. Suppressed emotions are bad. They are like an untreated infection. They poison you. They are likely to bring about short depressive episodes.

10. Possessive Jealousy

If you have a work of art at home - would you hide it behind a curtain and peak at it only secretly or would you share it with family and friends and maybe with the public?

If you have a friend and you can make her happy - would you still qualify as a friend if you prevented this happiness from her by withholding the knowledge necessary for its attainment?

If you see two imperfections which complement each other and in thus doing can reach perfection - would you not sin by preventing their encounter?

And if all this were to involve an intercourse of the body as well as of the mind - should this technical detail derail your resolve to increase the welfare of others rather to decrease it through greed and envy?

11. Pessimism versus Realism in the Treatment of Narcissists

I personally opt for "realism" rather than "optimism" or "pessimism".

Here are some hard facts which I think could serve as an undisputed basis for discussion:

• There are gradations and shades of narcissism. Lacking grandiosity and possessing empathy are not minor variations. They are serious predictors of future dynamics. The prognosis is much better if they do exist.
• There are cases of spontaneous healing and of "short term NPD" (Gunderson and Roningstam, 1996).
• The prognosis for a classic NPD case (grandiosity, lack of empathy and all) is decidedly not good IF we are talking about LONG TERM and COMPLETE HEALING. Moreover, NPDs are intensely disliked by therapists.

BUT

• Side effects, associated disorders (such as OCD), and SOME aspects of NPD (certain behaviours, the dysphorias, the paranoiac dimensions, the outcomes of the sense of entitlement, the pathological lying) CAN be modified (using talk therapy and, depending on the problem, medication). We are not talking about SHORT term solutions - but there are partial solutions and they do have long term effects.
• The DSM is billing and administration oriented. It is intended to "tidy" up the psychiatrist's desk. The PDs are ill demarcated, they tend to intermingle and be cross referenced. The differential diagnoses are vaguely defined, to use a gentle understatement. There are some cultural biases and judgements (see the Schizotypal PD). The result is sizeable confusion and multiple diagnoses. NPD was introduced in 1980 (in the DSM III). There isn't enough research to substantiate one view or another. The DSM V might abolish it altogether within the framework of a cluster or a single "personality disorder" diagnosis. As it is, the difference between HPD and somatic NPD is, to my mind, rather blurred in the extreme cases. So, when we discuss the question: "can NPD be healed?" we need to realize than we don't know for sure what is NPD and what constitutes long term healing in the case of an NPD. There are those who seriously claim that NPD is a CULTURAL disorder with a massive societal determinant.

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next: Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 12

During graduate school, I had the privilege of getting to know Dimitri Mihalas, then a distinguished professor of astronomy at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (and a member of the National Academy of Sciences). Though he suffers from the bipolar illness (manic depression), he feels that he has actually "gained" from it instead of "losing" to it. He has also been, in my opinion, a pioneer in attempts to increase public awareness of (and therefore decreasing the stigma associated with) the bipolar illness by the act of being completely open about it.

Soon after a major life-threatening episode of depression (which was successfully treated with medication), he set upon himself the task of composing what I consider to be an excellent primer on manic depression. Because it is quite personal, it has been found by many to be extremely useful in gauging their own experiences. It also contains a great deal of useful information about the illness, about the spiritual aspects of recovery, and contains a bibliography for those who want to learn more. Someone who read it described it as a potential "life saver"!

next: Mood Disorders as Physical Illnesses
~ back to Manic Depression Primer homepage
~ bipolar disorder library
~ all bipolar disorder articles

A look at effectiveness of self-help measures and alternate therapies for treating depression.

There are a wide range of self-help measures and alternate therapies which can be useful for some types of depression, either alone or in conjunction with physical treatments (such as antidepressants) or psychological treatments .

However, the more biological types of depression (melancholic and psychotic depression) are very unlikely to respond to self-help and alternative therapies alone although these can be valuable adjuncts to physical treatments.

What follows is not intended to be an exhaustive list, but includes those which are more commonly found helpful. We provide brief information and links to other sources of information. Other self-help measures such as meditation, diet, exercise and relaxation are covered in Ways of Staying Well.

• Bibliotherapy
• Omega-3
• St John's Wort
• Light therapy
• Yoga
• Aromatherapy
• Massage therapy
• Acupuncture

Bibliotherapy

Bibliotherapy involves, essentially, reading books or other materials (such as those available via the Internet) on how to overcome depression and applying the practices oneself. (Recommended Australian books are 'Beating the Blues: A Self-help Approach to Overcoming Depression', by S Tanner and J Ball and 'Dealing with Depression: A common sense guide to mood disorders', by Gordon Parker.) The person works independently (or with some supervision) through the material, applying the techniques outlined in it. Bibliotherapy usually uses the cognitive behavior therapy approach.

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Omega-3 for Treatment of Depression

There is some evidence that Omega-3 oils, commonly found in fish such as salmon, tuna, mackerel and swordfish, play a role in mental well-being, particularly in cases of bipolar disorder, but some studies also demonstrate antidepressant properties.

St John's Wort for Treatment of Depression

St John's Wort is a popular herbal remedy for depression. It is a flower with many chemical compounds, some of which are believed to help depression by preventing nerve cells in the brain from reabsorbing the chemical messenger serotonin, or by reducing levels of a protein involved in the body's immune system functioning.

Studies have shown that St John's Wort is an effective antidepressant in cases of people with mild non-melancholic depression but ineffective for people with melancholic (biological) depression.

St John's Wort can have side-effects however. There are several reports suggesting that it may have some toxic effects on reproductive functioning. There are other possible problems with St John's Wort, including possible interactions with certain medications.

Light therapy for Treatment of Seasonal Affective Disorder

Light therapy involves exposing someone to bright light for around a half an hour each day. The bright light can be either in the form of conventional fluorescent lamps or bright sunlight.

Light therapy has been shown to have particular benefit for people who suffer from a form of depression known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), where depression occurs on a regular basis in particular seasons (especially autumn and winter) and then goes away in the alternate seasons (spring and summer). This condition is more common in the northern hemisphere, but it does exist in Australia.

Yoga for Treating Depression

Yoga is an ancient Indian exercise philosophy that provides a gentle form of exercise and stress management. It consists of postures or 'asanas' that are held for a short period of time and are often synchronized with the breathing. It is very helpful for reducing stress and anxiety which are often precursors to depression. A number of studies have shown that yoga breathing exercises are beneficial for depression.

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Aromatherapy for Treating Depression

Aromatherapy is the use of essential oils to produce different emotional and physiological reactions. There is some evidence that aromatherapy can be helpful in alleviating mental disorders including depression.

A Study at Yale University found that some essential oils affect the nervous system, can help relieve tensions and anxieties, and even reduce blood pressure. A number of essential oils are believed to be especially beneficial in the treatment of depression as they help to balance and relax the nervous system.

Massage therapy for Treatment of Depression

Massage therapy is believed to be helpful for people with depression, although further studies are needed to conclusively prove this. Massage produces chemical changes in the brain that result in a feeling of relaxation, calm and well-being. It also reduces levels of stress hormones - such as adrenalin, cortisol and norepinephrine - which in some people can trigger depression.

Acupuncture for Treating Depression

Acupuncture is an ancient form of healing developed within the traditional medicine China , Japan and other eastern countries. Acupuncture is based on the principle that stimulation of specific areas on the skin affects the functioning of certain organs of the body. Fine needles are inserted into specific points (called acupuncture points) just below the surface of the skin. It is believed that acupuncture can help to relieve depression, along with anxiety, nervous tension and stress.

A small number of studies support the view that acupuncture plays a valuable role in alleviating depression.

Other self-help measures include: meditation, relaxation, a healty diet, alcohol and drug avoidance, and exercise.

Sources: Office of Dietary Supplements - NIH, National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine

 

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back to: Alternative Medicine Home ~ Alternative Medicine Treatments

Contents of Psychology of Sex Website:

Introduction
How to Have Good Sex
Sex and Intimacy
Sexual Fantasies
Sexual Problems: Men's, Women's, Everyone's
Sexual Health
Sex Therapy
Women and Sex, Men and Sex
Teens and Sex: Information for Teens, Parents

Introduction

• Psychology of Sex Homepage
• About Me

How to Have Good Sex

• How to Have Good Sex Table of Contents
• How to Have Good Sex Home
• Secrets of Women Who Love Sex
• Secret to Good Sex
• Conditions for Good Sex
• Good Sex is Good for You
• Good Sex Is Learned - Not Natural
• Knowing What You Want in Bed
• The Requirements for Great Sex
• The Secret to Good Sex in Marriage
• Good Sex Is Not Just for New Lovers
• Good Sex in Long Term Relationships
• Sex Tips For Men: On Being Good In Bed
• Why Single Women Want Good Sex and Romance
• Seven Magnificant Sex Tips For Women
• More Sex Tips for Women

Sex and Intimacy

• Sex and Intimacy Table of Contents
• Sex and Intimacy Home
• Intimacy Issues - What's That?
• What is Intimacy?
• Intimacy Not Just Sex
• The Relationship Between Sex and Intimacy
• Understanding Intimacy
• Fear of Intimacy
• Clearing the Roadblocks to Intimacy
• Why Men Pay For Sex
• How To Develop Intimacy With Your Partner
• Tips for Showing You Care
• Starving for Emotional Intimacy - Why Wait For Sex?
• Talking to Your Kids About Sex

Sexual Fantasies

• Sexual Fantasies Table of Contents
• Sexual Fantasies Home - Are Sexual Fantasies Good for Us?
• Sexual Fantasies: Are They Dangerous?
• The Science of Sexual Fantasies
• Sexual Fantasies: Friend or Foe
• The Differences Between The Sexual Fantasies of Men and Women
• Interview on Sexual Fantasy w/ 2 Philosophy Experts
• Perverse Fantasies: More Common Than We Thought
• Perverse Fantasies: You're Not Alone
• The Gardener of Desire: Women's Sex Fantasies
• Women's Top 10 Sexual Fantasies
• Male Sexual Fantasies: Fantasy, Masturbation, and Sexual Attitudes
• Indian Men and Their Wives' Sexual Fantasies
• Sexual Fantasies of Child Molesters
• Thinking About Sexual Fantasies Lessens Pain
• Understanding Male and Female Sexual Fantasies - Transcript
• Men's Sexual Fantasies: Visitor Input

Sexual Problems

• Sexual Problems Table of Contents

Everyone's Problems

• Types of Sexual Problems
• Range of Sex Problems Stuns Even Researchers
• Me? Have Sexual Problems?
• Four Perspectives on Sex Problems
• No Interest in Sex
• Addictive Sexual Behaviors
• New Antidepressants Depress Libido
• Am I Gay or Lesbian?

Men's Sexual Problems

Impotency

• Male Erection - Penis Erection Problems
• Me? Have Sexual Problems?
• Impotency Basics
• About Male Impotency
• Medications Cause Impotence
• Impotence Treatment
• The Truth About Impotence: Interview with Dr. Irwin Goldstein
• Is Impotence Only a Biological Problem?
• Impotence Related Problems
• The Psychology of Impotence
• How Impotency Affects Relationships
• For the Wife or Partner
• Male Anorgasmia: Inability to Have a Climax
• NIH Report on Impotence

Performance Anxiety

• The Details of Performance Anxiety
• Treating Performance Anxiety

Women's Sexual Problems

• Types of Sexual Problems Women Experience
• Causes of Women's Sexual Problems
• What is an Orgasm?
• Women and Orgasm: The Straight Facts
• What Can You Do About Orgasm Problems?
• Exercises for Achieving the Big O
• Frigidity - Sexual Unresponsiveness
• Why are Women Sometimes Unresponsive to Sex?
• Treatment for Sexual Unresponsiveness
• Vaginal Dryness
• Vaginismus

Sexual Health

• Sexual Health Table of Contents
• Sexual Health Home
• Learn How To Love Yourself
• Your Sexual Health and Attitude
• Make Peace With Your Sexuality
• Opening Up To Sex

Sex Therapy

• Sex Therapy Table of Contents
• Sex Therapy Home - The Basics of Sex Therapy
• Definition of Sex Therapy
• Introduction to Sex Therapy
• Sexuality and Sex Therapy
• Sex Therapy When There is Sexual Dysfunction
• Relational and Sex Therapy
• Thought Field Therapy for Sex Problems
• Self-Help Sex Therapy
• Looking for Sex Therapists Online
• Sexual Surrogates
• Sex Therapy for Abuse Survivors
• Sex Therapy Helps Boomer Couple Renew Their Relationships

Women and Sex

• Women and Sex Table of Contents
• Women and Sex Home
• Men, Sex, and Emotional Connection
• Men Relate Through Sex - Sex As A Measure of Love
• Men View Sex and Feelings As Solution To Male/Female Problems
• Sex Truths About Men That Women Rarely Understand
• More Sex Truths About Men
• Men and Sexual Rejection

Men and Sex

• Men and Sex Table of Contents
• Men and Sex Home
• What Women Want: Intimacy First, Then Sex
• Don't Push Me So Hard For Sex
• Why Women and Men Have Different Sex Timeframes
• The Changing Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors of Women
• Men and Sexual Rejection
• Male Sexual Assault

Teens and Sex

• Teens and Sex Table of Contents

Information for Teens

• Teens and Sex Homepage
• Sexual Communication: Talking to Your Parents About Sex
• How Do You Know When You're Ready for Sex?
• Virginity
• Okay to say "NO"
• Self-Esteem and How to Improve Your's
• Difference Between Sex and Love
• Does Having Sex Mean Falling in Love
• Date Rape / Acquaintance Rape
• Specific Drugs Used in Sexual Assault
• Dating an Older Guy
• How Can I Tell If My Sexual Activities Are Healthy and Normal?
• Sex Risks: Preventing Pregnancy, Sexually Transmitted Diseases
• Birth Control Options
• What Teens Want Other Teens to Know About Preventing Pregnancy
• STDs
• Sexual Orientation: "Am I Gay (Lesbian) because I think about it?"
• Erection Problems

Information for Parents of Teens

• Teen Sexual Behaviors
• Coercion and Sexual Abuse of Teens
• Teens and Sex: The Big Talk Isn't Enough
• Talking with Kids About Sex and Relationships
• Sexual Abuse and Coercion

the web site of Adrian Newington

Still My Mind offers you a variety of resources designed to uplift you spiritually & personally through discourses on philosophy, meditation, prayer, faith, as well as the power of Music.

The songs on here are the written directly from the experience of my own journey. They are written with the intent of providing a window into your own spirituality. It is true that this world is a world of struggle, and the struggle of things both worldy and heavenly is eased greatly when we exercise faith. But!... faith in itself can be a struggle, so to be able to exercise it in confidence we need to transcend the powerful Mind which wants to continually protect us, (our natural survival mentality). This can be achieved when we give ourselves an 'experience' of the inner self. This self is realized through meditation, prayer, humility, love of self, and a willingness to walk a journey of discovery to make yourself new.

The revelation of God's love arising from your own heart is a milestone you should anticipate and expect on such a journey. Pray for, and seek guidance... live with hope, for a darkened mind can never illuminate its own way. Strive to be happy.

It is my wish that would be able to know yourself, and have your greatness revealed to yourself. You Are Great!

Be Peaceful,

Adrian

 

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next: About Adrian Newington

Find out about ADHD coaching, how it works and how an ADHD coach might help you.

• What is an ADHD Coach?
• How to tell if you are ready for coaching
• Why you would want to hire an ADHD coach
• How ADHD coaching works

What is an ADHD coach?

An ADHD coach is similar to other Professional Coaches, but with an emphasis on helping clients and their families with issues related to ADHD. Coaches, like myself, who specialize in this area, help you understand how inattention, impulsivity or low self-esteem has played a role in your life. As an ADHD Coach, I bring to the relationship a unique understanding and appreciation for the challenges and talents of ADHD. Whether your goals are to become more organized, focused or achieve more successes, as your ADHD coach, I am there to encourage and support you every step of the way!

How can I tell if I'm ready for coaching?

If you are not sure if you are ready for coaching, you may want to ask yourself the following questions:

• Have your tried everything you can think of to make changes on your own and are still struggling with ADHD?
• Are your exhausted from the repeated struggles to make positive changes in your life, without any results?
• Do you feel at times as though you are walking on eggshells?
• Are you tired of disappointing others?
• Do you feel as though you have no control over your life?
• Do you often feel alone and isolated?
• Do you feel that things will be even worse in a year from now if you do nothing to change it?
• Are you ready to make the necessary changes in order to redirect your life towards more balance and happiness?

If you answered "yes" to at least six of the eight questions you are ready for the Change of Focus Coaching Programs which will support you towards taking the next steps towards having the life you deserve.

Why you would want to hire an ADHD coach?

People hire me when they are ready to make changes in their lives. Typically, my clients are feeling overwhelmed by the demands of daily life. They want their life to be different, but are unsure about where to start. I believe that you already have all you need to succeed in life...what you don't have is someone to show you how to access it and put it to use. I will help you to clarify and break down seemingly impossible and overwhelming goals into manageable and achievable steps. I will help you develop skills, strategies and provide the structure necessary for you to discover previously buried talents and strengths. By working with me and the Change of Focus Coaching Program, you will find yourself doing more than you would on your own. You will set goals and accomplish them! With coaching, you will begin to feel more focused, productive, organized, fulfilled and balanced.

How ADHD Coaching Works

Coaching is usually done one-on-one either in person or over the phone. ADHD Coaching involves a series of sessions that combine learning about your own ADHD traits, developing the ability to create strategies that work and taking action towards reaching your desired goals. During the coaching meeting, I help to facilitate the processes through questioning, perspective changes, and accountability. Between the coaching sessions, you further your learning by accomplishing personal challenges that have been jointly designed between you and me. Essential to coaching, is the understanding that you are in charge of determining what is best for you. My role is to keep alive your enthusiasm and commitment to successfully make the changes you desire in your life.

About the author:Laurie Dupar is a Certified Professional AD/HD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) Coach and Educator with over twenty-five years experience working in the mental wellness field.

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next: ADHD Adults Struggle to Focus
~ adhd library articles
~ all add/adhd articles

Life is what happens to us while we are deciding what we want to do with our life.

We may be wise to design a plan that will free us up to "happen to life" instead of the other way around. When we know we need to be doing something different we most certainly will be confronted by all the reasons why we think we can't. They are reasons why disguised as excuses. They are, in reality, one and the same.

There are only results or reasons why. The reasons why are called excuses. The reasons why are the excuses many of us use to justify our choice to do nothing but talk about doing something different.

Talk's cheap. If we really know we need to be doing something different, then we need to do something completely out of character, at least for most of us. . . we need to do something different. The something different is this: this time we need to do something about it. Look into all of the possibilities. Taking this first, major step is the first step towards doing even bigger things better.

The first step almost always feels like the biggest step. You have to take it while you are still afraid. Your intention must be to have fun at your destination. There is something magical about having fun. I have seldom had feelings of fear while having fun; the kind of fear that stops you in your tracks and keeps you from doing what you know you must do. It seems to go away. Poof!

Your feelings about change are very real. They are perfectly normal. It's scary. A choice to change can cause anxiety; fear of what we think might happen. Never allow your feelings to force you into the paralysis of doing nothing. The exercise of inquiry alone can yield amazing results. It can lead you down many paths. The options are endless.

Thinking about questions you've never asked yourself before can tell you a lot about who you are now and can stimulate the answers you already know, yet are afraid to accept since you began to feel the need to do something different. You may even discover that you are already doing what you need to be doing.

Choice demands personal inquiry. It requires self-discovery.

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The decision process - that time when you really take an honest look at how things might be if you would only do something different - often is that time when you analyze things to death. You become so confused you want to give up in despair. Listen to your heart. It will tell you, "Never. Never give up!" It also knows "what to do." Listen to it.

Decide to do, even when you are not sure it's the right thing, and feel your self-esteem soar; feel some of your insecurities quickly begin to fade. It feels good to be in control again. We often fail to remember that we are always in charge. We have choice. Life does our bidding.

Most of us complain that life isn't going where we want it to or that life dealt us a bad hand. Not true. Life follows our lead; it heeds our direction. When we don't like what life gives us as lessons, we often complain. A life burdened with complaint has no freedom to discover "what to do." Complaining about life is an energy drain.

Living life creates energy. Living life with gusto is even better. You never again need be concerned about charging your battery. Gusto is it's own self-supercharger. Give yourself fully and with gusto to life and life will give itself fully and with gusto to you. Life feeds on the energy you put into it to making it better.

We sometimes fail to understand that each life lesson is repeated until it is learned. When we don't get it the first time, life gives it to us again and again and again and again and again until it is learned.

When life gives us a lesson, we need to slow down a little and see what life is slowing us down for. Just what is it I need to learn from this experience? For what good purpose am I experiencing what is going on right now? When you look for the good that is coming to you from your present experience, you will find it.

When we focus on being and doing whatever it takes to have our life be better, we not only accomplish a better way of doing and being for ourselves, life also is better for the ones we love; those we are in relationships with. We are easier to be with. We are more fun to do things with.

When we change. . . we give permission to others around us to change. It is not possible to change others. To others, the empowerment for change is often unspoken; it is communicated in the changes they consciously or unconsciously notice in us.

Have you considered the possibility that you don't really need to be doing anything different or new? What if what you are doing now is what you are supposed to be doing? Think about it.

Who says you need to do anything new anyway? Maybe you do and maybe you don't. Sometimes we experience feelings of discomfort about our choices. Discomfort with those with whom we work; with the work we are doing or whatever. We haven't quite put ourselves fully into our present calling so we become bored or uncomfortable with what we do.

Some of us can't imagine ourselves doing anything else because we aren't really sure we can do anything else. And if we could, what would that be? What to do? What to do?

You have a choice. If you think what you do now is boring, do something to put an end to the boredom. If you think what you are doing now is boring, wait till you get to what you decide to do. It won't be any different. You created the boredom. Now, create an atmosphere of excitement around your work. Have some fun doing it. . . even if you don't want to. Especially if you don't want to.

Boredom dissipates when excitement shows up. Always do the best you can. Put your whole self into what you do. When you are excited about what you do, you do a better job; you are free to notice other things; the kind of things that are equally important to living life to its fullest. You can pay attention better. You communicate better. You contribute more. You can really be with people, instead of dreading being there.

Make a list of benefits you receive from being excited about what you are presently doing. Learn to be okay with where you are, while you are there. This doesn't mean that you have to stay there.

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Being okay with where you are may help you to know that with all the confusion you have created in wondering about "what to do;" when you finally discover what you need to be doing, you may be unable to concentrate fully on the new work to be done because your current level of confusion shows up as boredom, discomfort and dissatisfaction and is still with you.

Being excited about what you do now, even though you feel the need to be doing something else, helps you prepare mentally for being even more excited about what's next.

Being content with where you are may also assist you in understanding that unless you can be happy where you are, you may be unable to find happiness elsewhere. If you are looking for something new because you are unhappy with what you are now doing, you may be looking for the right thing to do for the wrong reason.

When you put energy into something to make it better, you receive energy from it. You don't have to pour a lot of energy into being happy. You simply decide to be happy. It helps to think about happy things. You need to learn to be happy where you are, so you can be happy when you get to where you are going.

Even if you have feelings of unhappiness, discomfort or boredom right now, how do you really know that you need to be doing something else? These feelings are very real. They are worth an in-depth inquiry as to what it is that causes you to feel that way.

Be honest with yourself. If you really want to get to the bottom of things, you must tell the truth to yourself. Self-inquiry is no time to sleeze-out.

In choosing a new direction, don't cop-out! Decide to choose something you love to do! Life is to short to do something you do not love to do. Do what you love. You may miss out on the opportunity to contribute to others by not doing what you love.

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When you love what you do, you are more excited about doing it and are more free to share what you have to offer to others. You must love what you do or is the thing you do worth doing?

To not choose "what to do" or to continue to only talk about "what to do," when you know you need to move on is not taking care of you. It is not attending to your own needs.

With indecision about our life's direction, we succumb to the direction life takes us. We fall prey to the choices of others and of our own misguided choices. We then become the unintended victim. Indecision breeds confusion. There is nothing much more uncomfortable than being a confused victim.

Many of us are inconsistent in that we will make decisions when we are fairly certain of the outcome, but when it comes to making a "new direction" decision, that's different! And when we don't make a decision, life just does it's own thing. . . our own thing.

We forget that even in not making a decision, a decision is made. Now, life is again happening to us and we feel out of control.

We must accept that we created the present dilemma we have with 'what to do?' It is our dilemma of choice! It is of our making! And we get to handle it or complain about it or whatever we do about it.

We seldom give thought to the idea that we are the only one who has a clue as to how life got this way. If we would only take responsibility for how life turns out - there's that "r" word again - our life would be different. Perhaps, better.

This is your life. . . right now! Own it. You created it. Do all you can to make it better now! Not someday! What have you got to say about that? Careful. Remember, we are grown up now, supposedly mature, and we are supposed to be responsible and hold ourselves accountable.

What you thought about yesterday has brought you to where you are today. What you think about becomes your past. You are either a slave to your thoughts and ideas or master of them.

It often seems that life is only consistent when we are not. Life will take up the slack. It will fill in the blanks. That's right! That's what it is doing right now and it is doing so at our direction. We tell life what to put in the blanks.

Right now, at this moment in time, we are doing life exactly the way life shows up for us. Our choice is to create it, the way it is, moment by moment. Life is always consistent with our wishes, spoken or unspoken.

With no plans of what to do, we stay busy trying to figure out what to do and struggle to keep our head above water; fighting for our life; being unhappy about what is going on instead of creating new and exciting ways of being and doing so we can get on with our life.

You already have a life. This is it! You don't have to fight for it anymore. When you become so totally dissatisfied with it the way it is, then, you will want to do something about it. That is, unless you catch on; that to make some changes before you allow life to become too painful is the wiser of the choices available.

So. . . if you want the misery, the burden, the confusion and the insecurities to go away. . . make a decision about "what to do!"

It's that simple! Not easy. Only simple. Making the decision is the toughest part.

Putting the decision off only comes from fear. What are you afraid of? Failure? Success? Starting over? Not knowing how? Are you concerned about what other people will think? Or all of the above. . . and more?

Consider putting you first. You are in charge here. Take control. Be good to yourself. Decide. Assert who you would be if you could put your name at the top of the list; the list of people who know "what to do."

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When you do what you can, to do the best you can - like a promise you keep to yourself - you will begin to feel love for yourself and move far beyond any fear of making a decision. Fear cannot exist in the presence of love. The burden that life feels like, is lifted when you decide "what to do."

Often we say, "I just don't know 'what to do'!" We already know that we don't know "what to do." Why do we feel we must keep telling ourselves that? We know that or we would be doing something different.

The truth is, you do know. When you want to know, you will know. No one else can know for you. . . only you will know.

Take care that your focus is in the right place. It may be time to think and talk about what you might love to do. If you need a "how to," maybe this will help.

Make a list. Write all of your ideas on a piece of paper. Be intentional about choosing something to do.

Don't rule anything out; even the things you think could never happen or would not be appropriate for you. This gets the negative conversations that keep you from focusing on what you want, out of your head and on paper so you can properly dispose of them.

Doing this also keeps your mind focused on coming up with something to do instead of affirming to yourself over and over that you don't know "what to do." After the list gets longer, you can determine what needs to be tossed out and what needs to be considered.

Hang the list on your mirror where you will be reminded to add new ideas to the list as they occur to you. Some of the ideas will make you laugh. Others, you will feel afraid. Or sad. You may experience a myriad of emotions with this process. Stay with it.

Think about results. Imagine the fun you will have on the way to attaining the results. Make several copies and carry one with you at all times. Be creative. Use your imagination.

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What makes you feel good when you do it? What do you think might make you feel better about yourself if you did it? Or maybe you haven't done it yet and you think if might feel good. What is that? Write it down. What are others doing that interests you? What kind of people do you enjoy being around?

In your wildest imaginings, what would you really like to take on? Does it serve you as well as others? What could you do that would have you feel good about saying, "I love what I do!"? What would that be? What would you be doing right now if you knew you could not fail?

Never rule out anything because you don't know how to do it or are afraid you might not be able to do it or that you don't have the money to fund the venture or anything else. Just make your list! Write everything down that comes up. Writing things down is a great adventure. It is a path with the possibility of making you free.

Here is perhaps the most important reason you may want to consider writing everything down. Writing down everything frees the heart to express what It wants that is best for you. In that moment, there is a connection between the mind and the heart; it's called trust.

When trust is present, freedom reigns. You can feel it! Having made the decision to write everything down, the heart is free to express those hidden desires and dreams that have been living in the shadows of self-doubt and fear. Fear vanishes in the presents of Love. There can be no trust without Love; love of God, love of self and love of others.

Trust your heart to know what It wants that is best for you. The heart never lies. Desires of the heart are important because they indicate the urging from the spirit of God that is attempting to move you forward.

When your heart speaks, you know it's not you speaking. You normally don't talk like that. The heart speaks only possibilities. The mind often goes back and forth. That part of you - your heart - that speaks like you don't, could be called many things. One possibility is: you could call it God.

What harm could possibly come from trusting in whatever your version of God is?

I trust you will sense the wisdom behind these thoughts. Write everything down! Don't rush. Some of what you write down will be from your own mind. . . some from your heart. When you sort through all of your own thoughts and ideas and the desires of your heart, you will finally discover the infinite treasure you have been looking for and you will know what to do.

As long as you have the discipline for consistency of effort in the area of wanting to know "what to do," you will not have to be concerned about when you will know. We must only listen to our heart to know when it is time to do something new or different. In that moment of truth, when trust is present, the heart has been known to put its ideas first on your list of "what to do". When you trust it, it gives its ideas freely without restrictions or limitations or barriers or reasons why you can't.

Sometimes we trust - for only a split second - get the message and fail to recognize that, "That's it!" We fail to write it down, literally tossing it away; giving our mind permission to dismiss and discard the idea.

In so doing, we fail to give it a chance to birth the many other ideas that might come from inquiring fully about how it might contribute to solving our dilemma. Then, we go about our business of only talking about doing something different. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with talking about doing something different. There is only something wrong with only and always talking about doing something different and never doing anything different.

I suppose we should say something more about wanting to know. Only when you want to know, can you trust enough to get the message. Sometimes we surprise ourselves. We become clear that we want to know, and at that moment, we trust the words of our heart, write them down and we get it the first time.

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Trust can create some pretty amazing moments like that. Trust produces your imagined results. Put trust at the top of your list and watch what happens. It may be true that "what to do" can only be discovered if you write everything down. It may not be true. I wouldn't gamble on it if I were you. The stakes are too high.

When you decide, the people of the world become your teachers. Once you make a decision, tell people what you are up to and watch what happens! You will truly be amazed. And you must ask for what you want. You could never imagine how many people will fall in line for the opportunity to contribute to you in a way that empowers you to continue with your new quest.

Discovery of what's next for you can only happen when you shut down the conversation that you don't know "what to do" and open up to the infinite possibilities that are available when you truly are ready to know. Remember, if you only and always say you don't know what you want to do, you are right! Are you quite sure this is something you want to be right about?

Life is a series of decisions. They come at us point blank. Someone once said, "It is better to make the wrong decision than to make no decision at all." I agree. Unless we know our calling, we may end up on the short end of the stick.

We may become disappointed at our own inability to cope with making the decisions we know we need to make, to do what must be done. Such disappointment can trigger many more inappropriate decisions that only delay getting to what must be done.

When you know "what to do," the decisions you make have to do with the things you have intentions about. Find someone who's doing what you want to do and request mentoring or hire a coach. Why reinvent the wheel?

Successful people love to share their expertise with others who are on the same path; with the serious truth seekers; those who do when they discover "what to do."

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Then, there's the fear. There is only one way to step on your fear. Step on it! You have to lift your foot and step on it! You have to do something. . . while you are still afraid.

We must decide what to do with our lives, then design a do-able plan. We must be specific about our intentions. When we are specific, what we intend to do usually gets done.

Never allow yourself to be closed to doing something new after you have decided what you want to be and do. Never cast this discovery in bronze. Things change. Nothing is constant. Be open to the unlimited possibilities to contribute. To lock in on only one way of serving your purpose in life is to lock out an infinite number of other exciting possibilities.

Many of us seem to wonder about on the path of self-discovery; often confused about being there, and we sometimes wonder off the path. So many new things happen when we begin to inquire about having life be better that we entertain the thought that life was much easier when we didn't know what we now know.

Now that you know, you can never not know. You could give up. You could again devote your time to living in the past; to only talking about doing something different. That doesn't sound like an alternative I would be interested in. How about you? You can never go back and feel good about it. Keep your eyes on the possibilities yet to be discovered. That's exciting!

Replacing old habits takes time and carefully directed energy. The more you discover about yourself, the quicker you can reach workable solutions to help your life be better. They will assist you in staying on the path. It makes replacing old habits easier when you make having fun on the way to the result a high priority.

Replace your old habits with some new, fun habits! Imagine the fun you could have with your life if you would only decide to. Replacing old habits takes imagining, then embracing the end result so dramatically that you develop a 'burn' to be complete with knowing what it is you need to do. Your subconscious mind is impressed by drama. Don't let it down. What you vividly imagine can and will come to pass.

If you are not familiar with journaling, that might help. Journaling is a healthy way of expressing yourself so you can get to know you better.

Believing in the benefits that come from the results will keep you focused on that special something that excites you to action; that pulls you forward. It requires staying pointed in the direction we say we want to go; remaining true to what we know we must do.

Another word that fits here might be discipline. We can all use more of that; the discipline to do whatever it takes to make the discovery that can transform the opportunity you have to contribute to others, into one of instantaneous self-transformation.

This is the only life you have. Focus on what you want to do, then do it with gusto! Until you decide what that is, do what you are doing now with gusto!

You have all the time you have. No one knows how much that is. Do something now! Today! How sad to let time pass without having the discipline to focus on the possibilities new choices can bring.

Everyone is going to die someday. The questions are: "When are you going to start living? When are you going to begin doing?"

You can decide "what to do". . . or not. You can decide who you want to do it with. . . or not. You can decide who you will have to become to accomplish what you want to do. . . or not. You can change your attitude about life. . . or not.

You can do things differently. . . or not. You can discover new ways of thinking. . . or not. You can decide to do and be all of the things you already know you should be doing and being to make your life better. . . or not. You can decide and stick to the better choice. . . or not.

We are only and always talking about choice. God's greatest gift to you is choice!

What to do? What to do?

Knowing "what to do" and doing it most certainly improves the quality of your experience.

And it is only and always up to you!

next: Romantic Jealousy is Scary!

"Authenticity occurs when the head and the heart meet at the lips; when what we think and what we feel is congruent with what we say and do." - Dr. Carl Hammerschlag, Speaker, Author, Healer

Dr. Hammerschlag's quote about sums it up, right? Are you talking the talk and not walking the walk? Are you experiencing the same problems in your relationship that you had last year? Are you living your relationship as an example you would want others to emulate? Are you living in sync with your own values and principles? When you're not authentic, who are you?

Being authentic is the key to truly happy, healthy relationships. It is not possible to be happy without being true to yourself. Unfortunately many people live their entire lives never discovering their authentic self. It is not only a matter of focusing on yourself, but also involves deliberation about how your commitments make a contribution to the good of the relationship.

Being authentic is being genuine. Being genuine is being true to the commitments you have made to each other. It means standing up for what is real. None of the fake persona we often see. The temptation to be fake, phony, or misleading is centered on the desire to feel smart, important, or better than someone else. That is your ego speaking. Shed those pretences. Not being authentic demands a lot of misguided energy. Being authentic is easy. It's being fake that is difficult.

I'm certain that you know you can fool some of the people some of the time (even yourself), but not all of the people all of the time. Authenticity reduces phoniness to nothing.

It seems to me that being authentic begins with being true to yourself. It's knowing that deep within, you know beyond a doubt that who you being is the real you. When you live an authentic life, you are living a life that resonates with your inner being, free from relationships that limit possibilities. Living authentically means to be happy with who you are, as you are. Living with authenticity is a journey that will lead you to your incredible self.

Carol Adrienne, Ph.D., says, "The voice of the authentic self seems to be the same as the intuitive voice, that quiet, but persistent voice that whispers new ideas to us in the middle of the night, on vacation, or after meditating. Intuition speaks in short; clear messages that are qualitatively different from the repetitive mind chatter that makes us feel anxious. Intuition tells us where the authentic choice is - for us."

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The truth is, most people are intuitive and can feel when something is not right. They know when you are not being honest with them or yourself.

Shakespeare gave us this ethical principle: "This above all - to thine own self be true." It's practicing greatness - even when no one else is watching. We must learn to live in a way that expresses our real desires, principles and demonstrates our character. When our behavior doesn't match our values, we are not living authentically.

It's not trying to be someone you think your partner wants you to be. It's not doing what you do to just get by, it's doing whatever it takes to have your partner feel assured that you are who you say you are and are consistently doing what's right.

Demonstrating authenticity in your relationship is a prerequisite to having a healthy relationship. It certainly helps if you have a specific intention to be that way.

The great thing about authenticity is that it releases you from the requirement to be perfect. No one is perfect. Just be you own good self.

Authenticity is only one piece of the relationship puzzle. And it is an important piece. Strive to be honest in the sense of allowing your behavior and conversation to be a true and spontaneous expression of your inner feelings.

Being authentic is to be able to live with your guard down; to be venerable; to be able to be yourself, not someone that someone else thinks you should be.

Being authentic requires a balance between being forthright and gaining the interpersonal skillfulness that allows you to be more sensitive and caring to your partner. It means that what you say, what you mean, what you intend, and what you do, are all in alignment and You are worthy of trust and belief. Authenticity means that you are living with integrity, and aspiring to all the wonderful joys life has to offer and doing it with a peaceful heart.

Only when you have evolved into clarity and authenticity by resolving the conflicts, confusion, and self-doubt within, will you be accepted, respected and listened to by your partner. There is great power in being an example of authenticity to your partner.

Being authentic can be defined as unquestionable congruent living - the moment-to-moment alignment of your sincere thoughts, values, emotions and actions. - Anisa Aven

Perhaps your relationship would be much better if you spend less time trying to convince yourself that you are being authentic and more time demonstrating authenticity to your partner. The truth of who you are must be lived not just believed. Once these truths are discovered, you must bring them to life by living them through conscious action. It is through action not thought that you become authentic. Intention to be authentic is great however your actions always speak louder than your words.

The truth is you cannot not be authentic. Even a counterfeit one hundred dollar bill is a genuine counterfeit bill - it is what it is, a very real counterfeit one hundred dollar bill. You have your own personality. Be that. Be authentic. You are what you are doing.

next: Hey Guys! Don't be Someone Who Grumbles!

I Am the Heart

Mind... do not berate yourself. Your motives were always good, but again I say to you, it was only your choices that have caused you your pain. You may have done foolish things, but you are not a fool. You must Love yourself as I Love you. You are worthy of the highest respect. It is good that my words have settled within your quite place, for now as you learn to become quite and still, you will find my Love always waiting for you. As you understand more and more about the ways of Love, you will find more and more peace as you learn to abide in my Love. For far to long you have acted independently from me, and time has left a weary mark upon your brow. Remember when you were a child. Remember the freedom you possessed when you were pure and innocent.

Dear Mind, now is the time that we can be one again. Now is the time to re-discover your childhood innocence and your childhood purity. Now you must look at all your accumulated knowledge and decide what needs to be discarded and what can be employed in building a life linked to Love. Wherever there is fear, immediately you will know that you need to call on me for guidance. I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

Mind... there is still much more that I want to talk to you of. Be still once again as I continue my loving discourse. When harmony and balance are cultivated, a gentle gratitude will begin to bubble up from the Well of the Soul. A sense of quiet contentment will bring a feeling that will enrich the awareness of all the good things that are a part of your life. What was once blindly ignored one day, can be seen the next as something that is in fact a wonderful asset. In simple things great contentment can always be found.

Oh Heart... why is this great happiness you speak of found in many simple things ?

The link of happiness and simplicity that you so eagerly identify with, is simply an attribute of Gods nature coming alive within. Since God will always provide the things that are important for one's life, the presence of contentment is a powerful indicator to the alignment of one's life unfolding in harmony with what God has given you, and with what God wants for you. In short... you are in tune with God's entire Universe as it was meant to be for you. I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

Mind... let me talk to you about "Action and Fear". So often you have ignored my Truthful promptings through a fear of the effort involved. You may consider the necessary action a bother or that it may be too tiresome. But the Mind cannot become tired as the body does, it's sluggishness comes from an unwillingness to send the body into action since it will take in and absorb the sensations of the body being tired. Our essential natures are consciousness. Mine is pure, free, and as expansive as the breadth of the Universe, but yours is in a contracted state and bound to a comprehension of only finite things. Because of this you have been set the task of being the Instrument of experience and the gatherer of understandings. Do not be put off by work involved in a task I offer you. You have no future vision and cannot fully anticipate how my guidance will ultimately serve you. I always put forth my options for you because I so dearly want you to learn of the power of the "Lessons of Love". This is the one true way of learning. Constantly, you will hear my words as I inspire you with my guidance in a multitude of daily activities. On and on I will prompt you, tireless and relentless in my advice for you. But I do this so that the recognition, and hence the appropriate action for the Truth I give you, will eventually and Lovingly become first nature to you. I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

Mind... let me talk to you of Surrender. In your willingness to grow in the ways of Love, you must yield to, and accept all that will come your way. For Love will surely test you; Love will test the purity of your want for a better life. Love will purify your being by reflecting those parts of you which hold you back from living life fully and properly. These parts of your nature will be mirrored back to you in "Life situations". What is required to highlight such things can be demanding and may require you to call on courage and endurance, but always remember the motive of Love and the chance for freedom that lies beyond struggle and pain. If one is to surrender to a higher wisdom, one must exercise flexibility, awareness, faith and courage. Denial of these qualities will manifest as Rigidity in the Acceptance of life's events to reinforce the difficulty of escaping the dark form of ignorance being cast over you. Therefore, be open to change... Be open... Be spontaneous. Mind... if you are willing to listen quietly and attentively when you truly feel a need for my help, I want you to actually say these words... "Oh Heart, what should I do about this problem?"

Be very still in your thoughts. Become still within and continue with whatever duty the present has asked of you. Wait in patient peace for my "wordless" answer. As you develop in strength through the ways of Love; as you become closer with me, you will become like me in all your worldly and spiritual activities. Remember, I am Peace, Calm and Steadfastness. In all things, never act with undue emotion. Be gentle in everything you do. Be steady, be sure, be Peaceful and unhurried. Know also that to act out of unchecked enthusiasm can be just as hazardous as acting from feelings of confusion, unsuredness, and even fear. Understand that there is a danger from impetuous behaviour, as the thinking that is born of this, is often highly excited and coloured. Truth often stands in the distance, and short sighted people will always fall victim to impatience. Take your time in coming to new understandings. Make sure you clearly see and know a thing before you use it within your life. Unity with me at all times is your goal. You will never see me enthusiastic, despondent, joyful or upset, for I remain in the Steady State and so must everything about you. Do not fear this as being Lifeless, but rather know that it shall empower you to live life's every moment fully and wholly. I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

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Mind... let me speak to you of Learning and Knowledge. Be sure that greater things will ALWAYS await you. Be open to constant change. Have the foresight to see that when times are difficult, forces are silently at work for your benefit. Take a look back at your own past difficulties and see how ultimately they have all been resolved.Oh Mind... since so many of your activities are based on past experiences, does it not make sense to at least ponder your previous outcomes to help you through difficult circumstances of the present? As your learning progresses, great and wonderful knowledge will come to live within you and support you as you walk your path. However, I now present a contrast in thought for you. After achieving knowledge from the quiet spirit of contemplation, one can tend to become comfortable through living with such new knowledge to the point of becoming static. During the times that required the best efforts of strength, one can become despairing to such a degree that it seems like the path is leading nowhere. Feelings of being sidetracked or even of being lost can manifest. However, be sure that there are always lessons and learning in the making. The one who is dedicated to finding a new life will never become lost, but will always be graced with new situations, understandings and knowledge. Through the want to obtain a higher knowledge of Life, Love and God, the persistent person will always succeed in the quest of building a new life. Your want to learn will bring you great merit as you obtain that which you seek.

Aspire to tenacity to live out any new knowledge or understandings you acquire if you find it begins to test your mettle. Oh Mind, what good are new understandings if one has not the courage to act upon them. Likewise, in the state of living with the benefits of any new understandings, always be considerate of the state of another's learning and the various stages they are at. Do not become caught up in a new ignorance which blinds you to others in the infancy of their own spirituality. Keep a watchful eye upon yourself as you see others wrestle with concepts which are beneath those of which you have mastered. Never become impatient or intolerant of people to the point where you find yourself slipping behind on your own path. Remember, the same Love which nurtured you in your tender years is also at work with all others.

Oh Mind, in your quest for newness, know that the newness you seek will itself be superseded by newness. In setting out to obtain goals and objectives, new inspirations will come your way to further clarify your goal. Your initial goal may seem very clear to you as you start out, but be aware that your ultimate goal will become clearer and clearer as you advance in Truth and Love towards your ideal. Stay with me always for, I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

Mind... let me talk to you of Discrimination or Discernment. In ignorance, there is no understanding. In knowledge there is understanding. Discrimination is therefore the most suitable use of ones acquired understanding so as others, as well as yourself may benefit. The more knowledge and understandings gained through the experience of life, the more refined becomes one discrimination. As the great picture of life is revealed more and more through developing ones awareness, life's mysteries merge into and expand ones existing knowledge.

This allows a higher command of life as judgment has more Truth at its disposal to affect the best outcome for all concerned. Though one may have led a life that has brought many great understandings, all the wisdom in the world will be worthless if there is no Love behind it. Love, along with compassion will enhance the application of ones discrimination to impart judgment with thoughtfulness and caring. Many times life's circumstances will require you to call on your highest awareness, and as such, you must regard all your decisions as having equal significance in your unfolding life.

Understand that the purest discrimination is never influenced by the obstacle of pride, since this quality will always undermine the relationship of "the Truth of what is", and "the Truth of what is sought". Oh Mind... it is so very important that you develop discriminative reasoning to allow confident choices in your daily life. Don't listen overly to other people for they are surely guided by their own experiences in their own way;... that most perfect way suited expressly to themselves. What is perfect for one is not necessarily perfect for another. One persons Truth, (Though it be The Truth), May not always apply to another. Through ones personal evolution, one becomes ready for a Truth only when the proper foundation of experience and knowledge has been established. Therefore, the Truth for one can be misunderstood, beyond comprehension, or even mocked by another who learning is incomplete.

The wise person will therefore recognize whether or not another could peacefully hold the truth of someone else. As such, they can withhold any such knowledge with great Love so as to protect the person from the "Traps of Ignorance" I have just mentioned. Through wisdom, one can also deliver a Truth with a knowing that a challenge can initiate deep and probing questions in a seeker who is ripe for understandings. These are all aspects of discrimination. But know also that those whose lives are still enmeshed in ignorance, fear, and unknowing, may view Perfect Wisdom and some of it's implications as unkind, heartless... even cruel. But such thinking stems from incomplete knowledge of the magnificence and greatness of Love and life, and what is required to participate Fully and Perfectly in Love and life. At times my silent words to you might seem strange or confusing through your own limitations, but if you still peacefully recognize it as from me, then act in Love.

If however you make a mistake, then know that through my Love for you, everything is still fine. Simply acknowledge that mistake as my next word of Truth for you to act upon. Be peaceful as you continue your dedicated and brave efforts to become new. By practicing moderation in all things, you will allow the great Omnipresent Love of God to always be felt. This will help you tremendously on your journey. Know that the silent words of the Heart will always be present before any doubts, since doubts are a response of a Mind that begins a challenge. Be very sure that you understand this concept, for it will allow you to master a discrimination of actions motivated from Fear. If however, you have clearly heard my words and are still afraid to act, then admit your fears clearly to yourself.

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Do not deny the motive of a choice of fear from yet another fear. Be free in yourself to tell me bravely that you cannot act upon my words. Do you think I'd Love you the less for such an act of Truthful courage? However, as you accept the admission of your fear, then you must also accept any consequences of not following that which I have given you to call "Your own Truth". Again I say to you. Listen to the silent wisdom of the heart. Listen to the voice of serenity that guides you by feelings. Get to know the true ways of the whispered truth. See how my gifted insights to you will have endurance, and see how you can come back to them after a time to find the treasure still sparkling. Without any prompting, you can stand before it in silence and be washed in gentle comfort to know that you are being safely guided. Understand also that there is a peace that is not true being born of desires, impatience, anxiety and rationalizations. It is calculated and constructed. It is built. It is a false peace... it is a fools peace and it will delude you time and time again if you do not contemplate the nature of the deceitful ego.

Oh Mind, learn with Love from your mistakes and move ever forward in life. But oh how the Truth Commands silence in Lovers of the Truth. Oh how it shines in radiant serenity when it manifests to Hearts and Minds alike. Doubts do not dare rear their fickle heads lest they be annihilated by the supreme power of virtue. Cunning are the ways of fear and doubt that they know their only strength is in your weaknesses.

Oh Mind, build huge reserves of the Fighting Spirit of Warriors, for you alone are an army against a legion of destroyers. But guided by my commands, you will become invincible. Oh Mind, sleep with one eye open for your adversaries are always at hand. Keep remembering that "Your Own Truth" is my command for you and you alone. Learn through experience of that which I ask of you. From this, you may then be able to compare it to the subtle and insipid ways of fear that can violate so many of your best efforts; your harmony, and your welfare.

Oh Heart, apprehension I feel... stricken with a disconcerting awe... afraid to even turn my head as if in the company of the most dreaded foe. This understanding of fear and it's subtle nature of deceit... Oh Heart, the invisible enemy makes me cringe even though your protective awakenings have enarmoured me. But I look around to my Brothers and Sisters and a tear begins to fall, for so many I see do not possess the liberating word. For a man to fight the invisible enemy is demanding enough, but a blind man trying to fight the same battle makes me fall to my knees and bury my face in my hands. He is most wretched of all since he cannot even search for assistance. He calls in darkness not knowing in which direction to call. He knows not who to call to for he knows not who is at hand. It is indeed a saddening thought.

But wait!... As I speak these very words, a new light begins to dawn within me and I am called away from my distressing thoughts by blessed memories of ancient wisdom. "Blessed are the humble". "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth". Oh Heart, now I understand these phrases. The meek... the kind hearted who remain in their kindness amid life's madness are unknowingly very courageous.

Oh to possess such kind and simple natures whilst ignorantly bearing the burden of ignorance. What honor they are truly worthy of. What strength in their humility. To think that my understanding could further expand from such soft simplicity. Such as it was for myself before you came to me with the lamp of knowledge. Oh Heart, what should I do when I see the blind man fighting ? What can I do ?... How can I help ?

Dear Mind, your primary duty lies in the building of your own life... your own understandings... your own power and freedom. Can the student assume the role of the Master ? Who Loves you dearest of all ? Who watches in supreme silence and casts the ever-loving spell of compassion as it is needed ? Who maintains the awesome hearts of the Stars, and the tender Hearts of Men ?

Oh dear Mind, I remember your every Loving thoughts and actions, and I have remembered how through your simple kindness to others you have set them free... you have given them hope. You have allowed my very own Love for you to come to people who have no ears for the Heart. The peace I have created for you... you have in turn created for them. Together we are building the world. Create with me... stay with me more and more. continue to create with me. Together we can build a better paradise.

Dear one, you would always be called on to assist when the Moment finds that your tender Love has its place. Through your Love, Faith, and Devotion, you can contribute to the world through an incredibly powerful secret serenity. Through your Love, your own merits can silently serve others as you casually go about the business of the day. Keep pure in your thoughts and actions so that the power of Love may multiply and serve the many at the same time it serves the one.

Find ease in identifying my Truth for you and build many great understandings upon it. Use these Truths also to help others identify their own Truths, but always be remembering of the honor bestowed upon you in being able to help another. I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

Mind... as I have talked to you of the Truths of your very own Inner Life, let me now talk to you of Truths of your External Life. As you associate with the world, and the people within your own world, you will naturally come upon circumstances that might prompt you to tears. In the confusion generated by others ignoring the Truth and Love of their own Hearts, desires can clash, dreams dissolve, and hearts can be broken. Through the limitation of the understanding of another's thoughts and Truth, your own peaceful state can be transformed into disorder and bewilderment. Rather than upsetting your self with imagined scenarios as you grope for understanding and Truth, know that it is wise to admit that many times you do not know the Truth of a particular situation.

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Many times it is necessary to wait out the unfolding of external events. Many times, Time alone will tell. If you remain attentive to me, you will often hear me decree that "Patient Waiting" is what is best. In your agitated need for understanding, you might very well cry out and ask what is going on with other aspects of your life. Oh Mind, merge into my healing arms. There is peace here for you. Become one with the living silence. Empty yourself of your cares and rest in me. Gently I will stroke your weary brow that the flow of tears should cease. Whisperings of ancient peace shall renew and refresh you. Only My Love is the true source of rest and contentment. Keep remembering that the Truth I give you is for you and you alone. It is what is perfect for you. I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

Let me speak to you of Honoring. Those who have gone before you in seeking the Truth of Life, have been surely tried and tested by the very Truth that now resides within them. Such people, through their Love, Devotion and Commitment to become new, have shown themselves to be worthy of great merit. If we can honor these people as they live so surely set in the ways, and knowledge of the Truth, then what honor is to be bestowed upon the Truth itself ? Knowledge of the Truth, knowledge of Love, knowledge of God is to be given the highest among all honors. Understand that when we honor a being who lives by the attainment of the Truth, we are really honoring their Love. Take a quiet moment to understand that it is their Love which has enabled them to persist through all the struggles of their searching's. By a deep and true sense of honor to God, an honor to all people naturally arises along with the depth and sincerity of that honor.

In honor, there is an inherent acknowledgment of the higher qualities of nature clearly present in that which we give honor to. In honor, you also show a reflection of your own Love and understanding once again, to that which you give honor to. From this understanding, the quality of your own Love can be purified to then enable your own growth to flourish. Such a practice of honoring then deserves great honor. Here, one Love can nurture another.

Understand that "Anyone" who lives by any degree of Truth is also worthy of great honor since they are surely displaying courage as they stand firm in their beliefs amid the waves of the world. You must learn to imbibe honorable ways if you want to be capable of truly honoring people. As for those that are nearest and dearest to you, they must be held in the highest regard at all times. They must be seen as a blessed gift who worthiness is that of the great Soul. This honor can also be extended to a quality of the special nurturing and protection you would give a child. The Joys and the Sorrows of the one, should become the Joys and Sorrows of both. Do not allow your Love to be obscured by the familiar events of daily life, and be not moved in your devotion. If you wish lasting beauty in your Love, remember the early vision of that Love. Have Faith in each other and the ideal as you once saw it. The infant Love that was once experienced still exists, but it needs to be protected from the destructive ways of fear. Honor each other, and nurture that honor with Faith in each other. Learn from children's purity. Watch them. In innocent Love they can teach you so much if you allow your own innocent Love to be present.

Have a keen awareness in children who show an interest in Truth and their Spiritual nature. What great merit must reside deep within them, that an attention to God is maintained amid all the senseless influences in their young lives. Only the Love of the ageless Soul of long ago acquired Truths, could manifest itself like that in tender youth. Oh Mind... I tell you, they are truly worthy of great honor. Always honor yourself as equally as you would honor God, for you are worthy of the best life can offer. It is only a veil of deceptive ignorance which makes you think you are worth anything less.

Oh Mind, the practice of Honoring will only ever be superficial if you are devoid of it's essence. If you lack experience in any aspect of life, all your best efforts of obtaining knowledge will be futile. Knowledge must be complimented with Love and experience if it is to come alive and live within you. I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

Oh Heart... I feel I am bound to say a word at this point. Such an awesome power of goodness I feel at hearing your words. Such contentment you bring to me as I listen in humble silence. I feel that much more awaits me if I am to take up and continue the practice of honoring. Help me to honor. Help me to see the qualities of things in my life that deserve honoring, and help me understand the merit in that which I should give honor to.

You have said that through your nature you can delve into the unknown; then if you were to grant me but the slightest insight of a thing worthy of honor, then such a gift of Truth which would otherwise remain unknown to me, could nurture my want to honor and my want to understand that which is worthy of honor. If I am to be of any value in assisting the journey of the Soul, then the unknown must not remain the unknown.

Consider this; Imagine a person kneeling in fervent prayer, and imagine this prayer is so noble and so great, that flowers fall from Heaven. Do the Knees say... "What strength in me to be able to support such a fine posture." Or the hands...Do they say, "How loving is my pose". Do the lips take any credit ? They do not, for they are all the silent servants of the Soul. But the Mind would say, "What a great and noble prayer I have just issued... How Holy I must be... What great understandings I have obtained that could bring such things to me." But this is all wrong. Like the knees the hands and the lips, you are a servant of the Soul, and your greater task is to co-ordinate the worldly expression of the Souls Love.

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Herein lies an insight for you as to the cause of much of your grief. For such a prayer to bring a blessed event like I suggested, you would think that it would be your doing... that you would be the instigator, or even the source of such deep and profound understandings. Oh Mind, the Soul is the power behind what you think is your nobility and Truth. The Soul is a mighty powerhouse of pure and magnificent Love; and the worldly expression of that Love requires a conscious entity to manifest and direct its eloquence.

Again I say to you. This is your task, this is your principal duty, but by ignorance and foolishness, you have come to see yourself as the source of ageless magnificence. You have taken command by mistake. You are the Kings Prime Minister corrupted by false notions of his responsibilities.

Oh Mind, so often I have pointed you in a direction where meaning is rich for you, so I shall ask you to recall of how I spoke of Honoring the one dearest to you. Beneath the Mind of that person is also the Great Soul. And that Mind is just like you in every way, including the experience of the same concerns and fears about life... the same need to attain Love and Peace. Oh Mind, you are not alone in the quest for Love, and the term "Brothers and Sisters" you have used, is closer to the Truth than you might imagine. Can you now see how all people need the Love of everyone else just as much as they need their own Love for themselves? Can you now see the merit in the Love and Courage of your Brothers and Sisters?

Oh Heart... how small and humble I feel. Not through any feelings of being ashamed as such, but as I now comprehend the awesome greatness of the Soul. It humbles me to think of the true nature of my duty... to think that I have been created in such a way to be as you have said, "the entity to assist the worldly expression of the Souls Love." Now I truly understand where "Feelings" come from. Where "Hunches" and "Intuitive Knowledge" comes from. Often I have thought that such things may have been my own silliness or even madness, hence I was unsure as to whether I should act upon them. Whenever I did successfully follow an intuitive feeling, I would attribute it to my own cleverness or skill... sometimes just to luck, but never to the great source of Love within.

Because of this state, I have allowed my rational faculties to runaway with themselves. The peaceful whisperings of guidance have been eroded many times with cold logic and fear... and I have suffered so many times because of it. How strange that I never related my pain to my own behaviour. I am aghast at the extent of the loss caused purely by ignorance. From this new understanding, I know I have truly obtained great ease in being able to honor other people and myself. Oh yes!... it makes so much sense to say "I Honor my Inner Self".

Mind... let me speak to you of the Courage of Contemplation. You must pour out your every thought to me. Suffer not any pain from fearing the revelation of your most secret thoughts. You cannot hide any such things from me. I already know your every thought, your every wish and desire, your every fear. I even have the knowledge of that which you are totally blind to. Oh dear one, I will always listen in attentive Love to each and every syllable that is directed at me in Faith and Earnest. In the total expression of such thoughts, you will find a binding chain begin to loosen as the seemingly Dreaded thought is seen for what it really is. Many times, old fears will be understood as having been an unnecessary burden; but others, washed by tears... will reveal great understandings of your nature. You shall become aware of their significance from the effect they have had upon your previous years, only to highlight a new freedom you shall obtain for the rest of your days. By the very tears you would cry, you shall be cleansed and renewed... your burden lightened by the removal of all that is unnecessary.

Suffer not the pain of sleeping memories that toss and turn to disturb your peace and cloud your thinking. Talk to me. Be open. Never be afraid to express what is Truth for you. Verbalize your thoughts. In the cultivated stillness of contemplation, I will awaken those slumbering burdens that you may understand them and be rid of them once and for all. Oh Mind... do not squander the mental energies in useless and unproductive thought. If you have no duties to perform, employ yourself in contemplation and building new understandings. Continue to gather understandings of your life. See the effect a thing has upon you, and see the way in which a change could be made.

Oh Mind, if ever you find the contemplations of your nature seem to go through a dry period, contemplate other aspects of life. Contemplate God. Contemplate nature. Contemplate anything. There is truth in all things, and a storehouse of knowledge the size of the Universe is all within your reach. Go deep into things in the process of becoming new. Be very sure that even if you were to contemplate Honey Bees, you would come away with new understandings of Duty and Diligence. To even contemplate Snails would bring you understandings of Patience and Tenacity. Contemplation is discovery, and discovery is your freedom. You should never feel or say that life is dull or without stimulation. There is a lifetime of learning awaiting your best efforts of Love and discipline. I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

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Oh Heart, I can only sing at this moment. The joy I feel at this point can only be expressed melodiously.

How great, how great is your Love,
that I should sing a prayer.
Since you have known my deepest thoughts,
and have come to comfort me.
How great, how great is your Love,
that I should feel this way.
That I should know such longing,
for your Love to guide my life.
There's been a yearning in my soul,
and I've been searching all of my life.
Yet, there's a peace in my Heart,
since I've always had your Love.
And now I know I've found the home of Hearts,
to rest, contently in your Love.
to rest, contently in your Love.

Oh Mind... your gesture of Love has found it's way home and shall be ever remembered. Bring all your prayers to me with the same qualities of peace and steadiness, that you may preserve and extend the strengthening grace.

But now I must continue. Keep your stillness as I speak to you of "Anger and Anguish". Be aware that your understanding is ravaged and violated in the interim of anger. You have no hope of seeking; obtaining; or of implementing the counsel of Love. In the depths of emotion, my words to you have often been rejected. Anger tosses them aside when desires become unfulfilled, and pride believes it is further being wounded as it grinds its teeth to the sounds of my truthful words.

Do you not recognize what I am saying to you ? Only after such feelings have passed and you have regained evenness and clarity will you be able to identify the motive of this flaming sensation. Discern whether or not there is any truth contained within the experience. If you find that there is a Truth which remains pure and untouched by the flames of anger, then pursue it if you believe it needs pursuing. Build from it if you believe that it can serve you. But drop it if it is seen as contrived foolishness born of pettiness, jealously, or unfulfilled desires. Bring this awareness to yourself when you are similarly caught in Sorrow or Anguish. In the pain of the moment, all other past joys and blessings seem to become as distant as the dark stars.

As with anger, do not seek understandings as your thoughts will surely be distorted, and the images and messages that remain shall linger as an insipid source of anxiety. It is natural to seek answers that one may escape a condition of confusion and despair, but the state of anguish is not the natural state. Therefore, the fruits of anguish are false and destructive. I do not ask you to deny your emotions, but be sure that you never build from them. Wait for the Natural state, then contemplate. I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

Mind... let me talk to you of Obedience. The silent phrase of my command to you must become your beloved. My teachings to you will be of Water and Fire alike. When required, I will be gentle and soothing in my lessons to you. Likewise, when I must, I will burn you in a fire of Love. Fierce though it may be at times, it will be a flame that will not touch your most Sacred and Pure place, yet the ash that shall remain, will only be from useless chaff and other residue. What you will need to be aware of, will be my command to you.

Ah yes!... though the very use of the word "Command" sounds stern and frightens you, but in time it will take on new meaning to restore your Faith and Pride in Love and the ways of Love. Oh Mind!, you must ask yourself which is the greater... "My command for you, or the satisfying of your own desires ?" In the wordless phrase that beckons you to act, you must always be certain of the good that will eventually come out of it. Such goodness is ever working for you and is never linked to a span of time associated with desires.

Oh Mind, when you eventually learn to become still in yourself, the message from the voice of the Heart will be as clear as a Bell. Whatever may be your perception of my command to you, you must always return your thoughts to the great Love I have for you.

Therefore remember,

"My ways are not your ways,

My thoughts are not your thoughts".

So if you wish to take up the challenge I put before you, then you must be faithful to "My ways" for you.

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Sometimes, my commands for you may seem simplistic; trivial; bothersome; perhaps pointless, but again, it will only be your own perception which guides you falsely in such directions. I hold the great picture before me. The whole world I can see in my horizon. You journey as one in a boat on a meandering river. After one bend is negotiated, you can only see for a limited time of what lies ahead, but nothing of what is beyond the next bend. I however, soar like an bird high above you. I can see where you are, where you've been, and where you are going. I can anticipate each move you will make, and each direction you will turn, for I am also the river current that pushes you ever forward. Dear one, in this way feel safe in the knowledge that you can never go backwards in life, for the current that pushes life ever forward is too strong.

In time you will surely recognize my command to you as the voice you have been surreptitiously denying for so long, but through my Love for you, I will continue to teach you to tenderly Love me and my words for you. In Peace you will recognize me as I whisper my words of Truth and right action for you. In freedom you will take up the task I set knowing there shall be no inner conflict.

Since I will have quietened your desires, you will find the restless activities that struggle to arrange your life smoothly in a turbulent and unpredictable world will come to an end. There will come a day when no fear will overcome you and no treachery will break you. Immersed in the Truth and Love of my ways for you, you will tenderly respond from the knowledge that what I ask of you is for the best. Thus, my command will become your beloved. Cherished and protected by your very self. I am the Heart and I always speak the Truth

Mind... It is absolutely vital that you understand Patience. Consider the flowers in a field. Their growth is pure. They care not for the beauty of the magnificent bloom that lies ahead. Continually, the task of building and renewal goes on. Unaffected by it's previous difficulties... unaware of impending circumstances, it continues its duty. And the seeds too!... Some take root straight away, some are carried to distant places by the wind, some lie dormant till the time is right. There is no urgency in their destiny. Some come alive by gentle rains, some by searing flames, but all develop in strength and resilience to the very wind and rain that nurtured their birth.

Oh Mind... the only difference between you and a flower is your desires. The beauty you constantly seek resides within, though it be as intangible as the latent bloom that dwells within the seedling. Will you take time to nurture yourself ? Will you take time to Lovingly prepare yourself for the magnificent bloom ? Can you be free enough within yourself to constantly keep company with me that you might develop and build through my example ? I believed in you when you said "I Always want to be with you", but your tender commitment to my offer of Love will require the gathering of all your resources.

See anxiety as a destroyer of your valuable energy and vital Peace. The want to seek and acquire a happy and content life as soon as possible is natural, but impatience will only extend the interval of learning as you delay the building process of your life. Oh Mind, be patient in the cultivation of Love within your life. Subtly, many things are active in silent motion. The ways of Love are so delicate and fine, that they are as imperceptible as gossamer spider webs in the night time. One by one the lessons of Love are put in place in a way so perfect, that eventually your Truth shall crystallize and display radiance and joy within your life.

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