MUST HAVES for survivors of sexual, physical, verbal abuse, friends and family

Click the links for books on Self Injury and books on Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

 

Featured Book "Men in My Town" by Keith Smith

Author Keith Smith was a guest on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show. He talked about his abduction at 14 years of age by a stranger. After over 30 years of silence, Keith is dedicated to bring public awareness of male sexual assault. Watch the video right here. buy the book $15

All HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show Videos and Upcoming Shows.

Hell Minus One By: Anne A Johnson Davis buy the book  or call toll free 1-866-721-9992 Description: "The horrors Anne experienced, the astounding miracles that helped her to survive, and the heal-or-die choices she made as an adult to triumph over her tragic past."	The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse By: Wendy Maltz buy the book  Author, Wendy Maltz was a guest on our TV show talking about sex after sexual abuse.	How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved By: M.A. Sandra L. Brown buy the book  Watch the video on women and psychopaths here.
The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse By: Laura Davis buy the book  Reader Comment: "For all survivors and their partners and families this is a book that gives hope, understanding and reassurance. Well worth it."	The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting By: Alice Miller buy the book  Reader Comment: "Her visionary humanity leads the way into a new era, where the source of needless human suffering is movingly and powerfully recognized."	Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men By: Lundy Bancroft buy the book  Reader Comment: "This book is by far the best I've read on angry and controlling men, and how to deal with them."
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond By: Patricia Evans buy the book  Reader Comment: 'This book helped me realize: It wasn't all my fault. I could never be perfect enough to stop the verbal "rages".'	The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School--How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence By: Barbara Coloroso buy the book  Reader Comment: "She hands us the solution to a prevalent problem for kids."	Please Stop Laughing at Me: One Woman's Inspirational True Story By: Jodee Blanco buy the book  Customer Comment: "This book is a Godsend for children whose self-esteem is suffering because of how other kids treat them."
The Right Touch: A Read-Aloud Story to Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse By: Sandy Kleven buy the book  Reader Comment: "An excellent, pro-active tool to help families empower themselves regarding child molestation."	Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror By: Judith Herman buy the book  Reader Comment: "As a survivor of child abuse and trauma, I was amazed by her ability to clearly define my thoughts, reactions and general 'take' on life."	Outgrowing the Pain: A Book for and About Adults Abused As Children By: Eliana Gil buy the book

lick the links for books on Self Injury and books on Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

 

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back to: Abuse Homepage or books on other topics

NOTE: The word "drink" is often used instead of "drug." I used alcohol usually but also smoked marijuana, experimented with crack cocaine, and LSD. I used all these other drugs but mainly used them with or after alcohol intake. When writing, it was simply easier to generally say "drink" rather than to explain the other drugs within the context of my story. It would have made it too lengthy and confusing for those not familiar with the specific drug mentioned. Similar stories and similar programs of recovery apply to illegal drug addicts also.

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Table of Contents

Personal Description Page

• Raw Psychology, About Me

Part 1- Active Addiction Experience

• Chapter 1: Worshiping Alcohol
• Chapter 2: Drunk Feelings were the Only Feelings
• Chapter 3: Alcohol Conquers the Mind
• Chapter 4: Pickled in Alcohol
• Chapter 5: Unhappily Unmanageable
• Chapter 6: Powerless -- The Last Drink

Part 2- Recovery- Strength & Hope

• Chapter 7: The Beginning of a Spiritual Awakening
• Chapter 8: Cleaning the Dirty Brain
• Chapter 9: An AA Sponsor

next: About Me, APatcher
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Should a child with ADHD continue taking ADHD medicine all summer or can she take a drug holiday? There are factors to consider.

Q. My 8 year old has ADHD, inattentive type and she is doing very well on Concerta. Does she need to continue taking her ADHD medicine all summer when she is out of school, or can I give her a break from it?

Answer from Vincent Iannelli, M.D., About.com's pediatric expert:

A. Whether or not to stop a medication that has prescribed is something best discussed with your Pediatrician or prescribing doctor.

Personally, when a parent asks me this question, we discuss several factors before making a final decision, but I usually leave it up to the parent as to what they want to do.

Unlike most other medications, stimulants usually do not need to be taken on a daily basis for them to work. They can often be used on an as needed basis, where you only give it to your child on days that she needs it, such as when she is in school, and giving a 'drug holiday' when she doesn't need it.

How do you decide whether or not to give your child a stimulant every day year round?

I think the number one factor that you should think about is how much the ADHD medication is helping your child and what symptoms or problems is it helping. If your child mainly has trouble paying attention at school, and does well at home and with friends, then you can likely stop her stimulant over the summer. Or your could only give it on summer days when she will need extra help paying attention, such as when attending a summer camp or an organized sporting activity.

For kids who are very hyperactive and have behavioral problems and/or trouble socializing with other kids, if their stimulant helps with all or most of these symptoms, then you would likely want to give the ADHD medicine year round.

It can also be a good idea to give kids a break from stimulants if they have side effects, such as trouble gaining weight. Some time off of the medication may give them a chance to catch up with their weight gain. However, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics Clinical Practice Guideline: Treatment of the School-Aged Child With Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder 'no controlled trials exist to indicate whether drug holidays have gains or risks, especially related to weight gain.'

So basically, you should review your child's benefits from taking the medicine with any potential risks. If your child tolerates the stimulant well without side effects and it is helping her day-to-day functioning, then you would likely want to continue the medication year round. If she tolerates the medicine but you don't see much or any benefit from giving it to her during the summer, then a holiday might be a good idea.

It becomes more difficult deciding what to do about the child who definitely needs to take her ADHD medicine, but who has side effects that bother her. In this case, instead of totally stopping her medication, it would probably be best to try a different medicine, such as AdderallXR, Adderall, Ritalin, Focalin, or Metadate CD, or continue her current drug at a reduced dosage.

An occasional drug holiday can also be a good idea to see if your child even needs to continue taking the medication for ADHD. Some parents like to do this at the beginning of the school year, allowing their child to start a new year without any medicine. However, this is likely not a good idea, since your child will have a lot of extra things to worry about and adjust to when school starts. Instead, you would be better off waiting until your child is doing well after 1-2 months in her new grade and then try a trial off medicine if you and your doctor think that it is an appropriate thing to do. A summertime drug holiday is likely not a good idea if you just want to see if your child needs to continue taking her medicine, since her time and activities will likely not be as difficult or organized as when she is in school.

It can also be a good idea to ask your child what she wants to do. For an older child who is becoming more independent and who doesn't necessarily like taking medicine, offering her a choice about what she wants to do about her ADHD medication during the summer can help with her overall compliance.

Sources:

• About.com

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next: Are ADHD Medications Safe or Even Effective
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A child starting ADHD drugs or already taking ADHD medications may experience side-effects. Here's how to reduce the side effects of ADHD medications.

There are many things you can do to reduce the side effects of ADHD medications.

Stomach upsets, weight loss, insomnia are all common side effects of ADHD medications. Often they are mild and most times, they only last a few weeks. But for many kids, side-effects can be a constant problem.

To maximize the effectiveness of medication for ADD/ADHD and to minimize the side effects and risks, it's important to take the drug as directed. Here are some additional guidelines for safe use:

1. Learn about the medications and side-effects.
2. Finding the right medication and dosage is a trial and error process that requires patience and working with your doctor.
3. Start with a low dose and work up.
4. Monitor your side-effects and work with your doctor in reducing them.
5. Do NOT suddenly quit taking your ADHD medications and do not stop without your doctor's permission. If you quit cold turkey, you may experience withdrawl symptoms. Your doctor will taper you off the medication.

At WebMD, Steven Parker, MD, director of behavioral and developmental pediatrics at Boston Medical Center and Richard Sogn, MD, a clinical specialist in ADD/ADHD offer their advice on dealing with common problems.

Parker says most kids benefit from ADHD medications, but the downside is all of the ADHD medications have potential side-effects. Sometimes you have to decide whether to switch medications (if the side-effects are unacceptable) or just tough it out.

Here are some tips from Parker and Sogn.

Stomach and Appetite Troubles

Upset stomach usually disappears in the first few weeks after starting medication. However, many children continue to have appetite problems.

• Give ADHD medication with food. Taking after a meal reduces risk of stomach upset.
• Encourage healthy snacking. High-protein and energy bars, protein shakes, and liquid meals such as Carnation Instant-Breakfast and Ensure are good options.
• Change dinnertime. Eat later in the evening, when your child's medication has worn off.

Headaches

Headaches are also related to taking ADHD medication on an empty stomach.

• Give ADHD medication with food. Without food, ADHD medication gets absorbed more quickly, which causes blood levels of the medication to rise quickly. This can trigger a headache.
• Consider long-acting medication. Headache can also be a rebound effect when medication is wearing off quickly, and is more common with short-acting medications. It may be necessary to switch to a longer-acting version of the drug or try a different ADHD medication altogether.

Difficulty Sleeping

ADHD children have naturally high energy levels, so sleep problems are not uncommon. For some, when the ADHD medication wears off, they have trouble sleeping. And don't forget, stimulants act similarly to caffeine. They can keep you awake.

To offset sleep problems, it helps to develop a bedtime ritual for the child. This routine will help the child calm down at bedtime and get the sleep they need. Also try:

• Administer the stimulant earlier in the day.
• Change to a short-acting form of the stimulant.
• Don't allow your child to drink caffeinated beverages- especially in the afternoon or evening.
• Consistency and routines are important. Teach your child to relax at bedtime. Establish a regular wake and sleep time and don't encourage middle-of-the-night visits to parents for snacks or attention.
• Avoid sleep medications. Medications stop working over time, and may affect daytime alertness. They may also wear off during the night, and cause night waking. Some medications may cause nightmares or other types of sleep problems. If medications are absolutely necessary, talk to your child's doctor about safe and effective treatments.
• Consider medical problems. Allergies, asthma, or conditions that cause pain can disrupt sleep. If your child snores loudly and/or pauses in breathing, medical evaluation is necessary. Consult your physician for help with the possible medical causes of sleep problems.

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Tics

Tics are involuntary motor movements such as excessive eye blinking, throat clearing, sniffing, blinking, shrugging, or head-turning. About one in three boys and one in six girls with ADHD will develop tics with or without medication. "ADHD medications can bring out an underlying predisposition to tics -- but the medications don't cause tics," says Parker.

• Chart your child's unusual movements. Talk to your pediatrician if you think your child may have tics. A change in medication, or combining medications, may help.

Growth Problems

Some children taking stimulant ADHD medications lose their appetite. This can affect weight and growth. Sogn says most children may not to gain weight over the first six to nine months of treatment, but then resume normal weight. Over two years, the majority of children weigh three to five pounds less than they would if not on medications -- and might be 0.1 to 0.5 inches shorter than their peers.

Sogn also notes there's a very small group of children who are extremely sensitive to ADHD medications and because they lose their appetite, they don't get enough nutrition for growth.

• Record your child's height in your medication log every 4 months. Get a base level before your child starts the medication.
• Encourage snacking. If your child has lost weight, encourage snacking on high-protein nutrition bars, protein shakes, and liquid meals such as Carnation Instant Breakfast and Ensure.

Studies show that most kids will catch up in height and weight. "ADHD kids are often a couple of years behind other kids in growth maturation and puberty, so parents tend to worry about them," says Sogn. "Puberty will just come later, probably at 15 rather than 13. By puberty, almost all kids have caught up to the normal height and weight they would have had if they had not been taking the medications."

Mood Changes

One to two hours after taking the ADHD medication, some children seem "too quiet" or sad, depressed, irritable, or moody. This could be a side-effect or a sign the dosage is too high. If the moodiness is especially noticeable when the medication is wearing off, it could be a sign of what's known as "rebound effect," and may require a change in ADHD medication.

• Chart your child's mood changes. Note your child's highs and lows, and the time of day they occur. Then talk to the pediatrician.
• Talk to doctor about lowering the dosage.
• Have your child assessed for depression and other problems.

Rebound of Difficult Behaviors

Early in the day, when there's a high concentration of medication in the blood, everything is fine. However, as the medication wears off, the difficult behaviors return and may even be worse than before. If your child has problems with irritability and concentrating in the afternoons, this could be a sign of rebound effect.

• Chart your child's behavior. Note the time of day that behaviors change, and what's occurring.
• Talk to the doctor. If there seems to be a pattern of ADHD symptoms appearing in the afternoon or evening, the child may need another short-acting medication in the afternoon. Or the child may need a different combination of medications, including a nonstimulant or low-dose tricyclic antidepressant, Sogn says.

Dizziness

Dizziness can be a sign that the ADHD medication dose is too high. If your child gets dizzy, have your child drink fluids and get your child's blood pressure checked right away. If getting dizzy is happening on a regular basis:

• Talk to the doctor. It may be time to switch to an extended-release medication to smooth out the highs and lows in medication levels in the blood, Sogn says.

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Nausea, Tiredness

With the nonstimulant drug Strattera, nausea and excessive tiredness are common side effects in the first few weeks. To help the child build up a tolerance to the medication, try these tips:

• Start with a low dose. Increase the dose by a small amount every one to two weeks.
• Change dosing. Give the dose at night -- or divide the dose into morning and late afternoon dosages.

Increased Heart Rate & Pulse

An ADHD drug plus a decongestant like Sudafed can trigger these side-effects. "You're mixing two potent stimulants together," Sogn says. "That's when we get a call that a kid is getting panicky at school -- only to find out the parents gave him cold medicine that morning." In fact, pseudoephedrine (Sudafed) dramatically increases all side effects from stimulants, he notes. Try these tips:

• Use a nasal spray when your child has a cold.
• Skip the ADHD medication when your child is stuffed up and needs a decongestant.
• Or, choose a cold medicine that doesn't contain pseudoephedrine.

Sources:

• Straight Talk about Psychiatric Medications for Kids, by Timothy E. Wilens, M.D.
• WebMD

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next: Medication Treatments for ADHD - Clonidine (Catapres), Another Alternative to Stimulants for Treating ADHD
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Although not approved by the FDA specifically for treatment of alcoholism, there are other drugs available which seem to help alcoholics reduce cravings.

Suboxone

Suboxone, which is used to treat addiction to painkillers, is also finding its way into treatment for alcoholism.

The success of Suboxone lies not only in the power of the primary drug, but also in a second compound contained in this drug -- a medication known as naloxone. A powerful anti-addiction drug in its own right, naloxone, sold under the brand name Narcan, has also become a mainstay in the modern alcohol addiction treatment.

"When used in alcohol addiction, naloxone reduces cravings and diminishes the length of time alcohol is used while increasing the length of time an abstinent person might remain abstinent, " says Marc Galanter, MD, director of the division of alcohol and substance abuse at NYU Medical Center/Bellevue in New York.

Campral works much the same way as naloxone to stimulate the reward centers of the brain -- in this instance, by elevating levels of a brain chemical known as GABA. This, says Galanter, reduces the need for alcohol without activating the numbing effects patients normally get from drinking.

"Research has shown that if you give Campral and naloxone together you can get an even better and more enhanced effect with somewhat better outcomes," says Galanter. Though not specifically approved for the use of alcohol addiction, there are at least two other medications that are being used effectively -- the epilepsy drug Topamax and the muscle relaxant Baclofen. Topamax helps control impulsivity and a recent study shows it to be effective in reducing the percentage of heavy drinking days. Both are also undergoing testing as treatments for addiction to cocaine, heroin, and other opiates as well.

Zofran

Odansetron: (Zofran) is ordinarily used to prevent nausea and vomiting due to chemotherapy. It also has actions that affect serotonin, a neurotransmitter that helps regulate alcohol's effects. In one study, Zofran helped reduce drinking in people with early-onset alcoholism, although not in people who began drinking after age 25. These results suggest that this drug is helpful in patients with genetically related alcoholism, although not with alcoholism caused by other factors.

Antidepressants

Depression is common among alcohol-dependent people, and it can be a significant problem in people who quit drinking. In fact, one 2002 study found that quitting drinking was associated with a fourfold increase in the risk for major depression. Antidepressants may be helpful, particularly for patients who have a history of depression.

Studies indicate that SSRI antidepressants may reduce cravings and desire for alcohol, even in selected people who are not depressed. Studies report reductions in alcohol ranging from 10 - 70% in people with alcoholism who take SSRIs.

Sources:

• WebMD
• Shrink Rap blog

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In the preceding chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the nonalcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.

To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic, such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.

But it isn't so difficult. About half our original fellowship were exactly that type. At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics. But after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life or else. Perhaps it is going to be that way with you. But cheer up, something like half of us thought we were atheists or agnostics. Our experience shows that you need not be disconcerted. If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed will power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.

Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?

Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. That means we have written a book which we believe to be spiritual as well as moral. And it means, of course, that we are going to talk about God. Here difficulty arises with agnostics. Many times we talk to a new man and watch his hope rise as we discuss his alcoholic problems and explain our fellowship. But his face falls when we mention god, for we have reopened a subject which our man thought he had neatly evaded or entirely ignored.

We know how he feels. We have shared his honest doubt and prejudice. Some of us have been violently antireligious. To others the word "God" brought up a particular idea of Him with which someone had tried to impress them during childhood. Perhaps we rejected this particular conception because it seemed inadequate. With that rejection we imagined we had abandoned the God idea entirely. We were bothered with the thought that faith and dependence upon a Power beyond ourselves was somewhat weak, even cowardly. We looked upon this world of warring individuals, warring theological systems, and inexplicable calamity, with deep skepticism. We looked askance at many individuals who claimed to be godly. How could a Supreme Being have anything to do with it all. And who could comprehend a Supreme Being anyhow? Yet, in other moments, we found ourselves thinking, when enchanted by a starlit night, "Who, then, made all of this?" There was a feeling of awe and wonder, but it was fleeting and soon lost.

Yes, we of agnostic temperament have had these thoughts and experiences. Let us make haste to reassure you. We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God.

Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with Him. As soon as we admitted the possible existence of a Creative Intelligence, a Spirit of the Universe underlying the totality of things, we began to be possessed of a new sense of power and direction, provided we took other simple steps. We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek him. To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.

When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. This applies, too, to other spiritual expressions which you find in this book. Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with God as we understood Him. Afterward, we found ourselves accepting many things which then seemed entirely out of reach. That was growth, but if we wished to grow we had to begin somewhere. So we used our conception, however limited it was.

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.

That was news to us for we had assumed we could not make use of spiritual principles unless we accepted many things on faith which seemed difficult to believe. When people presented us with spiritual approaches, how frequently did we all say "I wish I had what that man has. I'm sure it would work if I could only believe as he believes. But I cannot accept as surely true the many articles of faith which are so plain to him." So it was comforting to learn that we could commence at a simpler level.

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Besides a seeming inability to accept much on faith, we often found ourselves handicapped by obstinacy, sensitiveness, and unreasonable prejudice. Many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism. This sort of thinking had to be abandoned. Though some of us resisted, we found no great difficulty in casting aside such feelings. Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open minded on spiritual matters as we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect alcohol was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness. Sometimes this was a tedious process; we hope no one else will be prejudiced for as long as some of us were.

The reader may still ask why he should believe in a Power greater than himself. We think there are good reasons. Let us have a look at some of them.

The practical individual of today is a stickler for facts and results. Nevertheless, the twentieth century readily accepts theories of all kinds, provided they are firmly grounded in fact. We have numerous theories, for example, about electricity. Everyone believes them without a murmur of doubt. Why this ready acceptance? Simply because it is impossible to explain what we see, feel, direct, and use, without a reasonable assumption as a starting point.

Everybody nowadays, believes in scores of assumptions for which there is good evidence, but no perfect visual proof. And does not science demonstrate that visual proof is the weakest proof? It is being constantly revealed, as mankind studies the material world, that outward appearances are not inward reality at all. To illustrate:

The prosaic steel girder is a mass of electrons whirling around each other at incredible speed. These tiny bodies are governed by precise laws, and these laws hold true throughout the material world. Science tells us so. We have no reason to doubt it. When, however, the perfectly logical assumption is suggested that underneath the material world and life as we see it, there is an All Powerful, Guiding, Creative Intelligence, right there our perverse streak comes to the surface and we laboriously set out to convince ourselves it isn't so. We read wordy books and indulge in windy arguments, thinking we believe this universe needs no God to explain it. Were our contentions true, it would follow that life originated out of nothing, means nothing, and proceeds nowhere.

Instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agents, spearheads of God's ever advancing Creation, we agnostics and atheists choose to believe that our human intelligence was the last word, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and end of all. Rather vain of us, wasn't it?

We, who have traveled this dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudice, even against organized religion. We have learned that whatever the human frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given purpose and direction to millions. People of faith have a logical idea of what life is all about. Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatever. We used to amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs and practices when we might have observed that many spiritually minded persons of all races, colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness and usefulness which we should have sought ourselves.

Instead we looked at the human defects of these people, and sometimes used their shortcomings as a basis of wholesale condemnation. We talked of intolerance, while we were intolerant ourselves. We missed the reality and the beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the ugliness of some of its trees. We never gave the spiritual side of life a fair hearing.

In our personal stories you will find a wide variation in the way each teller approaches and conceives of the Power which is greater than himself. Whether we agree with a particular approach or conception seems to make little difference. Experience has taught us that these are matters about which, for our purpose, we need not be worried. They are questions for each individual to settle for himself.

On one preposition, however, these men and women are strikingly agreed. Every one of them has gained access to, and believes in, a Power greater than himself. This Power has in each case accomplished the miraculous, the humanly impossible. As a celebrated American statesman put it, "Let's look at the record." Here are thousands of men and women, worldly indeed. They flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a Power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that Power, and to do certain simple things, there has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them. This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements. Once confused and baffled by the seeming futility of existence, they show the underlying reasons why there were making heavy going of life. Leaving aside the drink question, they tell why living was so unsatisfactory. They show how the change came over them. When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith. This world of ours has made more material progress in the last century than in all the millenniums which went before. Almost everyone knows the reason. Students of ancient history tell us that the intellect of men in those days was equal to the best of today. Yet in ancient times material progress was painfully slow. The spirit of modern scientific inquiry, research and invention was almost unknown. In the realm of the material, men's minds were fettered by superstition, tradition, and all sorts of fixed ideas. Some of the contemporaries of Columbus thought a round earth preposterous. Others came near putting Galileo to death for his astronomical heresies.

We asked ourselves this: Are not some of us just as biased and unreasonable about the realm of the spirit as were the ancients about the realm of the material? Even in the present century, American newspapers were afraid to print an account of the Wright brothers' first successful flight at Kitty Hawk. Had not all the efforts at flight failed before? Did not Professor Langley's flying machine go to the bottom of the Potomac River? Was it not true that the best mathematical minds had proved man could never fly? Had not people said that God had reserved this privilege to the birds? Only thirty years later the conquest of the air was almost an old story and airplane travel was in full swing.

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But in most fields our generation has witnessed complete liberation of our thinking. Show any longshoreman a Sunday supplement describing a proposal to explore the moon by means of a rocket and he will say, "I bet they do it maybe not so long either." Is not our age characterized by the ease with which we discard old ideas for new, by the complete readiness with which we throw away the theory or gadget which does not work for something new which does?

We had to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply to our human problems this same readiness to change our point of view. We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important than whether we should see newsreels of lunar flight? Of course it was.

When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did.

The Wright brothers' almost childish faith that they could build a machine which would fly was the mainspring of their accomplishment. Without that, nothing could have happened. We agnostics and atheists were sticking to the idea that self-sufficiency would solve our problems. When others showed us that "God-sufficiency" worked with them, we began to feel like those who had insisted the Wrights would never fly.

Logic is great stuff. We liked it. We still like it. It is not by chance we were given the power to reason, to examine the evidence of our senses, and to draw conclusions. That is one of man's magnificent attributes. We agnostically inclined would not feel satisfied with a proposal which dies not lend itself to reasonable approach and interpretation. Hence we are at pains to tell why we think our present faith is reasonable, why we think it more sane and logical to believe than not to believe, why we say our former thinking was soft and mushy when we threw up our hands in doubt and said "We don't know."

When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?

Arrived at this point, we were squarely confronted with the question of faith. We couldn't duck the issue. Some of us had already walked far over the Bridge of Reason toward the desired shore of faith. The outlines and the promise of the New Land had brought luster to tired eyes and fresh courage to flagging spirits. Friendly hands had stretched out in welcome. We were grateful that Reason had brought us so far. But somehow, we couldn't quite step ashore. Perhaps we had been leaning too heavily on Reason that last mile and we did not like to lose our support.

That was natural, but let us think a little more closely. Without knowing it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? For did we not believe in our own reasoning? Did we not have confidence in our ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of Reason. So in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time!

We found, too, that we had been worshippers. What a state of mental gooseflesh that used to bring on! Had we not variously worshipped people, sentiment, things, money, and ourselves? And then, with a better motive, had we not worshipfully beheld the sunset, the sea, or a flower? Who of us had not loved something or somebody? How much did these feelings, these loves, these worships, have to do with pure reason? Little or nothing, we saw at last. Were not these things the tissue out of which our lives were constructed? Did not these feelings, after all, determine the course of our existence? It was impossible to say we had no capacity for faith, or love, or worship. In one form or another we had been living by faith and little else.

Imagine life without faith! Were nothing left but pure reason, it wouldn't be life. But we believed in life of course we did. We could not prove life in the sense that you can prove a straight line is the shortest distance between two points, yet, there it was. Could we still say the whole thing was nothing but a mass of electrons, created out of nothing, meaning nothing, whirling on to a destiny of nothingness? Of course we couldn't. The electrons themselves seemed more intelligent than that. At least, so the chemist said.

Hence, we saw that reason isn't everything. Neither is reason, as most of us use it, entirely dependable, though it emanate from our best minds. What about people who proved that man could never fly?

Yet we had been seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world, people who rose above their problems. They said God made these things possible, and we only smiled. We had seen spiritual release, but liked to tell ourselves it wasn't true.

Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.

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We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our makeup, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He can be found. It was so with us.

We can only clear the ground a bit. If our testimony helps sweep away prejudice, enables you to think honestly, encourages you to search diligently within yourself, then, if you wish, you can join us on the Broad Highway. With this attitude you cannot fail. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you.

In this book you will read the experience of a man who thought he was an atheist. His story is so interesting that some of should be told now. His change of heart was dramatic, convincing, and moving.

Our friend was a minister's son. He attended church school, where he became rebellious at what he thought an overdose of religious education. For years thereafter he was dogged by trouble and frustration. Business failure, insanity, fatal illness, suicide these calamities in his immediate family embittered and depressed him. Postwar disillusionment, ever more serious alcoholism, impending mental and physical collapse, brought him to the point of self-destruction.

One night, when confined in a hospital, he was approached by an alcoholic who had knows a spiritual experience. Our friend's gorge rose as he bitterly cried out: "If there is a God, He certainly hasn't done anything for me!" But later, alone in his room, he asked himself this question: Is it possible that all the religious people I have know are wrong?" While pondering the answer he felt as though he lived in hell. Then, like a thunderbolt, a great thought came. It crowded out all else:

"Who are you to say there is no God?"

This man recounts that he tumbled out of bed to his knees. In a few seconds he was overwhelmed by a conviction of the Presence of God. It poured over and through him with the certainty and majesty of a great tide at flood. The barriers he had built through the years were swept away. He stood in the Presence of Infinite Power and Love. He had stepped from bridge to shore. For the first time, he lived in conscious companionship with is Creator.

Thus was our friend's cornerstone fixed in place. No later vicissitude has shaken it. His alcoholic problem was taken away. That very night, years ago, it disappeared. Save for a few brief moments of temptation the thought of drink has never returned; and at such times a great revulsion has risen up in him. Seemingly he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity.

What is this but a miracle of healing? Yet its elements are simple. Circumstances made him willing to believe. He humbly offered himself to his Maker then he knew.

Even so has god restored all of us to our right minds. To this man, the revelation was sudden. Some of us grow into it more slowly. But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him.

When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!

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Asian Ginseng is an herbal remedy used to treat ADHD, alcohol intoxication, alzheimer's, depression and stress. Learn about the usage, dosage, side-effects of Asian Ginseng.

Botanical Name:Panax ginseng
Common Names:Asian Ginseng 

• Overview
• Plant Description
• What's It Made Of?
• Available Forms
• How to Take It
• Precautions
• Possible Interactions
• References

Overview

Both American and Asian ginsengs belong to the species Panax and are similar in their chemical composition. Siberian ginseng (Eleutherococcus senticosus), on the other hand, although part of the same plant family called Araliaceae, is an entirely different plant and does not contain ginsenosides, the active ingredients found in both Asian and American ginseng.

Like American ginseng, Asian ginseng is a light tan, gnarled root, sometimes resembling a human body, with stringy shoots that look like arms and legs. Hundreds of years ago, herbalists took this appearance to mean that ginseng could cure all human ills, and it has, in fact, been used as a "cure-all" in many different cultures. The Chinese view ginseng as the king of herbs - one that brings longevity, strength, and wisdom to its users.

All three ginsengs (Asian, American, and Siberian) are regarded as adaptogens, substances that strengthen and normalize body functions, helping the body deal with various forms of stress. Ginseng may shorten the time that it takes to bounce back from illness or surgery, especially for elderly people. Research on Asian and American ginsengs has included the following:

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Asian Ginseng for ADHD
An early study suggests that American ginseng, in combination with ginkgo, may prove to be of value in helping to treat ADHD. More research in this area is needed.

Asian Ginseng for Alcohol Intoxication
Asian ginseng could be helpful in treating alcohol intoxication. The herb may accomplish this by speeding up the metabolism (break down) of alcohol and, thus, allowing it to clear more quickly from the body. Or, as animal research suggests, ginseng may reduce the absorption of alcohol from the stomach.

Asian Ginseng for Alzheimer's Disease
Individual reports and animal studies indicate that either American ginseng or Asian ginseng may slow the progression of Alzheimer's and improve memory and behavior. Studies of large groups of people are needed to best understand this possible use of ginseng.

Cancer
A study comparing groups of people over time suggests that regular intake of ginseng may reduce one's chances of getting various types of cancer, especially lung, liver, stomach, pancreatic and ovarian. In this particular study, this benefit was not observed for breast, cervical, or bladder cancers. However, a test tube study suggests that American ginseng may enhance the effects of medications used to treat breast cancer. And, preliminary results suggest that ginseng may improve treatment of colon cancer in animals. A greater number of well-designed studies including, ultimately, large numbers of people are needed before conclusions can be drawn about whether ginseng offers some protection from cancer or not.

Cardiovascular Health
Asian ginseng in particular may decrease endothelial cell dysfunction. Endothelial cells line the inside of blood vessels. When these cells are disturbed, referred to as dysfunction, they can cause blockage of blood flow in a variety of ways. This disturbance or disruption may even lead to heart attack or stroke. The potential for ginseng to quiet down the blood vessels may prove to be protective against heart and other forms of cardiovascular disease.

Although not proven, ginseng may also raise HDL (the good cholesterol), while reducing total cholesterol levels.

Finally, there is some controversy about whether, under certain circumstances, ginseng may help improve blood pressure. Ginseng is generally considered to be a substance to avoid if you have hypertension because it can raise blood pressure. In a couple of studies, however, of red Korean (Asian) ginseng, high doses of this herb actually lowered blood pressure. Some feel that the usual doses of ginseng may increase blood pressure while high doses may have the opposite effect of decreasing blood pressure. Much more information is needed in this area before a conclusion can be drawn. And, if you have high blood pressure or heart disease, it is not safe to try ginseng on your own, without specific instructions from a knowledgeable clinician.

Asian Ginseng for Depression
Because of its ability to help resist or reduce stress, some herbal specialists may consider ginseng as part of the herbal treatment for depression.

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Diabetes, Type 2
Although American ginseng has been better researched for this purpose, both types of Panax ginsengs have been shown to lower blood sugar levels in those with type 2 (adult onset) diabetes.

Fertility/Sexual Performance
Ginseng is widely believed to be capable of enhancing sexual performance. However, studies in people to investigate this are limited. In animal studies, Panax species of ginseng have increased sperm production, sexual activity, and sexual performance. A study of 46 men has also shown an increase in sperm count as well as motility.

Immune System Enhancement
Ginseng is believed to enhance the immune system, which could, in theory, help the body fight off infection and disease. In one study, in fact, giving people ginseng before getting the flu-vaccine did boost their immune response to the vaccine compared to those who received a placebo.

Menopausal Symptoms
Ginseng may have estrogen-like activity. Two well-designed studies evaluating red Korean (Asian) ginseng suggest that this herb may relieve some of the symptoms of menopause, improving mood (particularly feelings of depression) and sense of well-being.

Mental Performance and Mood Enhancement
Individuals who use ginseng often report that they feel more alert. Preliminary studies do suggest that this feeling has scientific merit. Early research shows that ginseng may improve performance on such things as mental arithmetic, concentration, memory, and other measures. More research in this area, although not easy to do, would be helpful.

On the other hand, for those who report that ginseng elevates their mood, the science thus far does not support that this herb changes your mood if you are otherwise healthy.

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Physical Endurance
There have been a number of studies in people looking at the effects of ginseng on athletic performance. Results have not been consistent, with some studies showing increased strength and endurance, others showing improved agility or reaction time, and still others showing no effect at all. Nevertheless, athletes often take ginseng to increase both endurance and strength.

Respiratory Disease
In patients with severe chronic respiratory disease (such as emphysema or chronic bronchitis), daily treatment with ginseng improved respiratory function, as evidenced by increased endurance in walking.

Asian Ginseng for Stress
Ginseng has long been valued for its ability to help the body deal with stress. A study of 501 men and women living in Mexico City found significant improvements in quality of life measures (energy, sleep, sex life, personal satisfaction, well-being) in those taking ginseng.

Plant Description

The ginseng plant has leaves that grow in a circle around a straight stem. Yellowish-green umbrella-shaped flowers grow in the center and produce red berries. Wrinkles around the neck of the root tell how old the plant is. This is important because ginseng is not ready for use until it has grown for four to six years.

What's It Made Of?

Ginseng products are made from the ginseng root, and the long, thin offshoots, called root hairs. Both Asian and American ginseng contain ginsenosides, saponins that are ginseng's active ingredients. In addition to ginsenosides, Asian ginseng also contains glycans (panaxans), polysaccharide fraction DPG-3-2, peptides, maltol, B vitamins, flavonoids, and volatile oil.

Available Forms

White ginseng (dried, peeled) or red ginseng (unpeeled root, steamed before drying) is available in water, water-and-alcohol, or alcohol liquid extracts, and in powders or capsules.

It is important when buying ginseng to read the label carefully and make sure that you are purchasing the type of ginseng that you want. If you are looking for Asian or American ginseng, look for a Panax species, not Siberian ginseng (Eleutherococcus senticosus) which, although there is some overlap, has different actions and side effects overall.

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How to Take It

Pediatric

This herb is not recommended for use in children because of its stimulant properties.

Adult

• Fresh root: 1 to 2 grams daily for up to three months
• Dried root: 1/2 to 2 grams daily
• Tincture (1:5): 1 to 2 teaspoons
• Liquid extract (1:1): ¼ to ½ teaspoons
• Standardized extract (4% total ginsenosides): 100 milligrams twice daily.

In healthy individuals who wish to increase physical or mental performance, to prevent illness, or to improve resistance to stress, ginseng should be taken in one of the above dosages in cycles. For example, take every day for 2 to 3 weeks, then stop for 2 weeks.

For help recovering from an illness, the elderly should take 500 mg twice daily for three months. Alternatively, they may take the same dosage (500 mg twice daily) for a month, followed by a two-month break. This can then be repeated if needed.

Precautions

The use of herbs is a time-honored approach to strengthening the body and treating disease. Herbs, however, contain active substances that can trigger side effects and interact with other herbs, supplements, or medications. For these reasons, herbs should be taken with care, under the supervision of a practitioner knowledgeable in the field of botanical medicine.

Both American and Asian ginsengs are stimulants and may cause nervousness or sleeplessness, particularly if taken at high doses. Other reported side effects include high blood pressure, insomnia, restlessness, anxiety, euphoria, diarrhea, vomiting, headache, nosebleed, breast pain, and vaginal bleeding. To avoid hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), even in non-diabetics, ginseng should be taken with food.

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Hypertension and Ginseng

The American Herbal Products Association (AHPA) rates ginseng as a class 2d herb, which indicates that specific restrictions apply. In this case, hypertension (high blood pressure) is the specific restriction. People with hypertension should not take ginseng products without specific guidance and instruction from a qualified practitioner. At the same time, people with low blood pressure as well as those with an acute illness or diabetes (because of the risk of a sudden drop in blood sugar), should use caution when taking ginseng.

Safety of taking ginseng during pregnancy is unknown; therefore, it is not recommended when pregnant or breast feeding.

Ginseng should be discontinued at least 7 days prior to surgery. This is for two reasons. First, ginseng can lower blood glucose levels and, therefore, create problems for patients fasting prior to surgery. Also, ginseng may act as a blood thinner, thereby increasing the risk of bleeding during or after the procedure.

Possible Interactions

If you are currently being treated with any of the following medications, you should not use ginseng without first talking to your healthcare provider:

Blood Thinning Medications
There have been reports that Asian ginseng may possibly decrease the effectiveness of the blood-thinning medication, warfarin. In addition, ginseng may inhibit platelet activity and, therefore, should probably not be used with aspirin either.

Caffeine
While taking ginseng, it is wise to avoid caffeine or other substances that stimulate the central nervous system because the ginseng may increase their effects, possibly causing nervousness, sweating, insomnia, or irregular heartbeat.

Haloperidol and Ginseng
Ginseng may exaggerate the effects of this anti-psychotic medication, so these should not be taken together.

Morphine
Ginseng may block the pain killing effects of morphine.

Phenelzine and other MAO inhibitors for Depression

There have been reports of a possible interaction between ginseng and the antidepressant medication, phenelzine (which belongs to a class known as monoamine oxidase inhibitors [MAOIs]), resulting in symptoms ranging from manic-like episodes to headache and tremulousness.

back to: Herbal Treatments Homepage

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Supporting Research

Adams LL, Gatchel RJ. Complementary and alternative medicine: applications and implications for cognitive functioning in elderly populations. Alt Ther. 2000;7(2):52-61.

Ang-Lee MK, Moss J, Yuan C-S. Herbal medicines and perioperative care. JAMA. 2001;286(2):208-216.

Attele AS, Wu JA, Yuan CS. Ginseng pharmacology: multiple constituents and multiple actions. Biochem Pharmacol. 1999;58(11):1685-1693.

Bahrke M, Morgan P. Evaluation of the ergogenic properties of ginseng. Sports Medicine. 1994;18:229-248.

Blumenthal M, Goldberg A, Brinckman J, eds. Herbal Medicine: Expanded Commission E Monographs. Newton, Mass: Integrative Medicine Communications; 2000:170-177.

Briggs CJ, Briggs GL. Herbal products in depression therapy. CPJ/RPC. November 1998;40-44.

Brinker F. Herb Contraindications and Drug Interactions. 2nd ed. Sandy, Ore: Eclectic Medical; 1998:77.

Bucci LR. Selected herbals and human exercise performance. Am J Clin Nutr. 2000;72(2 Suppl):624S-636S.

Carai MAM, Agabio R, Bombardelli E, et al. Potential use of medicinal plants in the treatment of alcoholism. Fitoterapia. 2000;71:S38-S42.

Cardinal BJ, Engels HJ. Ginseng does not enhance psychological well-being in healthy, young adults: Results of a double-blind, placebo-controlled, randomized clinical trial. J Am Diet Assoc. 2001;101:655-660.

Caso Marasco A, Vargas Ruiz R, Salas Villagomez A, Begona Infante C. Double-blind study of a multivitamin complex supplemented with ginseng extract. Drugs Exp Clin Res. 1996;22(6):323-329.

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Duda RB, Zhong Y, Navas V, Li MZ, Toy BR, Alavarez JG. American ginseng and breast cancer therapeutic agents synergistically inhibit MCF-7 breast cancer cell growth. J Surg Oncol. 1999;72(4):230-239.

Ernst E. The risk-benefit profile of commonly used herbal therapies: ginkgo, St. John's wort, ginseng, echinacea, saw palmetto, and kava. Ann Intern Med. 2002;136(1):42-53.

Ernst E, Cassileth BR. How useful are unconventional cancer treatments? Eur J Cancer. 1999;35(11):1608-1613.

Foster S. Asian Ginseng. Austin, Tex: The American Botanical Council; 1996.

Fugh-Berman A. Herb-drug interactions. Lancet. 2000;355:134-138.

Gyllenhaal C, Merritt SL, Peterson SD, Block KI, Gochenour T. Efficacy and safety of herbal stimulants and sedatives in sleep disorders. Sleep Med Rev. 2000;4(2):229-251.

Han KH, Choe SC, Kim HS, et al. Effect of red ginseng on blood pressure in patients with essential hypertension and white coat hypertension. Am J Chin Med. 1998;26(2):199-209.

Harkey MR, Henderson GL, Gershwin ME, Stern JS, Hackman RM. Variability in commercial ginseng products: an analysis of 25 preparations. Am J Clin Nutr. 2001;73:1101-1106.

Heck AM, DeWitt BA, Lukes AL. Potential interactions between alternative therapies and warfarin. Am J Health Syst Pharm. 2000;57(13):1221-1227.

Izzo AA, Ernst E. Interactions between herbal medicines and prescribed drugs: a systematic review. Drugs. 2001;61(15):2163-2175.

Kelly GS. Nutritional and botanical interventions to assist with the adaptation to stress. Alt Med Rev. 1999;4(4):249-265.

Lieberman HR. The effects of ginseng, ephedrine, and caffeine on cognitive performance, mood and energy. Nutr Rev. 2001;59(4):91-102.

Liu J, Burdette JE, Xu H, et al. Evaluation of estrogenic activity of plant extracts for the potential treatment of menopausal symptoms. J Agric Food Chem. 2001;49(5):2472-2479.

Lyon MR, Cline JC, Totosy de Zepetnek J, et al. Effect of the herbal extract combination Panax quinquefolium and Ginkgo biloba on attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: a pilot study. J Psychiatry Neurosci. 2001;26(3):221-228.

Mantle D, Lennard TWJ, Pickering AT. Therapeutic applications of medicinal plants in the treatment of breast cancer: a review of their pharmacology, efficacy and tolerability. Adverse Drug React Toxicol Rev. 2000;19(3):2223-240.

Mantle D, Pickering AT, Perry AK. Medicinal plant extracts for the treatment of dementia: a review of their pharmacology, efficacy, and tolerability. CNS Drugs. 2000;13:201-213.

Miller LG. Herbal medicinals: selected clinical considerations focusing on known or potential drug-herb interactions. Arch Intern Med. 1998;158(20):2200-2211.

Murphy LL, Cadena RS, Chavez D, Ferraro JS. Effect of American ginseng (Panax quinquefolium) on male copulatory behavior in the rat. Physiol Behav. 1998;64:445-450.

O'Hara M, Kiefer D, Farrell K, Kemper K. A review of 12 commonly used medicinal herbs. Arch Fam Med. 1998;7(6):523-536.

Ott BR, Owens NJ. Complementary and alternative medicines for Alzheimer's disease. J Geriatr Psychiatry Neurol. 1998;2:163-173.

Pizzorno JE, Murray MT, eds. Textbook of Natural Medicine. New York, NY: Churchill-Livingstone; 1999:847-855.

Scaglione F, Cattaneo G, Alessandria M, Cogo R. Efficacy and safety of the standardized ginseng extract G 115 for potentiating vaccination against common cold and/or influenza syndrome. Drugs Exp Clin Res. 1996;22(20:65-72.

Sinclaire S. Male infertility: nutritional and environmental considerations. Alt Med Rev. 2000;5(1):28-38.

Sotaniemi EA, Haapakoski E, Rautio A. Ginseng therapy in non-insulin-dependent diabetic patients. Diabetes Care. 1995;18(10):1373-1375.

Sun XB, Matsumoto T, Yamada H. Purification of immune complexes clearance enhancing polysaccharide from the leaves of Panax ginseng, and its biological activities. Phytomedicine. 1994;1:225-231.

Sung J, Han K-H, Zo J-H, Park H-J, Kim C-H, Oh B-H. Effects of red ginseng upon vascular endothelial function in patients with essential hypertension. American Journal of Chinese Medicine. 2000;28(2):205-216.

Takahashi M, Tokuyama S. Pharmacological and physiological effects of ginseng on actions induced by opioids and psychostimulants. Meth Find Exp Clin Pharmacol. 1998;20(1):77-84.

Tode T, Kikuchi Y, Hirata J, et. al. Effect of Korean red ginseng on psychological functions in patients with severe climacteric syndromes. Int J Gynaecol Obstet. 1999;67:169-174.

Vaes LP, Chyka PA. Interactions of warfarin with garlic, ginger, ginkgo, or ginseng: nature of the evidence. Ann Pharmacother. 2000;34(12):1478-1482.

Vogler BK, Pittler MH, Ernst E. The efficacy of ginseng. A systematic review of randomized clinical trials. Eur J Clin Pharmacol. 1999;55:567-575.

Vuksan V, Sievenpiper JL, Koo VYY, et al. American ginseng (Panax quinquefolius L) reduces postprandial glycemia in nondiaetic subjects and subjects with type 2 diabetes mellitus. Arch Intern Med. 2000;160:1009-1013.

Vuksan V, Sievenpiper JL, Xu Z, et al. Konjac-mannan and American ginseng: emerging alternative therapies for type 2 diabetes mellitus. J Am Coll Nutr. 2001;20(5):370S-380S.

Vuksan V, Stavro MP, Sievenpiper JL, et al. Similar postprandial glycemic reductions with escalation of dose and administration time of American ginseng in type 2 diabetes. Diabetes Care. 2000;23:1221-1226.

Wargovich MJ. Colon cancer chemoprevention with ginseng and other botanicals. J Korean Med Sci. 2001;16 Suppl:S81-S86.

Wiklund IK, Mattsson LA, Lindgren R, Limoni C. Effects of a standardized ginseng extract on quality of life and physiological parameters in symptomatic postmenopausal women: a double-blind, placebo-controlled trial. Int J Clin Pharm Res. 1999;19(3):89-99.

Yun TK, Choi SY. Preventive effect of ginseng intake against various human cancers: A case-control study on 1987 pairs. Cancer Epidemiol Biomarkers Prev. 1995;4:401-408.

Ziemba AW, Chmura J, Kaciuba-Uscilko H, Nazar K, Wisnik P, Gawronski W. Ginseng treatment improves psychomotor performance at rest and during graded exercise in young athletes. Int J Sports Nutr. 1999;9(4):371-377.

The publisher does not accept any responsibility for the accuracy of the information or the consequences arising from the application, use, or misuse of any of the information contained herein, including any injury and/or damage to any person or property as a matter of product liability, negligence, or otherwise. No warranty, expressed or implied, is made in regard to the contents of this material. No claims or endorsements are made for any drugs or compounds currently marketed or in investigative use. This material is not intended as a guide to self-medication. The reader is advised to discuss the information provided here with a doctor, pharmacist, nurse, or other authorized healthcare practitioner and to check product information (including package inserts) regarding dosage, precautions, warnings, interactions, and contraindications before administering any drug, herb, or supplement discussed herein.

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Living Life in the Leap

So often in coaching couples about their relationship, I hear one or both partners say, "The passion is gone. We're just roommates. It's just not the same as it was." How sad to have moved away from the excitement that once was.

While it may be true that with the passing of time some couples tend to tilt away from the consistency of effort that is required to keep them on track, it doesn't have to be that way.

When you have experienced a pulling away, a slowdown in affection, sex and all the other important things that seemed to matter when you first met, it is often difficult to begin again.

The hardest part of coming out of a slump is acknowledging you are in one. You cannot solve a problem that you cannot admit you have.

When the energy you pour into your relationship has slowed to a trickle, there are some things you can do.

Don't give up! The power to break through a slump is in you.

If you are thinking, "It's no use. I'm tired of doing all the work in the relationship. He/She isn't even trying. I've got to get out!" Think again. Your interpretation of how things are colors what happens next. It alters your forward motion. While in the heat of battle, it may feel easier to leave the relationship rather than do the work you committed to in the first place. The odds are against you.

Making another relationship work most likely will not work if you do not take time to work though the issues you are currently experiencing. It is most difficult to start over in a relationship you are already in, much less begin a new one.

Adversity does not create a great relationship - it reveals it! Upsets create the wisdom necessary to grow in spite of the situation. Upsets stimulate courage to face what's next. To have a problem be an experience of value, you must be attentive to the lesson the upset presents and be courageous enough to do what is necessary to avoid a future setback for the same reason.

It helps when both partners are in agreement. Obviously one person cannot do the work of two. Remember you are in a partnership. It takes two! The sad truth is, you know the relationship is over when one partnerrefuses to work on the relationship.

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Once the decision to move forward is clear, getting started will be your next hurdle. It requires your personal urgency. It will take a leap of faith. This may feel like you are living your life in the leap; not being sure of what will happen or where you will land. It will also take courage. It will take both partners working together, making new promises and beginning with baby steps.

It's time to make some new choices such as changing your thinking, constructing new behavioral patterns and changing your relationship from one that may be sinking into the abyss, into one you can be proud to be in.

At least now you know what doesn't work. Perhaps this is good. Don't do your relationship that way anymore. The secret is to not repeat past destructive behaviors. It is much wiser to learn to remake the future than to continue to relive the past.

Here are some ideas to help you get your relationship back on track. Investing your time in working together a little each day on a few carefully selected "Slump Busters" will pay off handsomely in your relationship.

Rebuild Your Relationship With Yourself - This is the first step in the right direction. When your relationship with you sucks, you cannot be the kind of person your partner needs you to be. Work on you first. The relationship is a close second. Two broken people cannot fix each other. If you want to fix your relationship, start by fixing yourself.

Only you can do the work that you know must be done. I stress "know" because everyone knows themselves better than anyone does. If you truly want out of your relationship slump, you must begin to be honest with what needs to be fixed within you. Learning to love yourself teaches you to love others. Learn to love you. Only then can you offer the kind of love your partner needs. Only then.

Begin Again - Start fresh. Why is it that when you were first together, everything was great? Each of you were doing the right things. The relationship was on fire! The reasons don't really matter. What matters is that you acknowledge that you both stopped doing the things that brought you together in the first place. Re-acquaint yourselves. Get to know each other again. Begin to woo each other like you used to do. Take a moment right now and recollect some of those special moments. Think about it.

It's never too late to recreate the good times. You may have a fresh start on your relationship any moment you choose. Forgive yourself for getting off track. It will release you from the negative feelings that keep you and the relationship stuck. Refuse to hold on to what may seem unforgivable. Read, Forgiveness: What's it For?. Negotiate some new agreements. It's time to move forward.

The Correct Carrot - What is your relationship carrot (or goal)? What dangles in front of you that keeps you moving forward? What is important to you? To your partner? If you have no good reasons for being together, then the relationship will not work. Spend some timetogether talking about what is important to both of you. Set some mutual relationship goals. Commit these ideas to paper. Undefined goals are unreachable. Goals allow you to control the direction of change in your relationship. To follow a relationship path without knowing where it leads is a mistake.

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Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! - Laugh about anything or nothing for 30 seconds each day. If you must, force yourself. Don't be a sourpuss. Drive yourself happy. It doesn't take long for a put-on outburst of laughter to become the real thing. Redevelop your sense of humor. Demonstrate an abundance of smiles for your partner. It's catching. If you think you have nothing to laugh about. . . you're right. Find something to laugh about. What you think about and speak about, you bring about. Force yourself to look at the bright side of things for a change.

The Perfect Present - Be happy now! It's a choice, you know. Focus on the perfect present and its opportunities rather than worrying about past guilt or failure anxiety. There is no future in the past. There is only right now! Live it to its fullest.

Don't Be a "Lone Ranger" - Obviously you must spend time alone to do the work that is necessary for you to be the person your partner can enjoy being with. However, you must also plan to spend time together. The keyword here is "plan." Stand by your plan. Keep your commitment to be with your partner. Make a collective effort to be together. Work as a team. Together everyone accomplishes more.

Accelerate Your Bounce-Back Time - Disagreements will occur. When they do, bounce back quickly. If an "I'm sorry" is appropriate, muster the courage and say it. Don't waste time wallowing in the stuff of the quarrel. Someone has to be first to break the silence. Let it be you.

Don't Let Your Partner Determine "Your" Behavior - When the relationship is strained, it is often difficult to be your own person. Sometimes you may feel that if you don't do what your partner wants you to do, he/she will be upset and become even more distant. This is where agreements are important. Agree to allow each other to make your own choices, first for yourself and then for the relationship. Remember, women usually respond most to a man's action or lack of action. Men generally respond most to a woman's attitude. So. . . now you know what you need to work on. Men - Action. Women - Attitude.

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Eat Right - Sleep Tight - Keep Fit - When you are frustrated with the tension present in your relationship it is easy to miss a meal or indulge in inappropriate food, alcohol or drugs. This is another mistake. Pamper yourself. Make a special effort to attend to your diet and your overall well being. Healthy stamina translates into healthy relationship endurance.

You can never catch up on the sleep you missed. Never slight your body on the amount of rest it needs. When you exercise your body, you stimulate your mind. When you are fit, you feel better and are more likely to perform better in your relationship. This is another part oftaking care of you.

Simply the Best! - Compliments given with sincerity are a genuine gift of love. Offer them often. Be generous with praise for your partner. Catch them doing something right. Let them know you noticed. The road to prosperity in relationships is paved with a commitment to generosity toward your partner.

We feel closest to people who cause us to feel good about ourselves. There is absolutely no room for "constructive" criticism in a healthy love relationship. Constructive means to build up. The intent of criticism is to tear down. Those two words do not fit together at all. Criticism by its very nature is only and always destructive, not constructive. Try constructive compliments instead; expressions of love straight from the heart.

Perhaps all of us would be better off if we would take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

People don't change because they are criticized. They change when the relationship is nurtured with warmth and goodwill that inspires them to please their partner. Appreciation is on the list of top ten needs for most people.

Serve Others - There is nothing quite like serving others to temporarily get your mind off your own dilemma. Visit a friend in need. Take a buddy to lunch. Volunteer to help a needy organization. Do some charity work. Often we subconsciously work though our own stuff when we take side trips to attend to others. Be generous with your giving. Make a contribution to your relationship by giving to others and your relationship will make a contribution to you.

Abandon Your Expectations - At best, this is difficult, however your unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Know that this is true. I can assure you that thisis part of the problem. Instead of expecting your partner to love you the way you think they should love you, put aside your expectations and allow them to love you the way they love you. Instead be clear about what you need from the relationship and communicate what those needs are to your partner.

This does not mean accepting any kind of emotional or physical abuse. That is totally unacceptable. There is never a good reason to stay in an abusive relationship."NEVER!" If you or someone you know is in a relationship that is either emotionally or physically abusive be sure to read, " Domestic Violence Sucks!"

Exercise Your Power of Choice - This is your greatest gift. Do your best not to repeat the bad choices you have made in your relationship that have brought you to this point in time. Think before you act. This may take some effort because up until now, your focus has most likely been on seeing your partner in a negative light. You get what you focus on. That hasn't worked. It's time to change that. Looking for and seeing the good in your partner has its own way of encouraging better choices.

Touch Me! - There is great healing in the power of touch. Hold hands. Neck in the car. Give your partner a foot or full-body massage. Spend time kissing and caressing. Give your partner an extended hug; one that lasts several minutes. Agree to touch each other every day.

Celebrate Love! - Celebrate your special days in romantic ways. Make a note of your "secret anniversaries" that belong just to the two of you; your first date, the day you first made love, the day you moved into your home, the day you got your marriage license, the day he/she proposed. Plan something special. Rent a "romantic movie" and snuggle while you watch it together. Send a card with your very own loving message.

Turn on the Fun! - Plug in and play. Be a kid again. Plug into what your partner enjoys and then do whatever it takes to make your play time together memorable. Make a commitment to add a dose of fun to your daily routine with your partner.

Think back to some of the great times you've had together and recreate the experiences. If you are going to remain together, youmust plan time to be together for play. You must also return to doing the things that brought you together in the first place. Offer "no excuses" for not being able to plan no less than one night each week to turn on the fun! Having fun in your relationship is not an option; it's mandatory!

Dress Up, Not Down - Go on a date and this time dress to the nines! Make it special. Rent a tuxedo. Buy a new dress. Make advance reservations at a classy restaurant and let everyone wonder about what the special occasion might be. Put all thestuff of the relationship aside for that night and pretend it's your very first date. It's not so important to always dress up. What is important is that you actuallyplan to have a weekly date!

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Got Kids? - Never use your children as an excuse to not work on you or your relationship. While it is true that you have an awesome responsibility to care for your children, if you put them first and you last, I suggest that there may be some confusion about your priorities. If you forget to take care of you, you are not leading by example. It's important to be a good example for your kids.

Some will tell you to never air your disagreements in front of your kids. I disagree. Children are much smarter than we give them credit. They know when you have misunderstandings and arguments.

When your children witness an argument, reassure them that it is not their fault. Demonstrate to them that parents can be angry and still love each other while they are finding solutions to their problems. The skill of teachingfair fighting or at least keeping the decibels at a reasonable level when expressing your concerns is key.

However. . . always arguing and raising your voices in front of the children is inappropriate. Most high-level disagreements should be out of hearing range of the kids. Strive for balance. Your home is a school. What are you teaching your children?

Reward Your Partnership for Doing the Right Thing - Stay on track. Do what's right. Do unto your partner what you would have them do unto you. Indulge in honoring your combined efforts. Buy your partnership a trophy from a trophy shop. Have it engraved. Present it to each other in your very own private ceremony where you renew your promise to each other to continue to work together.

Dazzle Your Partner Unexpectedly - Predictability breeds boredom. Be spontaneous. Do something completely out of character. Send a mushy greeting card for no reason. Suddenly stop beside the road, pick a wild flower, hand it to your partner and say, "I love you!" and be on your way. If you are annoyed because your partner spends too much time watching football, surprise him and watch the game with him. Pop some popcorn and bring his favorite beverage on a tray. Light some candles in the bathroom and treat her to a warm bubble bath followed by a 20-minute foot message. Use your imagination.

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Romantically impaired? Read, 1001 Ways to Be Romantic by Greg Godek.

Let There Be Light - Don't take life or yourself so seriously. Lighten up! There will be screw-ups and breakdowns. Roll with the punches. If you make a mistake, don't let it get you down. Acknowledge the mistake, take corrective action and continue moving forward. Poke fun at yourself, but never at your partner. That's their job. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. Smile often.

Tackle Talk - Communicate. It is often most difficult to restart this process. AND it is the most important way to contribute to your relationship. If you have both been shut down. . . recommit to opening up to each other. Not talking can cause a serious disconnect from the one you say you love. My wife and I made an agreement before we were married. We agreed to talk about anything and everything, all the time. It has been the most important agreement and also the most difficult agreement to keep. Without an agreement in place, neither partner has a promise to communicate.

Talk the Talk - Instead of speaking only of what has been. . . revise your way of speaking about what you want and need in your relationship today. Pour all of your energy into speaking only good words about your relationship. So many times I hear partners speaking to their friends in a negative way about their partner. It you cannot say something good about them, it is better to say nothing at all. If you speak or think only of the problem, hopelessness and despair, you will get more of that.

Weigh your words. 500 of the most commonly used English words have 13,000 meanings. Choose your words carefully. They become your reality. Wherever your attention is centered, your thoughts will focus, and since action follows thought, the things you keep looking at and speaking about are going to determine what you will experience. Your relationship lives on the tip of your tongue.

Never say things to your partner that you know will trigger past bad experiences. To do so is antagonistic and just plain stupid. In this scenario, remember, a closed mouth gathers no foot.

Make an effort everyday to tell your partner how much you appreciate them. Talk tenderly. Use terms of endearment, like "Honey," "Sweetie," "Baby," etc. Say "thank you." On the way to the office? Say "Goodbye, sweetheart" instead of just "Goodbye." Whisper sweet nothings! Act loving toward each other daily and you will feel more loving toward your partner.

I hate the term "Fake it till you make it," however it's true that when you begin to visibly act more enthusiastic about your relationship, the enthusiasm is contagious. Talking the talk is one thing. Speak only good of your partner to yourself, to your partner and to others. Only good. Walking the walk should also be a high priority.

Nurture your partner with words of love, understanding, acceptance and forgiveness. Nurture: To nourish, educate, grow or develop; cultivate.

Planet Positions Got You Spaced Out? - Let go of having to "be right!" Healthy, full functioning couples find happiness is sharing their differences instead of being indifferent to them. They discover happiness in discussing, in a loving way, areas of mutual concern. It's true! Men and women are truly different, AND there are similarities.

Healthy couples identify problems, talk openly and honestly about their differences and choose workable solutions. Integrate your mutual intentions for a healthy, happy relationship or the relationship will evaporate.

Even though it may appear that you are from different planets because you share so little in your communication, it is possible for you to lay down your ray guns, seek peace and choose to travel in the same orbit, working together to celebrate your differences in ways that mutually benefit the relationship. Always remember: If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!

Straight Shooting - Trust is the foundation of a healthy love relationship and it must be earned. Make an agreement to only allow truthful disclosure in your relationship. Not telling the truth about how you feel, only telling part of the story, withholding your wants and needs to your partner slowly erodes the trust in your relationship. Without trust there can be no effective communication; without effective communication there can be no genuine intimacy. Never lie to your partner. Honesty always wins.

Push the Envelope - Develop a mutual incentive that will assist you in motivating each other to be the best you can be. Be inventive in providing the kind of reward that can be your inspiration to continue the process. Never stop. NEVER! Have the incentive be bigger than you can imagine and something you can both be excited about, something that will call forth the extra effort required to get you both back in the groove. How about a romantic getaway in the mountains for a long weekend? Use your imagination.

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Mutual agreement is important. Mutually agree that you will do something exciting together when you can both agree that your new relationship has reached a higher plateau.

It is important to understand that a marriage partnership is never 50/50. Relationships seldom feel easy, however, a relationship is less of a struggle when two people agree to do whatever it takes to make it work. Whatever it takes doesn't mean "giving it your best shot and if it doesn't work, you move on." It means doing whatever it takes. Try 100/100. That works much better.

Partners Profit - Share the wealth of information you have learned about yourself with your partner. Agree to share relationship tips and techniques in a loving way.Agree is the key word. Be careful that in your sharing you don't consistently "point the finger" by suggesting tips that you know thatthey need. A better way might be to share the insights you have noticed that have deeply affected your thinking and your behavior.

Trash or Treasure? - Start a scrapbook. Stash your memories. Save special greeting cards, matchbook covers that remind you of great times past, snapshots, a pressed red rose, ticket stubs, a handwritten poem, a funny valentine. One of my own lifelong desires was to see Frank Sinatra in concert. After the concert my friend, Sandy and I had the two tickets and the program framed to preserve the unforgettable memory of our very special time together.

Breathing Space - Give each other room to grow. No one can grow in the shade. If you are always hovering over your partner, you are literally smothering the love that could be yours. Partners need time alone. They need space. Give it willingly. Take time to be alone with your thoughts. This is another way to attend to your needs.

Manage Your Manners - Be kind to each other. Treat your partner with respect and dignity. Honor your beloved. Be the first to offer to help your partner in ways you may not have done before. Extend courtesy. So often we treat our friends better than we treat our partner. Don't fall into this trap. It's a dead end street. Remember, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" It works.

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Count Your Change - Relationships never move in straight lines. They wander. And create opportunities you'd never expect. Evaluate your progress. Embrace change. Do not resist it. The smallest pebble in your shoe will irritate you until you do something about it. Be excited about the changes that occur in your relationship. Learn from them. If you think you do not have a choice in managing change, think again. The choices you have made in the past have caused the change that brought you to this moment in time.

Do your relationship differently. Your partner may take a while to notice and perhaps even longer to respond. Be patient. Notice small steps in the right direction. Praise improvement. It gives rise to inspiration and encourages them to continue.

Life (and your relationship) is not a snapshot! It's a moving picture. Notice what changes you are experiencing. Share them with your partner. Often a change in attitudetoward your partner will bring about an attitude of change from your partner. Some partners only change when they feel the heat. Others, when they see the light. The latter is preferable.

Plant the Right Seeds - Always remember. . . you reap what you sow. You don't plant tomatoes and expect corn to grow. Likewise, you don't sow seeds of bitterness, resentment, anger, etc., and expect your relationship to thrive. Seeds of doubt clutter up your relationship garden.

When you plant corn, if it does not grow well, don't blame the corn. Look for reasons it is not doing well. When you find the reasons, (and you may have to dig deep for them), take action and do what needs to be done.

The same goes for planting good thoughts. They will never grow unless nurtured and nourished with love, understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness. Although blaming has no redeeming value, if you must place blame, you will be wise to accept responsibility and know that the blame goes to the person looking back at you in the mirror.

Put Passion Back in Fashion - Passion is not only about sex. It's about having strong feelings about something. Ever hear of a crime of passion? Passion means many things to many people. It may be a burning desire to reconnect with your partner in conversation. Demonstrate passion by passionately working together on your relationship. It can blaze new trails.

No sex? Not much intimacy anymore? Been a long time since you actually made love? Too long? Hummm! Know this is true: "Relationship problems always show up in the bedroom." Many couples avoid sex when marital issues surface because they feel emotionally distant. Often couples who come to me for relationship coaching in the sexual area discover that it's not about sex at all.

A lack of sex is nearly always a symptom of something that needs fixing in the relationship. It's about fixing all the little nuances that bring on the upsets in your relationship. It is difficult to be turned on to make love when there are upsets with your partner you have yet to address. Anger, resentment, disappointment, bitterness and stress do not make good bed partners. Unless there is a medical problem, when you fix these problems, usually the sex will take care of itself.

Sex is good and pleasure is good for you. Have a desire for more info on sex? Read, Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers.

Simmer Down - Manage your anger. If you have a complaint, only raise it when you are not feeling angry about it. As best you can, speak with loving words and keep it short and to the point. Don't lecture. Keep your examples current. Never use past hurts to illustrate current gripes. It only opens up old wounds and causes your partner to feel that they can never stop paying for past mistakes.

Avoid words like, "never" and "always" or things like, "You're just like your mother/father!" This only pushes your partner's panic buttons and escalates the disagreement.

When your partner expresses a complaint/grievance/criticism, rather than argue the point, listen nondefensively. Rather than counter attack, search for some small part with which you can agree, and acknowledge it. If an apology is called for, offer it. Listening nondefensively can put a damper on an argument expeditiously. Now. . . you can work on a solution together.

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Date-Your-Mate - This is especially important if you are married. Once each week plan to spend some time together. I know. You have kids. It's easy to use your children as an excuse. Give it up. Hire a trusted friend to do an overnight and head for the "No-Tell Motel" to light the fire.

Dinner dates are great too, but be creative and discover other options. Take a "hand-in-hand" walk. Visit an arcade and play some games. Think different! Put together a picture puzzle.

Schedule a "Play Date" where you play and have fun together. Go dancing. Have an extended dinner in a nice restaurant. Just a few hours to connect with each other, away from family obligations. No conversations about issues. Focus on having "fun" and really "being" together. It'll make a world of difference in your relationship.

Be Your Partner's Hero - A hero is defined as one that is much admired or shows great courage. The partner who is willing to devote the time and energy necessary to work on making the relationship one they can be proud to be in, is a hero. It takes courage to step up to the plate and take a standfor the relationship. It takes even more courage to begin to "do whatever it takes" to make it work. Talk's cheap! Show me! Be a hero.

Value Added - Conventional business wisdom says that companies maintain market leadership by constantly adding value. Failing to do so is a sure path to demise. The same principle can be applied to relationships. What are you doing on a daily basis to add value to your relationship? Remember everything you do either leads you closer or further from your relationship goal. Perhaps you might consider reinventing your relationship model to include some of the more than 50 ideas presented in this article.

Audioapathy - Empathic listening is a choice. Audioapathy is a word I coined to describe the condition often experienced when partners become apathetic about listening when their partner talks with them. It is a dreaded dis-ease that can poison your relationship. Although it appears that men are more affected than women, some women also get it.

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Hearing is involuntary. You can be sound asleep and still hear something or someone, but listening is voluntary. It is an intellectual and emotional choice. It implies effective communication between the sender and the receiver, which hearing does not.

It is a wise partner who, when their partner is talking, puts down the evening newspaper or turns the TV off, makes eye contact and truly listens to what their partner is saying. Very wise. It may be difficult to listen to what they have to say, however, if the truth hurts - be grateful. When your partner talks, listen for thetruth about what they are saying instead of going on the defensive. That only keeps you stuck.

It may take courage for your partner to express their feelings if they haven't been used to doing so. To immediately defend your own position (or to disagree or argue) invalidates your partner's feelings and usually serves to turn off future sharing possibilities. Listen for the opportunity to assist the relationship by taking responsibility for what you may be doing thattrips their trigger and causes them to make a choice to feel the way they do.

Empathic listening gets inside your partner's frame of reference. You see their world the way they see it, you understand their paradigm, you understand how they "feel."

Apathetic listeners breed contempt, resentment and often the person who desperately needs to be heard eventually shuts down. A lack of effective communication is the number one problem in relationships.

Listen more and talk less. You can't learn anything when you're talking. How do you spell success in a relationship? Be wise. Listen.L-I-S-T-E-N.

Voice Power - Practice voice modulation; change your voice pitch and avoid crescendos at all cost. Raising your voice to your partner (some would call this yelling), is the worse form of communication. It is emotionally abusive, unfair and shows a high level of disrespect for your love partner.

If your partner raises their voice, whether man or woman, back off physically from them, lower your voice to slightly more than a whisper sending a signal that you are not willing to listen if the yelling continues. Let them know that you are willing to mutually discuss the situation in a calm and respectful manner.

If you cannot peacefully reach this agreement, leave the scene of the disagreement. Generally speaking, a louder voice demands attention. If you go away, you deny them the attention they so disrespectfully demand. It is a smart partner who withdraws rather than becoming a partner in a shouting match.

A quiet loving voice manner is respectful and will always get you more of what you want. It is not necessary to raise your voice when talking face-to-face. It demonstrates immaturity and is childish. Watch your decibels.

Discover Your Partner's Hot Buttons - Push them spontaneously. I'm not talking about the ones you've been pushing, but the ones you should push. Like turn-ons. Know what makes your partner happy, excited and blissful. You must pay attention to do this. Make notes if you must to help you remember. Often what they need is only a warm and tender hug, a kiss on the neck or an unexpected full-body massage.

• "The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change until we notice how our failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds." - R. D. Laing, Scottish Psychiatrist

Pay attention!

Search Engine - Get your engine going and search for solutions to small issues to head them off before they grow into something unmanageable. Plan ahead. Preventative maintenance works. Take a look at all the problem areas of your relationship and begin the work that needs to be done.

Remember, a relationship is something that needs to be worked on all the time, not only when it is broken and needs to be fixed.

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Write! "Right!" - Journal. Put your private and personal feelings on paper. It is important to get your thoughts out of your head and make them tangible by putting them in writing. Often the thoughts you have about your relationship are disconnected from the real issue. Your mind skips from one thought to the next so rapidly you have no time to focus on thinking about what really matters. When you cansee your thoughts on paper it helps you to more effectively deal with the situation. Read, For Your Eyes Only for a more in depth look at journaling.

Time-out - Make time to think about your relationship, your partner and the progress you are making. Thinking can stimulate your mind to action. Listen to your heart. It always tells the truth. It is far better to concentrate on the good than to dwell on the hurts of the past. Listening is the foundation for concentration. In yourtime-out look for the truth about the direction you need to take.

When difficulties arise, be a relationship tweaker. Don't wait. Do something, preferably with your partner, that will quickly get your relationship back on track.

Remember, there is always more than one way to do anything. There is no "one way." There are only many ways to reach your relationship goals. You have but to be open to them. Together, choose a solution that you can both support and fine-tune it. Instead of living with old memories, create some new ones. . . together. Think openly, with no boundaries or rules and watch the creative juices flow and the ideas come forth.

Also be aware that ideas are a dime a dozen, however the people who put them into action are priceless. Studies have shown that as an activity becomes more difficult, the brain becomes more active. Take time to ponder the number of choices that are available.

Mission Possible - Keep the faith. When you decide to recommit to your relationship, you open your relationship to infinite possibilities. Harbor high hopes. Anything is possible when you really believe it and take the appropriate action to achieve it.

Back to the Future - Remember the good times. To stay motivated during the tough times, take some time to go back in your memory to when you were first together. What was it that first attracted you to your partner? Take a moment and look to see those qualities now. Banish negative thoughts about them. Take care to notice the things you admire about your partner, no matter how small and next, tell them. The more you focus on the good, the more good you will see.

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No Excuses! - If you truly have a desire to have your relationship work, you cannot allow yourself to offer excuses. No excuses! There are only results or reasons why. The reasons why are the excuses we come up with to avoid taking responsibility for our relationship and to avoid doing something we may be afraid to do and know must be done.

Holy! Holy! Holy! - You must never forget the importance of the spiritual side of your relationship. Marriage is sacred. So are the vows you make. Making a relationship work should not be totally dependent upon what you or your partner do or do not do. God, a Higher Power - or whatever you choose to call what you believe in - can only inspire you to make the right choices. He alone cannot do it for you. You and your partner must do the work.

Listen for God's soft whisper. He speaks to you in the stillness of daybreak and in the midst of conflict. Are you listening? I highly recommend the following list of priorities: God, you, your relationship and your work - in that order!

Give Up Whine - In relationships there is no fine whine. Get a grip. Whining does not work. Neither does dissing, ranting and raving. Especially if it always about the same old thing. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. Do you want to get closer to the one you love? Practice the "three Cs." Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Constantly complaining is a form of whining. It is also often called "nagging." Quiet, please. Instead, catch your partner doing something right and shower them with praise and adoration.

Stay With It - Work the program. Make it a lifetime commitment. Never stop. We often get so wrapped up in our everyday experiences that we forget that our relationship comes first. It does, you know. Make it a habit to work together on your relationship. When you become discouraged, seek out someone in your support system, perhaps a friend whom you know will be your encourager. To paraphrase Vincent Van Gogh, "When you hear a voice within you saying, 'You're not going to make it,' than by all means continue making better choices and that voice will be silenced."

Stick with it and your partner will stick with you. Positive repetition builds your relationship reputation. Become known to your partner as someone who is consistent with their best efforts; someone with commitment, perseverance and dedication to serving the relationship.

Preventative Maintenance - Don't allow your relationship to crash and burn. Perhaps there should be "black boxes" in relationships. That way when a major relationship crash occurs you would be able to analyze more correctly what caused the problem. Forensic experts know that in analyzing black boxes, any deviation in any sequence of events would have prevented the crash. That's good to know.

Adjustments in your own position about your relationship can and will make a BIG difference. Giving up being "right" about YOUR position is a great first step. You'll be amazed! Make this commitment and it will transform the "rumbles" in your relationship to "ripples" almost immediately! Ask yourself, "Would I rather be right or happy?"

Relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

Agree as partners to keep your relationship in a constant state of repair by continually working on it. This is a good way to prevent future issues from occurring. Sustain your relationship by periodic visits to those best in a position to help you. Got a relationship problem you cannot solve? Relationship coaching is a wise choice.

My friend, Dr. Michael LeBoeuf, says "A mistake only proves someone stopped talking long enough to do something." People in relationships make mistakes. The key is to learn from your mistakes and push forward. Never stay hooked to the past. The past is an energy drain. Focus on what you want, not on what you don't want.Practice constructive doing. You make fewer mistakes that way.

The miracle of error is the access to opportunity it presents. Problems validate what you are committed to. They get in the way of your commitments, therefore they validate what you are committed to. If this were not true, we couldn't call them problems. Accept responsibility for your problems. If you don't,you are the problem.

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It is infinitely wiser to experience relationship problems as those situations which lure you on to self-discovery than to be stopped by the unpleasantness of the circumstances and be shut down to the possibilities the problem presents.

There are no accidents. Relationship problems occur for a reason. It is sometimes difficult to find the good in what appears to be all bad. There are important lessons to be learned in every circumstance. Problems by design are repetitive. They come back if you don't learn from them and do something to prevent their reoccurrence.

Be a Smarty Pants - Yearn to learn. Learn more about having healthy and successful relationships by visiting quality relationship sites on the Internet. Develop a need to read. Join a book club and purchase relationship books. Subscribe to relationship eZINEs. Attend relationship seminars. Get relationship coaching. You can never know too much about relationships.

Count Your Blessings! - Look for the basic goodness in your mate. What do you like best about them? Make a list of all the reasons you are together. It will help you to stay fixed on the positive and focused on what matters the most in your relationship. Believe that the difficulties in relationships are challenges that can be understood, and once understood and worked on "together," they eventually go away. Trust in the goodness of your partner. What you think about and speak about, you bring about.

Leave Work at Work - Dave Barry once said, "You should not confuse your career with your life." I agree and would add, "or your relationship!" Your relationship must come first, then your career.

Hmmmm! What About Housework? - Guys! This one is for you. Nowhere is it written that your sweetheart should be responsible for all the housework. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes, taking out the trash or running the vaccum sweeper! Think about it!

Recovery from a relationship slump is not only about reconnection. It's about collaboration. My friend, Ian Percy, CSP, has written a wonderful article called, "The Joy of Collaboration."

Make some new promises! Make a promise to your partner to use this list of "Slump Busters" to assist in the growth of your relationship. A commitment to do so is a healthy step in the right direction. A healthy love relationship is the reward.

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You can do the work of relationships by design or default. The choice is up to you!

What can you expect if you begin to do the work of a healthy love relationship? Miracles in your relationship, that's what! The reward for better choices is a love that grows. . . and grows. . . and grows!

next: How Do You Work On You?

On June 12, the A&E Television Network ran one of its investigative reports entitled, "Inside Alcoholics Anonymous." Although promoed as including "leading national health authorities and the organization's outspoken critics. . . answer[ing] questions never before asked," it was a paean to AA with short clips from Stanton and Miriam Gilliam, with their views quickly dismissed and the program ending in a paean to the salvation AA brings. For example, not one person who rejected or was unsuccessful at AA was interviewed. However, people in that category wrote to Stanton following the program, including the following:

Dear Dr. Peele:

I have so much to say I don't know where to begin. I'll try to be concise, though. I am a 29-year-old ex-alcoholic. I grew up with an out-of-control alkie for a father, and one of my greatest fears growing up was that I would turn out to be just like him, a drunken bum. Unfortunately, all of the teaching I was exposed to at school indicated that my fears were indeed destined to come true. I even had a well-meaning, 12-stepping teacher give me copies of pamphlets about Alateen and books on ACOA's. So when I started drinking in my late teens, and drank more heavily through my mid-twenties, the prophecy began to be fulfilled. And it terrified me. I was convinced I was destined to be a hopeless drunk, just like dear old Dad, which prompted me to begin to attend AA meetings.

I spent 18 months in AA, going virtually every day, and while I was there, I was a paragon of "sobriety". But I was beginning to feel crazy in AA. When I questioned the dogma, I was told to write a 4th step. When I tried to challenge the idea of powerlessness (which I think is one of the single most damaging concepts in AA), I was told to get on my knees. I was in denial. Call my sponsor. I hated the disease theory because it always seemed to me to just be a big fat excuse for immature behavior. But still, I was so programmed that I began to feel that my failure to accept the program was my fault. Plus, I was terrified to leave because they had me convinced that I would wind up in a jail or an institution or dead.

OK, enough of the AA terminology - I'm starting to give myself the creeps. A couple of months ago I stumbled on Marianne Gilliam's book "How Alcoholics Anonymous Failed Me" and read it, cover to cover. It gave me the push I needed to leave AA for good. Since then, I have read everything I could get my hands on with regard to non-AA therapy, RR, MM, SMART, the AA deprogramming website and others and the 12-step-free email list I joined. And I have finally come to realize that I am not an alcoholic after all. I have even had a couple of drinks, and had no problems with it at all except for the echoes of 12-step hogwash in my brain, telling me it's only a matter of time, I'll wind up in the gutter, etc, etc.

But the real reason I'm writing is to make a point. In my case, anyway, the idea that alcoholism is a disease that is "passed down" through the generations was complete and utter nonsense, and very, very damaging. It was, in fact, a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I believed it, and will be dealing with the decimation of my already low self-esteem which occurred in AA for a long time. The notion that I was diseased for life and filled with character defects particularly got to me. But I intend to continue on my own path of "recovery", which is to trust myself, listen to my own intuition, research and explore alternatives until I find one that works for me, and get a good, non-12-step therapist. Maybe someday I will heal from the awful wounds of my childhood, which are the real reasons I drank to excess in the first place.

I do have to say also that my experience in AA taught me one thing - it taught me that I could stay abstinent if I so chose, without any help from the Big Guy in the Sky (How do they explain the fact that I prayed to Him as a child, daily, that I wouldn't become an alcoholic in the first place? Maybe He was on vacation.), because it was what I wanted at the time. And being abstinent for that time taught me that I could get my life together and function normally (what's normal?). I have a good job (the same job I kept throughout my period of excessive drinking), I bought a house (by myself), I am finishing my Bachelor's degree with plans to attend law school, and none of this happened as a result of AA. It happened because I made it happen.

btw, I'm so sorry for what A&E did to you and Ms. Gilliam on that horrible program last night. It's good that you went to law school. Maybe you can be your own first client.

Best wishes and thanks for your great work,

Nicole

next: Introduction to Alcohol and Pleasure: A Health Perspective
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Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are, too, those who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it then you are ready to take certain steps.

At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Remember that we deal with alcohol cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power That one is God. May you find Him now!

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Many of us exclaimed "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.

Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.

(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.

(c) That God could and would if He were sought.

Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?

The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on a self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collusion with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self propulsion. Each person is like an actor who tried to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish, and dishonest. But as with most humans, he is likely to have varied traits.

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What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?

Our actor is self-centered egocentric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?

Selfishness self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which has placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it will kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even through we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have Gods help.

This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we marched to freedom.

When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, or the hereafter. We were reborn.

We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.

We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.

Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is fact finding and a fact facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock in trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.

We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.

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Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions, or principles with whom we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In many cases it was found that our self esteem, our pocketbooks, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up."

On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with?

We were usually as definite as this example:

I'm Resentful at:	The Cause	Affects my:
Mr. Brown	His attention to my wife.	Sex relations Self esteem (fear)
	Told my wife of my mistress.	Self esteem (fear) Sex relations
	Brown may get my job.	Security Self esteem (fear)
Mrs. Jones	She's a nut she snubbed me. She committed her husband for drinking. He is my friend. She's a gossip.	Personal relationship Self esteem (fear)
My employer	Unreasonable- Unjust-Overbearing Threatens to fire me for drinking and padding my expense account.	Self esteem (fear) Security
My wife	Misunderstands and Nags. Likes Brown. Wants the house put in her name.	Pride Personal sex relations Security (fear)

We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in wart, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short lived.

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be dubious luxury of normal men, but for the alcoholics, these things are poison.

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