Healing Unresolved Anger

Write three (3) things of beauty down in your life every day.

Analyzing repressed or unresolved anger

  • You need a map or blueprint. Otherwise, how do you know where to go?
  • Understanding: core of the human being
    1. to be loved
    2. to be accepted or longing for acceptance

Where love is denied, that's where you're wounded.

All of us are born with the NEED, but we are not born with the skill to meet those NEEDS. We are dependent on our family system. Ask yourself, what were the rules in my family system for ME to get love? --this creates anger, in return this is the emotional trauma that you experienced and must deal with.

If we look back to when you were 4-5 years old, many people who suffered from child abuse have these common beliefs:

  • everyone is bad or hurtful
  • I possess no power
  • low self-esteem
  • feel unloveable

How did you cope with that anger as you matured:

  • not eating
  • became perfectionist
  • self-deprecating humor
  • displaced anger
  • physical symptoms, like migraines, appeared

COPING becomes HABIT
HABIT dictates REALITY
REALITY is OPTIONAL


 


If you don't feel it, you can't heal it

  1. Intimacy and Anger don't co-exist
  2. Anger is emotional response to perceived injustice
  3. Anger has many signs, many faces
    1. Inward - Depression
    2. Outward - Hostility
    3. Passive - Obsession to please others

Anger causes consequences. Ask yourself: "What problems does repressed anger cause me?" Especially consider:

  • Humiliation
  • Shame
  • Health consequences

Anger's Common Traits

Rate yourself 1 (that's me) -10 (not me) in the following categories:

  • need to control
  • caretaker
  • people pleaser
  • workaholic
  • martyr
  • perfectionist
  • procrastinator
  • tap dancer
  • hypersensitive
  • body shame

Anger to forgiveness, forgiveness is for ME

Things to think about:

  • The most painful and difficult thing you can ever deal with is yourself.
  • If you don't feel it, you can't heal it.
  • Unless I hang on a cross - I will never feel good enough (craziness).
  • Life is like a sieve for those who don't want to get help.
  • Get over the feeling that you don't deserve to have fun or enjoy life.
  • Stop setting yourself up. You can say NO!
  • I need to go as deep as the hurt. If I had a splinter, I would need to get all of it out, not just a portion. It would still hurt and eventually might get infected. Later it would be healed.

next: Getting Past The Bitterness
~ all Holli's Triumph Over Tragedy articles
~ all abuse library articles
~ all articles on abuse issues

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). Healing Unresolved Anger, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 9 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/healing-unresolved-anger

Last Updated: May 5, 2019

Getting Past The Bitterness

How to deal with the hatred, blaming God, bitterness associated with your abuse and begin to heal.

by Paul McLaughlin
Survivor, Webmaster of Save our Children

How do you get over the hatred?
I can't seem to get on with my life.
I ask God to forgive me, but I just feel helplessness.

So many ask me the same question over and over. How do you forgive those who hurt you? I have no answer to that difficult question. I am sure for those who know, the bible will have an answer.

BUT WAIT A MINUTE.

I forgive those who hurt me just by saying "I forgive you", but I won't forget the pain you put me through. As for me, I guess I have God on my side. I became a believer in 1988, and for some dumb reason, I went home to Pittsburgh and had seen my mother, who I had not seen in 14 years. I went home and gave my mother a hug and told her, "I love you". It did me some good, but it didn't do a thing for her. I just forgave her. I guess this is what God wanted me to do. How can God forgive our sins if we can't forgive the poor soul who has done wrong by abusing us when we were little children?

Many point their finger at God. It's God's fault.

God allows this to happen. I DON'T THINK SO. Did God tell people to hurt you? Did God tell you to hurt other children? Did God tell my mother to sit me on a hot stove at the age of 5? No, God had nothing to do with our sufferings.

The day we die, God will ask us: "Why are you, as an adult, allowing other adults to hurt little children and allowing other adults to hurt other adults?" Do not point your finger at God. We need to point our finger at ourselves.

Many people tell me this: "I never forgave my parents for the little argument we had years ago and we didn't speak to each other for years. Now that my parents are dead, I feel guilty that I didn't fix the problem before they passed away. I wished that I had done something about it while my parents were alive."

As for me, I will not have a guilty mind because I have forgiven my mother for the horrible abuse she put me through.


 


If you were very ill and dying, wouldn't you want someone to be by your side? I hope so. No matter what others have done wrong to you, you must not do wrong to others. Give it some time to heal. Stay away from those who hurt you. Only see them from time-to-time. Try to talk to them or hug them. Time heals old wounds. When you are ready, you will in time forgive those who have wronged you. It's in God's time, not your time. You are here for a reason.

Keep in contact with your friends. They are here to give you support and encouragement. I am not an expert, but I am here to encourage you. We are all here to help one another. No matter what some of us had to endure when we were children, we shall overcome. I might not have the proper words to say, but I am sure your friends do.

next: The Feelings Chart
~ all Holli's Triumph Over Tragedy articles
~ all abuse library articles
~ all articles on abuse issues

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). Getting Past The Bitterness, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 9 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/getting-past-the-bitterness

Last Updated: May 5, 2019

The Feelings Chart

Evaluate the categories of feelings and then your levels of intensity of feelings to figure out where you're at.-

Intensity   Feelings        
Happy  Sad  Angry  Scared  Confused  Strong  Weak

High

           
Satisfied  Hurt  Superior  Fearful  Bewildered  Potent  Over-
whelmed
 Elated  Hopeless  Furious  Panicky  Trapped  Super  Impotent
Overjoyed  Sorrowful  Seething  Afraid  Troubled  Powerful  Small
Proud Depressed  Enraged Distraught  Torn/Split Trusting  Useless
Together  Rejected  Victimized Miserable  Disorganized Competent  Incapable
Complete Unwanted Drained Frightened  Mixed-up Energetic  Insecure
Free Grief  Jealous Threatened  Foggy Confident  Inferior
Joyful                

Medium

                   

Cheerful

Ashamed Remorseful Insecure Disoriented Capable Defensive
Up Upset Annoyed Uneasy Uncertain Attracted Shaky
Good Distressed Frustrated Very strained Divided Sure Unsure
Hopeful Down Agitated Shy Don't know
Secure Soft
Peaceful Defeated Tense Timid Bothered Durable Shy
Loving Beaten Strained Unsure Safe

Low

                     
Glad Lonely "Fed Up" Nervous Uncomfortable
Content Sorry Uptight Strained Undecided
Satisfied Lost Dismayed Reluctant Tired
Positive Bad Put Out
Relief
(relieved)
Guilty Nervous
Warm inside Embarrassed- Inconvenienced 
Feel safe Disappointed Tired of
Feel secure Inferior Put upon
Accepted Repulsed Repulsed
Affectionate Remorse Competitive 
A sense of
belonging
Frightened
Respected Defensive
Aggressive
Suspicious

 

 

next: Setting Functional Boundaries
~ all Holli's Triumph Over Tragedy articles
~ all abuse library articles
~ all articles on abuse issues

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). The Feelings Chart, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 9 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/the-feelings-chart

Last Updated: September 12, 2017

Setting Functional Boundaries

Setting functional boundaries helps you create and maintain healthy relationships.

by Pia Mellody, author of Facing Codependence

Why Do We Need to Set Functional Boundaries?

Boundary systems are invisible and symbolic "fences" that have three purposes:

  1. to keep people from coming into our space and abusing us
  2. to keep us from going into the space of others and abusing them
  3. to give each of us a way to embody our sense of "who we are"

Boundary systems have two parts: external and internal. Our external boundary allows us to choose our distance from other people and enables us to give or refuse permission for them to touch us. Our internal boundary protects our thinking, feelings, and behavior and keeps them functional.

What Are Personal Boundaries?

A boundary is a system of setting limits that enhances a person's ability to have a sense of self. Boundaries control the impact of reality on the self and others. The purpose of a boundary is to contain and protect reality.

Reality is composed of four components. These are:

  1. the body or what we look like
  2. thinking or how we give meaning to incoming data
  3. feelings or our emotions
  4. behavior or what we do or do not do

There are three components of boundaries. These are an external system, an internal system, and a spiritual system. The External System protects the body and controls distance and touch. The Internal System protects thinking, feelings, and behavior. It acts like a block or filter and functions in conjunction with the External System. The Spiritual System occurs when two people are being intimate with one another and both are using their external and internal systems.

How to Create Personal Boundaries

Boundaries are created by:

  • Visualization of External and Internal Systems
  • Memorization of statements that create the External Physical Boundary, External Sexual Boundary, and the Internal Boundary.

The statement used to create the External Physical Boundary is:

  • I have a right to control distance and non-sexual touch with you, and you have the same right to do so with me.

The statement used to create the External Sexual Boundary is:

  • I have a right to determine with whom, when, where, and how I am going to be sexual. You also have the same right to do so with me.

The statement used to create the Internal Boundary is:

  • I create what I think and feel and am in control of what I do or do not do. The same is true for you. We need only to note the impact of our reality on the other. If a person acts as a major offender, the person doing the offending is accountable for the impact and owes the other person amends.

Three Guidelines to Boundary Procedures

External Physical Boundary

You create the "self-protective" part of your external boundary when someone is approaching you. You do this by determining how close you allow the person to stand to you and whether or not you are going to allow him/her to touch you.

You create the "other protective" part of your external physical boundary when you are physically approaching another person. You do this by being respectful of an eighteen-inch social distance between you and the other person and by not touching him/her without his/her permission.

External Sexual Boundary

You create the "self-protective" part of your external boundary when someone is sexually approaching you. You do this by deciding for yourself if you want to be sexual with this person by asking yourself if it is in your best long term interest to do so. If you agree to be sexual, you then negotiate the issues regarding when, where, and how with him/her.

You create the "other protective" part of your External Sexual Boundary when you are asking a person to be sexual with you. You do this by directly asking the person if he/she wants to be sexual with you and if the person agrees to be sexual by negotiating the issues of when, where, and how with him/her.

Internal Boundary

You establish the "self-protective" part of your internal boundary when someone is talking. First, set your personal boundary. Then, say to yourself that the other person is responsible for creating what he/she is saying. You only take into yourself what is the truth for you. Block the rest by following this procedure:

  1. If it is true, let the information in, embrace it, and allow yourself to have feelings about it.
  2. If you determine that the information is not true, allow it to bounce off your boundary.
  3. If the data is questionable, gather data regarding the information.

As you observe and analyze the information, you can determine if the information is "true" or "not true". If it is true, filter the information and have feelings about it. If the information is not true, block it and remove it from your boundary.

  1. True: Filter/Filter & Feel
  2. Not True: Block/Block
  3. Questionable: Filter/Block & Gather Data

You establish the "other protective" part of your Internal Boundary when you are verbally sharing yourself. As you share your thoughts and feelings, you say to yourself, "I have created what I am saying and feeling. I am the only one responsible for my thoughts and feelings.

Physical Boundary Violations

  • Standing too close to a person without his/her permission.
  • Touching a person without his/her permission.
  • Getting into a person's personal belongings and living space such as one's purse, wallet, mail, and closet.
  • Listening to a person's personal conversations or telephone F. conversations without his/her permission.
  • Not allowing a person to have privacy or violating a person's right to privacy.
  • Exposing others to physical illness due to your having a contagious disease.

Sexual Boundary Violations:

  • Touching a person sexually without his/her permission.
  • Not negotiating when, where, and how to engage in sexual activity.
  • Demanding unsafe sexual practices.
  • Leaving pornography where others who do not wish to or should not see it may see it.
  • Exposing oneself to others without their consent.
  • Staring or looking at another person lustily (voyeurism) without his/her permission.
  • Exposing visually and/or auditorily others to your sexual activities without their consent.

Internal Boundary Violations

  • Yelling and screaming
  • Name calling
  • Ridiculing a person
  • Lying
  • Breaking a commitment
  • Patronizing a person
  • Telling a person how he/she should be or what he/she should do (Negative Control)
  • Being sarcastic
  • Shaming a person

* This material is excerpted with permission from: Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives By Pia Mellody with Andrea Wells Miller and J. Keith Miller

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). Setting Functional Boundaries, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 9 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/setting-functional-boundaries

Last Updated: April 10, 2020

Basic Women's Rights

abuse-articles-39-healthyplaceI jotted down some areas that I believe are "Basic Women's Rights". I encourage other women to share their own convictions based on their personal experiences. Hopefully, I can act as a catalyst for a project that will empower other women to find hope and healing.

  1. The right to live in peace, without fear of emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse or psychological abuse.
  2. The right to respect on the basis of motherhood.
  3. The right to being taken seriously as an intelligent, capable human being with vast capabilities.
  4. The right to never have to fear the loss of my offspring to a society that still considers them and myself as men's property.
  5. The right to food, shelter, clothing and proper medical care. I will provide it for myself and help others to receive it when I am capable. When I am not, due to childhood, student status, pregnancy, disability or abuse, society will reach out to me in a loving and caring way and assist me to maintain my dignity.
  6. The right to free access of knowledge.
  7. Quality and affordable day care that enhances my development and that of my children.

 


next: Diagnostic Codes for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
~ all Holli's Triumph Over Tragedy articles
~ all abuse library articles
~ all articles on abuse issues

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). Basic Women's Rights, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 9 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/basic-womens-rights

Last Updated: February 10, 2016

Diagnostic Codes for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder include anxiety disorder, dysthymia, anorexia nervosa. Details here.

American Psychiatric Association

Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-III-R

309.89 Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

A. The person has experienced an event that is outside the range of usual human experience and that would be markedly distressing to almost anyone, e.g., serious threat to one's life or physical integrity; serious threat or harm to one's children, spouse, or other close relatives and friends; sudden destruction of one's home or community; or seeing another person who has recently been, or is being, seriously injured or killed as the result of an accident or physical violence.

B. The traumatic event is persistently reexperienced in at least on of the following ways:

  1. recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event (in young children, repetitive play in which themes or aspects of the trauma are expressed)
  2. recurrent distressing dreams of the event
  3. sudden acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative episodes , even those that occur upon awakening or when intoxicated)
  4. intense psychological distress at exposure to events that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event, including anniversaries of the trauma

C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma or numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by at least three of the following:

  1. efforts to avoid thoughts or feelings associated with the trauma
  2. efforts to avoid activities or situations that arouse recollections of the trauma
  3. inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma (psychogenic amnesia)
  4. markedly diminished interest in significant activities (in young children, loss of recently acquired developmental skills such as toilet training or language skills) feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
  5. restricted range of affect, e.g., unable to have loving feelings
  6. sense of a foreshortened future, e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, or children, or a long life

 


D. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (no present before the trauma), as indicated by at least two of the following:

  1. difficulty falling or staying asleep
  2. irritability or outbursts of anger
  3. difficulty concentrating
  4. hypervigilance
  5. exaggerated startle response
  6. physiologic reactivity upon exposure to events that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event (e.g., a woman who was raped in an elevator breaks out in a sweat when entering any elevator)

E. Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in B, C, and D) of at least one month.Specify delayed onset if the onset of symptoms was at least six months after the trauma.

300.02 Generalized Anxiety Disorder

A. Unrealistic or excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation) about two or more life circumstances, e.g., worry about possible misfortune to one's child (who is in no danger ) and worry about finances (for no good reason), for a period of six months or longer, during which the person has been bothered more days than not be these concerns. In children and adolescents, this may take the form of anxiety and worry about academic, athletic, and social performance.

B. If another Axis I disorder is present, the focus of the anxiety and worry in "A" is unrelated to it, e.g., the anxiety or worry is not about having a panic attack (as in Panic Disorder), being embarrassed in public (as in Social Phobia), being contaminated (as in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder), or gaining weight (as in Anorexia Nervosa).

C. The disturbance does not occur only during the course of a Mood Disorder or a psychotic disorder.

D. At least six (6) of the following eighteen (18) symptoms are often present when anxious (do not include symptoms present only during panic attacks):

Motor tension

  • trembling, twitching, or feeling shaky
  • muscle tension, aches, or soreness
  • restlessness
  • easy fatigability

Autonomic hyperactivity

  • shortness of breath or smothering sensations
  • palpitations or accelerated heart rate (tachycardia)
  • sweating, or cold clammy hands
  • dry mouth
  • dizziness or lightheadedness
  • nausea, diarrhea, or other abdominal distress
  • flushes (hot flashes) or chills
  • frequent urination
  • trouble swallowing or "lump in throat"

Vigilance and scanning

  • feeling keyed up or on edge
  • exaggerated startle response
  • difficulty concentrating or "mind going blank" because of anxiety
  • trouble falling or staying asleep
  • irritability

E. It cannot be established that an organic factor initiated and maintained the disturbance, e.g., hyperthyroidism, caffeine intoxication.

300.40 Dysthymia (or Depressive Neurosis)

A. Depressed mood (or can be irritable mood in children and adolescents) for most of the day, more days than not, as indicated either by subjective account or observation by others, for at least two years (one year for children and adolescents)

B. Presence, while depressed, of at least two of the following:

  1. poor appetite or overeating
  2. insomnia or hypersomnia
  3. low energy or fatigue
  4. low self-esteem
  5. poor concentration or difficulty making decisions
  6. feelings of hopelessness

C. During a two-year period (one-year for children and adolescents) of the disturbance, never without the symptoms in "A" for more than two months at a time.

D. No evidence of an unequivocal Major Depressive Episode during the first two years (one year for children and adolescents) of the disturbance.

E. Has never had a Manic Episode or an unequivocal hypomanic episode.

F. Not superimposed on a chronic psychotic disorder, such as Schizophrenia or Delusional Disorder.

G. It cannot be established that an organic factor initiated and maintained the disturbance, e.g., prolonged administration of an antihypertensive medication.

307.10 Anorexia Nervosa

A. Refusal to maintain body weight over a minimal normal weight for age and height, e.g., weight loss leading to maintenance of body weight 15% below that expected; or failure to make expected weight gain during period of growth, leading to body weight 15% below that expected.

B. Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though underweight.

C. Disturbance in the way in which one's body weight, size, or shape is experienced, e.g., the person claims to "feel fat" even when emaciated, believes that one area of the body is "too fat" even when obviously underweight.

D. In females, absence of at least three consecutive menstrual cycles when otherwise expected to occur (primary or secondary amenorrhea). (A woman is considered to have amenorrhea if her periods occur only following hormone, e.g., estrogen, administration.)

next: How You React To Stress
~ all Holli's Triumph Over Tragedy articles
~ all abuse library articles
~ all articles on abuse issues

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). Diagnostic Codes for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 9 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/diagnostic-codes-for-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd

Last Updated: May 5, 2019

How You React To Stress

Explanation of stress, stress reduction and relaxation techniques. Understanding anxiety provoking stress.

The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook

Stress is an everyday fact of life. You can't avoid it.

Stress is any change that you must adjust to. While you usually think of stressful events as being negative, such as injury, illness, or death of a loved one, they can also be positive. For instance, getting a new home or a promotion brings with it the stress of the change of status and new responsibilities. Falling in love can be as stressful for some people as falling out of love. All stress is not bad. Stress is not only desirable but essential to life.

Whether your stress experience is a result of major life changes or the cumulative effects of minor everyday hassles, it is how you react to stressful experiences that can create a stress response.

You experience stress from three basic sources:

  1. your environment
  2. your body
  3. your thoughts

Your environment bombards you with demands to adjust. You must endure weather, noise, crowding, interpersonal demands, time pressures, performance standards, and various threats to your security and self-esteem.

The second source of stress is physiological. The rapid growth of adolescence, menopause in women, again, illness, accidents, lack of exercise, poor nutrition, and sleep disturbances all tax the body. Your reaction to environmental threats and changes also produce body changes which are themselves stressful.

The third source of stress is your thoughts. Your brain interprets and translates complex changes in your environment and determines when to push the panic button. How you interpret, perceive, and label your present experience and what you predict for the future can serve either to relax or stress you. Interpreting a sour look from your boss to mean that you are doing an inadequate job is likely to be very anxiety provoking. Interpreting the same look as tiredness or preoccupation with personal problems will not be as frightening.

Stress researcher, Richard Lazarus, has argued that stress begins with your appraisal of a situation. You first ask yourself what is happening and why (causality). Then, to determine the situation's significance for your well being, you ask how dangerous it is and what resources you have to cope with it. Anxious, stressed people often decide that:

  1. an event is dangerous, difficult, or painful; or
  2. they don't have the resources to cope.

Working on these issues in a positive way, will give you the confidence that you can cope.


 


next: Thoughts That Trigger Anxiety and Anger and Can Ruin Relationships
~ all Holli's Triumph Over Tragedy articles
~ all abuse library articles
~ all articles on abuse issues

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). How You React To Stress, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 9 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/how-you-react-to-stress

Last Updated: May 5, 2019

Thoughts That Trigger Anxiety and Anger and Can Ruin Relationships

Thoughts that trigger anxiety and anger and can ruin relationships - like sense of entitlement or urge to punish.

Are some of these fallacies creating stress for you in a relationship?

Entitlement fallacy:

The belief is that because I want something very much, I ought to have it...the feeling that there are certain things that I am entitled to. (Fight this fallacy by realizing the other person is free to say no, and that although you have your limits, the other person does also.)

Fallacy of fairness:

The idea that there is some absolute standard of correct and fair behavior in interpersonal relationships...the conviction that relationships must be fair. (Fight this fallacy by recognizing that all needs of all parties are equally important and legitimate, and both parties can negotiate as peers.)

Fallacy of change:

The assumption that you really can have control over and change another person's behavior. (Remember that people will change only when they want to and the only person's behavior you can change is your own.)

The Letting it Out fallacy:

The belief that people who hurt you must be punished. (Keep in mind that punishment or revenge won't get you what you want.)

Conditional Assumptions:

The assumption that behaviors of others have special meaning, such as "if you loved me, you'd have done dishes tonight". (Recall that disappointment doesn't necessarily mean that you or your partner doesn't care.)

Good/Bad Dichotomizing:

The belief that people are good or bad, right or wrong, not seeing "shades of gray" or any less polarized view of another person or their behaviors. (Work on judging less, and allowing others to hold beliefs and ideas that are different from yours. When your needs conflict with others recall that there is not necessarily a right or wrong way of doing things, only that your needs at a given moment conflict with your partner's.)

Assumed Intent:

The tendency to make guesses about how others feel and think without checking it out. Mindreading. (Assume nothing - or check it out!!!)

Magnifying:

Making things worse by focusing and "blowing up" the negative aspects of the situation (and usually minimizing the positive aspects.) (Work on not using words like always, never, and strive towards accuracy rather than exaggeration.)

Global Labelling:

Using words to label others, such as "my boss is an imbecile; my mother is neurotic; my father is stupid; I am a jerk, etc. (Work on not labeling. Instead, be specific about which behavior you observe.)

Adapted from McKay, Matthew, et al, "When Anger Hurts, Quieting the Storm Within," 1989, New Harbinger Publications, California


 


next: Coping Statements To Help With Panic Attacks
~ all Holli's Triumph Over Tragedy articles
~ all abuse library articles
~ all articles on abuse issues

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). Thoughts That Trigger Anxiety and Anger and Can Ruin Relationships, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 9 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/thoughts-that-trigger-anxiety-and-anger-and-can-ruin-relationships

Last Updated: May 5, 2019

Coping Statements To Help With Panic Attacks

Positive statements to help you cultivate attitudes of accepting, floating, allowing time to pass during a panic attack.

by Sefra Kobrin Pitzele

Use any or all of the following positive statements to help you cultivate attitudes of accepting, floating, and allowing time to pass during a panic attack. You may find it helpful to repeat these statements over-and-over. Post them in your car, on the mirror, in your home, etc.

"This feeling isn't comfortable or pleasant, but I can accept it."

"I can be anxious and still deal with this situation."

"I can handle these symptoms or sensations."

"This isn't the worst thing that could happen."

"I'll just ride this through - I don't need to let this get to me."

"I deserve to feel O.K. right now."

"I've survived this before and I'll survive this time too."

"These are just thoughts - not reality."


 


next: Mistaken Beliefs: The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook
~ all Holli's Triumph Over Tragedy articles
~ all abuse library articles
~ all articles on abuse issues

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). Coping Statements To Help With Panic Attacks, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 9 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/coping-statements-to-help-with-panic-attacks

Last Updated: May 5, 2019

Mistaken Beliefs: The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook

Mistaken beliefs about ourselves create low self-esteem. The anxiety and phobia workbook on how to change that.

Without thinking, we respect the inherent value of dogs and cats as animals. So, too, human beings have inherent value just as they are, apart from what they accomplish, possess, or whose approval they enjoy.

As you grow in self-esteem, you can learn to respect and believe in yourself apart from what you have accomplished and without relying on another for your good feeling (or making another reliant on you).

Examples of mistaken beliefs:

  • Criticisms: (thus "I'm worthless")
  • Ignored: (thus "My needs don't matter")
  • Rejected: (thus "I'm unlovable")

How to change these old beliefs around:

I'm powerless. I'm a victim of outside circumstances.
"I'm responsible and in control of my life... Circumstances are what they are, but I can determine my attitude toward them."

Life is a struggle. Something must be wrong if life seems too easy, pleasurable, or fun.
"Life is full and pleasurable."
"It's ok for me to relax and have fun."

"Life is an adventure and I'm learning to accept both the ups and downs."
I'm unimportant. My feelings and needs are unimportant.
"I am a valuable and unique person."
"I deserve to have my feeling and needs taken care of as much as anyone else."

Just recognizing your own particular mistaken beliefs is the first and most important step toward letting go of them. The second step is to develop a positive affirmation to counter each mistaken belief and continue to impress it on your mind until you are "deprogrammed."


 


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APA Reference
Staff, H. (2009, March 21). Mistaken Beliefs: The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 9 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/articles/mistaken-beliefs

Last Updated: May 5, 2019