The Difference Between Being Depressed and Having Depression

“I have people constantly trying to talk to me about how they think they're depressed or have a mental illness. That leads me into asking why they think that. Their most common response is that they've been feeling really sad lately because something is wrong in their life. At that point, I try to stay calm and remember they truly think they have depression because that's what society has made it seem like.”
This feels like gate keeping to me. The fact that you have to “try to stay calm” when people articulate their very real feelings how they can in a way you don’t think is accurate to the medical community is telling. What if you’re someone who has long term crippling external circumstances that makes you feel despair, helplessness, self hatred, irritability, lack of motivation, anxiety to get up in the morning, and are paralyzed by mundane tasks — this person wouldn’t have actual depression if it can be attributed to outside circumstances and not automatically to a chemical imbalance in their brain? Am I hearing this correctly? Mental illness is never triggered by extreme external circumstances?
Another quote from the article - “If you have depression, your life is completely turned upside down for *absolutely no reason*; you could be at a point where things are perfect from the outside, but it feels like you’re walking around with a cloud over your head.”
I understand society enjoys extremes and self diagnosis which is unhealthy, but it feels insensitive to say that depression (or other mental illness) is never triggered by extreme external/social/emotional circumstances that can be eased through emotional therapy and is *only due* to a medical chemical imbalance unaffected by positive external circumstances. I understand there’s a difference between being sad for a few days because, say, someone died (healthy and normal grief) which is very different from having actual clinical depression caused by chemical imbalance, but how can that invalidate long term despair from continuous and extreme external circumstances that majorly effect your external and mental quality of life and that cause fear of your ability to survive through the future?
If I came to you in an appropriate setting - like people have previously as you described - and I said “Hey, I think I might have depression. Within the past three weeks, I lost my job because my employer retroactively decided they wanted someone fifteen years older with five years expereince and now I’m struggling to find any industry job that will take me since no one wants anyone with no expereince out of college and I’m also now battling fear of rejection again, grandma died, my apartment lease is being cut short and I’m struggling to find and afford a new lease in this impossibly inflated market without a job, I immediately got the flu and then food poisoning after being fired and the funeral respectively, I feel like I’ve lost all direction in my career, I’m two thousand miles away from any family or friends, I feel suffocated and isolated by my new city and battle constant home sickness, I can’t afford surgery for my cat, I feel like I have suddenly zero financial stability, I feel like an utter failure, I cry every morning because I’m afraid to get up and face the day, and I struggle with all of the symptoms of depression.” Would you sit there calmly and correct me by saying I’m “just sad”?
What it feels like this article is saying is “even if you feel continuous symptoms of depression for weeks from a fear you will lose everything because of your external circumstances out of your control, and you’re paralyzed because of it, you’re just sad. You’re uninformed to describe yourself as having depression because you could fix your feelings on your own if you just fixed your external circumstances. If you’re not dependent on medicine to fix the problem, then you’re being ignorant to use the term ‘depression’ to describe yourself.”
I know the author Shelby Tweten is no longer at HealthyPlace. If anyone at HealthyPlace has any insight to clarify confusion from this article it would be much appreciated.

The problem is, the line between the two is thin. One can easily go from feeling sad to major depression, and it most certainly can be triggered by events. It's how one deals with those events and whether those events are compounded that can determine whether the person is simply sad, or is truly depressed.

my husband thinks that being depressed is the same as having depression. So if I lost my cat and I cry for a few days I say I'm depressed but I don't suffer from depression. Can you please help me understand or help him because we are not getting anywhere

Agreed...thanks Shelby. I'm having a hard time constantly explaining to people that Depression is not what they think it is. It's a medical condition requiring medical help, not a normal human sadness requiring a hug. I really, really and truly wish the medical community would come up with a new name for Depression, so it is distinguished from sadness... and then maybe people will stop telling me to "just cheer up" LOL

Thanks so much for this, Shelby. It seem that depression has become very much in vogue at the moment and, from a personal view, I'm slightly conscious of my family throwing the term around a little too easily. In the past few years, we've gone through some rough times with family deaths, serious illnesses and various difficulties. My mother has told me that she's struggling and believes she has depression. What you've said here is (a far more eloquent!) version of what I gently told her; as it's very much what I've always believed. Life will knock you around, and unhappiness and feeling low are natural. It's when you're feeling low when you have no reason to, that there's a true sign that something is chemically wrong.

A wonderfully helpful, and insightful read. I think your point about exaggerated language is so incredibly aware and important. We have become such an overly sensationalized society, exposed to pretty much everything, being aware of the impact of language is so important. Thanks for posting.