Life's tough!

I'm a 54 year old sexual abuse survivor. My uncle abused and raped me starting at the age of 4. It took me many years to finally realize what was wrong with me. Actually, I was sitting in a psych class. The topic was sexual abuse. I didn't think I could relate and had started studying for a test in Microbiology. However, a girl in the front of my row started sharing her story of abuse, I stopped studying. I KNEW she was telling my story. I started sobbing and had to go to my professor's office for the duration of the class.

After class my professor talked with me for over an hour and encouraged me to get help. When I got home, I told my husband about my discovery. He wanted to kill my uncle.

Thinking since everyone I'd told believed me, I would be believed in my family, so I called my mother. The first thing she said when I told her was "lets keep this between us." I told her I couldn't, knowing I was in for the fight of my life.

I was born and raised in a mennonite family. After telling her my story, I was immediately blamed...it was the way I dressed. (although my mother dressed me when I was 4) They tore my story apart, accusing me of lying. I stood alone, in a large proud, opinionated family, who didn't want to admit they had a rapist in the family.

My life has been difficult. I've struggled trying to make a life as close to my family as I can. I live in constant pain from Osteoarthritis, Osteopenia, TMJ, Scoliosis, PTSD and worsening depression. I haven't been able to work as much as I was and now am in serious financial trouble. I need to quit working for health reasons, but can't afford to live without a paycheck. I feel my uncle needs to pay for what he's done, but I've been told that if I press charges or sue him that I will be "shunned". I will no longer be a member of my family.

I don't know how much more I can take.