Meditation

Practicing Step Eleven's call to meditation came easily for me. My quest for wholeness really started with an intense spiritual longing years before life led me gently into recovery.

I believe I was always spiritually attuned, but pain and recovery helped me focus and concentrate my dormant spirituality into a specific direction and goal: knowing myself, knowing God, and knowing God's will for me.

Elements of the quest were in place by early childhood: the longing for intimacy, the desire to "see" beyond the mundane, a search for the truth of life's meaning, an intense awareness of destiny. All these were present in my childhood, and through my teen years and into early adulthood, I was gathering the tools and ideas and concentration that would become essential for my recovery and my eventual spiritual awakening.

Throughout all my life, God was preparing me for the day when I would finally be ready to make use of all the tools and gifts I'd been given. The day when dire need would require an honest, spiritual perspective and a heart of light to help me navigate through dark, stormy days.

Despite myself and my mistakes, God planted within my heart a seed that would be watered and fed by suffering and by pain. Through that necessary discipline, my heart brought forth the ever-opening flower of a new person.

Meditation is life. Life is meditation. Every moment lived fully and completely, in total appreciation of the moment, is a moment lived in God's presence. Every day is a new level of growth and awareness. Awareness of beauty. Awareness of being a child of God. Awareness that love and joy and peace are mine for the choosing.

My entire life is meditation. My entire being is a prayer, offered to God, who gave me the grace, despite my mistakes, to walk in the sunlight of self-love and self-esteem.

Perhaps the greatest gift of recovery has been learning to see the spiritual in the ordinary. Commonplace things hold the most extraordinary depth and spirit. A flower. A smile. A sunrise. A newborn child. Holding someone's hand. Looking into another person's eyes for more than a fleeting instant. A tear. A snowflake. A clear blue sky. Moonlight reflected on water. The sound of water rushing over rocks.

I am immersed in the perpetual renewing act of a spiritual creation, ever-flowing, ever-growing, ever singing, ever meditating from the depths of lasting serenity and peace. All by grace. All by choice. All through a Source of love deeper than understanding.

Despite the pain, my days and my past have a purpose and a meaning. To have brought me to this point, I am grateful for the pain, I am grateful for the struggle. There is unexpected joy, surprising peace, and opportunity for growth in the most painful of circumstances.

Serenity awaits every courageous heart longing to love, to change, and to grow.

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