Bipolar Self-Harm: Why Do We Do It?

Self-injury often travels with certain psychiatric conditions. One such example is bipolar self-harm. This is not necessarily a symptom of bipolar disorder, but I think many bipolar patients ended up hurting themselves at some point in their lives. Why do we do it? As always, self-harm is a complex phenomenon, so I may not have all the answers, but I can share my own experience in this post.

Bipolar and Self-Harm: Are They Related?

Studies suggest that bipolar patients are most likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors during the so-called mixed state.¹ I can fully understand that scenario as that’s when it happened to me as well. I was feeling extremely sad and depressed, but at the same time, I had so much energy and felt agitated and on edge all the time. It’s a very dangerous state to be in, and I found this cocktail of emotions unbearable.

Some research also suggests that bipolar women are more likely to hurt themselves than men,¹ especially in adolescence. Again, this was true in my case, as I started self-harming back in high school. However, this statistic might wrongly imply that self-harm is a teenage girl thing while it’s not. It can affect anyone, regardless of their gender, age, or background.

While there is some relation between bipolar disorder and self-harm, some people may never experience any urges. In fact, my doctor in the past didn’t believe my self-injury was due to my disease (although I disagree), so I would suggest working closely with your psychiatrist to find the root cause.

Reasons for Bipolar Self-Harm

The motivations behind self-harm are very different for each person. I often see bipolar patients talking about the unbearable tension in their bodies that they try to resolve with self-injurious behavior. I usually self-harm during mixed states, which feel very tense to me, so I can relate to that statement.

When I had my last mixed episode, I didn’t sleep a lot, my body felt uncomfortable and restless all the time, and the racing thoughts became too much. While hypomanic, I could resolve this tension with creativity as I had a million "brilliant" project ideas where I could redirect all that excess energy. However, just before depression fully hit me, I was stuck in this unbearable limbo of emotions, which I later learned was a mixed state. I was still restless, but with a negative outlook on myself and the world around me, and nowhere to release that energy. The easiest way to soothe that sensation was through acts of self-aggression, which of course, was only temporary relief.

This is just my experience, and everyone is different. Do you also suffer from bipolar and self-harm urges? How does it feel for you? Let me know in the comments.

Source

1. Bledsoe A., "Bipolar Disorder and Self-Injury." Everyday Health, April 2010.