I love to read, and certain books helped bring me out of the cavern of depression I fell into after my first schizoaffective episode. That’s when I first went on an antipsychotic medication that caused weight gain and made me physically, emotionally, and mentally lethargic. Books about people dealing with mental illnesses such as schizoaffective disorder helped bring back my spark and made me feel that I, too, could make art about my illness. Here are some books that helped me then and that continue to help me as I go back to and re-read them again and again.

I'm having suicidal thoughts less often now. Even though I’ve written more than a couple of articles about feeling suicidal with schizoaffective disorder, lately, I’m happy to say, I have gotten beyond feeling that way. I’m not exactly sure what is making things better—for a long time, it was so pervasive. But I'm having suicidal thoughts less often, and I have some insights that I would like to share with you as to why I haven’t been feeling this painful schizoaffective symptom.

My schizoaffective anxiety is worse in summer when it gets hot. That really stinks because summer is supposed to be the best time of the year. It wasn't always this way--it didn't start happening until a few years ago. Here's how I cope now that my anxiety is worse in summer.

After a hiatus from politics, I’ve come to realize once again that I need feminism for my mental health. The reason I’m rediscovering it is directly linked to my schizoaffective disorder: Feminism helps me to accept the weight gain that comes with the atypical antipsychotic medications I take. And it gives me perspectives on a challenging time in our world as a whole.

I have schizoaffective disorder, and my schizoaffective anxiety makes me afraid to wash my hair. It's not because I hate showering, per se, although I do prefer a nice hot bath. I have long, thick hair, and it stresses me out to wait for it to dry. I hate using a blow dryer, too. Here's why schizoaffective anxiety makes me afraid when I wash my hair.

I have real problems trusting myself because I have schizoaffective disorder. which often makes me feel that I can’t trust my own mind, my own thoughts and my own decisions. It’s very scary to live this way, and it puts a lot of pressure on my friends and family because I’m always asking for their opinions and advice about seemingly trivial issues. “Do you see that stain on my shoe?”  “Do I smell weird?”

Mental health activism took the place of my political involvement because of my schizoaffective disorder. Schizoaffective anxiety and depression makes it hard to get politically involved, much less politically active. I don’t even watch the news anymore. Donald Trump’s election triggered my schizoaffective depression to the point where politics became a source of extreme anxiety. But I can involve myself in mental health activism.

A couple of years ago, I went running every day for help for schizoaffective disorder. I let running fall by the wayside as winter approached even though running really made me happier, more energized, and less anxious. So why doesn’t this schizoaffective gal lace back up her running shoes, and what made her stop running to begin with if running was such a great help for schizoaffective disorder?

Life is good, even with schizoaffective disorder, and I look forward to April 15 when I turn 39. I was 19 ½ when I had my first schizophrenic psychotic episode and that means I developed schizoaffective disorder half my life ago. Life is good with schizoaffective disorder now, but has it always been that way?

My anxiety treatment is not working anymore. In the summer, I wrote about how I was decreasing my antidepressant to lessen my schizoaffective anxiety. That time, it worked (Taking an Active Role in My Psychiatric Medication Changes). But earlier this month when I tried to do the same thing for the same reasons, it didn’t work. I’m not sure why it didn’t help, but I have some ideas.