When life's highs are followed by inexplicable lows, the clinically depressed person has the hardest of times. As I mentioned in my About Me blog post, my battle with depression is ongoing. I lay in the trenches, at the ready for when my brain decides to ambush me with yet another volley of chemical scud missiles.

As a counselor, people often ask me if I am busy at Christmas and if a lot of people are depressed at the holidays. While I do see quite a few people have difficulty with December, I see so many more people struggle with Valentine’s Day. For them, the 14th of February is a reminder of what they don’t have. Single people talk about feeling more alone. Grieving people miss their significant others. And those in unhappy relationships feel the intimacy void more than ever. We had a conversation about this at the office today, and we decided, who SAYS it’s just for couples? We decided to redefine it in a way that works for us and thought we’d spread the love.

Today marks one year since our school lost a junior to suicide. That same month we lost another to suicide, and so did the school closest to ours. Tonight on the news I heard another local high school has had three suicides this past week. Someone asked me, what makes people feel that this is the answer? There can be many reasons but most common is the feeling of overwhelm, of dread, of powerlessness. As if there is no other option than escape. Similarly some citizens here in the states have suggested seceding from the union because they they are unhappy with our recent election. In some ways this could also be a flight response. (Not trying to start a political discussion, just noting people's fear.) As parents, one of the best things we could teach our children is resilience. To not fear adversity, but to buckle down in hard times and find ways to make it better.

Do you remember vinyl records? When they had a scratch, the needle would stick in the groove and the same line would sing over and over and over until you moved the needle off the crack. Sometimes we can feel like we have that “broken record” in our heads, repeating negative thought patterns, negative self-talk, doubts, worries. Sometimes it is the voices from our past who told us we would never be good enough, or didn’t try hard enough and now even though that person isn’t here, the voice plays on and on and on.

I wish I had a dollar for every kid I’ve heard say this week, “I’m tired!” As parents, we have the best of intentions, planning every summer’s end to start the early bedtime long before school starts, get into a routine again. But it is easier said than done. Between the change in sleep and day routines, and the beginning of new classes and new teachers, new friends, new schools, adjustments, rules, homework…it can be a lot to take in (Back to School Bipolar Survival Guide). And while some adjust very well, some don’t at all. Here are some ideas to help with the transition.

Unfortunately kiddos get depressed too. Sometimes it is a chemical imbalance, clinical depression that may benefit from medication. But other times it is situational, environmental, or an inability to handle what is going on around them. Telling them to “stop” doing a negative behavior is not enough. What they need is for us to teach them and show them what to do instead.

What helps change your mood?  A sad song? An upbeat song? The smell of cookies baking? A warm towel from the dryer wrapped around you? Right now as you are reading this, imagine a small plate in front of you with a lemon wedge on it.  Imagine you pick up the lemon wedge and take a bite out of it. Is your mouth actually watering from the thought of it? There are many ways to change our emotions, and the senses play a big part.

What's it like inside the depressed mind, you ask? Sometimes, with depression, we just want to pull the covers up over our heads and wish away the pain. Sometimes we want help but don't know what help to ask for. Sometimes, we don't even know what we need. Sometimes, asking for help is the hardest thing to do.

This is not to say that anger is not real or normal. It is. And often justified. But anger comes second after a primary emotion comes first. Sometimes that primary emotion isn’t even recognized or realized because it is below the surface. Imagine a tree, with its trunk and branches tall and large above the ground, and the roots under the Earth. What do those roots do for the tree? They feed it, right? So imagine the trunk and branches are the anger on your outside, the part that people see. But below the surface is the root of the anger, fueling it. If a student was walking down the hall at school and someone tripped him, he might jump up in anger ready to fight, angry. But right before that, he might have felt embarrassment. If a teenager is late for curfew and her parents have been pacing the house, when she walks in late they might argue and be mad and punish her. But right before that, they were worried. There can be any number of emotions below that surface that trigger anger, and depression is one of them.

That which doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. We’ve all heard the cliché. That may ring true for some, but not for me. My depression has been raging these past few weeks, putting me through a hellacious test. Only it hasn’t made me stronger. It’s made me weaker. It’s made me tired. And it’s frustrated me to no end.