voodoo

I resent this feeling, these feelings that invade my life on a daily basis.  Before panic attacks made my life a misery I would never have voluntarily gone into a shrinks office...I was brought up to believe that you handle it, no matter what life hands you.  psychiatry and therapy is basically thought of as voodoo in my family. 

Now I am a believer although it has been hell to get the actual help I needed, my very first doc, basically I had to explain much to my embarrasement all the details of my panic attacks and finally the doctor gave me xanax, along with anti depressants, of which I have tried them all, as well i have seen every social worker therapist, clinical psychologist and psychiatrist .  so now to make a long story short I am hooked on clonazapem, I take two antidepressants and lithium, I am a junkie.  I hat going to the dr.s and writing down all the meds i take, because of the stigma.  I guess I actually believe in the meds and some of the people in mental health have good intentions. 

but mostly I dont trust anyone.  I am wary of what i say to all dr's, cause i bet if you try to be open and honest with your family physician that is it!  the stigma is there and it wont go away.  I am never suicidial when i see my shrink :) because it is hard to get into treatment at a hospital it is even harder to get out. I was plotting my escape the minute i got there...