What do I do?????

This is my first time doing this. I think it is something that I need to do. I am use to taking care of everyone else and not doing anything for me. But something has to change. I wish I could say no more. Actually, I wish I could say it alot. I am going to therapy and I am just now starting to trust my therapist just a little. It may sound weird to some, but I dont trust anybody. I am on guard all the time and have to put on a show to make people think that everything is going good for me ALL the time. I am scared all the time. The nightmares were getting alittle better but now they are back, and with a vengence.

 How do I tell my therapist what I am thinking? My mind races all the time and sometimes I cant seem to get the words out. Sometimes, I dont know what words to use to describe what I have been through. Oh well, maybe someday I will be able to go in and tell her exactly what I want to say. I have a bad habit about thinking about what I want to tell her and what she doesnt "need" to hear. But in all actuality, she needs to know it all to help me to heal I suppose. Ugh, this is so hard. Oh well, Im going to bed. Maybe it will get easier as I work with my therapist.