What I wish I could tell my parents.

Go fuck yourselves. I'm not buying into your lies any more. You're so wrong, and you know it. You're just scared to admit it.

I'm tallying all your lies, and it sickens me that I believed you at all, ever. You warped my world, Dad. I've put so much stock in the things you've said and done, and you're little else but manipulative, angry, lonely, and small... so desperate to live out your beliefs that you'll destroy everything around you to make those beliefs look true. You'll drag my mother into it, too.

"We're grandparents now, and it's so wonderful!" – your anecdotes are well out-of-date. You never see my sister. You show up with a couple toys and then leave. The last time you spent any amount of time with my sister was when you screamed a bunch of racist bullshit at her. In front of her kids. She doesn't want to speak to you now.

"We can all sit around, talk, and laugh!" Yeah, you sit in your little hovel and wait for people to come to you. Maybe once something like this has happened, but not recently. You loathe everyone. Everyone loathes you. Your kids talk to each other and know what the others really think – that you're assholes and they can't stand being around you for more than 5 minutes because you're so ignorant and abusive.

"Yeah, that's why I have so many friends!" If your friends are anything like your other "friends" that I've met, they roll their eyes at you as soon as you turn away. I've met some. They look at me with pity and say, "Yeah, your dad is... out there."

 "I'm studying this field! I've read books! This is scientific fact!" And so are the other thousands of contrary scientific facts. GOD.  Pull your head out of your rear end and stop pretending like you wield the utimate truth. You don't. You're a horrible racist and fanatical, sadistic Darwinist. You're not in it for the science, or the truth – you're in it for whatever convenient "facts" you can dig up that suit your hypothesis.

 Step out of your shiny little fantasy world for one minute, if you can.

 But you can't, can you? You're so trapped. You've trapped yourself. You can't bear to open your eyes, because you'll see everything you've killed laid out before you. You'll see three children who are toiling as aduts. You'll see your ruined finances and poor health choices. You'll just keep on running until you hit that wall. And then you'll just argue that the wall isn't there.

 Jesus, Mom. Why did you marry him? Why do you let him walk all over you? Why do you let him destroy your children right in front of you? You're a strong woman. Are you so invested in the lie, too? Does he hit you? Or is it relegated to emotional abuse like the rest of us? I have it recorded now. Dad yelling at Mom to shut up so he can continue screaming at me with some vile anecdote about rape just to prove that HE'S not abusive.

I'm fucking convinced. Or I wish I was – you're still living in my head! Telling me stupid lies about how the world is, when I've seen for myself that it ISN'T TRUE. Get out of my head!

 Oh, I wish this anger would go away! I don't speak to you, you have no control over my money... but you have SUCH control over my life. I feel like I can't escape it. I'm angry because my mind is screaming to break free but I'm not able to. You've programmed me so well... to be just like you. I'm trying to escape, and I will. I will because I know you're wrong, even if my heart isn't strong enough to allow me to feel it.

Someday.