Releasing control

It's been a little while since I've posted. School started this week, and trying to adjust to this schedule has been interesting. One night I even found myself in an "Ambien coma" and in these moments I don't remember the majority of my evening the night before. And in my Ambien coma, I ended up cutting. Of course this is something I didn't realize until the next morning when pain came shooting from my arm. And it all came back to me. The memories of the night before slowly began coming back to me. Other places on my body I can hide easily, but this time it was on my arm, and quite large. My housemate that has told me that I can't cut while I'm in her house kinda got me scared. How was I going to tell her what had happened? I couldn't stand lying to her again...or any more. She was under the impression that the last time I had cut was sometime back in early May. I wish that could have been true, but it is not. This is very much a weekly thing for me. Sometimes multiple times in a week. But I've also realized that it has increased more in the past few weeks. This last time I really was terrified to tell her. And then I did. And she didn't freak out, or threat to kick me out, but rather understands the effects of an Ambien coma and how it makes even the sweetest old ladies to have crazy moments. Control is something that I struggle with giving over. I know that I self-injure because that is how I control the feelings that are all bottled up inside, or control over how I view myself and want my body to be something I can control. Why is it that I'm able to give others great advice when they are in similar situations but when it comes to me I can't seem to grasp that same understanding. I want to change, wish to change, and don't want to continue going down this ridiculous path I've found myself walking through. How do I move forward from here? How do I push through the pain and memories? I feel like this is quite scatterbrained tonight, but this is what's been on my mind recently.