At Close Range

There's an inherent value to feeling one with nature. Studies show nature is intertwined with our personal happiness and satisfaction.

An Excerpt from BirthQuake: A Journey to Wholeness

"Speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee."
-- The Bible

A tremendous amount has been written about the value of encountering nature close-up. Gallagher in The Power of Place, quoted James Swan, a Bay area psychologist who shared that his prescription for inner conflict was spending time alone with no activities or distractions in a natural setting.

Swan observes that as we spend most of our time indoors, we become estranged from "...the vast mine of meaning, art, metaphor, and teaching that we evolved in."

According to Gallagher, Americans have increased their spending by 60% from 20 years ago on outdoor activities and trips to natural settings. Everywhere are signs that we as a people long to reconnect with our natural environment. In exploring our growing attraction to nature-based activities, as well as the benefits of such endeavors, Gallagher cites a study conducted by Stephen and Rachel Kaplan. The Kaplans concluded that nature restores us by easing mental fatigue. They also observed that in engaging in the various specialized activities required by our technologically-based society, we've come to suffer more mental fatigue than did our ancestors. Listening to a rambling brook, feeling a gentle breeze ruffle one's hair, lifting one's face to the sun, following the flight of a butterfly - each of these experiences can be soothing and restorative.

Gallagher points out that Marc Fried, a psychologist, determined in his study of those elements which enhance the quality of life, that while the strongest predictor of life satisfaction was a good marriage, the immediate surroundings (the natural environment in particular) rated second. Not everyone is graced by a garden in the backyard, a beautiful view, a park across the street, etc. However, just about anyone can bring some degree of nature home by including live plants or fresh flowers in their personal domain and even workplace. I encourage the people with whom I work to do so as often as possible.


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Henry David Thoreau wrote, "Measure your health by your sympathy with morning and spring. If there is no response in you to the awakening of nature, -- if the prospect of an early morning walk does not banish sleep, if the warble of the first bluebird does not thrill you, --know that the morning and spring of your life are past."

As a little girl, I greeted the early morning sun with joy. My response to its hello was to immediately get out of bed. I didn't want to risk missing a moment of the magic that might come my way. As a child raised in the country, the outdoors offered me a world of wonder and abundance. There was sweet clover, my grandmother's raspberries and rhubarb, and the wild strawberries of late July to sample. There were the lilacs of spring, and the roses and green grass of summer to smell. There were wildflowers to pick, hills to roll down, trees to climb and to lean against. There was the rain to dance in. There were fields to lie down in and the wide and infinite blue sky to gaze up at.

Too often now, in the years far beyond my childhood, I interpret the dawn less as a greeting and more as a warning. It reminds me that I must get out of bed soon and face responsibilities. I'm sad for a moment as I recognize all that I've lost in adulthood and then I smile. There are still flowers and grass to smell, trees to climb and lean against, hills to roll down, and rain to dance in. And what's more, to accompany me, I now have my own little girl who greets the morning sun with joy.

I was born and raised in Aroostook county, Maine's largest and most northern frontier. I've complained about its isolation, its lack of opportunity, and its frigid winters. And yet I've longed for its natural beauty, its slower pace, the brilliantly lit night sky, and the fields of flowers that stretch for as far as the eye can see. I've suffered and I have healed there. I seldom found novel adventures or a variety of cultural activities, but I did find people connected to the land and to each other. Nowhere else in my travels have I encountered the sense of belonging that I left behind when I moved away. Nowhere else has my soul felt so at peace. While I've been graced by the bounty and beauty of other places; there will always be a piece of my soul which gently asks that every now and then at the very leas -- I take it home.

next:Personality and Illness

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 3). At Close Range, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/alternative-mental-health/sageplace/at-close-range

Last Updated: July 17, 2014

Ginkgo Biloba For Treating Alzheimer's Disease

ginko biloba

Ginkgo Biloba may improve thinking, learning, and memory in those with Alzheimer's Disease.

Ginkgo biloba

Ginkgo biloba is a member of the Ginkgoaceae family, the world's oldest living tree species. Historically, ginkgo nuts and seeds (Bai-Guo, Yin-Xing, Silver Apricot) were used to treat conditions such as cough, asthma, and increased urine frequency. Ginkgo leaf (Yin-Xing-Ye, Bai-Guo-Ye) is used to treat hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and coronary heart diseases. In Western medicine, ginkgo is receiving considerable attention for its potential role in the treatment of memory disorders and dementias, especially Alzheimer's disease. It may also be effective in peripheral vascular diseases, most notably intermittent claudication (poor circulation to the lower legs). Other uses being studied are vertigo and tinnitus. The pharmacological effects of ginkgo that may be responsible for its benefit in these disorders include antioxidant activity, inhibition of platelet aggregation and vasodilation.

Ginkgo is usually administered as the standardized extract EGb 761, which is the preparation studied in most American and European clinical trials. Use of the crude leaves or preparations containing the nuts or seeds (which may cause an allergic reaction) is not recommended.

Clinical Trials

Many clinical trials have suggested that ginkgo is beneficial in the treatment of dementia and cognitive disorders associated with aging. Unfortunately, most of these trials were small, open label, or of poor design. One double blind, placebo-controlled study of patients with mild to moderate Alzheimer's disease or multi-infarct dementia was published in 1997 in the United States.

Patients treated with ginkgo extract (EGb 761) 40 mg three times per day for 26 weeks had a small improvement in the average score on a standard cognitive test compared to patients given placebo. This improvement was less than that seen in similar studies comparing donepezil, rivastigmine, or galantamine (drugs approved for the treatment of Alzheimer's disease) to placebo. The clinicians' observations for improvement found no difference between the ginkgo and placebo groups. A recent analysis of 4 studies concluded that Alzheimer's disease patients who took ginkgo extract (120-240 mg per day) had a small but significant improvement (3%) in cognitive function at 3 and 6 months compared to those taking placebo. Long-term, well designed studies with doses greater than 120 mg per day are needed to confirm the beneficial effects of ginkgo and are currently in progress.


 


Adverse Effects

Ginkgo extract appears to be very well-tolerated. Infrequent side effects include mild gastrointestinal disturbances, headache, and allergic skin reactions. Four cases of serious bleeding, including subdural hematoma, have been reported. One case suggests an interaction with warfarin (Coumadin®) and one an interaction with aspirin. In one of the few studies examining a possible ginkgo-warfarin interaction, there was found no increase in the INR (prothrombin time) when volunteers taking warfarin were given ginkgo. Considering the antiplatelet activity of ginkgo and the limited information available, patients should be advised to discuss ginkgo and warfarin therapy when used together with their physician or pharmacist.

The risks and benefits of taking ginkgo with aspirin, clopidogrel, ticlopidine or other antiplatelet agents (including fish oil and high dose vitamin E) must be weighed carefully and patients should be advised of the bleeding risk.

Resources

American Botanical Council (ABC)

6200 Manor Rd. Austin , TX78714-4345

(800) 373-7105

http://abc.herbalgram.org/site/

International Bibliographic Information on Dietary Supplements Database

Office of Dietary Supplements, National Institutes of Health

31 Center Drive , MSC 2086

Bethesda , MD 20892-2086

(301) 435-2920

http://grande.nal.usda.gov/ibids/index.php

Consumerlab.com- Independent Tests of Herbal, Vitamin, and Mineral Supplements

1 North Broadway 4th floor

White Plains , NY 10601

(914) 289-1670

http://www.consumerlab.com/

Source: Rx Consultant newsletter article: Traditional Chinese Medicine The Western Use of Chinese Herbs by Paul C. Wong, PharmD, CGP and Ron Finley, RPh

next: Ginseng for Treating Alzheimer's Disease

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 3). Ginkgo Biloba For Treating Alzheimer's Disease, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/alternative-mental-health/alzheimers/ginkgo-biloba-for-treating-alzheimers-disease

Last Updated: July 11, 2016

Autism Alternative Medicine Table of Contents

Articles on alternative treatments for autism covering enzyme therapy, diet, nutritional supplements, chelation therapy, interactive play, and bodywork.

Articles on alternative treatments for autism covering enzyme therapy, diet, nutritional supplements, chelation therapy, interactive play, and bodywork.


 


 

next: Alternative Treatments For Autism

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 3). Autism Alternative Medicine Table of Contents, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/alternative-mental-health/autism-alternative/autism-alternative-medicine-toc

Last Updated: July 11, 2016

Spirituality and Co-dependence

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 3). Spirituality and Co-dependence, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/joy2meu/spirituality-and-co-dependence

Last Updated: August 7, 2014

Activity and Stillness

The past few weeks have been hectic for me. I had an apartment full of company for over a week, got out of my usual routine, and spent lots of time and energy in a whirlwind of activity.

Now the company is all gone. The apartment is quiet. And my life is settling back into that comfortable, safe, and even pleasantly boring, routine.

I've learned that it's OK for my life to get a little frenzied and unpredictable at times. It OK for me to be spontaneous, get out of my comfort zone, and do some new and different things. But it's also beneficial for me to have a routine, some peace and quiet, and spend quality time alone.

It's that all-important balance.

This morning I woke up about 4:30am to heavy rain, thunder, and lightning—typical pre-dawn weather for where I live. I stayed in the bed, got very still, and just listened. A wondrous clarity, calmness, and serenity filled me. I realized that a balanced mix of activity and stillness nurtures my growth as a person. Without the activity, I fail to appreciate the stillness. Without the occasional frenzy, I forget the blessings of serenity. Hours filled with people, places, and events help me to value equally the hours of silence, prayer and meditation.

Stillness brings clarity and insights, but activity helps me understand the necessity for interacting, communicating, reaching out, giving and receiving, and being emotionally present—so I can live and share the experience, strength, and hope gleaned from the solitude.


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next: Choosing to Love

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 3). Activity and Stillness, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/serendipity/activity-and-stillness

Last Updated: August 8, 2014

The Conflict of Honesty

Chapter 97 of Adam Khan's book Self-Help Stuff That Works

WE'RE AFRAID TO BE HONEST. I'll admit it, I am too. And we should be afraid of it. Honesty can cause conflict - uncomfortable, gut-wrenching, upsetting confrontations with people. We hate those and try to avoid them. One of the main reasons we try to avoid conflict is because we're not very good at it. And because we avoid it, we never have a chance to become good at it.

Luckily, many people have gone before you. Some of them have risked honesty and gotten good at the conflict it can create, and some of them have even written down what they've learned.

It seems that there are some basic rules you can follow, and with a little practice, you can learn to deal with conflict in a way that helps other people and yourself at the same time. Here are the two main rules to follow when you find yourself in conflict with someone:

  1. Listen well. Interruptions block the flow of communication and prevent progress. Sometimes an interruption jars or upsets the speaker. Give people your attention. Let them finish. Do your best to understand what they're saying. You don't have to agree with what they're saying, but try to understand it from their point of view - try to understand why they think that way. And let them know you understand.
  2. Speak only what's strictly true. This sounds a lot easier than it is. Try it. Try going a day only saying what you know is true. I'm not talking about philosophical, airy-fairy stuff, either; I don't mean getting into a debate about whether or not your chair really exists. I mean, in a practical sense, see if you can go a whole day only saying what you know is true. It's tougher than you'd think, so don't treat this one lightly. During conflict, concentrate on saying only what you know is true.

IMPOSE THESE TWO disciplines on yourself. You will be able to be more honest and you'll have more control over your life. This is no small accomplishment. Honesty sounds kind of corny, but more honesty means more freedom and more personal strength. And no lasting peace can settle in your heart without it.

Be honest. If it causes conflict, listen well and only say what is strictly true.

Self-Help Stuff That Works makes an excellent gift. You can order it now and send it to a friend.

Here's a way to keep your cool when you feel like you can't listen. It's a negative way to be positive, but when you are feeling angry or bitter or jealous or annoyed, this way is often easier than trying to muster a positive attitude directly:
Argue With Yourself And Win!


 



Sometimes and for some people, physical action works better than mental action for turning a negative attitude into a positive attitude. If that's you, you're in luck! Check it out:
A Simple Way to Change How You Feel


Here's a conversation on how to change the way you interpret the events in your life so that you neither become a doormat nor get upset more than you need to:
Interpretations


The art of controlling the meanings you're making is an important skill to master. It will literally determine the quality of your life. Read more about it in:
Master the Art of Making Meaning

next: E-Squared

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 3). The Conflict of Honesty, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/self-help/self-help-stuff-that-works/conflict-of-honesty

Last Updated: March 31, 2016

Catch Your Partner Doing Something Right!

Instead of always pointing the finger and calling attention to the mistakes or faults of your partner, look for and focus on the good you see in them. Catch them doing something right!

Refuse to criticize, condemn or complain about your partner. Be aware of their good habits and say something to show them you notice.

If you are always looking for mistakes, you will usually find them. Instead, forgive the mistakes and move forward. If you have a tendency to put your partner down (even in jest) or invalidate their feelings, make a choice to change that behavior. Catch Your Partner Doing Something Right!

These behaviors drive a wedge in relationships and are difficult to move past. What you think about your partner, speak about your partner, you bring about in your relationship! This is not a good path to be on. It leads the opposite way of a healthy love relationship.

What is a good alternative?

Com'-pli-ments, n. - Expressions of praise, admiration, recognition or congratulation.

Giving compliments is an excellent way of catching your partner doing something right. They develop better communication and build trust with your partner. They have several psychological effects too.

Compliments help others feel good about themselves. It causes them to feel appreciated and respected. Being appreciated brings out the best in people. It boosts self-confidence and self-worth. Partners perform better when we let them know we appreciate them. It causes shifts in attitudes about the relationship.

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men sometimes are. Giving a compliment can be very powerful when you say it directly, smoothly and sincerely. Pay attention. This helps in being timely in giving compliments. Waiting too long, lessens the affect. Point out something your partner has put a lot of effort into; something you wouldn't normally notice.

When you are the receiver of a compliment, simply say, "Thank you." It is so easy to thank your partner for a compliment, yet most of us are not very good at accepting compliments, and often answer compliments by selling ourselves short.

"Your haircut looks great."
"Oh no! My jerk barber cut it way too short! He ruined it!"


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"I love your new dress!"
"This old rag? I bought this dress on sale at Wal-Mart four years ago."

These responses say a lot about how you feel about yourself. It basically rejects the compliment by saying "I really don't deserve it." It gives the gift back to the giver. When someone compliments you, don't squirm. Look them straight in the eye, smile, and just say, "Thank you."

Sincere compliments conjure up warm and fuzzy feelings. They help your partner to know you care and that you love them. They can put your relationship on fast forward.

Whatever you choose to say, say it like that you mean it. If your voice isn't congruent with the power of your compliment, it will reek with false praise.

Genuine compliments given freely by your partner reach a special place inside of you. They are a warm reminder of how special you are.

Suggestions:

admired their unselfishness
notice a job well done
acknowledge their sensitivity
appreciate their determination
point out their willingness to help
compliment positive personal qualities or extra efforts
express thanks for their kindness or thoughtfulness
congratulate their willingness to share responsibilities
be grateful for their patience with you
if it hadn't been for you (fill in the blank)

There is a difference between compliments and flattery. When your compliments are sincere and honest they are well received. When they are not, your comments can be viewed as flattery which are untrue or come across as insincere praise.

Love partners can spot a fake compliment a mile away. Flattery is usually received with negativity and is often perceived as being manipulative. Flattery also often suggests hidden motives. They make us suspicious and we begin to wonder if the person complimenting us has an ulterior motive.

The third-party compliment is always great. It is a sincere compliment about your partner that you tell someone else. How you speak about your partner to your friends has a lot to do with how your relationship becomes.

Never miss an opportunity for a compliment to pass.

Become your sweetheart's #1 fan.

Shower the one you love with love in the form of a sincere compliment and watch your relationship blossom.

next: Relationships NEVER End!

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 3). Catch Your Partner Doing Something Right!, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/celebrate-love/catch-your-partner-doing-something-right

Last Updated: April 29, 2015

Narcissistic and Psychopathic Leaders

"(The leader's) intellectual acts are strong and independent even in isolation and his will need no reinforcement from others ... (He) loves no one but himself, or other people only insofar as they serve his needs."
Freud, Sigmund, "Group Psychology and the Analysis of the Ego"

"It was precisely that evening in Lodi that I came to believe in myself as an unusual person and became consumed with the ambition to do the great things that until then had been but a fantasy."
(Napoleon Bonaparte, "Thoughts")

"They may all e called Heroes, in as much as they have derived their purposes and their vocation not from the calm regular course of things, sanctioned by the existing order, but from a concealed fount, from that inner Spirit, still hidden beneath the surface, which impinges on the outer world as a shell and bursts it into pieces - such were Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon ... World-historical men - the Heroes of an epoch - must therefore be recognized as its clear-sighted ones: their deeds, their words are the best of their time ... Moral claims which are irrelevant must not be brought into collision with World-historical deeds ... So mighty a form must trample down many an innocent flower - crush to pieces many an object in its path."
(G.W.F. Hegel, "Lectures on the Philosophy of History")

"Such beings are incalculable, they come like fate without cause or reason, inconsiderately and without pretext. Suddenly they are here like lightning too terrible, too sudden, too compelling and too 'different' even to be hated ... What moves them is the terrible egotism of the artist of the brazen glance, who knows himself to be justified for all eternity in his 'work' as the mother is justified in her child ...

In all great deceivers a remarkable process is at work to which they owe their power. In the very act of deception with all its preparations, the dreadful voice, expression, and gestures, they are overcome by their belief in themselves; it is this belief which then speaks, so persuasively, so miracle-like, to the audience."
(Friedrich Nietzsche, "The Genealogy of Morals")

 

"He knows not how to rule a kingdom, that cannot manage a province; nor can he wield a province, that cannot order a city; nor he order a city, that knows not how to regulate a village; nor he a village, that cannot guide a family; nor can that man govern well a family that knows not how to govern himself; neither can any govern himself unless his reason be lord, will and appetite her vassals; nor can reason rule unless herself be ruled by God, and be obedient to Him."
(Hugo Grotius)

The narcissistic leader is the culmination and reification of his period, culture, and civilization. He is likely to rise to prominence in narcissistic societies.

Read more about collective narcissism HERE.

The malignant narcissist invents and then projects a false, fictitious, self for the world to fear, or to admire. He maintains a tenuous grasp on reality to start with and this is further exacerbated by the trappings of power. The narcissist's grandiose self-delusions and fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience are supported by real life authority and the narcissist's predilection to surround himself with obsequious sycophants.

The narcissist's personality is so precariously balanced that he cannot tolerate even a hint of criticism and disagreement. Most narcissists are paranoid and suffer from ideas of reference (the delusion that they are being mocked or discussed when they are not). Thus, narcissists often regard themselves as "victims of persecution".

The narcissistic leader fosters and encourages a personality cult with all the hallmarks of an institutional religion: priesthood, rites, rituals, temples, worship, catechism, mythology. The leader is this religion's ascetic saint. He monastically denies himself earthly pleasures (or so he claims) in order to be able to dedicate himself fully to his calling.

The narcissistic leader is a monstrously inverted Jesus, sacrificing his life and denying himself so that his people - or humanity at large - should benefit. By surpassing and suppressing his humanity, the narcissistic leader became a distorted version of Nietzsche's "superman".

Many narcissistic and psychopathic leaders are the hostages of self-imposed rigid ideologies. They fancy themselves Platonic "philosopher-kings". Lacking empathy, they regard their subjects as a manufacturer does his raw materials, or as the abstracted collateral damage in vast historical processes (to prepare an omelet, one must break eggs, as their favorite saying goes).

But being a-human or super-human also means being a-sexual and a-moral.

 


 


In this restricted sense, narcissistic leaders are post-modernist and moral relativists. They project to the masses an androgynous figure and enhance it by engendering the adoration of nudity and all things "natural" - or by strongly repressing these feelings. But what they refer to as "nature" is not natural at all.

The narcissistic leader invariably proffers an aesthetic of decadence and evil carefully orchestrated and artificial - though it is not perceived this way by him or by his followers. Narcissistic leadership is about reproduced copies, not about originals. It is about the manipulation of symbols - not about veritable atavism or true conservatism.

In short: narcissistic leadership is about theatre, not about life. To enjoy the spectacle (and be subsumed by it), the leader demands the suspension of judgment, depersonalization, and de-realization. Catharsis is tantamount, in this narcissistic dramaturgy, to self-annulment.

Narcissism is nihilistic not only operationally, or ideologically. Its very language and narratives are nihilistic. Narcissism is conspicuous nihilism - and the cult's leader serves as a role model, annihilating the Man, only to re-appear as a pre-ordained and irresistible force of nature.

Narcissistic leadership often poses as a rebellion against the "old ways" - against the hegemonic culture, the upper classes, the established religions, the superpowers, the corrupt order. Narcissistic movements are puerile, a reaction to narcissistic injuries inflicted upon a narcissistic (and rather psychopathic) toddler nation-state, or group, or upon the leader.

Minorities or "others" - often arbitrarily selected - constitute a perfect, easily identifiable, embodiment of all that is "wrong". They are accused of being old, they are eerily disembodied, they are cosmopolitan, they are part of the establishment, they are "decadent", they are hated on religious and socio-economic grounds, or because of their race, sexual orientation, origin.

They are different, they are narcissistic (feel and act as morally superior), they are everywhere, they are defenceless, they are credulous, they are adaptable (and thus can be co-opted to collaborate in their own destruction). They are the perfect hate figure. Narcissists thrive on hatred and pathological envy.

This is precisely the source of the fascination with Hitler, diagnosed by Erich Fromm - together with Stalin - as a malignant narcissist. He was an inverted human. His unconscious was his conscious. He acted out our most repressed drives, fantasies, and wishes.

Hitler provided us with a glimpse of the horrors that lie beneath the veneer, the barbarians at our personal gates, and what it was like before we invented civilization. Hitler forced us all through a time warp and many did not emerge. He was not the devil. He was one of us. He was what Arendt aptly called the banality of evil. Just an ordinary, mentally disturbed, failure, a member of a mentally disturbed and failing nation, who lived through disturbed and failing times. He was the perfect mirror, a channel, a voice, and the very depth of our souls.

The narcissistic leader prefers the sparkle and glamour of well-orchestrated illusions to the tedium and method of real accomplishments. His reign is all smoke and mirrors, devoid of substances, consisting of mere appearances and mass delusions.

In the aftermath of his regime - the narcissistic leader having died, been deposed, or voted out of office - it all unravels. The tireless and constant prestidigitation ceases and the entire edifice crumbles. What looked like an economic miracle turns out to have been a fraud-laced bubble. Loosely-held empires disintegrate. Laboriously assembled business conglomerates go to pieces. "Earth shattering" and "revolutionary" scientific discoveries and theories are discredited. Social experiments end in mayhem.

As their end draws near, narcissistic-psychopathic leaders act out, lash out, erupt. They attack with equal virulence and ferocity compatriots, erstwhile allies, neighbors, and foreigners.

It is important to understand that the use of violence must be ego-syntonic. It must accord with the self-image of the narcissist. It must abet and sustain his grandiose fantasies and feed his sense of entitlement. It must conform with the narcissistic narrative.

All populist, charismatic leaders believe that they have a "special connection" with the "people": a relationship that is direct, almost mystical, and transcends the normal channels of communication (such as the legislature or the media). Thus, a narcissist who regards himself as the benefactor of the poor, a member of the common folk, the representative of the disenfranchised, the champion of the dispossessed against the corrupt elite, is highly unlikely to use violence at first.

The pacific mask crumbles when the narcissist has become convinced that the very people he purported to speak for, his constituency, his grassroots fans, the prime sources of his narcissistic supply - have turned against him. At first, in a desperate effort to maintain the fiction underlying his chaotic personality, the narcissist strives to explain away the sudden reversal of sentiment. "The people are being duped by (the media, big industry, the military, the elite, etc.)", "they don't really know what they are doing", "following a rude awakening, they will revert to form", etc.


 


When these flimsy attempts to patch a tattered personal mythology fail - the narcissist is injured. Narcissistic injury inevitably leads to narcissistic rage and to a terrifying display of unbridled aggression. The pent-up frustration and hurt translate into devaluation. That which was previously idealized - is now discarded with contempt and hatred.

This primitive defense mechanism is called "splitting". To the narcissist, things and people are either entirely bad (evil) or entirely good. He projects onto others his own shortcomings and negative emotions, thus becoming a totally good object. A narcissistic leader is likely to justify the butchering of his own people by claiming that they intended to kill him, undo the revolution, devastate the economy, or the country, etc.

The "small people", the "rank and file", the "loyal soldiers" of the narcissist - his flock, his nation, his employees - they pay the price. The disillusionment and disenchantment are agonizing. The process of reconstruction, of rising from the ashes, of overcoming the trauma of having been deceived, exploited and manipulated - is drawn-out. It is difficult to trust again, to have faith, to love, to be led, to collaborate. Feelings of shame and guilt engulf the erstwhile followers of the narcissist. This is his sole legacy: a massive post-traumatic stress disorder.

APPENDIX: Strong Men and Political Theatres - The "Being There" Syndrome

"I came here to see a country, but what I find is a theater ... In appearances, everything happens as it does everywhere else. There is no difference except in the very foundation of things."
(de Custine, writing about Russia in the mid-19th century)

Four decades ago, the Polish-American-Jewish author, Jerzy Kosinski, wrote the book "Being There". It describes the election to the presidency of the United States of a simpleton, a gardener, whose vapid and trite pronouncements are taken to be sagacious and penetrating insights into human affairs. The "Being There Syndrome" is now manifest throughout the world: from Russia (Putin) to the United States (Obama).

Given a high enough level of frustration, triggered by recurrent, endemic, and systemic failures in all spheres of policy, even the most resilient democracy develops a predilection to "strong men", leaders whose self-confidence, sangfroid, and apparent omniscience all but "guarantee" a change of course for the better.

These are usually people with a thin resume, having accomplished little prior to their ascendance. They appear to have erupted on the scene from nowhere. They are received as providential messiahs precisely because they are unencumbered with a discernible past and, thus, are ostensibly unburdened by prior affiliations and commitments. Their only duty is to the future. They are a-historical: they have no history and they are above history.

Indeed, it is precisely this apparent lack of a biography that qualifies these leaders to represent and bring about a fantastic and grandiose future. They act as a blank screen upon which the multitudes project their own traits, wishes, personal biographies, needs, and yearnings.

The more these leaders deviate from their initial promises and the more they fail, the dearer they are to the hearts of their constituents: like them, their new-chosen leader is struggling, coping, trying, and failing and, like them, he has his shortcomings and vices. This affinity is endearing and captivating. It helps to form a shared psychosis (follies-a-plusieurs) between ruler and people and fosters the emergence of an hagiography.

The propensity to elevate narcissistic or even psychopathic personalities to power is most pronounced in countries that lack a democratic tradition (such as China, Russia, or the nations that inhabit the territories that once belonged to Byzantium or the Ottoman Empire).

Cultures and civilizations which frown upon individualism and have a collectivist tradition, prefer to install "strong collective leaderships" rather than "strong men". Yet, all these polities maintain a theatre of democracy, or a theatre of "democratically-reached consensus" (Putin calls it: "sovereign democracy"). Such charades are devoid of essence and proper function and are replete and concurrent with a personality cult or the adoration of the party in power

In most developing countries and nations in transition, "democracy" is an empty word. Granted, the hallmarks of democracy are there: candidate lists, parties, election propaganda, a plurality of media, and voting. But its quiddity is absent. The democratic principles are institutions are being consistently hollowed out and rendered mock by election fraud, exclusionary policies, cronyism, corruption, intimidation, and collusion with Western interests, both commercial and political.

The new "democracies" are thinly-disguised and criminalized plutocracies (recall the Russian oligarchs), authoritarian regimes (Central Asia and the Caucasus), or puppeteered heterarchies (Macedonia, Bosnia, and Iraq, to mention three recent examples).

The new "democracies" suffer from many of the same ills that afflict their veteran role models: murky campaign finances; venal revolving doors between state administration and private enterprise; endemic corruption, nepotism, and cronyism; self-censoring media; socially, economically, and politically excluded minorities; and so on. But while this malaise does not threaten the foundations of the United States and France - it does imperil the stability and future of the likes of Ukraine, Serbia, and Moldova, Indonesia, Mexico, and Bolivia.

Many nations have chosen prosperity over democracy. Yes, the denizens of these realms can't speak their mind or protest or criticize or even joke lest they be arrested or worse - but, in exchange for giving up these trivial freedoms, they have food on the table, they are fully employed, they receive ample health care and proper education, they save and spend to their hearts' content.

In return for all these worldly and intangible goods (popularity of the leadership which yields political stability; prosperity; security; prestige abroad; authority at home; a renewed sense of nationalism, collective and community), the citizens of these countries forgo the right to be able to criticize the regime or change it once every four years. Many insist that they have struck a good bargain - not a Faustian one.


 

next: Collective Narcissism

APA Reference
Vaknin, S. (2008, November 2). Narcissistic and Psychopathic Leaders, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/narcissistic-leaders

Last Updated: July 4, 2018

What Is Abuse?

Read about "Trauma Bonding" and the Psychology of Torture here.

Read about Traumas as Social Interactions here. 

Abusers exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the "silent treatment"), manipulate, and control.

There are a million ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to respect privacy, to be brutally honest, with a sadistic sense of humor, or consistently tactless - is to abuse.

To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore - are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long. Most abusers abuse surreptitiously. They are "stealth abusers". You have to actually live with one in order to witness the abuse.

There are three important categories of abuse:

Overt Abuse

The open and explicit abuse of another person. Threatening, coercing, beating, lying, berating, demeaning, chastising, insulting, humiliating, exploiting, ignoring ("silent treatment"), devaluing, unceremoniously discarding, verbal abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse are all forms of overt abuse.

Covert or Controlling Abuse

Abuse is almost entirely about control. It is often a primitive and immature reaction to life circumstances in which the abuser (usually in his childhood) was rendered helpless. It is about re-exerting one's identity, re-establishing predictability, mastering the environment - human and physical.

 

The bulk of abusive behaviors can be traced to this panicky reaction to the remote potential for loss of control. Many abusers are hypochondriacs (and difficult patients) because they are afraid to lose control over their body, its looks and its proper functioning. They are obsessive-compulsive in an effort to subdue their physical habitat and render it foreseeable. They stalk people and harass them as a means of "being in touch" - another form of control.

To the abuser, nothing exists outside himself. Meaningful others are extensions, internal, assimilated, objects - not external ones. Thus, losing control over a significant other - is equivalent to losing control of a limb, or of one's brain. It is terrifying.

Independent or disobedient people evoke in the abuser the realization that something is wrong with his worldview, that he is not the centre of the world or its cause and that he cannot control what, to him, are internal representations.

To the abuser, losing control means going insane. Because other people are mere elements in the abuser's mind - being unable to manipulate them literally means losing it (his mind). Imagine, if you suddenly were to find out that you cannot manipulate your memories or control your thoughts ... Nightmarish!

In his frantic efforts to maintain control or re-assert it, the abuser resorts to a myriad of fiendishly inventive stratagems and mechanisms. Here is a partial list:

Unpredictability

The abuser acts unpredictably, capriciously, inconsistently and irrationally. This serves to render others dependent upon the next twist and turn of the abuser, his next inexplicable whim, upon his next outburst, denial, or smile.

The abuser makes sure that HE is the only reliable element in the lives of his nearest and dearest - by shattering the rest of their world through his seemingly insane behavior. He perpetuates his stable presence in their lives - by destabilizing their own.

Tip

Refuse to accept such behavior. Demand reasonably predictable and rational actions and reactions. Insist on respect for your boundaries, predilections, preferences, and priorities.

Disproportional Reactions

One of the favorite tools of manipulation in the abuser's arsenal is the disproportionality of his reactions. He reacts with supreme rage to the slightest slight. Or he would punish severely for what he perceives to be an offence against him, no matter how minor. Or, he would throw a temper tantrum over any discord or disagreement, however gently and considerately expressed. Or, he would act inordinately attentive, charming and tempting (even over-sexed, if need be).

This ever-shifting code of conduct and the unusually harsh and arbitrarily applied penalties are Neediness and dependence on the source of "justice" meted and judgment passed - on the abuser - are thus guaranteed. premeditated. The victims are kept in the dark.

Tip

Demand a just and proportional treatment. Reject or ignore unjust and capricious behavior.

If you are up to the inevitable confrontation, react in kind. Let him taste some of his own medicine.

Dehumanization and Objectification (Abuse)

People have a need to believe in the empathic skills and basic good-heartedness of others. By dehumanizing and objectifying people - the abuser attacks the very foundations human interaction. This is the "alien" aspect of abusers - they may be excellent imitations of fully formed adults but they are emotionally absent and immature.

Abuse is so horrid, so repulsive, so phantasmagoric - that people recoil in terror. It is then, with their defenses absolutely down, that they are the most susceptible and vulnerable to the abuser's control. Physical, psychological, verbal and sexual abuse are all forms of dehumanization and objectification.

Tip

Never show your abuser that you are afraid of him. Do not negotiate with bullies. They are insatiable. Do not succumb to blackmail.

If things get rough- disengage, involve law enforcement officers, friends and colleagues, or threaten him (legally).

Do not keep your abuse a secret. Secrecy is the abuser's weapon.

Never give him a second chance. React with your full arsenal to the first transgression.

Abuse of Information

From the first moments of an encounter with another person, the abuser is on the prowl. He collects information. The more he knows about his potential victim - the better able he is to coerce, manipulate, charm, extort or convert it "to the cause". The abuser does not hesitate to misuse the information he gleaned, regardless of its intimate nature or the circumstances in which he obtained it. This is a powerful tool in his armory.

Tip

Be guarded. Don't be too forthcoming in a first or casual meeting. Gather intelligence.

Be yourself. Don't misrepresent your wishes, boundaries, preferences, priorities, and red lines.

Do not behave inconsistently. Do not go back on your word. Be firm and resolute.

Impossible Situations

The abuser engineers impossible, dangerous, unpredictable, unprecedented, or highly specific situations in which he is sorely needed. The abuser makes sure that his knowledge, his skills, his connections, or his traits are the only ones applicable and the most useful in the situations that he, himself, wrought. The generates his own indispensability. abuser

Tip

Stay away from such quagmires. Scrutinize every offer and suggestion, no matter how innocuous.

Prepare backup plans. Keep others informed of your whereabouts and appraised of your situation.

Be vigilant and doubting. Do not be gullible and suggestible. Better safe than sorry.

Control by Proxy

If all else fails, the abuser recruits friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbours, the media, teachers - in short, third parties - to do his bidding. He uses these them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate and otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey. He employs the same mechanisms and devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done.

Another form of control by proxy is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon another person. Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment and humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation, opprobrium, or even physical punishment) against the victim. Society, or a social group become the instruments of the abuser.

Tip

Often the abuser's proxies re unaware of their role. Expose him. Inform them. Demonstrate to them how they are being abused, misused, and plain used by the abuser.

Trap your abuser. Treat him as he treats you. Involve others. Bring it into the open. Nothing like sunshine to disinfest abuse.

Ambient Abuse

The fostering, propagation and enhancement of an atmosphere of fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability and irritation. There are no acts of traceable explicit abuse, nor any manipulative settings of control. Yet, the irksome feeling remains, a disagreeable foreboding, a premonition, a bad omen. This is sometimes called "gaslighting".

In the long term, such an environment erodes the victim's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Self-confidence is shaken badly. Often, the victims adopts a paranoid or schizoid stance and thus renders himself or herself exposed even more to criticism and judgment. The roles are thus reversed: the victim is considered mentally deranged and the abuser - the suffering soul.

Tip

Run! Get away! Ambient abuse often develops to overt and violent abuse.

You don't owe anyone an explanation - but you owe yourself a life. Bail out.

APA Reference
Vaknin, S. (2008, November 2). What Is Abuse?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/what-is-abuse

Last Updated: July 9, 2019

The Meaninglessness of External Causes

Some philosophers say that our life is meaningless because it has a prescribed end. This is a strange assertion: is a movie rendered meaningless because of its finiteness? Some things acquire a meaning precisely because they are finite: consider academic studies, for instance. It would seem that meaningfulness does not depend upon matters temporary.

We all share the belief that we derive meaning from external sources. Something bigger than us - and outside us - bestows meaning upon our lives: God, the State, a social institution, an historical cause.

Yet, this belief is misplaced and mistaken. If such an external source of meaning were to depend upon us for its definition (hence, for its meaning) - how could we derive meaning from it? A cyclical argument ensues. We can never derive meaning from that whose very meaning (or definition) is dependent on us. The defined cannot define the definer. To use the defined as part of its own definition (by the vice of its inclusion in the definer) is the very definition of a tautology, the gravest of logical fallacies.

On the other hand: if such an external source of meaning were NOT dependent on us for its definition or meaning - again it would have been of no use in our quest for meaning and definition. That which is absolutely independent of us - is absolutely free of any interaction with us because such an interaction would inevitably have constituted a part of its definition or meaning. And that, which is devoid of any interaction with us - cannot be known to us. We know about something by interacting with it. The very exchange of information - through the senses - is an interaction.

Thus, either we serve as part of the definition or the meaning of an external source - or we do not. In the first case, it cannot constitute a part of our own definition or meaning. In the second case, it cannot be known to us and, therefore, cannot be discussed at all. Put differently: no meaning can be derived from an external source.

Despite the above said, people derive meaning almost exclusively from external sources. If a sufficient number of questions is asked, we will always reach an external source of meaning. People believe in God and in a divine plan, an order inspired by Him and manifest in both the inanimate and the animate universe. Their lives acquire meaning by realizing the roles assigned to them by this Supreme Being. They are defined by the degree with which they adhere to this divine design. Others relegate the same functions to the Universe (to Nature). It is perceived by them to be a grand, perfected, design, or mechanism. Humans fit into this mechanism and have roles to play in it. It is the degree of their fulfilment of these roles which characterizes them, provides their lives with meaning and defines them.

Other people attach the same endowments of meaning and definition to human society, to Mankind, to a given culture or civilization, to specific human institutions (the Church, the State, the Army), or to an ideology. These human constructs allocate roles to individuals. These roles define the individuals and infuse their lives with meaning. By becoming part of a bigger (external) whole - people acquire a sense of purposefulness, which is confused with meaningfulness. Similarly, individuals confuse their functions, mistaking them for their own definitions. In other words: people become defined by their functions and through them. They find meaning in their striving to attain goals.

Perhaps the biggest and most powerful fallacy of all is teleology. Again, meaning is derived from an external source: the future. People adopt goals, make plans to achieve them and then turn these into the raisons d'etre of their lives. They believe that their acts can influence the future in a manner conducive to the achievement of their pre-set goals. They believe, in other words, that they are possessed of free will and of the ability to exercise it in a manner commensurate with the attainment of their goals in accordance with their set plans. Furthermore, they believe that there is a physical, unequivocal, monovalent interaction between their free will and the world.

This is not the place to review the mountainous literature pertaining to these (near eternal) questions: is there such a thing as free will or is the world deterministic? Is there causality or just coincidence and correlation? Suffice it to say that the answers are far from being clear-cut. To base one's notions of meaningfulness and definition on any of them would be a rather risky act, at least philosophically.

But, can we derive meaning from an inner source? After all, we all "emotionally, intuitively, know" what is meaning and that it exists. If we ignore the evolutionary explanation (a false sense of meaning was instilled in us by Nature because it is conducive to survival and it motivates us to successfully prevail in hostile environments) - it follows that it must have a source somewhere. If the source is internal - it cannot be universal and it must be idiosyncratic. Each one of us has a different inner environment. No two humans are alike. A meaning that springs forth from a unique inner source - must be equally unique and specific to each and every individual. Each person, therefore, is bound to have a different definition and a different meaning. This may not be true on the biological level. We all act in order to maintain life and increase bodily pleasures. But it should definitely hold true on the psychological and spiritual levels. On those levels, we all form our own narratives. Some of them are derived from external sources of meaning - but all of them rely heavily on inner sources of meaning. The answer to the last in a chain of questions will always be: "Because it makes me feel good".

In the absence of an external, indisputable, source of meaning - no rating and no hierarchy of actions are possible. An act is preferable to another (using any criterion of preference) only if there is an outside source of judgement or of comparison.

Paradoxically, it is much easier to prioritize acts with the use of an inner source of meaning and definition. The pleasure principle ("what gives me more pleasure") is an efficient (inner-sourced) rating mechanism. To this eminently and impeccably workable criterion, we usually attach another, external, one (ethical and moral, for instance). The inner criterion is really ours and is a credible and reliable judge of real and relevant preferences. The external criterion is nothing but a defence mechanism embedded in us by an external source of meaning. It comes to defend the external source from the inevitable discovery that it is meaningless.


 

next: What is Abuse?

APA Reference
Vaknin, S. (2008, November 2). The Meaninglessness of External Causes, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, October 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/meaninglessness-of-external-causes

Last Updated: July 4, 2018