Be My V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E All Year Long - Valuable words from the letters in the word Valentine that will help you remember to be your best to make it Valentine's Day in your relationship. . . all year long.

For YOUR Eyes Only - Have you ever sat down, discouraged and out of steam, stuck and with a sense of hopelessness about your relationship? Have you ever felt like you needed to express what you felt? Have you ever taken the opportunity to write some notes to yourself about how you are feeling, even the feelings you feel uncomfortable sharing with anyone? Some call it "journaling." Here are some guidelines to help you begin answering these important questions.

Maturity In Relationships - Maturity in a love relationship is everything! First it is the ability to base a decision about a love relationship on the big picture - the long haul. In general, it means being able to pass up the fun for the moment and select the course of action which will pay off later. Maturity is this and a lot more.

Friends & Lovers - Your love partner should be your best friend and lover. At the heart of love, there is a simple secret: the lover lets the beloved be free. The stronger and more secure they become, the more they are willing to be themselves while encouraging their love partner to do the same. Genuine unconditional love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it. Mostly written in an affirmative voice.

15 Hot Ideas for Phenomenal Physical Intimacy! - Need we say more?

Making Love - Thoughts and reflections on making love. Tastefully expressed. The experience of physical intimacy can be the single most loving, most exciting, most powerful, most exhilarating, most renewing, most energizing, most affirming, most intimate, most uniting, most stress- relieving, most recreative physical experience of which humans are capable.

Forgiveness. . . What's it for? - Forgiveness is often misunderstood. We often think of forgiveness as something that someone who has done us wrong must ask of US. This article suggests that you focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you as a healthy way of releasing the anger, resentment, etc. This was the topic of Larry James' appearance on ABC TV's "The View with Barbara Walters and her co-hosts.

Same Event! Different Scores! If We're in This Together Why Aren't We On the Same Team? - Men and women see and hear things differently! Perhaps it's all about interpretation! Could it be true that we all experience contrasting realities of the same event? Do we all think we are right? Are we committed to hold on to that opinion? Does this make us happy in our relationships?

Shadows of the Past - Shadows of the past are our out-dated precepts and ideas that serve no one. They are our preconceived notions about how we think things should be, should turn out or how things are. The past is an energy drain. Larry tells you how to let go.

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Weigh Your Words - You cannot un-ring a bell! It is a wise love partner who is aware of the potential damage loose words can cause. Words spoken in anger inflict wounds that often take a long time to heal. Think first. . . then speak!

I Married My Best Friend's Wife! - This is the true story of how Larry James met his wife, Sandy. If the title tweaked your curiosity and you like happy endings, you will love this story.

A Prayer of Thanksgiving! - This article focuses on being grateful for ALL our relationships.

How to Get the Most From Reading a Relationship Book - Follow these tips and watch your relationship prosper.

. . . And if All Else Fails? - REQUIRED READING if you are considering counseling, therapy (or Personal Relationship Coaching by telephone with Larry James). There is no shame in seeking help from someone qualified to give it. Most people resist change until they are backed against the wall; until they feel that there is nothing else they can do. Change takes courage! It means taking responsibility for your relationship and being brave enough to take that first step toward doing something different while you are still afraid.

LoveNote for Singles Only - Some singles have concerns that life is passing them by. They wonder why you haven't found their true love. They need to learn to trust their heart! It always tells the truth! Larry offers suggestions that can relieve the stress and worry of being alone and being lonely.

The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes Newly Singles Make and How to Avoid Them - "For Singles" - The BIGGEST mistakes that newly singles can make are mistakes that most singles refuse to believe and, as a result, they soon find themselves experiencing the same relationships as in the past. It is an even bigger mistake to not acknowledge that these colossal blunders really ARE mistakes! Evade these avoidable errors in judgment, and ALL of your relationships will work better!

Who Would You Have to Become? - "For Singles" - Who would you have to become to have your relationships be great? What could you do differently? Whose assistance could you request? How will you change? Or will you? Are you willing to stop trying to change your love partner? Suggested strategies worthy of pursuit.

Learning to Love the One You're With - "For Singles" - Spend time working on you. Work on developing your own self as an individual. The one you are with is you! Reinvent a relationship with yourself. Make it a new and exciting relationship; one you can be proud to carry over into your next relationship with someone else.

Putting Your Best Foot Forward OR Should I Be Who I Really Am on the First Date? - "For Single Men" - We must create a future worth living into. The old way of being in a relationship isn't good enough in the '90's. We must invent the kind of relationship we want, then go about devoting our time and energy to making it happen. It will happen when we care enough to give ourselves the very best of everything.

New Beginnings! What to Do? - Alone again? Perhaps it's time to invent a new beginning. You can do that most effectively by working on you; preparing for love. There is no shame in starting over. How do you work on YOU? You begin by paying attention to what you need to be fulfilled as an individual. Focus on YOU! Self inquire!

Powerful Beyond Measure: What's This About Mid-life Crisis? - Is mid-life crisis a myth? We all have decisive and critical moments from time to time. A crisis or two now and then perhaps, but a crisis that ongoingly occupies an important part of our mid-life? Certainly we have learned by now that crises take our attention off of living life to its fullest. . . moment by moment.

The 10 "Commitments" of Networking - Networking is about building supportive, personal and business relationships; it's consistently meeting new people and making new friends, sharing ideas and having lots of fun in the process! Larry briefly reviews the 10 things you must be committed to if you intend to have networking be an effective business relationships tool.

Networkings' Top Ten "Hot Ideas!" - What does networking have to do with relationships? Networking is all about developing great relationships; meeting new people, making new friends, business contacts and finding new prospects. This article presents 10 "Hot Ideas" that will help put your business networking activities on fast forward!

The Secret to Solving ALL Your Problems! - What's the secret? You are the voice! What you say goes. You are in charge here. Think and speak only of what you want. Your past is before you. It is created individually by you today. You alone have the choice to make it one you can live with!

Rx for the "Holiday Blues" - Here is a healthy prescription of 16 ways to help you overcome the "Holiday Blues."

A Strawberry Malt and 3 Squeezes, Please! - This story was originally featured in the New York Times Best Selling book, "A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul" by Mark Victor Hansen & Jack Canfield. It is a heart-warming story of love, written to honor the memory of Larry's mother, Mary N. Jarvis. She died as a result of Alzheimer's disease. Also see: Alzheimer's Links.

Is Your Relationship Stranded at Malfunction Junction? - Having a successful relationship is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights shine up ahead, AND you can make the entire trip that way. When you see a bump in the road or have to take a detour (to avoid a major disagreement), you simply make a mutually beneficial adjustment and keep on going!

Half of Being Smart is Knowing What You're Dumb At! - Here's something to think about. . . I've been wondering what it is that causes someone to treat their friends much better than the one they say they love?

I Was Wrong and I Am Sorry - As a professional relationship coach, over the years I have listened as partners pour out their hearts to me, justifying their position to the detriment of the relationship.

Are You Being Authentic in Your Relationship? - Being authentic is the key to truly happy, healthy relationships. It is not possible to be happy without being true to yourself. Unfortunately many people live their entire lives never discovering their authentic self.

Hey Guys! Don't be Someone Who Grumbles! - If you want to keep your significant other happy and content. . . (read on)

What's to Become of You? - "What's to become of me?" you say? That may be the wrong question. What "more" is to become of me? Ask yourself that question and see what comes up.

The Truth About Relationship Expectations - Having expectations in our culture is expected. We are brought up that way. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled, we bitch, we moan, we become disappointed.

What to Do? What to Do? - Thoughts on the Dilemma of Choice! - Dissatisfied with the direction your life is going; the work you do, the relationship your are in? Wondering what to do? Perhaps it's time to do something different. Here are some thoughts about the dilemma of making the choices to change.

Romantic Jealousy is Scary! - Jealously. . . it feeds on your insecurity, devours your self-confidence, and gobbles up the trust in your relationship. Believe it or not, like other difficult emotional experiences, jealousy can be a trigger for growth, increased self-awareness, and greater understanding of both your partner and your relationship.

Kidding Around With Romance - Youthful and playful activities can add spark to your relationship. Being playful in adult relationships is a good thing. It's perfect for a first date and can even help light a fire under long-term couples whose affections have cooled.

Romantic Ideas to Make it Valentine's Day All Year Long! - To be a special Valentine to your partner takes lots of energy, time, attention and Love. Here are more than 67 tips to help you get started!

A Gift of the Heart - Want to know how to avoid a gift-giving blunder? To help you develop gift-giving savvy, when you give a gift during the holiday season or on any other occasion, make it a gift of the heart.

The Romantic Kiss - A kiss has been described as the height of voluptuousness. It has a lovely, luscious and lusty legacy.

Jazz Up Your Relationship - A few thoughts about how jazz music can teach you an important relationship lesson.

Communicating is Not Optional: How to Listen So Your Partner Will Talk - A communication gap not only undermines the potential of your relationship; it can, and usually will eventually destroy the relationship. Use an effective process Larry James uses when coaching couples to teach them to listen and talk, but not at the same time.

What Is Love? - Random thoughts and reflections on Love.

The ABC's of Celebrating Love! - You didn't learn this alphabet in school. 26 words that can help breathe life into your relationship and help you Celebrate Love with your partner; words that begin with each letter of the alphabet.

My Partner Cheat? Never! - Twenty-nine red flags that often point a finger to a cheater.

Poems by Larry James - Two poems based upon a real relationship cast in an imaginary setting. See You At the Beach will give you a sense of the beginning.

Release Your Brakes! - This inspirational poem was inspired by James W. Newman's original classic book by the same name.

Relationship "Slump Busters" - A list of 52 areas in relationships that can become "Hot Spots" unless they are attended to on a consistent basis; areas that will need your undivided attention if you are committed to work "together" to bring your relationship out of a slump or to keep it from going into one. You will want to bookmark this article and read it often. It is "Larry's Rx for Relationships!"

How Do You Work On You? - Often therapists, radio talk show hosts and others who provide relationship advice or coaching will tell you that in order to have a great relationship with your partner, you must first work on you. This article tells you how to begin.

Men Have Feelings Too! - For Men Only - A discourse in support of a safe place to express your feelings. Scary stuff, huh? Plus complete guidelines for creating a "Men's Support Community." (They work for women too).

A Sure Cure for a Hangover - The facts on the abuse of alcohol are sobering. Alcohol consumption affects men and women differently, however some effects are the same in both genders. Plus Larry's hangover "sure cure!"

Networking: A Woman's Contact Sport - Do women network more effectively than men? Read the success stories of Larry's "Top Five" women networkers and about the personal growth you can expect when you set a priority on networking.

An Affirmation for Letting Go - Positive affirmations work if you are consistent in using them and if you are willing to suspend your disbelief. This affirmation will help you let go of the past and get on with your life!

Put the Toilet Seat DOWN! - For Men Only - It's time for men to be more "considerate" and to pay attention to the little things, like putting the toilet seat down and helping with the household chores. There is a solution to one of the problems. Inventor, Tim Seniuk's amusing solution may surprise you.

Goodbye, Cavett! - Cavett Robert, CSP, CPAE, was the founder of the National Speakers Association. This article was written to honor his memory.

Domestic Violence Sucks! - Physical and emotional abusive behavior is sick! If you are in an abusive relationship, this article is a must-read. Includes helpful info and links for support for abuse victims. - Read one women's story about physical abuse and Larry's recommendation for her situation.

Principles of Being - Austin Vickers, Guest Author - Allow this affirmative statement to govern your life. Book mark it and read it often. It will change your life.

Some Things Can Be Fixed. . . Others Must Heal - Thom Rutledge, Guest Author - When someone tells you a problem they are having, do you immediately feel the need to offer advice? Is it difficult for you to just listen to someone who is in distress, to just be there for them without knowing precisely what to say or do?

Have You Written a Love Letter Lately? - Michael J. Montegut, Ph.D., Guest Author - One of the most powerful and sincerest forms of communication that we see very little of today is letter writing. I am not talking about e-mail or post-its. I mean a real letter that is written on real paper and possibly mailed through the regular mail.

Questions, Questions and More Questions - For Singles Only - Are you asking the right questions? It is estimated that 83% of failed relationships could be prevented if couples asked each other the right questions. Are you among the 17%?

The Dating Daze! - For Singles Only - The grown-up dating game has never been more interesting and challenging. There are more players than ever before. Why? Because of higher divorce rates, longer life spans, and a greater tendency to never marry. This contributes to more single Americans than at any other time in our country's history.

25 Words or Less: Connecting With Personal Ads - For Singles Only - Read Larry's take on the personal responsibility you must accept when writing or answering personal ads.

NOTE: All articles listed above are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, on the Internet or on your own website. Contact Larry James for conditions and permission to reprint.

Blog Comments

• No Expectations, Fewer Disappointments!
• Is Your Relationship Stranded at Malfunction Junction?
• The Keys to Self-Acceptance
• I Was Wrong and I Am Sorry
• Larry James Selected "Best Officiant" in the Greater Phoenix Area!
• Building Better Business Relationships
• New Things are Happening!
• Who YOU are Being Makes a Difference!
• Getting Your Needs Met MUST Be a HIGH Priority
• Me Change? Yuk!!
• Relationships Require Attention
• 10 Ways to Simplify Your Life
• I Hate Snakes!
• There is no Second Place!
• Random Thoughts to a Coaching Client
• No One Can Hurt You
• Forgiveness
• Never Intentionally Say Hurtful Words to Your Partner
• Audioapathy
• Do What Works!
• The Essence of Romance
• It's Time for the 3rd Degree!
• Catch Your Partner Doing Something Right!
• Relationships NEVER End!
• Unfulfilled Expectations
• Relationship Derailment

next: Be My V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E All Year Long

Child: Care, Health and Development,
November 2002, vol. 28, no. 6, pp. 523-527(5)

Steyn B.J.[1]; Schneider J.[2]; McArdle P.[3]

[1] Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Mulberry Centre, Darlington, [2] Centre for Applied Social Studies, University of Durham, Old Shire Hall, Old Elvet, Durham, and [3] University of Newcastle, Fleming Nuffield Unit, Newcastle, UK

Abstract:

Objective To explore the use of Disability Living Allowance (DLA) by families of children and adolescents with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and to discuss the implications for clinicians involved in their treatment.

Study design Opportunistic survey of patients attending ADHD clinic.

Setting Urban area in the north-east of England.

Subjects A total of 32 carers of children being treated for ADHD with methylphenidate.

Intervention Semi-structured telephone interviews about receipt and use of DLA. This involved open and closed questions and a multiple-choice section.

Results In total, 19 out of the 32 families were receiving DLA. They chose to use it mainly to replace clothes and furniture and to provide diversions and activities for the children concerned. Some families were unaware of potential eligibility for DLA, whereas a few had chosen not to apply. Only one family's application for DLA had been unsuccessful. Carers were unanimously positive about the extra income.

Conclusions Families view DLA as an important means to replace damaged items and to fund recreational activities to contain over-activity. Families receive little formal guidance on ways of using DLA money to support children with ADHD. Virtually no specific training in benefits awareness is provided to general practitioners and child health specialists, who are often asked to judge the child's level of impairment or incapacity. Applying for DLA may affect the therapeutic relationship for good or ill. There is a need for professionals in contact with children with ADHD to inform families of the possibility of receiving DLA and support them in applications. As diagnosis and treatment of ADHD becomes more commonplace, more families are likely to be entitled to claim DLA. This has definite implications for the social security budget.

Keywords: ADHD; DLA; disability; benefits; social security; treatment

Document Type: Research article ISSN: 0305-1862

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DOI (article): 10.1046/j.1365-2214.2002.00305.x
SICI (online): 0305-1862(20021101)28:6L.523;1-

Here's how Alcoholics Anonymous came to be a primary treatment of alcoholism.

In this section:

• Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous), The Doctor's Opinion
• Bill's Story
• There is a Solution
• More About Alcoholism
• We Agnostics
• How It Works
• Into Action
• Working with Others
• To the Wives
• The Family Afterward
• To Employers
• A Vision For You

The Doctor's Opinion

We of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the reader will be interested in the medical estimate of the plan of recovery described in this book. Convincing testimony must surely come from medical men who have had experience with the sufferings of our members and have witnessed our return to health. A well known doctor, chief physician at a nationally prominent hospital specializing in alcoholic and drug addiction, gave Alcoholics Anonymous this letter:

To whom it may concern:

I have specialized in the treatment of alcoholism for many years. In late 1934, I attended a patient who, though he had been a competent businessman of good earning capacity, was an alcoholic of a type I had come to regard as hopeless.

In the course of his third treatment, he acquired certain ideas concerning a possible means of recovery. As part of his rehabilitation, he commenced to present his conceptions to other alcoholics, impressing upon them that they must do likewise with still others. This has become the basis of a rapidly growing fellowship of these men and their families. This man and over one hundred others appear to have recovered.

I personally know scores of cases who were of the type with whom other methods had failed completely.

These facts appear to be of extreme medical importance; because of the extraordinary possibilities of rapid growth inherent in this group they may mark a new epoch in the annals of alcoholism. These men may well have a remedy for thousands of such situations.

You may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves.

Very truly yours,

William D. Silkworth, M.D.

The physician who, at our request, gave us this letter, has been kind enough to enlarge upon his views in another statement which follows. In this statement, he confirms what we who have suffered alcoholic torture must believe that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. It did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were in full flight from reality, or were outright mental defectives. These things were true to some extent, in fact, to a considerable extent with some of us. But we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete.

The doctors theory that we have an allergy to alcohol interests us. As laymen, our opinion as to its soundness may, of course, mean little. But as ex-problem drinkers, we can say that his explanation makes good sense. It explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account.

Though we work out our solution on the spiritual as well as an altruistic plane, we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is very jittery or befogged. More often than not, it is imperative that a mans brain be cleared before he is approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer.

The doctor writes:

The subject presented in this book seems to me to be of paramount importance to those afflicted with alcoholic addiction.

I say this after many years experience as a Medical Director of one of the oldest hospitals in the country treating alcoholic and drug addiction.

There was, therefore, a sense of real satisfaction when I was asked to contribute a few words on a subject which is covered in such masterly detail in these pages.

We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application presented difficulties beyond our conception. What with our ultramodern standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well equipped to apply the powers of good that lie outside our synthetic knowledge.

Many years ago, one of the leading contributors to this book came under our care in this hospital and while here he acquired some ideas which he put into practical application at once.

Later, he requested the privilege of being allowed to tell his story to other patients here and with some misgiving, we consented. The cases we have followed through have been most interesting; in fact, many of them are amazing. The unselfishness of these men as we have come to know them, the entire absence of profit motive, and their community spirit, is indeed inspiring to one who has labored long and wearily in this alcoholic field. They believe in themselves, and still more in the Power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the gates of death.

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Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor, and this often requires a definite hospital procedure before psychological measures can be of maximum benefit. We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.

Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to recreate their lives.

If any feel that as psychiatrists directing a hospital for alcoholics we appear somewhat sentimental, let them stand with us a while on the firing line, see the tragedies, the despairing wives, the little children; let the solving of these problems become a part of their daily work, and even of their sleeping moments, and the most cynical will not wonder that we have accepted and encouraged this movement. We feel, after many years of experience, that we have found nothing which has contributed more to the rehabilitation of these men than the altruistic movement now growing up among them.

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

On the other hand and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.

Men have cried out to me in sincere and despairing appeal: "Doctor, I cannot go on like this! I have everything to live for! I must stop, but I cannot! You must help me!"

Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he must sometimes feel his own inadequacy. Although he gives all that is in him it often is not enough. One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change. Though the aggregate of recoveries resulting from psychiatric effort is considerable, we physicians must admit we have made little impression upon the problem as a whole. Many types do not respond to the ordinary psychological approach.

I do not hold with those who believe that alcoholism us entirely a problem of mental control. I have had many men who had, for example, worked a period of months on some problem or business deal which was to be settled on a certain date, favorably to them. They took a drink a day or so prior to the date, and then the phenomenon of craving at once became so paramount to all other interests so that the important appointment was not met. These men were not drinking to escape; they were drinking to overcome a craving beyond their mental control.

There are many situations which arise out of the phenomenon of craving which cause men to make the supreme sacrifice rather than continue to fight.

The classification of alcoholics seems most difficult, and in much detail is outside the scope of this book. There are, of course, the psychopaths who are emotionally unstable. We are all familiar with this type. They are always "going on the wagon for keeps." They are over remorseful and make many resolutions, but never a decision.

There is the type of man who is unwilling to admit that he cannot take a drink. He plans various ways of drinking. He changes his brand or his environment. There is the type who always believes that after being entirely free from alcohol for a period of time, he can take a drink without danger. There is the manic depressive type, who is s, perhaps the least understood by his friends, and about whom a whole chapter could be written.

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There are types entirely normal in every aspect except in the effect alcohol has on them. They are often able, intelligent, friendly people.

All these, and many more, have one symptom in common: They cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.

This immediately precipitates us into a seething caldron of debate. Much has been written pro and con, but among physicians, the general opinion seems to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed.

What is the solution? Perhaps I can best answer this by relating one of my experiences.

About one year prior to this experience a man was brought in to be treated for chronic alcoholism. He had but partially recovered from a gastric hemorrhage and seemed to be a case of pathological mental deterioration. He had lost everything worthwhile in life and was only living, one might say, to drink. He frankly admitted and believed that for him there was no hope. Following the elimination of alcohol, there was found to be no permanent brain injury. He accepted the plan outlined in this book. One year later he called to see me, and I experienced a very strange sensation. I knew the man by name, and partly recognized his features, but there all resemblance ended. From a trembling, despairing, nervous wreak, had emerged a man brimming over with self reliance and contentment. I talked with him for some time, but was not able to bring myself to feel that I had known him before. To me he was a stranger, and so he left me. A long time has passed with no return to alcohol.

When I need a mental uplift, I often think of another case brought in by a physician prominent in New York. The patient had made his own diagnosis, and deciding his situation hopeless, had hidden in a deserted barn determined to die. He was rescued by a searching party, and, in desperate condition, brought to me. Following his physical rehabilitation, he had a talk with me in which he frankly stated he thought the treatment a waste of effort, unless I could assure him, which no one ever had, that in the future he would have the "will power" to resist the impulse to drink.

His alcoholic problem was so complex, and his depression so great, that we felt his only hope would be through what we then called "moral psychology" and we doubted if even that would have any effect.

However, He did become "sold" on the ideas contained in this book. He has not had a drink for a great many years. I see him now and then and he is as fine a specimen of manhood as one could wish to meet.

I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book through, and though perhaps he came to scoff, he may remain to pray.

William D. Silkworth, M.D.

next: Bill's Story
~ addictions library articles
~ all addictions articles

Larry James is President of CelebrateLove.com (formerly Career Assurance Network). He has been a full-time professional speaker and author since 1987.

At age 10, he made his first sales call. He's been networking and selling ever since. He was in broadcasting for twelve years and was a popular, award-winning radio personality in the 1960's and early 1970's.

He fully acknowledges his responsibility to practice what he teaches; inspiring others by example. He is a gifted teacher who shares his inspired insight with clarity, style and good taste.

His purpose is "Helping Others Help Themselves." He is totally committed to sharing ideas and information that will assist anyone interested in improving the quality of their life!

His "Relationship Enrichment LoveShop," adapted from his best selling books, "How to Really Love the One You're With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship!" and "LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing!" is presented nationally. His newest relationships book, "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers."

In February, 1996, Larry joined the staff of Dr. John Gray, Ph.D. author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." He was Dr. Gray's personal choice to host the popular "Mars & Venus Chat Room" on America Online for nearly three years. He is a personally trained facilitator of Dr. Gray's "Mars and Venus Seminars."

Larry also does Personal Relationship Coaching for high functioning singles and married couples; people who are committed to "doing" whatever it takes to make their relationships work.

Larry has appeared on ABC TV's "The View" with Barbara Walters and more than 400 radio talk shows. His articles have appeared in Living Solo Magazine, Elite Magazine (Tulsa), Real Estate Today, Singles In Sight Magazine (Phoenix), Single Living Magazine, Business to Business Magazine, Arizona Networking News and Single Magazine (Phoenix), Entertainment Guide of San Diego, The Light (Albuquerque), Friends & Lovers: The Relationships Magazine (Internet), Single Today (Memphis), and Single Lifestyles Magazine (LA & Southern California).

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Larry is a founding member and past president of the Oklahoma Speakers Association. He has served on the board of directors and is currently a member of the Arizona Speakers Association; a member of the National Speakers Association, the International Federation for Professional Speakers and is listed in "Who's Who In Professional Speaking."

• NOTE: The National Speakers Association (NSA) is an international association for experts who speak professionally. NSA members include experts in a variety of industries and disciplines, who reach audiences as trainers, educators, humorists, motivators, consultants and authors. For more than 26 years, NSA has provided resources and education designed to enhance the business acumen and platform performance of professional speakers.

Larry travels nationally leading seminars and giving speeches of inspiration that focus on developing close personal and business relationships.

next: Be My V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E All Year Long!

Impact of Television Violence:

Violence on television affects children negatively, according to psychological research.

The three major effects of seeing violence on television are:

• Children may become less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others.
• Children may be more fearful of the world around them.
• Children may be more likely to behave in aggressive ways toward others.

Studies have shown that children's television contain about 20 violent acts each hour and that children who watch a lot of television are more likely to think that the world is a mean and dangerous place.

Children often behave differently after they've been watching violent programs on television. In one study done at Pennsylvania State University, about 100 preschool children were observed both before and after watching television; some watched cartoons that had many aggressive and violent acts; others watched shows that didn't have any kind of violence. The researchers noticed real differences between the kids who watched the violent shows and those who watched nonviolent ones.

Children who watched the violent shows were more likely to strike out at playmates, argue, disobey authority and were less willing to wait for things than those children who watched nonviolent programs.

Field studies by Leonard Eron, Ph.D. and his associates at the University of Illinois, found that children who watched many hours of television violence when they were in elementary school tended to also show a higher level of aggressive behavior when they became teenagers. By observing these youngsters until they were 30 years old, Dr. Eron found that the ones who'd watched a lot of television when they were eight years old were more likely to be arrested and prosecuted for criminal acts as adults.

Questionable Influences:

For most of television's early years, it was difficult to find role models who would inspire young girls in the viewing audience.

In the mid-1970s, a new genre of programs such as "Charlie's Angels," "Wonder Woman," and "The Bionic Woman" entered the scene.

Now, there were females on television who were in control, aggressive and were not dependent upon males for their success.

Conventional wisdom might suggest this phenomena would have a positive impact on younger female viewers. But, a recent study by L. Rowell Huesmann, Ph.D. -- a psychologist at the Aggression Research Group at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research -- refutes that premise.

Huesmann's research states that young girls who often watched shows featuring aggressive heroines in the 1970s have grown up to be more aggressive adults involved in more confrontations, shoving matches, chokings and knife fights than women who had watched few or none of these shows.

One example cited by Huesmann is that 59 percent of those who watched an above-average amount of violence on television as children were involved in more than the average number of such aggressive incidents later in life.

Huesmann says that ages six to eight are very delicate and critical years in the development of children. Youngsters are learning "scripts" for social behavior that will last them throughout their life.

Huesmann found those "scripts" didn't always have happy endings.

In the onset of his research -- which took place between 1977 and 1979 -- Huesmann asked 384 girls in the first through fifth-grades in Oak Park, Ill. about their viewing habits.

In his follow-up between 1992 and 1995, he tracked down 221 of the original subjects and collected information on their life histories. Huesmann had subjects enter responses into a computer and as an accuracy check, Huesmann got information about each subject from a close friend or spouse.

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What Is Being Done About The Problem:

The television industry took steps toward implementing a ratings system for its programming at a meeting with President Clinton in late February.

The policy is to develop a ratings system for television programs that will give parents an indication of content not suitable for children.

The rating system may use letter codes (such as PG-7 for programs deemed suitable for children aged 7 and up, PG-10, PG-15, etc.), or the television industry may develop a short description of content which would be broadcast prior to the program.

Unlike the Motion Picture Association of America, which uses an independent third-party board to rate films, television networks will rate their own programs.

"I agree with President Clinton's and the industry's decision to promote some sort of ratings system and the use of the V-chip," said Dorothy Cantor, PsyD, former president of the American Psychological Association. "We live in an era where both parents are often working and children have more unsupervised time. Parents need help in monitoring the amount of television and the quality of what kids watch while they're young."

Steps Parents can take to shape their child's viewing habits:

• Watch at least one episode of the program your child views so you can better understand the content and discuss it with them.
• Explain questionable incidents (e.g. random violence) that occur and discuss alternatives to violent actions as ways to solve problems.
• Ban programs that are too violent or offensive.
• Restrict television viewing to educational programming and shows or programs which demonstrate helping, caring and cooperation.
• Encourage children to participate in more interactive activities such as sports, hobbies or playing with friends.
• Limit the amount of time children spend watching television.

If you are seeking immediate guidance or help about your son or daughter, our Virtual Clinic provides email, chat room, and telephone therapy for assistance in your situation.

If you are a mental health professional, please refer to our Seminars to arrange a comprehensive training workshop on the impact of the media violence on families.

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next:   Warning Signs of Violence in Children
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Genetic research suggests two regions as highly likely to harbor risk genes for ADHD.

A genomewide scan for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in an extended sample: suggestive linkage on 17p11

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD [MIM 143465]) is a common, highly heritable neurobehavioral disorder of childhood onset, characterized by hyperactivity, impulsivity, and/or inattention.

As part of an ongoing study of the genetic etiology of ADHD, we have performed a genomewide linkage scan in 204 nuclear families comprising 853 individuals and 270 affected sibling pairs (ASPs). Previously, we reported genomewide linkage analysis of a "first wave" of these families composed of 126 ASPs. A follow-up investigation of one region on 16p yielded significant linkage in an extended sample.

The current study extends the original sample of 126 ASPs to 270 ASPs and provides linkage analyses of the entire sample, using polymorphic microsatellite markers that define an approximately 10-cM map across the genome. Maximum LOD score (MLS) analysis identified suggestive linkage for 17p11 (MLS=2.98) and four nominal regions with MLS values >1.0, including 5p13, 6q14, 11q25, and 20q13. These data, taken together with the fine mapping on 16p13, suggest two regions as highly likely to harbor risk genes for ADHD: 16p13 and 17p11. Interestingly, both regions, as well as 5p13, have been highlighted in genomewide scans for autism.

Ed. Note:   Researchers are from the Departments of Human Genetics, Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences, and Biostatistics, and Center for Neurobehavioral Genetics, University of California, Los Angeles; and Wellcome Trust Centre for Human Genetics, Oxford University, Oxford, United Kingdom.

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Source:   American Journal of Human Genetics,  2003 May;72(5):1268-79. Epub 2003 Apr 8.

 

teenage sex

OK, moms and dads, try this quick child-rearing quiz: When it comes to sex, your teens want to learn the details from:

a. their friends.
b. the latest hot movie.
c. you.

You'd probably be stunned to learn the right answer is "c" - at least according to a recent national survey of more than 2,000 teens and their parents.

"This may surprise a lot of parents who fear that, when it comes to sex, they have lost their children to peers and popular culture," says Bill Albert, director of communications and publications at the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. "But the simple message from the study is that, whether parents believe it or not, teens want to hear from them about sex, intimacy and relationships."

"Our survey clearly shows that parents have an incredibly important role when it comes to their children's sexual decision-making," Albert adds.

The study also found that:

• 93% of the teens and 95% of the parents said it's important that teenagers be given a "strong abstinence message from society" - which includes their schools, their doctors and influential adults in their lives. At the same time, six out of 10 teens believe they should have information about - and access to - contraception.

• Eight out of 10 teens said they felt pressure to have sex. But a gender divide clearly exists. Teen-age girls said they felt pressure mostly from their partners, while teen-age boys overwhelmingly said they felt pressure from their friends.

• Teens don't have an accurate picture of their peers' sexual behavior. More than half the teens -54%- overestimated the percentage of high school students who've had sex. This is significant, Albert says, because teens who believe their friends are having sex are more likely to have sex themselves.

• Discussing abstinence while also providing teens with information about contraception is not a "mixed message," according to 74% of the teens and 70% of the adults.

Despite recent declines in its teen pregnancy rate, the United States still has the highest rate of teen pregnancy among developed nations: Four out of 10 girls get pregnant before age 20, studies show.

These figures clearly indicate that the messages parents are giving their children are inadequate - too little information, too late, Albert says. So when should parents start talking to their kids about sex? And what should they say?

"There's no magic number in terms of age, but the reality is, if your child's body has physically matured, chances are good they're also having sexual thoughts and feelings," says Dr. Jonathan D. Klein, a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics' committee on adolescent medicine.

And contrary to popular belief, talking to teens about sex shouldn't be a one-shot event.

"Parents should forgo having 'the big talk' and instead have ongoing discussions about sex with their children," says Klein.

Parents should also enlist the help of their child's doctor. A family doctor or pediatrician can provide parents with guidance on when to broach the subject of sex, and how to have effective discussions.

In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics recently released new guidelines on sex education for children and adolescents. The guidelines note that pediatricians are in an ideal position to provide sex education and information about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, while offering advice and support to parents.

When talking to teens about sex, Klein offers these suggestions to ensure effective discussions:

• Be clear about your family's values and morals.
• Be honest and let your teen know that you're available to answer any and all questions.
• Be approachable and open-minded, even if you disagree with your child's viewpoint.
• Use appropriate terminology and avoid slang expressions for anatomy, masturbation and other sexual matters.
• Utilize sources in your community, including the library, videos, books and brochures. Remember to preview materials before giving them to your child.

Next, are more details about talking to your teenager about sex.

next: Talking to Your Kids About Sex

HIV-Positive Teens Tell Their Stories

"It won't give you X-ray vision, but it will make you a hero tonight," proclaims the subway ad showing a picture of a rubber. Then there's the continuing subway saga of the Spanish characters who are having sex; the mousey one who wants to go slow versus her friend, the stereotypical hot mama dressed for speed.

So why are 85 percent of sexually active teens not using condoms? They ride the subways, don't they? They learn about AIDS in school, right? It's the same old problem; no one wants to talk about teens having sex. The students I interviewed were receiving AIDS education in health class, but said that being told the statistics of AIDS cases has no meaning. They need to see teens with AIDS, hear their stories, to realize, 'Hey, that could be me.'

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That's why a group like YouthWave exists. Members of YouthWave are HIV-positive young adults. They tour the country, visiting schools and telling their stories. Their presentation is so effective that students are racing out the door to get tested by the end. They have to run faster than their teachers, who are even more scared they might be HIV-positive.

Stan's Story

Ann's Story

Missy's Story

For More Information

YouthWave and various branches of the Association of People With Aids have speakers available to educate at schools. Or you can contact an AIDS agency in your community and ask if they have a speakers' program.

You can contact YouthWave in California at (415) 647-9283 or write to: YouthWave,
3450 Sacramento Street, Suite 351
San Francisco, CA 94118.

Missy is a speaker for the National Association of People With Aids, headquartered in Washington, D.C. For speakers, contact:
Keith Pollanen at (202) 898-0414 or write to
1413 K Street NW
Washington, D.C. 20005

CDC National Hotline: 1-800-342-aids

San Francisco Aids Foundation: 1-800-367-2437

Mellisa: (in photo right) is a 21 year old board member, omens AIDS Network. Eleven months ago Mellisa learned she had HIV. She's since become a national spokesperson for young people with HIV.

The ARRIVE organization in Manhattan can be contacted at 151 W.26th Street, New York, NY 10013 or by calling (212) 243-3434.

CREDITS: Couple photos by Daniel Hayes Uppendahl (daniel@kspace.com) "Mellisa" Photographed by Annie Leibovitz for San Fransico Aids Foundation

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STAN

Stan was the baby-faced one in the group, the youngest at 19 years old. In August of 1989, he spent his summer days like many other 13-year-olds, with the fluttered stomach that comes from first love and knowing you're about to start high school.

Late that summer, red spots started appearing on his skin and he was tired all the time, as if he had mono. A few weeks later, he started high school feeling healthy. He went for a routine physical that winter so he could join the swim team.

That's when he learned he was HIV-positive.

"At first we thought there must have been a mistake, the test must have been switched," Stan said. "So I took another test and that one was positive, too. I told the woman I'd been dating, who was much older, and within 24 hours she was gone. I never heard from her again.

"I started getting really angry that at 14, I had this life-threatening disease. I had dreams about going to college, making money. But how could I plan for college when I didn't know if I was going to live another year?"

Stan didn't want his life to change. He wanted to worry about the same things his friends worried about, like girls and sports. He was scared to tell people he had the HIV virus because it was a conservative community and he'd heard about people being beat up in other towns. When he told his friends the news, most of them didn't even believe him. He eventually found understanding by joining a support group for HIV-positive teens.

"Joining that support group was the best thing I could have done," the 19-year-old said. "The next best thing I did was to leave school during my junior year. It was holding me back."

He earned the equivalent of a high school degree and began taking courses at a nearby college. He also journeyed to other countries -- something he'd always wanted to do. This summer Stan will travel to Greece and the Middle East.

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"I'm planning on living through this thing," he said. "A couple of years ago I had this five-minute flash into the future. I saw myself at 35, thinking, 'Look at all that has happened. Back when you were 16, you thought you were going to die.'

"Lately, I've been thinking about the deeper meaning of this virus," Stan said. "I've been thinking about the fear it brings out, how people are afraid of anyone who's different. This disease has taught me that we're all human beings. What religion you are, what color skin you have is really irrelevant when it comes to the big picture.

"And just because I'm HIV-positive, who am I to think my problems are any worse than anybody else's? I could live in this space being angry or I could say, 'What can this teach me? How can I turn this around?' Not that there aren't days I'm angry - but I turn that anger into fuel to live."

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ANN

Like Stan, twenty-one-year-old Ann of Manhattan contracted the HIV virus through her first sexual experience two years ago, when she was engaged to be married. She wanted a career and was attending college while working at a daycare center. She and her fiance felt ready to have a baby.

She strikes me as an articulate, strong-willed young woman -- a survivor. Like the other young adults interviewed, she has managed to pull something positive from her experience.

"I couldn't get pregnant and I went for tests to find out why. That's when I learned I was HIV-positive," Ann related. "When I told my fiance that night, he accused me of lying. He left, saying he was going to the store for cigarettes. By the time the sun was coming up, I realized he wasn't coming back."

The HIV test results and her fiance's desertion pushed Ann into a depression so deep she spent four months cocooning in bed. She had a serious case of what she calls "the recently-diagnosed flu."

"I would get up to shower and go to the bathroom," Ann said. "I'd go out just to get food and go to the doctor." She was fired from her job. It took three months before the lights and phone were cut when Ann couldn't pay her bills. After four months of not paying rent, a housing authority came to evict Ann from her apartment.

"But before I moved out, an agency sent a case manager over and she was a really positive influence on me," Ann said. The case manager encouraged Ann to attend classes run by ARRIVE (Aids Risk Reduction IV drug use and Ex-offenders). ARRIVE helps those with HIV find jobs and deal with the disease.

"But the people in my group were all older," she said. "I started to feel like the only HIV-positive 20-year-old around."

So she founded her own group under the ARRIVE umbrella called the Young Adults Group for HIV positive heterosexuals between the ages of 16 and 21.

"Everybody's dealing with it from the prevention angle and I wanted to deal with it from, 'Okay, I'm 16 and HIV-positive, where do I go from here?' We talk about our lives, or future, jobs and going back to school. And we do things together. I no longer went to movies and dancing with my HIV-negative friends because they wanted to go clubs and pick up guys. In our Young Adult Group, we have sleepovers and go ice-skating and stuff," Ann said.

She is dating now, something she didn't do before she met her former fiance. Whether she tells the person she's dating of her HIV status depends on two things: How will he deal with news? And are they going to be sexual partners?

"If we're going to be sexually active, I tell the person. I believe they should be able to make educated, informed choices," Ann explained. "I never have unprotected sex. I take care of my condoms like they were my children. They're kept in a basket by my bed and I even dust them."

Being HIV-positive has made her a stronger person, meaning she doesn't need a relationship to feel complete. "I'm more stable emotionally to carry on a relationship. I used to look for another person to make me whole," she said. "Now I'm whole myself. You can't look for someone to complete the puzzle for you, you have to complete it yourself.

"Although this is the worst possible thing that could happen to anybody, it's not the end of life. You can still lead a productive life in between doctor visits," she laughed. "I think about all I've accomplished in the past year; I got a promotion at work, I'm dating and will be going back to school. It's made me want to do a lot more, made me stronger, made me achieve more and be more focused. It's been a major self-esteem booster, which is odd. It's also made me care more about myself and younger people."

"I don't know how long I'll live. I don't see myself rocking on the porch with my 90-year-old husband and grandkids running around calling me Nana, but I do see myself 10 years from now," Ann said. "I see myself happily married at 35, going to the mall with my girlfriends, talking about the latest Denzel movie.

Ann calls herself a realist and says she has no illusions that a cure for AIDS will be found.

"The only way I see AIDS stopping is if people protect themselves. There's so much doctors don't know. It's like chess - nobody's a king, no one's a queen, you're just a pawn."

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MISSY

Thirteen-year-old Missy Milne of California contracted the HIV virus from a blood transfusion she had as a baby. Her parents knew she was HIV-positive since Missy was five but waited to tell their daughter.

Missy is soft-spoken and seems naive about the full ramifications of being HIV-positive. Or else she has fully accepted her condition and refuses to let it control and alter her life. She seems to view her bimonthly doctor visits and medication as merely an interruption in the routine of her typical 13-year-old life of video games and dating.

"My parents told me when I was nine. We didn't want to tell my friends right away," Missy explained. "We wanted to educate them first because if we didn't, we thought I'd get teased."

"For four and a half years we were very silent," Missy's mother Joan said. "We lived in a dual world. We were afraid that when we went public, the car tires would be slashed, the doors would be spray-painted. But we haven't had one negative incident."

Missy's friends "treated her the same as always" and her (former) boyfriend had "no problem" with the disease either. "Sometimes when I think about boyfriends, I want the virus to go away," Missy said. "Because when you're older, some boys might not want to get involved with you because you can't ever have sex without using a condom. "

For Missy, what's good about having the virus is that she gets to meet famous people. She's spoken to John Stamos on the phone and once met Hillary Clinton. She worries about dying "only sometimes, at night." Sometimes she gets mad at God for giving her the disease. But the hardest thing has been watching her friends die.

"Missy said to me, 'Mom, how come all my friends are getting sick and dying and I'm not?' " Joan recalled. "She said, 'I feel like I'm on a train and each one of my friends is a car and I'm the last one.' "

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Missy and Stan shoulder the pain of telling their stories to strangers in the hopes of saving at least one person. Stan knows that the message in health class isn't hitting home, because he was a teen who thought of AIDS as something that only affected older, gay people. Meanwhile, AIDS continues to be the sixth leading cause of death among 15-to-24 year-olds and the number of teen AIDS cases doubles every 14 months. According to Dr. Karen Hein, an expert on adolescent AIDS and HIV, teenagers are the next wave of the epidemic. "Many kids find out they are HIV-positive through pregnancy," Dale Orlando, former director of the Fenway Health Center in Boston, has been quoted as saying. "Parents aren't educating their children about the risk because they still view it as a disease of somebody's else's kids. It isn't."

"Nobody wants the schools taking charge of their kids' sexual life," Orlando said, "and that is the way condom distribution is perceived. Everybody sees it as licensing kids to have sex. What they don't seem to understand is that kids are having sex. And now they're dying from it."

Ann advises female teens to buy their own condoms and learn how to put them on a guy.

"And be sure of yourself," she warns. "Just because he says he loves you doesn't mean he's going to be there when you're in the hospital. Find out if this is really what you want. Young people believe they're invincible. But the only person who can save you from this disease is yourself."

"I realize that abstinence is not everyone's choice," Stan says. "But if you're going to have sex, learn about safe sex and practice it all the time - not just some of the time."

next: Introduction to HIV

male sexual problems

Psychological factors can, of course, cause impotence. These include:

• guilt
• depression
• losing interest in your partner
• a partner who finds intercourse painful
• low self-esteem
• fear of not performing well

Often both physical and psychological factors are involved. A physical problem impairs erections, and you then become so preoccupied with the question 'Can I maintain my erection this time?' that sexual arousal becomes impossible. Anxiety actually has the physical effect of contracting the muscles of the erectile tissue, preventing blood entering the penis and allowing the blood to drain away.

How to Approach Your Doctor

According to Men's Health magazine, 'on the Richter scale of embarrassment, impotence comes near the top'. The Viagra publicity has loosened the taboo to some extent, but this is still the problem men least like discussing with their family practitioner. But it is, of course, the one problem that the family practitioner will not be able to guess that you have, unless you mention it. When you do manage to discuss it, you will probably find that your family practitioner is surprisingly matter-of-fact about it. Impotence is a standard medical problem that doctors are now trained to deal with. It is also possible that you have a local specialist hospital clinic.

If you keep avoiding the issue with your family practitioner there are two other possible approaches. Your partner could have a preliminary discussion with the doctor to pave the way. Or you could write to your doctor, marking the envelope 'Confidential' and explaining that you have been too embarrassed to mention the problem but would like an appointment to discuss it, if possible, at the end of a surgery when the doctor would have more time.

Even if you convince yourself that the problem is due to stress, see your doctor. You may be wrong, and even if you are right your doctor should be able to help.

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Questions to ask yourself

• Is it really an erection problem? Or is the actual problem premature ejaculation or a lack of sexual desire?
• Can you achieve an erection by masturbation but not with your partner, and do you still sometimes wake with an erection? If the answers are 'yes', a psychological reason, such as stress or depression, is likely.
• Did loss of erections come on suddenly, or have erections gradually been failing over a long period of time?Erectile failure which comes on suddenly is usually psychological; physical causes usually have a more gradual onset.
• Have you been under extra stress lately? If so, is there any way you can lessen the stress in your life?
• Are you taking any drugs that might be responsible? If so, ask your doctor for alternatives.
• Are you drinking too much? Blood alcohol concentrations of up to about 25 mg/100 ml improve erections slightly, but when the level reaches about 40 mg/100 ml erection is inhibited. In some people, only one or two drinks is enough to raise the blood alcohol to this level. Heavy drinking over a long period can cause erectile failure because of nerve damage.
• Have you noticed anything else wrong? For example: Peyronie's disease, where the penis develops a lump and often kinks (Penis - bending), can cause impotence; tightness of the foreskin (tight foreskin) can prevent full erections; enlargement of the breasts or loss of body hair might mean a hormonal problem.
• Who is really bothered by the problem - you or your partner? Talk to your partner about what each of you wants from sex. As sex counselor Susie Hayman says, "It's amazing how many people just lie there wishing their partner was a mindreader."
• Are you a smoker? If so, can you stop? Stopping smoking won't reverse the problem, but may stop it getting worse.

Impotence can also result from depression and from relationship problems, so be prepared for some talk along these lines. However, most doctors believe that there is no point in deep psychoanalytical-type discussions; they prefer to do a few simple investigations and then deal with the problem in a practical way.

next: Penile Prostheses for Erectile Dysfunction

teenage sex

You need to make intelligent choices to protect yourself from accidental pregnancy and nasty sexual diseases

There's no doubt about it: Sex can be one of life's most fulfilling experiences. But it also has risks, and there are precautions everyone can take to stay safe and healthy. These days, what you don't know about sex can hurt you so you'll want to get the facts - and fast. Whether you're currently having sex with someone or not, you probably have lots of questions - about contraception, sexual disease, and the other intimate topics. Fortunately, we have some answers.

Know Your Body

Of course it's your body and it's up to you what you do with it. That's why you need to make intelligent choices to protect yourself from accidental pregnancy and nasty sexual diseases, as well as the emotional fallout that can occur from having sex with the wrong person. Making smart sexual decisions is easier than you might think - all it takes is a little foresight and planning before you're in the heat of the moment. So make the effort to safeguard your physical and emotional health now and in the long-term.

As a first step, it's very important to know your own body. Knowing what is "normal" for you is important so that you can tell when something is different.

If you're a woman, you should pay attention to how often your menstrual periods are, how much you normally bleed, and what kind of discomfort (if any) you have with your period. A simple and easy thing to do is to mark when your periods start and end on a calendar. Between your periods, you should know what your own vaginal discharge is like, so that you can tell if something changes. Being aware of how your body normally is will help you know if you develop any symptoms that may signal an unintended pregnancy or sexually-transmitted disease.

If you're a man, you need to be aware if you develop any skin changes (like sores) on your genitals, or if you develop any discharge from your penis or discomfort when you urinate; these could be signs of a sexually-transmitted disease.

Now, what can you do to prevent pregnancy?

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next: Birth Control Options