Dealing with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and ADHD

I have ADHD and suffer massively with RSD. My current relationship ended last night and the pain is so intense. My face is red raw from crying and I never want to experience this again (I normally avoid relationships for this very reason because I cannot cope with the rejection when it happens). This one has ended due to distance. Not me or anything I have done. But I can’t help feeling upset (as any normal person would!) but I feel physically in pain the emotions are so intense.
I don’t have the money to be able to afford a therapist, and am not sure what I can do to ease this pain? I will try anything suggested as I am so desperate to stop this level of emotions.

I cried several times over the past month which really I rarely do. I havent even been able to get to the doctor yet for a diagnosis but every new article I open is like another epiphany. Like that's why I act that way even though I dont want to. When the emotion hits I can't control it, which has also led to me cutting people out before they were important enough to really hurt me (in my head). But like a few other people said, somehow knowing really helps. And there are things I can do now. It's rather comforting.

Adam, it is Jan 2021. Did you make it? I’m wondering if you are still needing a friend. I have ADD and probably RSD as a child. I also take some medication for a low grade depression.
Bonnie Jonas

Hi, just a clarification. I just listened to Dr Dobson's webinar on this subject (https://www.additudemag.com/webinar/adhd-symptoms-emotions-motivation/) and while he says that CBT does not help in eliminating symptoms of RSD in ADHD, he does clarify that he fully endorses therapy as part of the process of developing the life skills to cope.

Is the treatment recommendation by Dr Dodson pertain to children? Is there literature about how this exists wildly in children? My son with diagnosed DMDD and ADHD very specifically has these symptoms above as number one problem. Thanks!

I really can relate to this condition. I have mild to moderate ADHD and an obsessive personality disorder and I just had a dream last night that many of my trusted friends and acquaintances told me how much they hated me. I woke up and cried for an hour. Also, I have lost my husband. We had a car accident a year ago and he died. What books do you suggest that may be helpful about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

This is hard for me to put this out there..... I have adhd as well as multiple diagnosis. At this moment my life is falling apart and it is all my fault. I learned my sister was murdered and my mother committed suicide. My father died a few months ago on the day I was to meet him. My relationship with my “significant other” is virtually over after 13 years. He physically and mentally abused me when my adhd or other emotional problems rose to the surface. So, the other day I just snapped and confronted him and he started to choke me. I know intellectually is isn’t my fault but I am highly emotional and emotive and I still feel it was my fault because I kept pushing his buttons. I reached out to people I thought cared about me and it was the biggest impulsive most devastating ADHD decision I have ever made. They ignored me and blamed me and verbally bashed me. I don’t mean just one person, I mean EVERY person I know. The problem is that I alienated all of MY friends and family years ago because of his using my emotions to manipulate me. I have nowhere to go and it’s winter now and I am so scared. This happened a few years ago and I was raped and had physical issues from being beat as a child that were never addressed. I ended up having a failed experimental spinal surgery. Major exploratory abdominal surgery, and a hernia mesh surgery which is now failing and I have a cyst now which is infected on and off. These are facts and I am having a difficult time with my psychiatrist. I haven’t slept in days. I am getting close to just disappearing. It has to be my fault because how could everyone I know, who are all his friends, not have one caring word. I made the mistake of thinking his friends were my friends. I’m having a hard time slowing down these feeling of despair because of my adhd. I’m not blaming or making excuses..... he is going to tell me whether I’m on the street or staying home. He has all of the control....everything is in his name and I am such a stupid emotional adhd depressive anxiety ridden person. The other day I finally woke up out of a fog I was in for so long and even down to not taking good enough care cleaning and organizing the house. I don’t know what happened, it was like reality hit me in the face with a bat. I want to go back to being in a daze or die from a broken heart. I’ve been in the hospital psychiatric ward and it made me worse. So....after all that blabbing to y’all and complaining, does anyone out there want to hear me and give me some advise as to why I became clear only after my life is falling apart all around me? PLEASE JUST ONE PERSON.....does anybody understand or am I really becoming invisible and not worth the time or effort?

Greetings!! Thank you very much for this informative piece. I haven't officially been diagnosed with RSD, however, all the symptoms associated with RSD are ones that have basically defined my life. I have ADHD and this is something I am thinking to bring up to my therapist. Although I don't know if any medications can help me or not with RSD, I want to know what are the available treatments that are scientifically proven to be effective with RSD.

I have learnt to recognise the feeling and detach it from the person or persons I believe to be causing it , I have suffered it all my life and it has been a real breakthrough understanding it , it’s very empowering knowing why I feel so hurt and that it’s not real but perceived, it dilutes the emotional response and reinforces my resilience, a quality all who live with ADHD will have , even when I experience actual rejection or criticism I’m able to turn down the intensity of my feelings, this is still working progress but it feels much better than it used to

RSD makes complete sense and suddenly brings context to ALL of the social events throughout my life. I notice with people I really like, I'm a people pleaser until it falls apart. I've mostly given up and don't try to socialize. It's just the bare minimum for work. Occasionally, I have been distant and even cruel with people I've perceived as an extreme threat. I always broke up with dates before they break up with me. Afterall, they are definately going to break up with me. I have very few friends, and I don't hear from them or hang out with them. I'll never contact them either.

As an adult I struggle with Adhd most days. RSD is an issue for me but I will say that understanding what is going on with me helps me to deal with the emotions. I was a people pleaser but this invariably led me to a delirious relationship with a NPD individual. That relationship almost lead to my being suicidal, thankfully I had a greater respect for life my own and that of others which helps me to pull through it. Also I have a daughter, so I will be around for her if I have anything to do with it. I will say meditation helps because during meditation you become trained to acknowledge thoughts but to let them pass and not react on them. I think that's so important for somebody with ADD because we tend to be impulsive and react without thinking through all the way. Sure it takes more time for us to do that but ultimately we can gain peace because of making better decisions. I know ADHD also operates on a spectrum and I'm probably somewhere in the middle so that's just my personal advice of course it's not a substitute for professional medical help. Prayer also helps me.

I often distant in plutonic relationships especially when I change jobs or I move away because I few shameful of my life. I often feel like an under-achiever so I will avoid phone calls from old friends. I don't like to answer my phone or door. I get easily overwhelmed at home and more likely to get angry, we're as at work I am a people pleaser. I nearly always late to everything. I am often ashamed of my house because it is my perception that is ugly and filthy. I don't understand when family members don't share that perception. Finally I avoid awkward conversations. I even feel uncomfortable when I am present during someone else's award conversations. These are things I deal with everyday.