Slightly Off Or Whacked? Self-Administered Mental Health Quiz

If you’re “funny in the head” like me, you’ve had to learn how to self-regulate – that is – evaluate your own behavior to determine whether you’re merely “in a mood” or riding the downtown express to Cookoopantsatopolis.

Outsiders cannot understand, to them the answer will always be obvious. We know better. Frequently the dividing line between eccentric and incarcerated is only a few shades of gray, and one doesn’t even notice the point at which fun has turned into funkachunkabagooboo.

To help all of you out there cursed with the responsibility of being one’s own strictest supervisor, I have devised this simple quiz which can be self-administered whenever needed. If you answer “B” to more than 5 of these questions, you’ve been boodoogelized and should get help as soon as you retrieve your clothes from the dishwasher.

1. George is a duck. Ducks quack. Which response follows most logically?

a.) George may or may not be a duck.

b.) Seven

2. “I drink to forget why I drink.” Which response follows most logically?

a.) “Apparently it’s working.”

b.) “The more you drink, the more interesting I become.”

3. “If baseball was any slower it would be…” Which response follows most logically?

a.) “Farming.”

b.) “A ruthless gang of turtles mugging a snail.”

4. “I think therefore I am...” Which response follows most logically?

a.) “Single.”

b.) “I think.”

5. “Hell hath no fury like… Which response follows most logically?

a.) “It used to.”

b.) “A deranged lemur.”

6. “You can take the boy out of the country, but…” Which response follows most logically?

a.) “You need a passport.”

b.) “You can’t take the wishbone from an octopus.”

7. “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss…” Which response follows most logically?

a.) “Wait, I’ve forgotten it. Now I remember, my memory! Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my memory most of all.”

b.) “Took you for somebody else.”

8. “If wishes were fishes…” Which response follows most logically?

a.) “It would be lucky to see a falling haddock.”

b.) “I’d go to sea for myself.”

9. “Everybody has to believe something, I believe I’ll…” Which response follows most logically?

a.) “Have another drink.”

b.) “Talk to a plastic surgeon about getting a snood.”

10.”You can fool all of the people some of the time…” Which response follows most logically?

a.) “But why would you even bother when they’re so anxious to do the job for you?”

b.) “But I can’t fool myself because I’m not here right now and by the time I return I’ll have forgotten.”

Now tally your score and take a good hard look at yourself. Cuckoo? You be the judge!