Can You Understand Someone With a Mental Illness?

Loved ones of those with a mental illness want to understand and help however they can. And I assume those who read my blog are not just those who are diagnosed and living with a mental illness, but also people who are trying to understand the complexity of mental illness--readers who wonder how they may be able to help a person they love. A person that is struggling. There are ways to help even though you cannot understand someone with a mental illness--not really.

Understanding Mental Illness When You Don't Live with It

It is impossible to understand mental illness when you don't live with it. Go ahead and tell me I am incorrect-- that's your opinion and you are welcome to it. But as a person with a mental illness, I am certain that those who do not live with it can understand what goes on in my head. And I am, if nothing else, grateful they cannot.

On the flip-side: If someone I knew, perhaps a friend who suffers from a diagnosis of cancer, I certainly could not tell them I understand exactly what they are going through. I expect we would not be friends for long. But that's not my point. My point? You can work to understand the human part of mental illness.

If We Can't Understand Someone with a Mental Illness, Can We Somehow Help?

Yes, you can help, and it doesn't require a stack of textbooks that need to be highlighted. No, you only need to communicate with the person you love.

It's hard--watching someone you love suffer and being unable to relate to them, to tell them it'll be okay when you have no idea if it will. And neither do they. That is the territory of mental illness and that is part of why it is so frightening for everyone involved.

So, what can you do to help?

• Listen to them when they are willing to describe how they feel.
• Do not put yourself in a position of authority unless absolutely necessary. Those struggling with mental illness, not yet stable, need you to be the voice of reason. What does "unless absolutely necessary" mean? If a person becomes a threat to themselves or other people, you may to step in and take appropriate action.
• Do not alienate them. Do not focus on mental illness. Talk about other things: hobbies, mutual friends, things to look forward to.
• Remind them that life will not always be so rocky; soon enough it will level out.
• Share your life experiences: You are not immune to pain, we are all human, and sharing painful experiences helps us relate to one another.

Remember that you need to take care of yourself. In order to help someone you love who is struggling with mental illness, you need to make sure you are well. Mental illness is emotionally draining--for all involved--put yourself first.