I’m Not Just My Bipolar Disorder

I agree it is a ideal to try not to identify oneself primarily as the illness/s - I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic and Anxiety Disorders and as of late dx with mild OCD and I am also a sober alcoholic - 11 years in AA. But it's really hard if you have been ill for your whole life (only dx at about 35 - 43 now), have lost almost everything you have worked for and all the people in your life due to the illlness and in my case a serious and nearly successful "attempt" 2 years ago which REALLY defines one as the illness - in my own mind as well as others'.
On top of that, like someone else mentioned, the loss of a loved career, now relgated to the Disability Support Pension, and my life primarily consists of going from one mental health consult to another, going to the GP and other specialists for many serious physical ailments that have resulted from my mental illnesses and medication, and going to AA (which is one area in which I am very strong). This is my life and no matter how hard I try to "re-engage" with society and do meaningful activities it is one step forward two steps back - devastatingly lonely due to all the people who have bailed on me and the necessity for me to separate from those wiht both addiction and mental illness they won't address. So, yes, I DO feel I AM the illnesses as they define my life in most ways.
To be honest, to me, right now, the distinctions we make between identifying as the illness and saying I have the illness are arbitrary and semantics, although I respect all of your positions that this is a useful distinction to make.

Thanks for the reminder that we are NOT our disorder. I needed that today. It seems to fill such a huge section of our lives that it is easy to remember we do have other parts of our lives!
That description of dreams being unfinished business is a new angle for me. I will be sure to think about that the next time I have an interesting dream. Does that go for 'drug dreams' too? Some medications make dreams quite different.

It is true that we should not be our condition, but on the other hand if we
don't keep a constant consciousness about it we will not recognize the
triggers or onset of an episode and consequently not be able to head it off.
Catch 22.

Christine & Dave,
I have Bipolar II disorder and I'm older. I was diagnosed when I was 23. I don't have "episodes" as such anymore. I rapid cycle quite a bit and I have what is called mixed moods; elements of mania and depression at the same time. My disorder has gotten to the point lately that it seems it is in continual upheaval. Maybe it is an episode but it's one where the moods are mixed and I've had so many of them in the past year that it seems that they are blending together as one long period of mood swings.
Do either of you experience those? If you do, how do you handle them?
Donna

I too, have heard people say "I'm bipolar" or whatever there psychiatric diagnosis is! That is so not true! Yes, one has a psychiatric condition that has to be acknowledged and treated--however, ones personality (or at least I think so) is made up of far more than just one thing.
I have bipolar disorder (along with other conditions) and yes, at one time I "allowed" it to make my life more complicated. It took many episodes and a life change to make me realize that I can control many symptoms of the mental health challenge.
I know for me, depression rules and sometimes I wish I could go back and have some of the mania's energy spurts! But I don't really want to go back and experience all those turbulent rides I've experienced.
Those are the experiences that has caused me a lot of problems and ultimately was the determining factor for me to have to resign my job and go on disability. Yikes! They were pretty awful! But I've learned so much more about myself....and learned in the process some pretty darn good skills to help prevent or at least lessen the episodes!
At one time, my moods would change rapidly and daily. It was even difficult for me to be around me much less anyone else. Lots of friends (or at the time that's what I thought they were) have gone by the wayside due to the extreme highs and lows I did experience.
I still experience my cycles (the highs aren't as HIGH as they used to be...the depression can still give me problems--especially when the mixed symptoms come into play)...however, I've learned that I am so much more than just my one burden!
I do live a better life than I used to though. Through my self-discovery I've come to terms with my mental health challenge and I now for the most part can control the symptoms much better.

Cristina,
I agree with you. Every time I try to recognize the signs I tend to become even more paranoid, which then leads me to have an even worse episode. What I have learned, is that the best way to deal with these episodes is to ride them out. Having gone through numerous episodes over the years, I have come to a point that I am able to realize that there will be an end to either the mania or depression. Though this is hard, it can be accomplished.
The relapses, however, just becoming annoying :)
Dave.

Interesting analysis about how dreams are a collection of our unfinished business. I think in my case, the dreams are more like an exacerbation of my own fears. Sometimes I have really bizarre dreams that perpetuate the paranoia I had during the day, but when I come to the realization that it was just a dream I tend to calm down.
Also, don't get caught up on the re-emergence of certain "biplar moods" because just like addiction, there are times you will relapse. It is how you prepare yourself for these moments that become more important over time. When you gain more experience, you have more tools to address the change in mood; I see you have done this with meditation. For me, I try to watch TV or get lost in a video game, where I can let my mind "reset" and regain control of my emotions.
I think your quote: "I need to remember that there will always be bad days lurking around the corners. It’s my job to keep my bipolar disorder symptoms in check." perfectly sums up the way in which we all need to address our Bipolar disorder. Sometimes though it is hard to remember this when you are either depressed or manic.
Thank you for sharing,
Dave.