What Is Identity Policing?

Identity policing is when a person tries to tell another person (usually one with a marginalized identity) that their identity is invalid or that they can't or don't belong to an identity group they claim to identify with. I wanted to talk about this after my last post, where I talked about what it means to be a lesbian. Unfortunately, even within the queer community, I have had my identity policed on more than one occasion. Identity policing can be extremely hurtful and problematic. Allow me to illustrate with the example that follows from my life. 

A Personal Story About Identity Policing

A couple of years ago, when I had started passing as male in my transition (meaning I no longer presented as female and the world read me as male), I went to an online meeting of a spiritual community I attended at that time. The meeting was listed as open to transgender folk (those whose gender identity does not conform with their birth sex), non-binary people (those who don't identify exclusively as men or women), and women. Because I am both transgender and non-binary, I hoped to attend. That particular day, I had my pronouns set to "he/him," as I am gender fluid, meaning my identity can shift daily, and I change my pronouns as I see fit. 

As I entered the meeting and looked around, it appeared most people in the space identified as women and used she/her pronouns. A few minutes into the meeting, a woman messaged me and told me I was mistaken and making women feel "uncomfortable" (mind you, I hadn't even spoken--I was simply existing). She said people with he/him pronouns were not allowed in the meeting and asked me to leave. This is identity policing.

I felt stunned, confused, and outraged—because of the way that I looked, I was not believed to be transgender or non-binary. I was assumed to be a cisgender male (a man assigned male at birth whole identifies with his assigned birth sex), and my identity as a transgender (trans) person and a non-binary person was completely invalidated. It appeared the meeting only wanted people who looked more feminine and that my masculinity was threatening. Sadly, I have heard countless stories like this from other transgender friends. 

Who Identity Polices?

These women were identity policing. They told me I didn't belong in that space because I didn't look enough like the women in the group and that to be considered trans or non-binary, I needed to not look like a man. Unfortunately, much of the identity policing I have endured has come from other queer people and often has happened to me in queer spaces. I could tell five other stories like this one, policing all different aspects of my identity, not just gender. The reality is that anyone can identity police, however.