In 2010, I worked as a peer support specialist for a mental health organization in my community. Having been on the job for just over a year, I was feeling fulfilled and proud of myself for what I’d accomplished. Most importantly, I was making a difference to other people who suffered from mental illness. My colleagues were happy with my work and made it a point of telling me so. So imagine my surprise when I was called into the boss’s office one day. She looked at me and said, “Mike, you are decompensating.” I didn’t even know what that meant.

Death and Grief are Costly Mentally, emotionally, physically and financially, death and grief are costly. In third place behind the purchase of a home and weddings, funerals are one of the costliest purchases a family will make. The average funeral costs $7-10,000 with a casket; a cremation service typical runs $3000. Yes, death can be quite a racket. What Fuels the High Cost of Grief In many instances, it's guilt and a sense of doing right by the deceased. A morbid sense of "keeping up with the Jones' also takes over when death comes to call. No one wants to envision his or her loved one in a pine box, lacking flowers, lacking music, a eulogy and the niceties of a departure. Yet the realities of relationships may be far different from the warm tones of rubbed oak, hushed tones, loving remembrances and glorious notes. We do our best and wonder if it is enough - perhaps if we are enough. Guilt keeps us up at night, gives us migraines, creates waves of grief while standing in the grocery line and can interfere with our cognitive abilities.

Poverty Mindset Poverty mindset is a term that comes up from time-to-time as a root cause of inner-city violence, lower standardized test scores, lower IQ and many other maladies. Can poverty in childhood also lead to changes in adult cognitive abilities?

PTSD triggers. For those of us with a mental health diagnosis (diagnoses), the definition of a trigger is far more than a level with a catch or means of releasing it. Triggers are a response to stimuli and a result of past trauma. PTSD triggers can include certain odors, a particular tone of voice, certain objects, places and so much more. The brain creates a physiological response: increased heart rate and respiration, sweating, a need to escape, a need for silence, sleeplessness, hyper vigilance and so much more. Responses to triggers are unique to each individual. No cookie cutter responses here!

There are four-letter words and then there are four-letter words.  What four-letter word comes to mind when I say mental illness?  Pain, fear, meds or perhaps a few salty words?  What about hope?  Does hope enter the conversation?

In this age of awareness and enlightenment, mental health awareness still generates a great deal of ignorance. Sometimes, even well-meaning statements perpetuate stigma, even on sites that seek to eradicate said stigma.  Recently, the poster below came across my news feed from several mental health and depression pages. The depression quote is attributed to Mark Epstein, an American psychologist. While Mr. Epstein's credentials seemingly qualify him to speak knowledgeably on the subject, I do strenuously disagree with this quote's assertion.

Today, we are continuing our discussion of grief and its effects on those with mental health diagnoses. Grief Reveals Itself Layer By Layer Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described grief as five individual stages. The order in which an individual progresses through the stages of grief may not be sequential and more than one stage may be experienced at a given time. (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm) Stages of Grief: Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.” Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?” Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.” Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.” Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

Grief is a curious thing; especially when the mourner has a mental illness.  My mother died a month ago today from a combination of COPD, heart failure, diabetes, brain and bone cancer.  Her breast cancer had metastasized to every organ in her body.  I found out via my aunt 5 days after her death.  I wish that I could say that I was surprised, but my mother had chosen a hard life for years.  The surprise was how quickly she died after the brain cancer diagnosis.  She was diagnosed in May and given a year to live; she was dead in less than 3 months.   My mother and I had what could best be described as an awkward relationship:  abandonment as an infant, a lengthy court battle before my grandparents got guardianship and very limited contact throughout my life.

My goal for the Recovering from Mental Illness blog will be to discuss resilience, offer encouragement and share coping techniques I've found helpful in my own mental health recovery. I will also share my mental health challenges so that we can learn from one another.

When typing the title of this blog, I immediately picture Jack Nicholson's character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. The 'crazy' one locked inside the 50's-inspired psychiatric hospital. The character considered less crazy than the rest of the patients. But I'm pretty sure his character---based on the glorious book of the same name---probably thought he was sane.  Sort of like how I think I'm stable when I can't move from bed. Side-Note: Yes, that's a brilliant-in-my-humble-opinion image from the film below. First, an Apology. . .