I'm Hearing Schizoaffective Voices Again

After not hearing schizoaffective voices since February, I heard them twice in late August on a family trip. I thought I could just chalk it up to being away, but then I heard them again last night at home, on September 22. I am heartbroken.

Hearing Schizoaffective Voices on Vacation

It was so liberating to go for so long without hearing voices--one less thing I had to worry about, right?

I’d been planning on writing this article ever since I heard the voices in August. My family joined together for our annual trip to Door County, a place I love. It was great to be around my whole family all the time--especially since my brother Billy came with his fiancée and her two little girls. There was never a dull moment.

But, hey, there was a lot of commotion going on. Commotion and stress trigger my schizoaffective disorder and voices. And, as much as I love Door County, it’s not like being at home in my apartment. So I blamed the issue on being in a different place.

That was the plan. I was going to write this article about how I heard voices on vacation but hadn’t heard them since then. Now I have experienced this schizoaffective symptom since then--even though I didn’t hear them again for nearly a month after I got home.

Hearing Schizoaffective Voices Doesn't Happen as Often as Before

Happily, the voices haven’t been as aggressive as they’d been in the past. They’ve stayed very quiet, and politely mild. They haven’t told me to do anything. For the most part, in the past, they never told me to do anything. During one period about two years ago when they did start to make demands, my doctor raised my antipsychotic and they went back to just the inane chatter I’m used to. It’s also always been key that I never do what they tell me to do because I know the voices aren’t real.

Since I’m not used to hearing voices anymore, I’ve fallen out of step with my coping routine for when I hear them. I still take a tranquilizer that is prescribed to me by my doctor. But last night when I heard voices, I waited until they were all but gone to take other healing measures such as putting on the DVD Tori Amos: Live from the Artists Den. That’s my go-to DVD for when I’m hearing voices. If they’re still there when that DVD is over, I put on the movie Brave.

So, I’m really scared and sad that I’m hearing schizoaffective voices again. But at least they stayed away for almost a month. I hope those breaks stick. And at least they’re not as bad as they used to be. The key is that I know how to manage them when they come along and that I know they aren’t real.