Why Don’t We Want to Shower When We're Sick?

Since October I've been slowly spiraling down. I feel my depression, borderline personality disorder and ptsd have been getting worse. A fight with a stomach flu in late October threw me off all my meds and since then, it's been this slow spiral down. Getting to the shower is the last thing on my mind, I will go weeks at a time with no regard for how I look. Who cares? I go out very little anymore (I have VERY little family and only a couple of friends who I see little of - almost all of my social interaction is online). I wear the same clothes for days on end, I spend more time sleeping than awake, I don't eat too much anymore and when I do eat, it's all junk. I haven't consistently taken my meds since mid-November. I live with family who all suffer from depression themselves. I just feel like a few of them just seem to don't care that I have become like this. I keeping hearing "just get over it," "stop living in the past," "you just need to stop dwelling on everything." I just feel like who cares so why try anymore?

I'm so happy to finally see this talked about! For me, showers and panic attacks go together many times. Honestly, I'm afraid I'll die naked and be found that way. Sounds stupid but I don't like my body so the idea of strangers finding me that way just terrifies me! If I have something scheduled during the day, I put off showering until the last minute and that just increases my anxiety, of course - making it worse! I used to grow my hair out and style it, but for the past couple of years I keep it as short as possible so I can go out w/o showering and "without bedhead" if I don't want to shower. I'm officially "stable" on mood stabilizers, and have been for a decade (I'm dx primarily w/Bipolar I w/mixed state-mania, also panic disorder). In fact, I moved about 4 months ago from a place I lived for fifteen years, and at first, no problem showering. But lately, it's a problem unless I've taken all my anti-anxiety meds at once, or have been drinking (like so many of people dx with mental illness, I also struggle with addiction - alcohol in my case normally). I brush my teeth watching tv, shave w/an electric razor at any time of day, and anything else I can do to limit how long I am in the bathroom showering and all that.

thank you for this post...I use to shower and go to work daily...took pride in how I looked..after a work place injury which lead to depression which I have had three re-occurrences off I find it so hard to shower, often its weeks before I do. When I do it feels nice and I tell myself "I should make this weekly" but it never happens...why after 5yrs can I not still do this basic task and why does no one seem to understand?

I have mild intermittent depression and I know it's leaving the day I wake up and feel like a shower. I had never thought about it before I read this article. I have no idea why I avoid showering other than can't get the motivation. Nice to know its a usual behaviour.

I used to feel that way too, for about 3 solid years. I'd to come home from work and by 6 PM flake out on a bare mattress in my work clothes. I was too tired to make up my bed or change my clothes. I'd pull my hair back in a pony tail and was lucky if a had a shower once a week. My weekends were mostly spent sleeping. I was too tired to even THINK of doing anything else. I rarely went anywhere and was embarrassed and ashamed to invite anyone over to my messy apartment.
Then I got on the right cocktail of meds and some CBT under my belt and gradually my life started to improve but I had to constantly push myself to get better. Incrementally it does get better (3 steps forward and 2 steps back) if you just hang in there and don't give up.
I still have a ways to go but things are alot better than they used to be. I have a schedule now that I try to adhere to and I try my best to eat right and get a little exercise

I have just found this post and have read most of the responses in tears. I hate my body. I am embarrassed by it. Showering is a major chore. Once I take one I have to nap from the exhaustion. I am manic. My bi-polar self has led me to be agoraphobic. PTSD, OCD, you name the initials and I have been diagnoses with it. I hate having such a multitude of mental maladies that I can't stand myself, let alone what I look like. I have had several people tell me how ugly I am ... from people at church to my own grandchildren. I get dressed in the dark. I need the comfort of staying covered and not having the reminders that my life truly sucks. I could talk all day and still not convince myself that life is worth living or I am worthy of life. Meanwhile, I'll get up in the morning and quickly dress and not hit the showers again.

thanks to the person who started this blog.

~ this topic was one of the first I saw when I 'found' my online group & saw discussions about MI. I was thrilled to hear that it was a real 'thing' & that I wasn't alone~! This is the best explanation that fits MY thoughts on..why... I've never heard it expressed better, or more nearly in my voice ~ thanks so much

I know on my days off I rarely shower for one reason. I don't want to go anywhere!!
When you are home, you don't need to shower, but to go out in public you do. so if I don't shower I have an excuse to not go anywhere. And when I do have to go somewhere (dr, bank, grocery shopping, work) I wait until the very last minute before I should leave. Then I feel like such a looser because I knew I had to go but put if off. I run like a, pardon the work, crazy person and have to apologize for being late.

I was so relieved to read this. I used garden dressed to the t. I was physically fit and looked put together. Since a few breakdowns that has all changed. Showering is exhausting or so annoying because my mind is on the run. I feel so guilty because I'm not the person I was.

Thank you for this. THESE are the kinds of personal things that need talked about regarding mental illness. I can so relate; self-loathing, feeling the need to protect a body that I hate by keeping my clothes on- you'll never feel more naked than when you ARE naked. Just...thank you.

I am PTSD, bipolar, border personality disorder, and agoraphobia. I finally opted to look up why I don't want to shower, brush my teeth; I wear the same clothes 3 days in a row (cause they're not dirty, I didn't go anywhere and get sweaty and/ or dirty). I spent 4 1/2 years in the hospital from nervous breakdown due to extreme child abuse. I used to be quite festidious about my appearance, hair, wear cologne, shave my body in a regular basis. I haven't been this bad in years. I take 3 different medications to manage my symptoms but lately I'm not noticing any difference. I moved to 5 acres and "discarded" my friends because they hated me and my decisions. (I thought.) I've had suicidal thoughts go through my head but I have too many obligations to carry it out. My first husband committed suicide New Years Eve a long time ago but we had two children with him and am reminded every year and I feel responsible for his death. The constant crying and laying in bed and thoughts running amuck alternated with bursts of happy clean the house, rearrange the furniture, fix the roof on the chicken coupe is leaving me exhausted. I wish I had an answer to all of this and I can't go back to hospital because I have a family.

I'm with Deirdre. Seriously. I have major depression (Mdd), PTSD, & Borderline personality disorder... I have actually gone as far as showering twice in one year before when I was agoraphobic. Now I shower about once or twice every couple of months. I have never heard ir really explained so well before, the reasons why but yes yes yes to this entry. Spot on. Folks isolating: l did the same for years... and now and again still do... it's not good. I got way worse since I was untreated and became psychotic. (Now MDD w psychotic features.)
Good luck all!
E

It's been 8 day's now without showering ..I sit all day to try to psych myself up&get up enough energy.I am struggling here.. I look and feel horrible so whats the use of it(what I try to convince myself when at the end of the night I once again haven't showered)I am on antidepressants and I don't think they're working. It's a struggle and I seriously mean STRUGGLE to eat and get 5 feet out of bed to the toilet. Some nights I realized I hadn't eaten.I bought some ensures and suffice with sipping one. I also isolate.. It's been 7 days since I've had any contact (face to face) contact with any one/thing outside of myself. I live alone. If I go to the hospital it'll be a waste of time I'll just do the same thing there and be annoyed with the presence of people. So what to do? I don't REALLYYYY think the issue here is about showering or lack of.But rather we need to probe deeper to find answers.. Why and what can we do to start living instead of merely existing. Not showering lack of motivation etc.are all signs and signal's of something far more profound than simple depression..

MMM, I can totally relate! I got to this post by a search for "Symptoms don't want to shower or leave the house."
I've been on antidepressants for many years and I don't FEEL depressed but I'm isolating -- I avoid leaving the house because interaction with other people is a chore. For the past several years I shower and brush my teeth only when absolutely necessary to avoid embarrassment.
UGH –– I'm just so tired of being so tired!

When I'm manic & also when I'm depressed I tend to go to bed really late (a good sign that I'm manic or depressed!) and just can't be bothered having a shower so late at night (it also wakes up my husband) I always have one in the morning though. When I'm on top of things I'll even have a shower as soon as I'm home from work... it does feel good and refreshes and revitalizes me too.

Sounds pretty normal to me. Who says we have to shower every day? Or ever? Why is it bad to just give yourself a once over when you start to itch, or when people say you smell bad? (Anyway, judicious use of deodorants takes care of that. Or live somewhere where everyone smells the same). Maybe a visit to a river, lake, dam or beach is a better option anyway. After all, a walk in the fresh air, exercise and the contemplation of nature can distract from the dwelling/ruminations of how awful it all is, is a therapeutic tool that beats a shower any day. If we can force ourselves out of bed go to the toilet we can do anything, like maybe going outside on a sunny day and standing under a sprinkler, clothes and all. That way, you get less smelly and itchy and wash your clothes at the same time (another horrible thought when you're down). Remember the French thought it was disgusting to bathe every day, and the Americans though it was disgusting to NOT bathe everyday, so we can adjust our beliefs ans expectations to suit ourselves, no right or wrong, just, whatever we need at the time. We really shouldn't use not having a shower to beat ourselves up and neither should anyone else. There's enough around that's worth feeling guilty about already. RELAX - stand in the rain!
(And don't dare say I wouldn't understand - 13 years of drugs and Electroshock says "Oh, yes I do")

WOW! I've never seen this topic discussed! I ran across it from Natasha Tracy's bipolar burble blog. (Love ya Natasha!) I think that's why so many chimed in because we recognized it in ourselves and/or loved ones and always wondered WHY we do this. It seems like such a small thing, but yet, we struggle. And it's next to impossible to explain why we can't do it.
Before bipolar disorder came in and wrecked my life, I was OCD about looking my very best everyday. I would spend from about 1- 1 1/2hrs daily on my routine. EVERYDAY without fail. I'd get up way early to ensure that it was done before I would go to work, or anywhere else, or nowhere. I'd heard the phrase somewhere in my life and it stuck, "You only have one time to make good first impression". It was my mantra. I did not want to be caught "not ready" for that opportunity.
Then my major breakdown happened. I started not reaching goals at work which in turn, caused me to get laid off after 12 years of perfect performance. After that I became increasingly anxious and irritable. Diagnosis? Severe manic episode due to bipolar disorder. That was my first trip to the hospital.
Since then (this was over 5 years ago), I just don't care. For a lot of the reasons you have all described: I pulled away from absolutely everyone I know or they turned their backs on me, I felt hopeless and severely depressed, I felt unclean (because of past trauma) and EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING exhausted me. And when I do shower, I usually don't wash my hair because that is just too much and I just wear the same icky hat everyday. And like some of you said too, I have absolutely no place to go so why bother?
My husband HATES this. For a long time, he refused to even try to understand. It was just laziness. I just wanted to scream, "If this were the case, then why do I feel so guilty for NOT doing it"? I would sit there all damned day on my couch and try to psych myself up to do it. And I'd feel worse and worse about myself as the day went on, and then still not do it. That's REALLY hard to explain to someone who has no information about mental illness at all. So he would resent me so much that I could physically FEEL his barbs. He has gotten better, but it's still a battle. Whether I'm depressed or manic or both. I'm a rapid cycler and am not fully stable so I feel out of control and/or deathly depressed.
Anyway, I seriously rambled. Sorry about that. But yes, I can totally relate with everyone here.

I can no longer shower with hot water. I would get panic attacks. I just shower with warm water now.

I am so happy to find more information on it, after my 3 breakdowns in three or so years ten years later I still hate to take a shower I can only make myself do it every other day and start dreading the next shower the moment I step from the one I have just taken

I avoided showers at the height of a manic state as it seemed to be the place I would have full blown anxiety attacks....I would cry to the point of hyperventilating, unable to stop crying and i would find it so hard to breathe, however no one knew as the sound of water and loud music would drowned most of my vocal anguish ................tho a good cry is always great therapy this total loss of mind and body control scared me so much.....and when at my lowest I would just not have the energy to put myself through something as simple and necessary as self care......

I can't stop my thoughts when I'm sick. They go so fast and furiously that it feels like climbing a mountain for me to shower. All of these points are things that I can relate with. When I'm that sick and in the shower I always end up arguing with myself, lying in the tub sobbing or battling with myself not to cut. Its a triggery place for me. I have really short hair now so I don't need to shower if I'm feeling really sick.

I don't suffer from manic depression, however have moderate-severe depressive disorder which makes doing the smallest things incredibly hard! Getting out of bed itself is a huge achievement for me . I don't have a shower, so a bath is the only option for me, I find washing due to that is very time consuming as I have to run the bath, wash and dry my hair. I also find I can spend ages in there due to no motivation to move and I have to get up early/stay up late just to bathe. Also when I'm going through a particularly bad phase of depression I hate myself and I don't see why I should look after myself, in my eyes it's only me, it doesn't matter if I'm dirty/become ill from not eating enough ect. I hope that by not looking after myself some harm will come to me and I'm doing it in a more subtle way which hopefully family members and friends won't see what I'm doing. I hope that this has helped someone knowing that someone out there can relate to them

Thank you!

I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and taking a shower is exhausting, even just the thought of it. I literally have to talk myself (which could take hours) into taking a shower.
Even then, I still may not take one because it's too late or too time consuming.

It's like you know me, I don't it tortuous to take a shower, even in 90° weather, I'm sweltering, hot, sweaty, but the thought of taking a shower is too hard to comprehend, no energy, self loathing, punishment, being depressed is like constantly living in hell! Even though, after I finally realize I stink, I feel so much better after I shower, I've accomplished something, I feel clean! Mental illness sucks!!

My diagnosis is different, but I've lived this my entire life. Long before my diagnosis fifteen years ago, back in my early pubescence, I had to be finagled into showering despite the fact that I was going to school (no mental health days back then). I was almost twenty when I was diagnosed, and I'm only NOW starting to accept the idea that I can control my symptoms to an extent; please note that I'm starting to accept the idea, not actually doing. My diagnosis has changed I don't even know how many times, I've taken just about every drug on the market in just about every combination, and nothing has made me feel that 'normal' I'm supposed to strive for. Self care is such a benchmark in treatment, and I've NEVER actually achieved it. Thank you for writing this-I can finally show people what it's like for me in words they can understand. I've got two BPD's in my family and they're the opposite, Super Shower-ers who spend an hour or more in the water at least once, but often twice or more, a day. Nothing else gets done in their house, but showers are not their problem and they don't understand that it's one of mine.

& in response to Ridge Taylor.. I hope you find a way to not take it personal when she will not clean. I am not an expert, however I have noticed the same personally traits in my brother and mom who have bipolar. I am assuming it could tie into some of the things mentioned in this blog post. I wish there was more we could do to help, I have learned to just help cleaning anyways even when they don't feel it's needed. And there are also things I have just learned to accept. I wish you well.

I'm in tears from these comments. My mom and brother have bipolar, and I googled this in order to find some way to make showering easier for them. I will never fully understand your/their pain, but I can tell you that I would do anything to take it away if I could.
Sending light and love to anyone reading this..
-V

The biggest hurdle I face each day is finding the motivation to care about the things that once upon a time mattered. As of this morning I weigh 303 pounds, the heaviest I've ever been because when I'm not working to "support myself" I'm sleeping my life away. I'm drowning in debt. My social life is almost non existent. Basically I feel like a loser 99% of the time. I'm surviving but definately NOT thriving. Every day is a struggle and a challenge. I realize no amount of medication is going to change my life circumstances. Only I can do that. But how do you find the motivation to make the necessary changes when you've lost all hope...
According to the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) it's Mental Health Week (May 4 - 10). I discovered this from a link from in a newsletter at work. So I decided to check out the CMHA website. I discovered they have an 8 week program called "Living Life To The Full". It's quite reasonably priced, works out to about $25 per session. Some of the modules in particular caught my attention because they so aptly describe how I feel, such as "I Can't Be Bothered Doing", "I'm Not Good Enough", etc
Then our local news showcased a segment on Andrea Paquette who also has bipolar disorder. She recently won a Courage To Come Back award from Coast Mental Health.
And for a brief moment I have a tiny glimmer hope...

Just came across your blog and I never thought I would see a topic of not bathing. I have told my therapist that the thought of getting undressed and showering scares me. It makes me feel vulnerable to what I don't know And yes I will wear the same clothes for days I used to love baths, read in the tub and things like that. Now I don't even look in the mirror when I brush my teeth. I am now trying to get aschedule down to help me. Joined a gym and am making myself go just to move. I also have a problem with eating. I can go for days and not eat and not feel hungry at all. So I bought protien shake mix and force myself to habe at least one in the morn and one at night to just get protien in my body. I am also slugging down water to keep myself hidrated Hoping at least some of this will help me manage

Natasha, you have made my month. I have asked my therapist and psychiatrist regarding this very concern and it seemed like I couldn't get anyone with a psychology degree to understand the words coming out of my mouth. I felt 'crazy', no one else feels this way. What's wrong with me if even the doctors didn't know what I was talking about. And you perfectly worded the response I needed to hear. Thank you!

Ridge reading your comment I wonder if it is a bit of both - personality and state?
I cannot be in between. I am either a neat freak or dirty depending on my state, but perhaps your girlfriend finds it too exhausting to be the neat freak and just stays in the 'dirty' frame of mind?

I found this while doing some research regarding my girlfriend who is rapid cycling bipolar. She only takes baths and does not do so on a regular basis, maybe it is because of the bipolar (although she is on meds and has been for quite some time). I have only been allowed to go to her home once. The reason why? She says her room is a mess. I ask her to please clean her room so I can come over and it never happens. It makes me feel like she doesn't care about me that she can't even clean her room for me to spend time with her not at my home. Then her car...we have ridden in her car once. Why? Because it is absolutely filthy. I have offered to clean her room for her, I have offered to clean her car...she won't let me and thinks it is perfectly acceptable to have clothes strewn all over the place at her home then come to my home and do it. Is this a quirk of the bipolar even while on medications?? Or is this her personality??

One of my worst symptoms is lethargy, and when I am like this I cannot muster up the drive to do ANYTHING, much less shower.

My 17-yr-old son doesn't shower. He avoids it like the plague. We have to ask him over and over, until we won't let him leave the house until he does. And even then, he doesn't and he leaves anyway. He has not officially been diagnosed, but he is in outpatient treatment (meds & therapy) for what appears to be the majority of the symptoms describing bipolar disorder. I am so glad you talked about this because we don't understand why he isn't wanting to be clean. We don't understand what he is living with inside his head. Thank you for helping us with this article - and the comments others are making are so helpful too. Many thanks!

Personally, I care about the people who help me make it through life as a mentally ill person, from my therapist to my grocery store clerk to the mail man to the physician. So, personally, I would never want to punish any of these nice people by smelling unsanitary and turning their stomachs when all they're trying to do is bag my groceries or give me a physical exam. *Nobody* can be paid enough money to justify helping someone who stinks and, unfortunately, the CNA's who probably suffer the most as a result of people being too lazy to bathe are making minimum wage and would be better off answering phones at a spa where the whole point is for everyone coming and going to feel good.
It's not that hard, people. Depending on your motivation needs, pop a Xanax or an Adderrall, turn the dial, lather up, and watch as the world suddenly seems to be a happier place.
There would be be less pollution if y'all bathed more, too, because 75% of the people driving their cars would ride the bus if y'all didn't make it so stank!

Sometimes I go months without taking a shower. I never really understood why either. Saw this blog and gave it a read. WOW I think I have a better understanding of why I hate bathing and hygiene in general. I never thought of my clothing as a protective layer from reality but it makes perfect since. I do have a pretty good self image, but I rarely ever even look in the mirror. I just tell myself I am beautiful, and I take my word for it. Then I see myself naked in front of the mirror and I'm like wow I should lose weight and maybe shave, pluck my eyebrows etc... Which all takes time and effort which I for whatever reason I seem to have very little of. I've been very ashamed of this and don't talk about it I don't think about it I just know. I have the same of shampoo and soap for and year a half. I guess I'm just grateful that I don't know I'm not the only one. Even though every day I feel like I'm going alone, reading the commits and stories of others feeling and doing the same things I am doing...I feel a little lighter tonight. Thank you

"I want to pretend it’s not there." THIS. 100 times this. And for the same reasons I also go to the store - to buy food - in my pjs, looking like a clown but also feeling comfortably invisible, which is the look I'm going for on days like that

Sighs*. This is totally me. I do not have the energy to shower. I do take a lot of grandma baths. Warm was cloths or even baby wipes work great. I tend to keep
My face washed every other day, same with my private parts. I worry that I stink
I'm mortified that my husband has to ask me when I showed last. I ask. Do I smell?
No he says. Then I say tell me if I ever stink and I will suffer through a shower.
My arms ache to lift them up to wash my hair. I end up crying in pain just to take a
Shower. Why in the heck would I take a shower more than a few times a month
Scary isn't it? The only times I will take a shower is if I have to go somewhere
But even then I will cancel my dr appointment just becUse I can't shower
That day
So sad

Thank you everyone for sharing. Now I don't feel so alone. It takes so much effort to shower that I feel like if I have an ounce of ambition, I should attempt to do my dishes that I haven't done in a week...or take the trash out. I guess my brain feels that I need to do the tasks that I haven't been able to do...and showering isn't on the lists of priorities. It is so weird because you all know where I'm coming from...and I keep asking myself, WHY is it so difficult??? I actually love taking a shower. I do have a shower chair. I love the smell of the fresh body wash or soap all over my body! I love how I smell when I get out. Instead, I wait til I smell like a zoo before I venture into the shower!It is hell, but at least now I know that is a common occurrence with our disease ~

Thank you. Im glad you can speak this for many of us that cant describe this plight. The water feeling like needles, the disgust with our body, the feeling that its pointless ate things I can completely relate to. But I have to say the biggest problem with showering is the "straw that broke the camels back" routine. It is thay EVERYTHING is too much. Jusy knowing I must refill the hummingbird feeder can ovetwhelm me. I bought a wig to throw on if my hair looks bad, I bought fine tipped permanent markers to use for lipstick and eyeliner because I dont want yo worry about anything. I believe Im having a nervous breakdown.

I thought I was also the only one. It's frustrating. I get so much anxiety when it actually is time for me to shower. I feel so alone with this disease.

"Candy says I've come to hate my body
and all that it requires in this world
Candy says I'd like to know completely
what others so discretely talk about.
Candy says I hate the quiet places
that cause the smallest taste of what will be
Candy says I hate the big decisions
that cause endless revisions in my mind
I'm gonna watch the blue birds fly over my shoulder
I'm gonna watch them pass me by
Maybe when I'm older
What do you think I'd see
If I could walk away from me"
"Candy says - The Velvet Underground

I just saw this article, I feel so ashamed to say I only shower 1 or 2 times a week bur I do wash off a bit for work. I don't know why, because after I shower I feel regenerated. I just don't have the drive, energy, or that certain something that makes me get up my rear and do things. I get overwhelmed with all my problems in life and what I should be doing but am not. I guess I think I don't deserve to be better, have better, or do better, As a child I was sexually abused by a Aunts husband, and things I remember him saying are, don tell people won't believe you and they will say you are a dirty girl! I also resented when people said my hair was dirty blonde.....I am sensitive as a child, but now the wall I have built up keeps every one out, even those I love. I struggle to do things with family and friends!!! Who I truly love. My husband at the time had the nerve to ask the doctor when I will get over this problem, now he is my X.

I thought I was the only one! Strangely, sometimes it's easier to take a bath - seems like I can hide under the water.

I am relieved to see this topic. I thought this was just me, and have feared telling anyone. There is no one to tell, anyway. Sometimes I'm so totally immobilized that I cannot summon the energy to do anything relating to personal care. Also I have severe arthritis, which makes it painful to do most anything. I live alone, I have a dog who is my family, I take good care of her. Other than her I have no one. So why bother doing anything for myself. I just don't care.

Omg im a little worried now about this not showering thing. I have been like this for many yrs where I only shower when I have to leave the house mostly which tends to be about 3 times a week. Im seeing a lot of my patterns in my children though 3 of my 4 children hate to shower or wash but 1 of them dont mind having a bath. Im worried this is a trait of bipolar disorder in my children to. I also do a DBT course where a lot of people with mental illness have shared they hate to shower to. Seems to be a very common pattern I am seeing. Its very sad that we think we dont have to bother having a shower or even that we are not worth the worry about looking or smelling nice.

My son is 22 and can go months without showering or changing his clothes. Needless to say his order becomes hard to tolerate and it gets to the point I have to insist he wash up and change his clothes. I am wondering if there is a more effective way to encourage at least minimal hygiene?

Fabulous! I tweeted it to #mhsm #mentalhealth ... A while ago now, I reported to my partner that "showering is painful" and that "water stings," but I had no basis for believing it had anything to do with bipolar disorder... Of course it does! Thank you for explaining that to me!