Anxiety and Laughter at Bedtime with Kids

"I love when you laugh." It was a simple statement by my oldest daughter as we giggled while I cuddled her before bed. It hit me to the core. I hadn't laughed with her like that in a long time -- especially not at bedtime, the most stressful time of the day. At that moment I realized just how much my chronic anxiety had been impacting my sweet girl. 

My Anxiety at Bedtime

Anxiety and laughter don't usually go hand in hand for me. My anxiety causes me to be irritable, easily overwhelmed, and frozen in panic attacks. By the end of each day, my coping skills are maxed out and bedtime becomes extra stressful. I just need my kids to go to sleep.  

I find myself snapping more easily and feeling panicked at how long everything is taking. My breathing becomes short and fast, my heart beats rapidly, and I feel like everything is out of my control. When I feel like I don't have control over situations, I feel trapped and my anxiety is triggered into overdrive. 

Learning to Exist with Anxiety and Laughter at Bedtime 

The night my sweet girl told me she loves when I laugh, I realized I am in control and I can choose to be happy. That night I had decided to release the feelings of irritability and panic that usually come with bedtime and be in the moment with my kids. I applied tools I learned in therapy by putting my anxiety in a box, taking deep breaths, and being present instead of stuck in a "what ifs" and "should haves" mindset. In doing so, I had a precious moment with my daughter who is growing up too fast. 

Sometimes choosing to be happy isn't enough though. I realized I needed extra help to get control of my anxiety. I started taking a medication prescribed by my doctor and have seen a huge difference in my capacity to remain calm and happy at bedtime.

We Have More Control Than We Realize

In the past five years, so much of my life has felt out of control. I have been in survival mode and a battle with my brain. I experienced postpartum depression and anxiety after having my youngest daughter. In seeking healing, I went to therapy and learned many tools to help. The most valuable lesson I've learned in my journey is that I have more control than I realize.

I'm still learning how to gain control of my anxiety, but I know it starts with me. I can choose to get help. I can choose to apply the skills I've learned and get better. I can choose to laugh, and I want to laugh because my daughter loves it.