Do you ever have those dreams where you run and run and you never get anywhere? I used to have those dreams all the time before I started this quest to bipolar recovery. I felt lost. Like I would never get anywhere. And then I began to follow my own advice to those who had asked for it. I began to believe. I believed that what I wanted wasn’t unattainable. This time I ran and smack in the middle of my dream I stopped and smiled. I’m following the road to bipolar recovery and stability and it’s a wonderful thing!

Can you have one without the other? Of course, you could have insomnia by itself, but insomnia and bipolar disorder are best buds. Best buds that drive me up the wall! I would kill for one whole night of 'I can't wait to get up in the morning and live life' sleep. Bipolar gods, are you listening?! Well, in case they're not, I'm off to a sleep specialist to discuss the twixt that is bipolar and insomnia.

We all can get in a rut sometimes. It’s hard to get out of a rut. You have to pull yourself up out of your hole. How can you do that when you feel so defeated? Bipolar Disorder can defeat you like no other disease can. It affects our brain and that affects how we function; which, in turn, affects our relationships and our daily existence. I’ve found myself alone, hopeless, and incapable of doing anything about it. At least until I found the tools in which to combat that feeling of being in a rut.

There was a noise in our car that had been there for a while. So, we went to Pep Boys to have it checked out. It turned out that the noise was a bad rotor in the brake system, but the break pad was fine. It was nothing to worry about right now. The car would still run fine. However, while they were there, they found out that the radiator was leaking. It cost $309 to fix it. I immediately went into stressed out mode. We had money to fix it, but just barely and we’d be sitting tight until the end of the month. I freaked out. I hate bills. They are always a trigger for a bipolar episode to start.

If I keep getting better, I can be whoever I want to be. Today was a fantastic day. I listened to my affirmations, meditated twice this morning and then I put on my suit to go to a volunteer meeting at NAMI. I was so psyched. My dream of helping others like me was going to come true. And then we listened to what they wanted in volunteers and I sighed. I didn’t want to answer the phone or pay a membership fee. I wanted to get down to the nitty gritty. I wanted to be with my people. I wanted to make a difference.

In this video, learn how meditation is helping Cristina with her bipolar disorder. Can meditation help you better cope with bipolar?

Today was supposed to be the first day of my new, improved life. I made an appointment to see a therapist about helping me develop coping mechanisms toward the stress in my life. What I got was a therapist who spewed words at me like yoga, massage, acupuncture and journaling. Okay, lady, I’ve heard those all before! I need something that I can do internally to help my problem. Self help in a little bottle would be nice, but I’m not expecting miracles here. I just want good internal self talk that will point me in the direction of bipolar recovery.

My father was a beautiful man, but he passed away this past August. I thought then that I was coping with his death by not trying to think too much about it and carry on with my life. Instead, it triggered a bipolar depression that lasted from then until now. I didn’t expect to have to deal with his death this past year. I expected him to be sick, but I always thought that I had more time with him.