The erratic nature of this chronic disorder also means that everyone's experience looks a little bit different so identifying and tracking bipolar symptoms can be important. Bipolar symptoms of mania, hypomania, depression and mixed episodes all cause some level of discomfort or disruption of functioning. By being able to identify, understand and track your bipolar symptoms, you increase your chances of being able to keep yourself healthy. Knowledge is power.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to be the best bipolar me and what my father’s advice to me would be. The first time I told him I was suicidal, he merely said to pull myself up by my bootstraps. I resented the hell out of it. I felt powerless to do anything about my situation and my father insinuating that all I had to do is pull myself up was, I thought, disillusioning on his part. I was suffering from bipolar disorder and it was out of my control. How could I then control it when it controlled me?

My father was a beautiful man, but he passed away this past August. I thought then that I was coping with his death by not trying to think too much about it and carry on with my life. Instead, it triggered a bipolar depression that lasted from then until now. I didn’t expect to have to deal with his death this past year. I expected him to be sick, but I always thought that I had more time with him.

Bipolar beat me. Yesterday was a bad day. I haven't had it bad like this in a while. It stemmed from my finances or lack thereof. This time of year is always difficult for us, paying off Christmas. Next Christmas we're going to have a savings. No credit cards. But, there is still the problem of this year.

I make it a practice to open the blinds in my house every morning.  My therapist suggested it once.  I appreciate the practice, even if I don't feel like it on some days, because I ache for the sun.  Will today be the day it is sunny?  Will today be a good day where I get everything accomplished on my personal agenda or will I wallow in self-doubt and bipolar clouds?