Changes

Over the past several weeks, I've experienced some major life changes; living conditions, work conditions, relationships, leisure time—all have been affected or will be affected in one way or another. I guess it's basically a time of testing for me, a time of transition, a time of growth, a time to take my recovery "on the road" so to speak.

First of all, the condo I am renting is up for sale. About mid-October a realtor called me one night out of the blue and said, "I'm coming by with a client tomorrow to show your unit. The landlord has put it on the market, so I'll need to take a key as well." First I had heard of all this. Naturally, I began to wonder whether I'd have to move, find a new place—all the attendant worries of being suddenly uprooted. I still don't have an answer, but the realtor has shown the condo at least once per week since the call.

Then, during the same week (at work this time), one of my best employees suddenly resigned. I was caught off-guard, then was immediately too busy for a couple of weeks, scrambling around, re-assigning assignments, filling out new employee requisition forms—all the attendant worries of being suddenly short-handed. I still don't have a new employee, but do I have a couple of folks to interview later this week.

Then, there have been problems with the car (a "lifter" in the engine is rattling), communicating with my ex-wife trying to work out holiday visitation times with the kids (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's), making some travel arrangements to attend my niece's wedding on New Year's day in Arkansas, planning Christmas gift purchases—all the attendant worries of being a one-man show during the holiday season.

But so far, I've survived. Yes, everything—literally—about my life is up in the air right now. I have no idea where it is all going to land. And you know what? I really am fine with the idea.

Of course, I'm worried—but it's not a sick kind of worrying, not an obsessive worrying. Maybe it's not even worrying per se—but I do have more on my mind these days concerning the future and its uncertainty than I have had in many months previous to October.

Maybe it is time for me to be jarred out of my routine. Maybe it is time for me to grow some more. Maybe it is time for me to re-evaluate my priorities and my recovery goals. Maybe it is time for me to sit up and pay closer attention to my needs and take better care of myself.

There is one thing I am certain about—I trust God that all this change will be for my good and the end result will be for my ultimate benefit.

Recovery has taught me that no matter how bad things get, there is good stuff that comes my way out of every life situation. Therefore, I can anticipate the changes rather than dreading them. I can look for the ways my life is going to get better, rather than getting letting myself get bitter.

These are the times when recovery pays off. These are the times when I reap the rewards of all the work I've put into meditating, reading, going to meetings, praying, and focusing. These are the times when I trust God, let go, and let my faith grow even stronger. Above all, these are the times when I know, without doubt, that external circumstances may change, but I am still me. I will be OK, no matter what happens.

Thank You God, for giving me more opportunities to trust You. Thank You for all the changes I am going through, because You have taught me that change brings new growth and good things into my life.

next: Single-Minded Focus