Eating disorders can normalize dysfunction to the point where it starts to feel comfortable, even when it's miserable—but the road to healing breaks that cycle of mess and misery. During the years I spent under the influence of anorexia, suffering was my baseline. I resented this pain, but I also pursued it like a magnetic pull into the chaos that seemed predictable, familiar, and secure because it was all I knew. Healing showed me an alternative in which mess and misery is no longer a constant, and inner peace is attainable, no matter the circumstances.

Eating Disorders Reinforce a Cycle of Mess and Misery

I have yet to meet someone whose life improved when an eating disorder came into it. I will include myself in this observation, too. The sense of worth I believed anorexia would bring me never quite materialized. In its place, I felt isolation, despair, anxiety, and self-loathing. The deeper I sunk into those eating disorder behaviors, the further my life spun out of control. I was caught in a relentless cycle of mess and misery, a desolate tunnel with no exit in view. It wasn't until I tried blazing my own trail of escape that I realized those behaviors were not normal, and I no longer had to settle for them. So, I chose another path—I invited healing to break the cycle of mess and misery.

How Healing Can Break the Cycle of Mess and Misery

Earlier this week, I came across the following quote on social media from Alex Elle, a mental health advocate, certified breathwork coach, and bestselling author:  

"The more you heal, the more peace you'll want in your life. Your capacity for negativity will lessen. You'll become clearer about who and what gets your time and energy. Keeping company with mess and misery will no longer be an option for you." 

That phrase, "mess and misery will no longer be an option for you," struck a chord in my soul. It inspired me to write this article because it puts into words a universal, undeniable truth. The more space I create for mental, emotional, and physical healing to take root, the less tolerance I have for pain that hinders my growth. Of course, some pain is necessary—even beneficial. It can impart wisdom, instill courage, or increase resilience. But the recurring cycle of mess and misery is not inevitable. In my own experience, at least, continual suffering is often a choice. 

Eating disorder recovery taught me that I am not a victim of circumstance. I do not have to succumb to harmful reactions, no matter how overwhelmed I might feel. I can withstand uncomfortable emotions and reframe anxious thoughts. I can prioritize actions that welcome serenity, balance, nourishment, and self-compassion into my life. I can pursue wellness over chaos. I can breathe deeply into the moment I'm living in. I can look for reasons to be grateful. I can still find pockets of joy when challenges arise. Even if a situation threatens to derail my footsteps, I am confident that when I choose healing, I can break the cycle of mess and misery.

I Prefer Healing Over the Painful Cycle of Mess and Misery

Do you resonate with this idea that healing can break the cycle of mess and misery that eating disorders so often create? How have you seen the healing process at work in your own life? Please share your insights in the comment section—I would love to hear them.

Much to my surprise, ecstatic dance has helped my self-esteem. For much of my life, I struggled with my mental health, and my self-esteem suffered deeply as a result. Anomalous thoughts and perceptions shadowed my every step, draining the color from my world and leaving me feeling isolated and insignificant. One day, however, I discovered a tool that helped me find a way out of that darkness: ecstatic dance. This form of creative expression brought unexpected joy and a newfound sense of self-esteem into my life.

Improving Self-Esteem with Ecstatic Dance

It began almost accidentally. I attended a local dance event, curious but hesitant. As the music started and people around me moved freely, I felt a small but significant shift inside of me. I realized that through dance, I could channel my emotions in a way that words often failed to do. The act of moving my body became a refuge, a way to externalize my inner turmoil and give shape to my feelings. Ecstatic dance became a powerful means of creative expression, lifting my self-esteem with each movement. 

Ecstatic dance is a broad term encompassing various styles and forms of free-form dance. For me, it began with just moving my body to the rhythm without any concern for how I looked or whether I was doing it "right." Soon, I found myself dancing regularly, letting the music guide me and allowing my body to express what my mind could not. Each dance session offered a new lens through which to view my experiences and emotions. 

One of the most significant benefits of ecstatic dance was an improvement in my self-esteem. At first, I doubted my abilities, worrying that my dance was not "good enough." But gradually, I learned that the value of ecstatic dance is not in the perfection of the movements but rather in the freedom and authenticity. Engaging with dance helped me connect with myself on a deeper level, and each session, no matter how imperfect, became a testament to my resilience and creativity. 

Expressing myself through dance provided a sense of accomplishment and purpose. It gave me a tangible way to measure my progress and growth. I began to see that my worth was not defined by external standards but by my own willingness to explore, create, and share my unique perspective. This realization was empowering, and it bolstered my self-esteem. 

Self-Discovery Through Ecstatic Dance and Self-Esteem

Another important aspect of self-esteem and ecstatic dance is that it fosters self-discovery and self-acceptance. Through dance, I was able to articulate thoughts and emotions that I had not fully understood before. The act of moving to the music forced me to confront my feelings head-on, leading to greater self-awareness and, ultimately, self-compassion. As I accepted and embraced my own experiences, I found it easier to forgive myself for my perceived shortcomings and to appreciate my strengths. 

Engaging in dance also connected me to a broader community. I started attending regular dance gatherings, which were available online and in person. The feedback and support that I received were invaluable. I found that many people resonated with my experiences and appreciated my willingness to share. This sense of connection helped me feel less alone and reinforced the idea that my voice and movements mattered. 

In addition to personal growth and improved self-esteem, ecstatic dance can serve as a powerful coping mechanism. When faced with overwhelming emotions, turning to dance provides a constructive outlet. Instead of bottling up my feelings or succumbing to negative thoughts, I can channel that energy into something productive and healing.

If you are struggling with your mental health, I encourage you to explore ecstatic dance. Start small, perhaps moving to music in the privacy of your room, join an online dance session, or attend a local dance event. The specific movements are not important; what matters is giving yourself permission to dance without judgment. Allow yourself the freedom to experiment, make mistakes, and discover new facets of yourself. 

Ecstatic dance has helped me improve my self-esteem, foster self-discovery, and build connections with others. It has been transformative. Most importantly, it has given me a means to navigate my mental health journey with greater resilience and hope. Embrace the power of dance, and you may find it brings light to your darkest moments. 

Navigating dating as a young adult in college is challenging enough, but dating as a young adult with bipolar disorder turns it into an even more intricate balancing act. I went through my first breakup when I was 18, and due to the emotional toll, I decided to take a break before I attempted to date again. At 19, I had my first manic episode and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type I.

The emotional toll of processing the trauma related to that manic episode was much worse than the breakup. As a result, I began to fear adding dating back into the equation while my mental health still seemed out of control. I also feared that nobody would be able to understand me after this experience. I became so avoidant towards dating that I did not go on another date until I was manic again four years later. Dating as a young adult with bipolar disorder is complicated, indeed. 

Dating as a Young Person with Bipolar Disorder During a Manic Episode

My manic episode not only broke my four-year dating hiatus but also abruptly ended my time at the state school I was attending. During any manic episode, I tend to lose my sense of fear, and in this particular case, the result of that confidence was downloading a dating application. I was delighted to match with someone pretty rapidly. We went on four dates until he eventually told me he was not interested in more. I could not say I blamed him.

I became more and more delusional with each date. I remember speaking to him in nonsensical ways, having him do therapeutic exercises with me, and becoming convinced that he was someone from my high school disguised as a different person. I sometimes reflect on that time of my life and wonder what those dates were like from his perspective. Ultimately, I ended up in the hospital and back in my hometown. 

As a Young Person with Bipolar Disorder, I Open Up on Dates

This was the last intense manic episode of my early 20s, marking a significant turning point in my life. It was followed by a long period of stability, during which I worked full-time as a waitress and finished college online.

As stability returned to my life, I mustered the courage to download the dating application once again. Initially, I was terrified of being open about my mental health struggles on dates as a young person with bipolar disorder. I often find myself fighting a lot of stigma when I bring up bipolar disorder, and I only expected this to be worse in dating. Over time, however, I found that my mental health would often make its way into conversation naturally and at the right time. I found that, in general, people were much more understanding than I had expected. 

You Can Date as a Young Person with Bipolar Disorder

Looking back, I regret avoiding dating for so long due to fear. I realized that empathy and understanding would go a long way in bridging the gap between different life experiences. People face adversity in many different ways, and I can empathize with others just as they can with me despite not sharing the same experiences. I am glad that I waited for a more stable time, though.

I now realize that meaningful connections are just as possible for a young person dating with bipolar disorder as anyone else.

Many times during treatment, you may have to consider whether to change your bipolar medication. This is a complicated question and a personal one. The answer varies from person to person. If you're considering changing your bipolar medication, here are some things to think about.

Why Are You Thinking of Changing Your Bipolar Medication?

There are many reasons to consider changing your bipolar medication. For example, it might be due to the lack of efficacy or the presence of specific side effects. Changing your bipolar medication may address your concerns, or it may not. Regardless, it's essential to know exactly why you're changing your bipolar medication so you can create specific goals for the change.

The Possible Positives of Changing Your Bipolar Medication

You may find that when you change your bipolar medication, your goals are met. Your new medication may be more effective or may have fewer side effects. It may even have hidden benefits that you weren't officially looking for, like an increased libido. That's the good news.

The Possible Negatives of Changing Your Bipolar Medication

The trouble is that nothing comes without risk. The risks of changing your bipolar medication include:

• Introducing mood instability or even a full-blown mood episode during or after the switching period
• Not meeting your goals for changing bipolar medication in the first place
• Finding out that the new medication has negatives of its own that outweigh its usefulness

Any of the above may lead to you needing to go back on the original medication or find something new again.

Things to Consider When Considering Changing Your Bipolar Medication

The possible positives and negatives are part of what to consider when looking at changing your bipolar medication, but there are other things as well, like:

• Accessibility: Can you reliably access the new medication? For example, does your insurance company cover it?
• Effectiveness: What is the likelihood that this new medication will work for you and address your concerns? Your doctor can offer guidance on this.
• Past experiences: How many medications have you tried before? What was your experience like when you tried those? For example, if the last time you tried a different medication, you ended up in the hospital, this is important to remember.
• Risks: What are the risks to you if the new medication isn't effective and you're without effective medication for a period of time? How likely is it that a severe mood episode will be a result? What will happen to you if you do have a severe episode?
• Withdrawal: What is the withdrawal from your current medication likely to consist of? (Note: If withdrawal is a concern, your doctor may be able to provide medical assistance to mitigate it.)  
• Doctor's recommendations: What are your doctor's recommendations? You don't always have to follow them, but they should be taken into account.

All of the above are important to consider. Some may swing your opinion more than others.

What It Comes Down to When Changing Your Bipolar Medication

None of this is to say that changing your bipolar medication is a bad idea; it's just to say that there's a lot to consider when thinking about it.

Once you consider your goals, the possible positives, and the possible negatives, there is only one more variable: your risk tolerance. Are you willing to risk what you have today for what you might have tomorrow? Sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes it's no. Either answer is okay as long as you carefully think it out. If you're not willing to risk a major mood episode because it may risk your life, that's reasonable. If you are willing to take the risk because the current side effects are truly intolerable, that's reasonable, too. Your particular situation will likely fall somewhere in between.

No matter what, discuss all your concerns with your doctor and get all the information you can before you decide whether to change your bipolar medication. This is the best way to know what you're getting into and prevent a negative outcome.

Gambling addiction is a battle fought largely in silence, but recovery support groups can change that. The shame and stigma associated with the addiction make it hard for most to open up about their struggles, making recovery even more difficult. One of the tools that has been truly helpful in my journey is participating in recovery support groups.

I still remember my first gambling addiction recovery support group meeting. For the first time, I felt seen, heard, and understood. Sitting in a room filled with people who had experienced the same emotional turmoil, financial ruin, and shattered relationships made me realize I wasn’t alone and that recovery was possible.

Why Recovery Support Groups Matter for Gambling Addicts

Being surrounded by people who genuinely understand what you are going through can be incredibly validating and empowering. Recovery support groups provide a safe space to express your feelings, fears, and frustrations. 

You get to share your journey with people who are on a similar path and learn their coping strategies, such as how they manage their gambling triggers and deal with relapses. 

Recovery support groups are also a great way to ensure you remain committed to your recovery goals. The regular meetings keep you anchored to your goals, and the success stories from others remind you that gambling recovery is not just possible but attainable. 

Finding Your Ideal Recovery Support Group

Here are some of the things to consider when looking for a recovery support group:

• What is the group focus? -- Some groups might focus on specific aspects of recovery, such as relapse prevention or financial management. When looking for a recovery support group, look for one that aligns with your current needs.
• What experience level do others have? -- I also recommend choosing a group depending on your level of experience. When I started my recovery journey, I found that joining support groups with more "beginners" made the process easier. We were all on the same level. We had just quit gambling; hence, no one fell behind.
• What is the location? -- Are you looking for an offline or online recovery support group? Today, there are numerous gambling addiction recovery support groups on the Internet. They are somewhere you share your journey anonymously. There are also forums on Reddit and other social media platforms.
• What is your comfort level? -- Consider the group size and what kind of environment you feel most comfortable in, whether hybrid, online, or offline. Would you prefer a large group or a smaller, more intimate setting?

Through my recovery support group, I have learned that you do not have to walk the journey alone. Others share the same story as you, and through their experiences, you can maintain your progress. I have found strength through sharing my experiences, developed coping mechanisms, and built a support network that is now helping me in my recovery journey.

There are a few effects of my husband's attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) that make my anxiety skyrocket. Still, we have found ways to navigate these issues and come out on top. Some of his symptoms that have come to be the most relationship-building are brainfarts and ADHD paralysis. A spouse with ADHD can cause anxiety, but it doesn't have to.

Anxiety, an ADHD Spouse, and the Dreaded Brainfart

My husband's brain with ADHD moves faster than his mouth sometimes, and when that happens, he will pause mid-sentence to backtrack his brain and finish the thought. This sometimes leads to long pauses during conversations. It almost looks like when someone forgets a word during a conversation, but for him, he knows what he's trying to say; he just needs to rewind his brain to get there. 

I have a physical stress response thanks to my anxiety and my spouse's ADHD when he doesn't finish a sentence, and I feel like I have to finish it for him. When he pauses, it makes me feel like I'm holding my breath. My chest gets tight, and I breathe out the words I think he wants to say. I think this happens because I worry he will forget what he was going to say. What he says is important to me. I really want to hear it, and by filling in the space, I think I'm helping him get it out when, in reality, I'm not. 

Anxiety, an ADHD Spouse, and Paralysis

My husband also suffers from what we call ADHD paralysis, which is exactly what it sounds like. Our family waits all day to go somewhere or do something, and he can't make himself get up, get ready, and go. On the flip side, if he's motivated to go, we have to leave now, or it will not happen. The ADHD paralysis doesn't just apply to going somewhere, though; it could be for any important task, like an exam, homework, a task at his job, pursuing hobbies, completing chores, or even going to the bathroom. 

My anxiety causes me to need structure, planning, and consistency, and ADHD paralysis goes against that. It can be frustrating to wait around to do something and have nobody working towards getting it done. When you add anxious thoughts and negative self-talk on top of that, it takes that frustration to a new level. On the flip side, if he is ready and motivated to go somewhere, having to go now or it will not happen doesn't go well with anxiety, either. I need time to mentally and physically prepare to leave my house. If he's rushing me out the door, I feel unprepared, anxious, irritable, and upset. 

Navigating a Spouse with ADHD and My Anxiety

The best and most simple way to navigate a spouse with ADHD and my anxiety is to communicate. It has to start there. When I try to finish my husband's sentences, it drives him crazy. He told me this and asked me not to keep finishing his sentences. I'm not perfect at it, but because we had a conversation, I now make a conscious effort not to interrupt. 

With ADHD paralysis, I've learned over the years that nagging will only make this worse, so I give space and gentle nudges as needed, and eventually, we get to where we need to go. For the issue of needing to go right now, I've communicated how this affects me and my anxiety, and he tries harder not to push and rush me and to give a few minutes heads up so I have time to prepare and adjust mentally. 

For more about how my spouse with ADHD and me with anxiety manage our marriage, watch this.

Our anxiety and ADHD experiences bring challenges to our marriage, but since we're committed to one another, we're also committed to working through the challenges. As we communicate, we can navigate all the obstacles that may arise together. 

A verbal abuse healing journey can be a struggle for many individuals. Moving away from an abusive relationship takes time and effort. Often, a person who has suffered verbal abuse may react negatively to situations even when knowing the proper tools and strategies to use. A person's healing journey will not be a straight and narrow path. Instead, there will be times of ups and downs with unexpected curves. The struggle of a healing journey away from verbal abuse is worth it, though.

Using Helpful Strategies Against Verbal Abuse Is a Struggle in My Healing Journey

I sought out professional therapy to help with my healing journey after being in a verbally abusive relationship. I was given many different strategies that could help me if I had to face verbal abuse again. My therapists provided me with tools to combat the negative emotions I felt from being the target of abuse. Even with these resources, I still struggle with my verbal abuse healing journey. 

Recently, I had the opportunity to put my helpful tools into motion when facing a verbally abusive situation. I was attending a local farmer's market with one of my children when I noticed a man walking through the different vendor tents with his dog. This dog was not a common breed, and we didn't often see them where we lived, so my child asked if I knew what breed it was.

I am an avid dog lover and knew the breed's name only by reading about it online. It was a Weimaraner, and I mispronounced the name while telling my child about it. As I was talking, the dog's owner turned to face us, started laughing at me, and loudly commented about how he'd never heard anyone describe his dog's breed like that and how I got it so wrong. 

His words embarrassed me, especially since we were all out in public and I had a child with me. I don't know if the man was often verbally abusive to random people, but at that time, I felt abused and mistreated. Instead of addressing him and his actions or using the many tools I've gotten through my healing journey, I ignored him and redirected my child to a different area of the farmer's market. I struggled at that with my verbal abuse healing journey.

Handling Verbal Abuse on My Healing Journey Even Though I Struggle

Naturally, after it happened, I replayed this situation multiple times in my head, thinking of how I should have handled it and what I could have said or done at the time. (I once heard an anonymous quote that said, "Never make fun of someone who mispronounces a word. It means they learned it by reading.")

I also live in a region with many different cultures and languages. I know people who use English as their second language, so learning pronunciation can be tricky for them. I think back now on that situation and how that man didn't recognize that I was learning about the dog breed and had no previous experience. Instead, he laughed and made fun of how I described his dog. I should have referred back to that anonymous quote and told him I learned it from reading. 

The next time a similar situation happens to me, I may be able to handle it differently. However, my healing journey is full of ups and downs, and I can't beat myself up if I end up choosing to ignore and walk away from a verbally abusive situation. My verbal abuse healing journey is a unique struggle, and I will continue to refer to the tools and strategies my therapists give me as I navigate away from verbal abuse in my life. 

I turned 33 last week, and this occasion has me reflecting on how birthdays feel like milestones in eating disorder recovery. There was a time when I could not even fathom experiencing my 30s—I assumed that my life would be cut short by anorexia, and I was at peace with that. I had no interest in thinking about hopes for the future. I just wanted to shrink myself down as much as I could in the present. But now, birthdays feel like eating disorder milestones.

Back then, my focus was narrow and insular, with zero regard for the expansive new frontiers that healing could offer me. But I am not an apathetic shell of a human anymore. Now, I celebrate being alive on this planet with the enthusiasm it deserves. I can only speculate on what this next year will hold, but I am grateful for another birthday milestone in my eating disorder recovery.

Why I Consider Birthdays Milestones in Eating Disorder Recovery

Birthdays mark a passage of time. They commemorate all the experiences—whether routine or remarkable—that comprise an entire year of life. I view each birthday as another chapter in the story I am writing here on earth. I marvel at the lessons I embraced, setbacks I overcame, relationships I nurtured, pain I healed from, and transitions I embarked on. I also take inventory of the potential for growth in front of me. This is a keen reminder that life is never static.

Even during seasons when I feel restless or aimless, I am still a work in progress if I choose to brave the path forward. This sends a chill of excitement through me. Over the next year, will I be more compassionate and courageous? Will I reach new depths of authenticity? Will I cultivate inner peace, no matter the circumstances around me? Will I be generous with my time and resources? Will I unlock a true appreciation for this body I call home? What other attributes can I step into? Birthdays are invitations to acknowledge the person I have been and anticipate who I might become. In other words, birthdays feel like milestones in my eating disorder recovery.

Celebrating Birthdays as Milestones in Eating Disorder Recovery

As I remember all the interactions, transitions, and evolutions that took place in my life over the last year, I cannot help but celebrate this birthday as a milestone in my eating disorder recovery. Another trip around the sun is both a miracle and a privilege. Tomorrow has never been guaranteed, which makes each new year on earth more poignant than the last.

I realize birthdays can arouse complicated memories or emotions for some, and I will not minimize the validity of those experiences. I am merely sharing what is true for myself: I love to honor this passage of time with a celebration of growth and a reflection of the work ahead. Treating birthdays as milestones in eating disorder recovery feels like a spiritual—almost sacred—practice to me. 

Keeping my home as my clean space helps clear my mind and reduce anxious thoughts. I can't think straight when my surroundings are cluttered, and my mind feels bogged down by the mess. A structured cleaning routine encourages me to keep my space organized, which helps me focus during working hours and leisure time. Here's how having a clean space helps my anxiety.

How a Clean Space Calms Anxiety

I've found that having a clean space helps calm my anxiety in multiple ways. First, when my home is tidy, it feels like my mind is more organized, too. There's less visual clutter to distract me, which makes it easier to focus and relax. This way, I can stay productive when I need to work at my desk instead of being anxious about the mess around me. 

Second, knowing where everything is and not having to search through piles of products or clothing reduces anxious thoughts. Having a place for everything feels great, and it prevents me from feeling overwhelmed by chaos. 

Lastly, I've noticed that keeping my space clean helps my anxiety by giving me a sense of control. When life feels unpredictable, or I'm experiencing increased levels of anxiety due to work or personal reasons, a tidy environment reminds me that I can create order in my home.

Practical Tips for Maintaining a Clean Space to Reduce Anxiety

Here are some practical tips I use to keep my space clean to de-stress and reduce anxious thoughts. 

1. Break up chores throughout the week -- Instead of tackling everything in one big cleaning session on the weekend, I spread out tasks throughout the week. For example, I might vacuum on Mondays and do laundry on Fridays. This approach makes chores feel less overwhelming and keeps my space consistently tidy. 
2. Put things back right away -- Returning items to where I found them as soon as I'm done using them helps prevent clutter from piling up and reduces my anxiety about missing items.
3. Declutter regularly -- I go through my belongings and donate or discard items I no longer need or use. Decluttering my home calms my anxiety because I feel lighter and more in control when I remove excess items I don't need. 
4. Create storage areas -- I have invested in storage solutions like bins and shelves to keep my items neatly arranged. Having designated storage areas reduces my anxiety because they give my environment a sense of order and predictability. 
5. Use a checklist -- I rely on a digital to-do list to monitor my cleaning schedule and track my accomplishments. This practice helps me stay accountable and brings a sense of calm as I organize all my tasks on my phone. 

What are your favorite tips for maintaining an organized and clean space to help reduce anxiety? Share it in the comments below.

Masking borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a high-wire act, teetering between societal acceptance and personal exhaustion. It's an everyday performance where I suppress traits that might draw judgment, becoming a chameleon to blend into what's deemed acceptable. Borderline personality disorder masking is draining, leaving me feeling like I've been hit by a truck by the time I get home. The car ride home is a solitary purge of pent-up frustration and angst.

Masking BPD involves hiding the symptoms of borderline, such as emotional volatility and impulsive behavior due to perceived rejection or abandonment, to fit into social norms. It's an adaptive strategy to avoid rejection and criticism, but it comes at a cost. The constant effort to monitor and modify my behavior is tiring. It's like wearing a heavy mask that you can't take off until you're safely alone. The act of masking BPD includes monitoring the people around me, changing my opinions and beliefs, and suppressing self-soothing behaviors like stimming (more below). When I'm around others, I often find myself agreeing with their viewpoints, even if I don't truly believe them, just to avoid conflict and fit in.

Masking Borderline Can Involve Suppressing Stimming Behaviors

As I said, masking of borderline can involve the suppression of stimming behaviors.

Stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, is a way I self-soothe and manage anxiety. For me, stimming can involve actions like picking at my skin or scalp in stressful situations. These behaviors help calm me down but are not always socially acceptable. In the past, I've had to learn to suppress these behaviors in public to avoid ridicule. Instead, I've found alternative sensory experiences that help me relax. At home, I might run a hot bath or change my sheets so they feel nice against my skin. These sensory experiences provide the comfort and calm I need when I'm overwhelmed emotionally due to heavily masking BPD symptoms. But it's hard when I'm out in public. The muscle tension from hours of suppressing these behaviors is palpable, and the discomfort is worth shedding light on.

The danger of masking BPD for too long is that when I'm finally alone with people I'm comfortable with, I tend to release my frustrations on them. Sometimes, I direct these frustrations inward, leading to harmful behaviors like skin-picking and negative self-talk. It's crucial for me to understand when I need to stop masking BPD in public and respect my limits. Leaving the party early or calling out sick at work isn't the cardinal sin it used to be. I've learned that prioritizing my mental health is essential if I want to maintain a sense of wellbeing.

Balancing Masking BPD and Authenticity

I'm still fumbling through the coping strategies for masking BPD. It's an endless learning curve, figuring out when it's safe to drop the mask. I've found a couple of safe people to be real with. They're the ones who have been raw with me, who get my specific triggers, or who are just good with words and validation. With these friends, I can let my guard down and admit the triggers I want to dodge, and they can navigate the relationship by actually communicating with me (and vice versa).

Another strategy, besides reminding myself that I can bail on situations, is taking frequent breaks to be alone and collect my thoughts. That's why my notes app or notebook is always within reach. These tools let me communicate with myself so I'm not bottling up sensations and emotions. It's like a mental restroom break: essential and non-negotiable.

Recognizing My Limits Helps with Borderline Masking

Recognizing my limits and knowing when to take a step back has become a vital part of managing my BPD. It's not always easy, but it's necessary. By being mindful of my needs and allowing myself the space to decompress, I can better navigate the challenges of living with BPD. This journey of self-awareness and self-care is ongoing, and each day brings new lessons in balancing the demands of masking BPD with the need for authenticity and self-preservation.