I've often been asked how I can be so high-functioning as a bipolar. I would say that my number one most useful bipolar management tool is empowerment. I'm talking about self-empowerment in which you believe in yourself. Empowerment, a bipolar management tool, causes you to think positively about bipolar disorder. It doesn't negate all the bad, but it makes you see the good. It's important to see the good. Life can't go on without it.

Today is a gray day. The kind I hate. The last few days have been full of sunshine and I didn't get to bask in it as much as I would've liked. I like to get out of the house and sit in the sun as I write. The sun invigorates me.
But, today there is no sun.

So, how do I deal with the feeling of dread that enters me whenever I look up at the sky? I remember the sun. I remember that tomorrow it might come out. It probably will come out. I remember that I'm alive and the feeling surges through me. It empowers me to look on the positive side of things.

It's so easy to get bogged down by the hard things. Feelings of inadequacy, bipolar symptoms, and life can make one want to squeeze into a little ball and sleep until it's gone. But, those things will never leave until you make them get up and out of the way.

So, you have to face them head on. Get up out of bed. Open the blinds. Live life.

Empower Yourself to Use Bipolar Management Tools

How do you do that when the symptoms of bipolar set over you? You get a team to help you. You'll need a psychiatrist, a therapist, and something to get up for. Don't have a psychiatrist that you trust? Interview new ones. Ask them their take on your disorder and what they'd recommend for medication.

Only you can make a difference in your life. Empower yourself to make some good choices. Find something that makes you happy. Find something that makes you willing to get up out of bed. Whether it's painting or walking the dog or appreciating your family and friends, it will empower you. It will make you remember why you want to live.

Empowerment, a bipolar tool, will change your life for the better. You'll wake up every day feeling different, happier, and more secure. Mood changes will not go away for some. Instead of becoming frustrated, become empowered that today you will make a difference and head toward recovery.

It may not work today, but there's always tomorrow.

Treat your anxiety by drinking more water and less caffeine. Caffeine provokes anxiety and can trigger panic attacks. The research shows a clear correlation between caffeine and anxiety (Nutrition Therapy for Anxiety Disorders).

Joe Barry McDonagh explains:

Nearly every function of the body is monitored and pegged to the efficient flow of water through our system. Water transports hormones, chemical messengers, and nutrients to vital organs of the body. When we don't keep our bodies well-hydrated, they may react with a variety of signals such as anxiety, which we would never think are related to our poor drinking habits.

Why It Helps to Drink More Water, Less Caffeine

Watch this video on the role of water and caffeine in anxiety treatment, then share your thoughts or experiences in the comment section below.

Featured photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash

One aspect common to many adults with ADHD is low self-esteem. When you live your life making stupid mistakes, falling short of—or forgetting entirely—your goals, or being yelled at by figures of authority, you'll likely be a mess when you reach adulthood. If you haven't learned to laugh off the gaffes, you might either adopt an insouciant attitude over time, or internalize the criticisms. I was of the internalizing variety (Signs of Self-Stigma: Do You Stigmatize Yourself?).

I remember one job ages ago when I worked for a local newspaper as a paste-up artist. It was boring work, so I often found my attention wandering. I also had a very difficult time NOT reading all that wonderful news. I didn't know at the time that I was an information junkie.

One time, I finished a batch of pages and there were no new ones to complete, so I took the opportunity to walk around the newsroom and become more familiar with it. When I got back to my desk a few minutes later, there were pages ready to be pasted up and the editor was so angry with me he shouted and yelled, spittle flying, face beet red.

I was so used to bosses losing their cool with me, I didn't report the jerk to human resources. I thought it was my fault. This is where my ADHD induced low self-esteem reared its ugly head.

Low-Self Esteem Made Me Blame Myself

Other adults with ADHD see low self-esteem manifest itself in different ways, but my way was to blame myself. So low was my self-esteem that when I became disabled because of the side-effects of Desoxyn and Zoloft, I actually blamed myself then as well. If I hadn't been so unique and rare—such a complete loser—I wouldn't have experienced side-effects (The Pain of Self-Stigma Because of Mental Illness). I actually felt that way. It is obvious poppycock, but you can see what an insidious poison low self-esteem can be.

I wrote about my self-esteem issues on my own blog this week, but it's an important enough subject to address here, too. As an adult of 43, I look back at the poor kid that I was and wish I could give him advice.

• I would tell him that just because he was distracted didn't mean he deserved to be yelled at.
• Just because he makes mistakes doesn't mean he has to put up with bosses being cruel to him.
• I would have told him to stand up for himself more often—he deserved it.
• I would have also told him that not all jobs were optimal for him, and that he should seek out jobs that didn't expose his ADHD weaknesses.
• Lastly, I would have told him to learn how to like himself because that's what I did later on to wrest control of my self-esteem away from the ADHD roller coaster of self-worth.

There's a lot I would tell my 20 year old self that would have made a difference for me then (ADHD: Low Self-Esteem, But You’re OK). I can't tell him, unfortunately, but I can tell my kids. I can also tell you if you need to hear it. Are you ready to believe that you shouldn't blame yourself either?

Tell me below how ADHD-conditioned low self-esteem has affected you as an adult. How did you begin rebuilding your self-esteem or do you still struggle with this?

Imagine you are on a beautiful island, surrounded by palm trees, sand, and the soothing sounds of the ocean. How could anyone be anxious in a place like that? Yet, several years ago, when Mr. T and I went on vacation to the beautiful islands of Maui and Kauai, each day began with horrible panic attacks. I was sick the entire trip. Ever since then, I get really bad travel anxiety when traveling far from home.

Preparing for Travel Anxiety

In a few days, my little family will be heading to San Fransisco to celebrate Mr. T's 30 birthday. I went there once before on business and it's a gorgeous area, so I am looking forward to being able to spend more time there and share that with the people I love the most. But I know from my past experiences of traveling with anxiety that, for me, preparation is a must before any big trip.

1. Don't assume that you will be just fine.

You may be just fine, but don't let that make you unprepared. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

2. If you are taking anxiety medication, make sure you bring it with you and that you have more than enough for the trip.

Before we left for Hawaii, I was in a really good place with my anxiety. I was off of my anxiety medication (because I didn’t wait long enough for it to work before I decided it was useless - bad decision), but I brought a bottle of Clonazepam, with a few leftover pills, that I hadn't used for a really long time. I figured I wouldn't need them at all, but brought them just in case. When the anxiety unexpectedly hit me like a ton of bricks, I tried to divide up my precious anxiety medication to have enough for the whole trip. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to stop the panic and it became useless.

3. Before leaving, create a game plan addressing any travel anxiety fears you have about the trip. Decide what you will do in each worst-case scenario, and replace any negative thoughts with positive ones you can think of instead.

This is a really great exercise to do anytime you have anticipatory anxiety, and I will go into this in greater length in a future post. I like to take my game plan and keep it with me at all times when traveling; in my purse or even my back pocket. So when I start to worry, I can take it out and read all my positive thoughts and know what I will do if my worst fears actually came true (which they never do).

4. If you don't already own one, when renting a car, get a GPS unit to go with it. If you do own one, bring it!

I get really anxious when driving in unfamiliar places. When renting a car, I added a GPS unit for an additional $8 a day. It doesn't matter how much it cost, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Not only did it take away 98% of my anxiety, it gave me a sense of empowerment and confidence. The best part is if you miss a turn, no need to panic! It will recalculate your destination and help you get to where you need to go. I have since purchased my own GPS to use at home.

Bottom line: prepare, prepare, prepare! I have learned the more I prepare ahead of time for a trip, the less my anxiety (travel anxiety) will be when I am there.

Do you ever get so angry that you want to spit? I'm talking about the kind of anger that crawls up inside of you and squats, like it's never going to leave. The kind of anger that makes you slam doors and snarl tersely at your family when they ask you questions, has hit me today and I need to make it leave. I want it gone, but the internal struggle against my bipolar triggers is a battle to the finish. My chest is tightly constricted and I find myself wanting to be in a dark room.

My daughter woke me up at 5:30 this morning. She was supposed to sleep until 6:30 a.m., but instead she woke up earlier. Okay, so what's so wrong about an hour earlier? Why should this bipolar trigger put me in a foul mood for the rest of the day?

Insomnia Triggers Anger In My Bipolar Experience

I have insomnia and bipolar disorder. I really need my rest. She promised me that she would sleep later this morning if she could stay up later last night. But, she's only six. I shouldn't have gotten so mad at her and the world. But, bipolar disorder isn't logical.

Bipolar sits in the dark, waiting for it's moment. It will sneak up on you in a minute! Once you believe that you're immune, that you've beaten it, a bipolar trigger will crawl into your head like a slithering parasite.

It's so hard to remove. I yank and yank at the bipolar episode, but it's claws are firmly grasping my innards.

Bipolar Management Plan for When Anger Triggers Me

Resist the Bipolar Trigger

Of course, I cannot let it win. I have to resist. A dark, quiet room centers my head and I remember what's important. The anger isn't important. It will not make me happy. It will not take away the crippling I feel in my heart.

I remember that I am the host. I'm in charge of my destiny, not the bipolar disorder. I ask myself what I really want out of my day. Do I want to feel anger or happiness? I always choose the latter, but it's difficult to put it into action without a lot of work.

So, I start in a dark room. I listen to soothing music like the sound of rain or waves or Debussey. Then I begin to focus on the positives. I have a loving, fun family. Don't I want to be part of that today? When I'm ready I open the door. I plaster a smile across my face even if I don't feel like smiling. I think that today will be a good day. I remember the good points about my family.

Eventually, the smile comes easily and I enjoy my day. Sometimes I don't win and I'm in a funk until bedtime. Or later. But, my goal is to beat those parasitic triggers and enjoy my life. It is my life after all, and it's up to me to take control.

If there is one aspect of Adult ADHD that is agreed upon by all experts, including the ones that don't believe ADHD exists, it is the lack of control over impulses. Inappropriate jokes, interjecting, spending, gambling, casual sex, news addiction, channel flipping, spilling beans…our individuality determines which particular way we embarrass ourselves.

I have a nephew who used to get so excited when watching a movie he would blurt out what would happen next. "Ah! I love this part! This is where we learn that the killer is actually…" You could count on a chorus of panicked voices calling out his name before he finished his sentence, or groans when they weren't fast enough. It used to be a big issue, but then he grew up. Now he's likely to be one of the voices in the chorus trying to prevent a younger family member from spoiling the show.

One aspect of maturity is the ability to rein in our impulses. As my nephew grew, he learned to keep the spoilers to himself. This aspect of maturity leads skeptics to scoff at ADHD as a diagnosis. They suggest that anybody who can't control their impulses is obviously an immature person in want of good character and in need of discipline. Or something like that. The problem is that statement is too broad and condemning. Not all minds work and develop alike. Some people don't grow up in this way as quickly as others. In fact, some never grow up in this way. Their minds aren't wired the same.

Discipline is indeed a vital component for controlling impulses, but even when adults with ADHD eventually gain this control over themselves, there is that very long period spanning years where they are learning how to do it. Telling them to "grow up already", "get their act together", and "snap out of it" isn't helpful. It can actually delay the process due to resultant low self-esteem. The personal with ADHD can learn over time to interject control by means of routine.

HealthyPlace.com reader, Mara, wrote: "i alway[s] go to the punch line, befor [sic] some one get[s] through the story..i also do not get why i say random things that have nothing to do with what is going o[n!!!]."

The advice I will give Mara is the same advice I will give myself. In my case, I sometimes mistweet. I've been using Twitter for two and a half years. I tend to police myself well, but there have been a few gaffes. If I want to avoid flare ups like I experienced earlier this week, I need to develop a routine that will help me catch myself before I embarrass myself. It doesn't mean I can't have opinions—even strong ones—but it does mean I should write my tweet, then pause and think a bit before posting. I need to give myself time to contemplate the consequences. It's a process I use to great success in email.

Abraham Lincoln had the same idea years ago when he would write "hot letters" when angry, then set the letter aside. Once cooled down, he often never sent it. Since those of us with ADHD can't always rely on our own minds to put the brakes on hazardous impulses, we need to create external routines to help us give our impulses a second thought without sacrificing our zany creativity.

What methods do you use to stop yourself before seriously stepping in it?

I make it a practice to open the blinds in my house every morning. My therapist suggested it once. I appreciate the practice, even if I don't feel like it on some days, because I ache for the sun. Will today be the day it is sunny? Will today be a good day where I get everything accomplished on my personal agenda or will I wallow in self-doubt and bipolar clouds?

No dark gray skies, thank you.

I hate to open the blinds only to see dark gray skies glaring back at me. If I had my way, it would be a sunny, spring day every day of my life. Or a partly cloudy day. Or even a day filled with rain that pitter-patters on the palm tree outside my window. The kind of rain that stops and there's a giant rainbow streaking across the skies.

Dark gray skies trigger a bipolar episode.

I don't always get my wish. The dark gray days come out to haunt me. They fill my soul with dread and sadness. They make me doubt myself. Will a bipolar episode be around the corner? I crave normalcy, but I realize that will never be me. On dark days, I find myself wishing for stardom instead of being a boring housewife. I dream that someday I will be noticed and my bipolar will *poof* be a thing of the past.

And then there comes the morning when I open the shutters and sunlight gushes inside. Sunny days are like food for my soul. A sunny day makes me want to put on designer makeup and find a nice outfit to put on. I bask in it's warmth and the joy that fills me up to my eyeballs. I feel like dancing and often take out my iPod and dance to the beat of my favorite pop songs. I dance hand-in-hand with my children. I laugh out loud when I hear one of my husband's jokes. The sun revives me in a way that nothing else can. I am a child of the sun.

And, so, in the worst dreary bipolar days, I look to the sun.

I know it will return. It always does. It's what one does with it that's the big question. There will always be bipolar days ready to scream you into submission, but then there are days when you feel like the best you. Savor those days. The bipolar days will return and it's in those days that you will need to find your strength--strength to push past all the dark gray moods and find hope in the simple things in life.

When I feel guilty, scared, upset, or embarrassed about my morning anxiety, and when I give into the fear thinking that its too much to bear, my anxiety gets even worse and I am usually really sick all day long. Here are five useful tips to knock morning anxiety out of your morning routine.

Tips to Move Past Morning Anxiety

1. Create an Attitude Adjustment
2. Post Positive Affirmations
3. Eat Something Soon After Waking
4. Use Distractions
5. Set Yourself Up for Success

1. Create an Attitude Adjustment Instead of Worrying About Morning Anxiety

When I accept that my body is doing its thing and that the uncomfortable feelings will eventually pass, the fear loses its power over me. When we give into fear, the more horrific it becomes. So if we dwell on anxiety and how upsetting it is, we make it into this really big deal which than in reality becomes a really big deal.

To fix the situation I know I have to change my attitude. The night before I'll tell myself I don't need to get upset if I wake up with anxiety. In fact, I tell myself I should expect it to be there and stop worrying about whether it will come. I say, when I wake up and the anxiety hits I am going to tell myself that it's okay that I feel this way, it's not a big deal, and I can handle it. I CAN handle it! I can do whatever I need to throughout the day with the anxiety.

2. Post Positive Affirmations to Reprogram Your Mind

This is so important I can't stress it enough. It may sound silly but it seriously works! We have a lot of negative thoughts that swirl around so fast we may not even notice them. We have to reprogram our minds to think positively. To do this, I post positive affirmations all over the place! I post the one I mentioned above on my light on my nightstand so I see it as soon as I wake up.

POSITIVE AFFIRMATION ALERT:

This may be hard today, but I can handle it. I CAN handle it!

I read this to myself a few times taking in some deep breaths.

Insider Tip: If you really don't believe in the affirmation but want to, put the phrase "I am learning" in it. So it would say "This may be hard today, but I am learning that I can handle it...".

I'll post other affirmations on my bathroom mirror, in my closet, etc. and I make a point of reading each one a few times. They all say something to help me feel better about the situation.

3. Eat Something Soon After Waking to Reduce Morning Anxiety Enhanced by Low Blood Sugar

To help with low blood sugar, I like to eat very soon after waking up (Manage Morning Anxiety: 4 Yummy Healthy Breakfast Ideas). I have heard suggestions of leaving snacks on your nightstand to eat before getting out of bed. Eating soon after waking is not only good for your mental health, but it also gets your metabolism going which will help you lose weight.

4. Use Distractions to Reduce Morning Anxiety

I have a game on my phone that I use to help distract my thoughts. If you focus on the anxiety, it will magnify it. If you focus on something else, you will forget about it more easily. Try listening to your favorite music or paying attention to your children instead. Or try the tips in this post if you can't distract yourself: You Want Me To Focus on Anxiety? Seriously?

5. Set Yourself Up for Success

Finally, small changes such as a relaxing alarm clock, slippers and a robe to dress into after waking up, dimmer switches on your lights, etc. will not alone eliminate anxiety but can help minimize it.

I have found if I follow these tips I can usually eliminate anxiety from my mornings within a few days to a week. I would love to hear of any other suggestions you have found that helps you with your morning anxiety.

This is part 2 in a 2 post series. You may be interested in reading part 1, Morning Anxiety 101: Symptoms and Causes.

I attended a dinner party last Saturday. I haven't attended such an event in years.

I'm not sure what happened, but I had a great time and didn't offend anybody. I must have been off my game. That's alright, though, because I made up for it by Monday.

[caption id="attachment_81" align="alignleft" width="200" caption="ADHD Tastes Like Feet"][/caption]

Somebody at the party made a rude comment that troubled me. It troubled other people as well. I was so surprised by it on Saturday that I didn't respond, but it percolated in my mind and finally started fireworks Sunday night. I then went to bed and even woke up simmering. I may go into it sometime, but suffice it to say that the woman in question painted guys with a very broad brush. Since I was one of only two guys there at the party, I took offense at that brush.

That wasn't the bad part, however.

I woke up Monday with a relapse from a bug; I was a little out of it. What a perfect time to post two glib li'l tweets about Saturday. It was my idea that it might spawn some interesting discussions on sexism. Somehow it hadn't occurred to me that if I posted a vague comment about an unspecified, rude female author then many of the female authors who were in that room, who also follow me on Twitter, might think I was referring to them. Instead of discussing sexism, I was soothing dear friends who worried they had offended me.

ADHD and Conversation

ADHD affects us all differently, and where it affects me most noticeably is in conversation where I will bypass the car chase and jump right to the crash. Those little details that help people follow along get left by the side of the road in a cloud of dust as I race to the good parts.

I had exchanged emails with one of the women at the party who was bothered by the comment. I even had an hour long conversation with another female author friend about the topic. Both conversations went well, so what went wrong on Twitter?

I got careless.

When I write emails I work very hard to communicate clearly. When I talk on the phone, I work just as hard. I know what trouble I can get myself into. I lasso my tongue and rassle that varmint down. When I post on Twitter, though, I open the pen and let the varmint out. It's my ADHD outlet where I can freely discuss absolutely any thought in whatever random order I want. Great for sharing links and making jokes; lousy for deep discussions. I didn't rein in my impulses and reaped the consequences.

As far as I know, I didn't offend anyone except maybe the rude lady who has yet to realize all this happened on a public server (What was I thinking?). To think that I worked so hard to make Saturday go perfectly, then erased it all with one flippant tweet. That's my life with ADHD. It's as if the ADHD me takes over the wheel for a bit, drives us into a tree, then slips away and lets the responsible me take the fall.

Well, no matter. I've had some great conversations come out of this, and it will further entertain my friends and family. My 17 year old has already had a belly laugh at my expense, and I had something to blog about. I'll know these newfound friends are lasting ones when they can laugh with me, too.