The Relationship Between Bipolar and Anger / Aggression
I am not an angry or an aggressive person. This is not to suggest I don’t have my moments, as we all do, but overall, I have far fewer issues with anger than most people I know. There are lots of reasons for this, I’m sure many have to do with my psychology the way I view anger (I view it as pointless and particularly undesirable).
Nevertheless, it seems that people with bipolar disorder do, on the whole, have anger issues. I’m a bit surprised to hear this as anger is not a diagnostic feature of bipolar disorder, but people write in again and again and talk about either having bipolar and being very angry or being with someone who has bipolar and this partner being very angry.
But are these just anecdotal accounts or do people with bipolar disorder have aggressive and angry tendencies?
Diagnosing Bipolar
When diagnosing bipolar disorder anger and aggression are actually not listed as symptoms. The closest symptom listed is irritation and that is present in manic, hypomanic and mixed moods. Irritability is known to manifest as aggressiveness and impatience with, or intolerance of, others.
But as stated, this is a mood-dependant characteristic. I, certainly, have felt this mood state. It’s very easy to be irritated with the world when you’re moving faster than everyone else, are more “brilliant” than everyone else and are simply “better” than everyone else. “Genius” gets irritated by the “little people” around it.
Aggression and Anger in Bipolar Disorder
But according to this new study,
Subjects with BP [bipolar disorder] display greater rates of anger and aggressive behaviors, especially during acute and psychotic episodes.
This study found that people with bipolar are aggressive when compared to people with other disorders and when compared to healthy controls and this relationship existed even when the person with bipolar disorder wasn’t in a mood episode (although those in a mood episode showed higher levels).
So apparently my feelings of less anger than the average person are the anecdote and those with bipolar experiencing greater anger and aggression are the average.
Dealing with Anger and Aggression in Bipolar Disorder
As the study states, people in acute mood episodes do show greater anger and aggression so, obviously, the first step is to get the bipolar disorder under control. Certainly when you’re feeling well, you have less to be angry about.
But if anger is still a problem with you, I highly recommend you talk openly about it and get some therapy, individual and couples therapy, where appropriate. This is because anger is a highly toxic emotion that can destroy the relationships in your life and diminish any interaction you may have with another person. Anger scares people and traumatizes them and in the end, most people, quite rightly, will not stand for unreasonable amounts of it.
The good news is that therapists have many techniques for dealing with anger and you just need to find the ones that work for you. Not only can therapists teach you these techniques, but they can also help you get in touch with things that may be driving your anger outside of the bipolar disorder. We all, after all, have our issues.
Regardless though, it’s important to remember that having bipolar doesn’t give you an excuse to take your anger out on those around you. Having bipolar gives you the responsibility of finding a way of dealing with the symptom, should it arise.
You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or GooglePlus or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter.
APA Reference
Tracy, N.
(2013, February 4). The Relationship Between Bipolar and Anger / Aggression, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2024, December 22 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2013/02/relationship-between-bipolar-anger-aggression
Author: Natasha Tracy
Sorry, Natasha, but I find the tone of your feature patronising and at times, judgemental. And it is very disappointing, as I was looking for help with a hideous symptom (anger), and not judgement. As you don't suffer from bipolar rage (and you are very lucky you don't - I didn't used to, then my BP got worse and I did, and do), you can't understand that it is impossible to control when it hits.
We bipolar sufferers have a mood disorder that can also affect our cognitive abilities. I have BP 1 and when I am manic or mixed, I absolutely can't control my agitation (which is the medical word for irritability/anger) and IS a 'diagnostic feature' of BP and I also teeter on the brink of psychosis (paranoia and delusions).
I can only control this explosiveness when I am not episodic. I don't want to be made to feel guilty about a symptom of mood dysregulation I cannot control when I am having yet another episode (which happens once a year in my case). Maybe you have no problem with anger, and maybe you are lucky. Everyone is different. There are probably other symptoms you have that I don't. Please don't generalise like this, it's moralistic and unhelpful.
Hi Light and Shade,
I'm sorry you find this judgemental but at no times do I talk about a judgment of those who suffer with this. In fact, I mention it's the "average" based on the study I cite.
I agree, it can be very difficult to control mood-episode symptoms when you're in the midst of a serious mood episode. But that's why I suggested learning new skills and getting counseling. That should happen when you're _not_ in an episode in order to help when you _are_ in an episode.
- Natasha Tracy
Yeah, I've done all that Natasha. I've lived with this for many years. Please try not to patronise me - or anyone else who reads your writing. You are not an authority on this subject.
I sit here crying my eyes out and not being able to help or even my family household. My son of 14yrs has been diagnosed with bipolar and has had extreme rages and aggressive, anger, and destruction periods. Its hard on the whole family. One minute he is ok and then something sets him off and he flips out breaking everything, yelling, screaming to top of lungs. We have found not one therapy to help him as he is refusing everything and that makes it hard to even help. I never know what or when he will go into a rage of anger. Sometimes I can see it right before it starts, but never can stop it. We all have to literally leave the house. So confused and lost on how to help him and still maintain the rest of the household. I have 2 sons. One is 16 and is always getting the short end due to his brother's bipolar.
He is young and as a parent you can still get him into treatment. There are so many types and kinds,I am sure you can search and find something for him on the internet.
What you don't want is him to end end up like my roommate.
My bipolar , out of countrol, has almost killed people, has attacked people, thinks she is better than everyone, etc and scares the living daylights out of me most of the day.
She is the Landlord 's sister. She has been here 11 months no treatment and off medication.
I am 59, She is 62, and very strong and large. Makes living at this rental house, like walking on egg shells every day.
She thinks nothing wrong with her and because she is an adult, we cannot force her into treatment.
Yes, actually we could, but the Landlord refuses. Its called the Florida Baker Act.
Google and see if your state has something similar.
This where the person is so out of the control that a doctor or police has you write a statement so the person is taken away, kicking and screaming for observation and treatment because , you are your wits end.
Worse case scenario.
So I am sure, if you find out your son's interest, you can get help for him at his early age, then wait for him to get as bad as my roommate.
And the real kicker, is my roommate thinks she is always in the right and did nothing wrong.
The roommate still talks with her victim in another state and wishes to go home, and yet her victim is so afraid that this lady, my roommate will kill her. Yet people don't want to be the one to take action, they dont want to be ' the bad' guy.
I read articles like this to try to understand my Father. My Father was diagnosed as having Bi-Polar disorder, and I had to live with him after he'd had a mental breakdown. He screamed bloody murder at me about: 1:Leaving pillows on top of crayons.2:Missing the TV repairman.3:Renting too many videos(this was the 80s)4:Needing to take an extra semester in college(a college where it took many even longer to graduate)5:Not auditioning at a theater where I'd acted before(he was a stage Father)6:Losing a mailbox key that was so tiny it was just too easy to lose(and HE'D lost it himself).7:Not learning about "Differences in people"(he thought I'd become a Middle-Class Snob)8:The MDA spending money on the telethon instead of research(not true, and not my fault anyway-he had to scream at SOMEBODY about that because his Mother was dying of Leukemia)-oh, I could go on and on. I'm trying to get an idea what being Bi-Polar is like so I can understand.
Hi Steve,
Thank you for your comment. I can understand how hard it is to live with another person with bipolar disorder when that person's illness is not well controlled.
You might consider getting one or more books on bipolar disorder to get a fuller picture. I've written a book on bipolar and depression that encompasses a lot. You can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Marbles-Insights-Depression-Bipolar/dp/1539409147/ref=tmm_pap…
However, there are many other fine books as well. You may wish to give this one a try. It's by Julie Fast (who also has bipolar) and it's technically for the partner of someone with bipolar but I think it would be useful for you as well: https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Bipolar-Disorder-Understanding/dp/1608822192/ref=pd…
If those don't work for you, just search for "bipolar" on Amazon and see what speaks to you.
- Natasha Tracy
As an infant, I was diagnosed bipolar. I now 22, I am not going to give a life , its full of ups and downs, meds, therapy, etc.
Ive had many relationships, many jobs, I will say this: My life sucks, too many people don't understand what it is, what its like, and how to deal with it.
Most people put on a face, then take advantage of it.
I was actually reading this blog hoping to get answers about why people with bp have anger issues. I have been diagnosed about a year now and I have always occasionally gotten mad but in the past couple of weeks I have been getting mad for no reason at all. I feel really bad for yelling at my wife and kiddo, I feel horrible about it like 5 minutes later. I really want to stop the cycle. I tried to join a support group online but they were mostly talking about illegal drugs (which i have never done). If this is a progression of BP maybe I should just tell my wife to leave, I really don't wanna put her or my son through this. Does anyone know if this is normal in bp, or could it possibly be the meds? I really freaking hate who I am becoming.
Hi Mike. 30 per cent of BP sufferers have anger issues, which is why I disliked the tone of Natasha's feature: she seems not to believe that a problem with anger can be a part of bipolar disorder - but it absolutely can. We can't help struggling with anger, any more than others can help having mania or depression. That said, it's a devil of a symptom to deal with because it's almost impossible to rein in when it takes a grip. However,take heart: I found DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) VERY useful. This is usually only given to those with borderline personality disorder, as it was developed for them, but it's about all kinds of emotional regulation, which is why it helped me control my anger.
I persuaded my psychiatrist to get me into a group (I didn't 'qualify', not having borderline pd). But if you can't gain access to a DBT group, there's lots of it on the Net. I particularly recommend Kati Morton, who is an American clinical psychologist who specialises in DBT. She's brilliant - and as I said, DBT techniques really work to control angry outbursts. I've tried an anger management course, CBT (useless in my experience) and self-help measures including mindfulness. DBT wins hands down. Here's a link to one of her talks on calming anger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pb3ii5lq0jM
Good luck Mike, I know it's not easy, but it IS possible to reduce anger attacks. Just remember that those of us who struggle with this strongest of emotions experience it more quickly, more often and for longer than those who don't have anger issues - and it really is NOT our fault. Best wishes...
"Please understand that all people who suffer with this debilitating disease need to be left to cope alone." Wow that's harsh and actually what makes having bipolar harder. I think what Jennifer in the previous post said was based on Righteous anger at the unfairness of painting everyone with the same brush. You said your daughter experienced this abuse? I don't believe you can blame her having aggression to her bipolar if anything she probably has to deal with anger at the way she was treated growing up. I get that this can be difficult for you but if a child grows up experiencing aggression and a lack of healthy boundaries is it any wonder that she wouldn't know how to manage her own? To say that "all people who suffer" are the same seems pretty wrong to me. I'll pray for you and your daughter that you learn to open up your heart to those who struggle. I think its important to recognize that mental health problems can result in negatively impacting relationships and that too often a diagnosis of BPD never comes alone but too often can be a cluster of different diagnosis i.e. PTSD, Anxiety, OCD etc... everyone struggles in different ways and life is messy. But while its important to be safe in ones relationships, caring enough to learn how to cope with a family members condition and learning skills and strategies that will help you reach out can make all the difference in the life of another person. You did not choose your daughter, but then she did not choose you (no one is perfect). No one gets to pick their family, we can't change other people but we can change the way we act based on a more positive understanding of each other and I believe empathy is really important (its great you are on this site reading about her condition). But true empathy means learning to put ourselves in the other persons shoes and not holding on to old hurts (done by them or other people) that will block our true understanding of where they are coming from. As to the previous post of a "national warning" about "these people"? That's just totally ignorant. I'm sorry that you had a bad experience with the guy you dated but not all "people" are like that. When you start talking about "us" v.s. "them" its rather sad. I prefer to think of everyone as a human being and as human beings we aren't perfect. So I'll forgive your imperfection if you can forgive mine :)
I meant people suffering with bipolar need support bu
I’m sorry I meant they do not need to be left to cope alone
Sounds like you believe all individuals with bipolar disorder are serial killers, terrorists, child abusers...etc...claiming how unhappy it makes you that the public hasn't been warned about "what they do" geezus. . . You had a horrible relationship with an individual who suffers from bipolar disorder. But move on.
I'm not going to read your blog anymore. These comments have upset me so much. I had only ever read your articles never the comments. I'm not going to read anything anymore. If you give these people an outlet to disrespect and abuse us ... I don't' want anything more to do with it. Please take me off your blog list thing.
Hi Jennifer,
I'm sorry if the comments upset you. Many people have many different views here. If you would like to be removed from the blog list (I assume an email) the ability to get off that list will be in the email. (I can't do it for you, sorry.)
- Natasha Tracy
Hi
I've been three years with a bipolar man.he's on the fortightly injections. He smokes bongs and drinks beer every day.when he was nice he's sweet at pie and can't do enough to make me happy. But then the nasty side comes out and he is absolutely horrible. Nasty swearing lying cheating other woman and Websites.he beat me up on an occasion . These people medicated or not are really nasty they have no concious and will break your heart and abuse you. Run a million miles from these people.
I'm sorry but this is a really ignorant feature. 1/3rd of people with bipolar disorder have this problem with anger, it is NOT universal in sufferers as the author states. Where on earth is she getting her facts from? She talks as if she is an authority, but that is a basic statistical fact that she's missed entirely. Another assertion she makes is that people with bipolar who have this tendency to irritability have it all the time, in or out of an episode (which incidentally means a prolonged period of abnormal mood, whether high or low, and sometimes including psychosis and sometimes not, again, not everyone gets psychosis). That is absolutely not true. I really cannot give any credence to the study she quotes, since it is not new, is only an extract and is ONE study and therefore cannot be held to be conclusive - there are many studies on this topic that would refute the findings of this one.
My credentials for querying the validity of this feature are as follows:
1. I am a journalist of 25 years' standing and this feature is not balanced - it has a bias which it sets out from the beginning to 'prove'.
2. I suffer from bipolar disorder and have this irritable tendency when ill - or 'episodic' - and I can promise you, as can anyone who knows me well, that when I am stable I am not irritable in the slightest. My character is naturally placid and easygoing, but when ill I become a different person who behaves out of character, which ironically is characteristic of someone in the grip of a bipolar mood episode.
I find this article bordering on offensive in its assertions, as they are generalistic, poorly supported and based on a set of false assumptions. And added to that, the author appears to be nestling in a cocoon of self-satisfaction as being someone who is slow to anger. If she were not, she might not judge others - who cannot control their anger due to their illness - so harshly.
OMG my girlfriend dating for 11 yrs now but these last 5-6 years has been hell for me... inpatient.angry.irratable.everything sucks and people and even God she hates...and gets upset in little things n start goin off n me trying to explain makes her get more angry n curse me out and say nasty mean things n then it goes from there to recurring old stuff and throwing stuff when I don't wanna suck up to her the next day or if I say no it's f**k u n get out n the next b**ch would love to b here and little do she Kno no one wants to out up this behavior...she have been in a place before she got pulled n was very manic but after she got out it was I'm ok now I DNT need meds...but I'm goin to he dine with her I live n care for her n DNT wanna c her with a relationship with her kids which r staying at the there dad's bcuz of her moods...wen I leave I hope she realize she need to get help n gets mad a me n say shat up wen I say she really needs professional help..everything is never her fault I have been evicted n started all over bcuz she refuses help n is turning to drugs n alcohol..n she sees there's no problem with what she's doing...I know if I leave she will drop economic and not have a roof over her head..but I can't continue to let her drive me in the ground..I'm afraid for my life bcuz when she really goes of it's threats...it just kills me that she won't try n get help...I'm asking when does she take meds n call n talk to her doctor for recommendations for help for bipolar n addictions...this is sad when there indenial n DNT want help [moderated]
Do yourself a favor and make the break. Ask yourself as a healthy person do you want in a relationship with a bipolar person? She will endlessly torture you. Violence, anger, aggression, lying, self entitlement, grandiosity. I wish I had know about all of this before I left a bipolar person into my life. They will take, take, take from you and manipulate you, threaten suicide, it goes on and on. A bottomless pit for money and attention. Then you have the sexual inappropriateness. You will be on a roller coaster for life if you stay with this person. Their pattern is to find one victim after another. The world should be warned about these individuals and learn how to see the symptoms so they can protect themselves. Our problem is we just think everyone is like us, not being psychologist or doctor, it's off our radar screen. Innocent, regular people find themselves entrapped in a nightmare with these folks. This is information that should be taught in high school. I am very sorry you have been in this for 11 years. You deserve real happiness, intimacy and love.
Hi Sleepless,
I appreciate that you may have been in a bad situation, but not all people with bipolar disorder are alike. I am nothing like you describe. We are all different.
- Natasha Tracy
I have been diagnosed with bipolar and I do neither of what they say those don't judge everyone for a few my husband knows my condition and he is there helping me through it all I still work I still manage my household and my kids as a normal individual would just because we have a disorder doesn't mean we are outcasts
You gotta be kidding me?You werent with someone that was bipolar.you were with an [moderated].Im bipolar nothing like that
I SUPPORT MY FAMILY.COOK.CLEAN AND do the best I can as a father.and husband as well as a person.
This girlfriend does not sound like she has bipolar disorder or any other mental illness. She sounds like she has a personality disorder.
A personality disorder IS a mental illness; it doesn't mean a disordered personality, it means someone with a set of symptoms who has trouble regulating their moods: they tend to go up and down in the space of a few hours, often more often than those with bipolar. I have BP 1 and there is a 'complex needs' dept at my CMHT (community mental health team) who treat those with personality disorders. I think there's quite a lot of confusion around diagnostic labels, which I've noticed even in the author of this article. Staggering really, for someone with bipolar not to know her facts when she's purporting to be writing this feature.
Hi Light and Shade,
Thank you for your comment. I'm not sure what you mean when you say confusion around diagnostic labels in the article. Where do you feel there is confusion?
- Natasha Tracy
Combined with my anxiety, stress leads to feeling frustrated and then angry. Anger can range from a negative attitude of complaining all the way to cursing and throwing items or hitting items, but not people. It's hard to differentiate between anxiety as an unofficial symptom of the mood disorder or is it GAD. It's really not which as much as it is how generalized anxiety does lead to low frustration tolerance and becoming "pissed off" much easier than those without BP I or BP II. BP diagnoses need to be revamped to include anger, aggression, and anxiety.
Reading all of these comments have been so insightful! I thought I was going crazy dealing with a boyfriend who I truly feel has BPD. I thought I had met the man of my dreams. Absolutely what any woman would want. Charming, a true gentlemen, very good looking etc. within months of dating he would randomly say "I'm not crazy". I would laugh it off and ask why he kept saying that? He started being emotional over simple disagreements not even arguments. He started created arguments. Saying I was being "volatile, or aggressive". Words no one who knows me would ever use. Originally I thought he was just moody. When I asked him why he was being moody he would get extremely irritable. We traveled out of town and he had a total breakdown. He was totally depressed, he called my friends, family and lied about everything. We eventually got back together two months later. Confessing our love for one another. At that time I still didn't realize what he was dealing with. After speaking with a friend in the medical field she immediately said she believed he was bi polar. Me being in denial also. I felt so bad and realized he simply could not help it. I suggested we go to counseling and he originally agreed. However, every attempt I made he created an excuse. He planned 3 major vacation trips within 3 months, Cabo, a cruise, and Hawaii. I was so afraid to Tavel with him because of what happened before. I got more aggressive with trying to make an appointment to see someone. The harder I tried the more irritable he became. We never got to see a professional before our first trip. And 4 days into an amazing vacation he blew up over absolutely nothing. Called me really horrible and disgusting names. I couldn't control myself and said its time for me to say that I know you are dealing with bipolar. And I truly believe you already know this. He became very distant, withdrawn, but angry. We eventually apologized to one another, after I went to him and asked him to forgive me etc. we agreed to make the best of the remaining trip and discuss matters when we get back. He was a little withdrawn but I could see he was making an effort. Once we got back, we do not live together. I felt we both needed space, after a few days I went over his place with gifts because his birthday was the following day. He looked at me like I was an alien. Asking what are you doing here? You can't be that naive to think we're together. He brought up every response to the argument from the trip. He never mentioned anything or bad name he called me. He only remembered my responses. He took back hs keys, gave me mine. Stuffed all of my things in a box and said I had to leave. He looked like a totally different person, nothing in his eyes. He kept saying "this is my house" as if i was refusing to leave or saying it was mine" he was paranoid, angry etc. It was so heartbreaking. I just left. I sent him a email professing my love and outlining all the strange behaviors saying I know he will not remember any of this once he comes out of this episode. He emailed back outlining all the money he spent for gifts, and trips. Saying he has already moved on etc. mind you we were together a total 15 months, and he constantly shared that he has never been in love like this etc. it's been a month now. I really want to just et him know I care. Not certain if I could go back. Although I miss the good part of him. I just know he's alone and when he realizes what happened he will regret it. But he won't get help. He also has a sister with BP. That he absolutely cannot stand. Now I know why. If anyone has any tips on how or if I should reach out I would really appreciate it. God bless you all.
Hi my bf is bipolar. And has major miod swing over little thing what should ido. I wannaconfert him but he says he needs space.
My experience is that "space" during an acute or active phase literally means one of two things. I am depressed and want to be alone, or I'm very angry and do not want anyone around me, which could be his way of trying to protect you from his anger or outbursts. Htike
Hi Leah, Your story is almost exactly my own. I can't believe how similar. My guilt, my pity, his inability to remember the really hateful hurtful tings he has said, nor apologize, take responsibility etc. It is killing me, I am changing into a self doubting person filled with fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. I always say it's like dating the fairy tale: "when he was good he was very very good, but when he was bad he was awful." We can't save these people. We have to walk away. My heart is totally broken. I feel your pain and frustration 100%.
Consider yourself blessed that he ended it with you and is not stalking you. For your health and safety, you should not go back under any circumstances, just drop him completely. You are correct BP runs in families. They will always be this way, if they get help, they will go off their meds and the meds are not perfect either and only diminish the symptoms. In short consider this a lesson learned and move on, you now know about BP 2. These people have no problem literally destroying your life and they will justify it. You can't have a real, happy, stable relationship with someone who is bipolar. He will find a new victim, he will use his charm and good looks and find someone new who is clueless and then the pattern will repeat itself. Thank god you were lucky and did not marry him or have children with him. I am unhappy that the general public is not warned and taught about who these people are and what they do. Myself and other people I know have been victimized by these people; I wish I had known back then what I know now. I suggest you see a therapist to get over the trauma he inflicted on you and understand he is mentally ill and will not change. 5.7 million American adults, or about 2.6% of the U.S. population 18 and older has bipolar, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. This is why it is a good idea to get to know someone before getting committed and maybe stuck in a situation you cannot get out of. My heart breaks for everyone who has been thru this. I have seen these BP 2 people commit violent physical attacks, extortion and blackmail, theft, lying, cheating and have false memory syndrome. All while exclaiming they are special, more special than you or I and we should cater to their every whim and desire due to their specialness. For instance dating someone for a few months and having sex a few times means you own them a house. The self entitlement is off the charts. I suspect BP 2 is attached to other personality disorders commonly.
Natasha Tracy, I don't know how you handle running this site. The comments I've read this evening have made me feel absolutly s**t aboukt myself. Do these horrible people not realise that people with BPD do not CHOOSE to act this way - they can't HELP it - that is the DISEASE. Those of us who need help, need help because they are sick. These horrible people commenting on a BPD website have the disrespect to tell those of us who batlle this horrific disorder every day of our lives that we have ruined 'their" lives... stop looking at yourself and whining, try living the life we have to with BPD. You commenters coming to this site to whinge and be disrespectful ... go elsewhere. Your comments have hurt me immensely and I don't need YOUR rubbish with all the horror BPD brings to my life already. Go away from here and think about your words on website making someone feel horrible about themselves someone who tries incredibly hard every single day to fight this disease. If you don't want to be with those people, don't be with them. Be adults and end the relationship. Don't come to a website designed for people with BPD and talk as if we ASK to have lives full of stress and unhappiness. We don't choose this disease, it's forced on us but you can choose who you have a relationship with. Why don't you go away and lead adult lives and stop whinging.
Hi Jennifer,
I'm sorry that you find the comments so distressing. Unfortunately, this is what you see all over the Internet. I believe the freedom of speech is very important -- even for those with whom I vehemently disagree.
- Natasha Tracy
I am the mother of a daughter with suspected bipolar. I completely understand it is a disease and that her harsh comments and inability to take responsibility for her behaviour is not her fault it is the disease and not my kind, caring and loving daughter. But and this is a big BUT the constant mood swings and unpredictably of this disease take its toll on the people who are only trying to care. It is not an option to walk away from my daughter. I am also a survivor of a toxic relationship with her father who abused me and my three children. I was able to walk away from that eventually. Please understand that all people who suffer with this debilitating disease need to be left to cope alone.
Jennifer, your comment of ..." stop looking at yourself and whining, try living the life we have to with BPD" is a mouthful, but sadly, not surprising. It is words and thoughts like this that make people feel like they have beware of people with Bi polar disorder.
The question is, why are YOU so afraid to acknowledge and have empathy for the people that have been left hurt( and sometimes traumatized) by BPD people who have abused them? Do you really think that this is all you just about YOU and your disease ? Sorry, it's not, and people who have been victims of the abuse dished out by mentally ill people have a right to be upset about it , and voice it.
On a small scale , if you step on my toe and it hurts, I have right to say "get off my toe! If I am hurt by someone, I have the right to object and to walk away. No thanks, I deserve to be treated better than this.
I read these posts and feel much validation. I struggle with extreme anger saying things that I am amazed would say such vile things. There have been times that when I am In such a state, I do not remember what I said. Is this considered a psychotic episode?
Recently I notice something's about bipolar. I am one of them. U guys know we are having mood swing but u all dunno how our actual feeling which is we facing hurt of trigger because we are sentivite toward around us. Which mean we think fast and act fast because we having the feeling a lot greater then the normal ppl. A hug a kiss a support is so important for us and not blaming or complaining but just understand us. You think we wanna be depress or violent ? Why we will act and react out so violent or harmful that is because our feeling is so great just like u being hurt category level 1 and we are at level 10 because of bipolar the emotion and feeling is a lot greater then u all. We also trying our best to push all the emotion away but normally we failed especially when we hurt or being hurt. You think if one hurt sentence u call cruel but for us is x10 so if u feeling same as us will u still think it's strange for what we face ? Or crazy ? But we still manage to continue our journey. Pls dun just said what u feel is so bad mean time u dun understand the illness and u dun willing to put yourself into our position.
I totally agree with you I tell my family all the time my feelings are me it's what makes my day how I'm going to feel I wake up and never know how I will feel and I feel other people's pain it's like the guy in green mile said It's like glass in my head all the time I ultra sensitive to my feelings others feelings and it's like you can't get anyone to understand this is why I tend to stay home unless I'm working which is full on get ready to put on and act which depends on if I'm high or low or in between trying to keep people from noticing the shift in my moods and the aggression and irritability also I guess maybe it's hard for people to think that a person can be like this but I carry on we carry on at least we know that someone in the world does even if you don't know who they are.
Good afternoon, my husband is bipolar and have times we are in honeymoon and have times i just want to leave and have peace. I do know the alcohol is a big trigger to my husband. So i am trying for more than 5 years to bring him some conscience that he cant drink. Also i have make videos when he was drunk to show him how bad he acts. So cafeine is very bad too. Some times i think about have kids, but my stress with my husband it is so constantly that i do think will be just a nightmare for me.
Anger is a symptom cause it's when you are irritable and yes look it up do research
Today I came to search for posts about (Anxiety,Bipolar, anger,and i endup here, reading all this comments,so here go my situation,maybe I can get some tips how to cope with this .
my son 43 have been working till now , he start having problems at work with is boss,
and was coming home and telling us ,(me and my husband )about it ,and got worse over the last 7months. he was transfer to another department ,but without any result,he went to doctor and he was diagnostic with chronic anxiety ,is home with temporary disability ,but I think its more than that because is always in bad mood,very verbal aggressive with me
every time I tell hem ( = you have to go to therapy , to get better,is living in my house and not paying for food or anything,and i wanna that way but when he is bad he tells me that i m annoying hem ,and he abuse with lots of verbal names with lots of screaming, and my husband is sick have heart problems, he cries when my son screams at me ( we do so mush for hem and never a thank you. I wish was a way we could help hem. at this point looks like he hath us . I wonder if is anybody out there going thru some like this . Good bless and help all the ones are suffering .
Dear Desperate Mom,
I am so sorry to hear of the pain and suffering you, your husband, and your son are going through. I am a 55yr old man who has dealt with bipolar and generalized anxiety disorder since 1981. It is important to note that I was evaluated twice within 1 year by a team of mental health professionals: namely a psychiatrist, a psychologist, an occupational therapist, and a mental health social worker. I do not know if your son has had the luxury of being evaluated as I was. Proper evaluation and accurate diagnosis made all the difference for me. It allowed development of a treatment plan that, over time, allowed me to return to school and work. It has helped me to manage the illness.. to “stay on top of it” as opposed to the other way around.
I can only give you my opinions here as I am not an M.D. or a licensed/experienced mental health worker. As for your son:--- the fact that he has been able to hold a job for such a long period of time is a good sign. It sounds as though the stress he experienced on the job was intense and only getting worse. Stress can certainly be one trigger (not the only one though) for the type of explosive anger he is exhibiting.
There are two basic steps that must be completed:
1. Is their a physical problem that could be causing his problems. He needs a thorough physical work up.... NOT just a physical exam. For example: there is a type of epilepsy called “temporal lobe epilepsy” that, if present, often mimics the symptoms of bipolar.
2. If physical problems are definitively ruled out then he will need a psychiatric evaluation by, at the very least, a psychiatrist (preferabley) or pyschologist. Do not settle for anyone who as lesser qualifications. Accurate dx depends on it.
I don't know what medical facilities you have available to you (not to mention insurance). The one thing I can say with relative assuredness is that if he can get evaluated by a decent psychiatrist then medicine may allow him to control his symptoms enough such that he could start some type of therapy. I believe, however, a path with some similarity to the one above will get things moving in the right direction. I promise to pray about this. I believe, with all my heart, that you will be brought to the right place & that you will find the right people to help your son. Nothing is hopeless.
My wife's behavior is exactly as everyone has written here, the problem is we been only married for one month. I am not sure if she will get better or worse, it looks like it is going to effect me a lot because if for example I wanted to study at night I wouldn't be able to because she will get mad at me for studying. She puts me in this "anger prison" for example, let says I am looking at my phone while she is next to me at night, she will get really angry at me and start screaming at me. If I say I'm sorry I am done, she will turn her back and start pushing me away. If I talk she will tell me to stop talking. If I go to sleep, she will wake me up squeezing my jaw saying "you can't go to sleep because I am mad." I dont think I continue like this. She has a two or three good days, she will get in this weird swing mood for a day, and then look for something to be mad about then flip out on me. Those who have been married for 8 years, how did you continue for so long?
My husband is bipolar and won't take his meds daily. He is now in a manic state and raging at me. We have only been married for 3 years. Can't tolerate his behavior any longer.
Stephanie, Sometimes medications can exacerbate symptoms rather than relieve them. If her current med school are not working, and she has been compliant in taking them, perhaps a different medication is in order. SSRI's make my family member worse off, amplifying their current mood (usually anger and hostility). When put on Lamictal, it was like night and day. No more horrid mood swings, no flat affect, no excessive fatigue.... After a year, they added Seroquil for help with some mood swings that appeared after the baby was born, but all around amazing turn of events. She will need to monitor her moods and contact her doctor when she feels it starting to slip, and they adjust her dose accordingly. Once she became accountable for her disease, rather than ashamed of it, she had much better results.
If you are in the states, check out NAMI... it is wonderful resource, with free family course that really open your eyes to all we have been doing wrong in handling our loved ones disease with them. Hang in here... I am on 28 years with bipolar spouse (unmedicated) and bipolar daughter (now medication compliant). Husband makes me crany at times when I can't detach from the event well, but I know he never asked for this disease. I'm still gently working to get him to be accountable for it, as he insisted his daughter be.
One response that I have changed in conversation with family member is to say, "I know this is not the person I love talking to me right now, and perhaps it is the disease lashing out right now. But, I would like to talk about this with you later on when we can have a real conversation. We can work together to discover the trigger the caused this and we will figure out a solution, together. Is that ok?" My stopping, acknowledging that they really don't want to be like that, and offering a solution to work out later let's them know I am listening, I'm present, and will not engage with their disease... but, will talk to them to help them through this tough situation at a set time. Daughter loves it. Husband, tolerates it, but holds resentment internally.
It's all we can do. They must want to help them self first.
My wife has recently been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1 and she's been going back and forth trying to get on the right meds. Her doctor put her on geodon which help but turned her into a zombie. She could sleep for days if she wanted to. It was actually working though!! She was a pleasure to be around and I could finally stop walking on egg shells. She took herself off of it a week ago and now she's back to being this ticking time bomb. If I say one thing wrong, no matter how big or little, she'll turn into a monster. I've been dealing with this for 3 and a half years now and I don't know how much more I can take. She has no communication skills and blames me for everything. She won't go to counseling. She just keeps telling me that if I don't like it then I can leave. I hate giving up on her but our daughter is starting to be affected by it and I'm starting to think that leaving is my only option. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle anger and aggression?
Medical cannabis specifically for anxiety and euphoria...without the insanely harmful bi polar meds.
I was Bipolar type 1 for many year but recently diagnosed with type 2. I have some anger issues I will admit, my husband has been super patient with me! I don't say "mean or hurtful things to him (or I do my best not to) I do things toward myself which might not be nice for him to have to see) I have NEVER EVER hurt him physically. My pain is inward. I don't want people seeing this post and assuming that those of us with bipolar are danagerous to be around (that's what I see this post and think of) is maybe sending out the wrong vibes towards mental illness) I know your trying to educate people about anger but it might being in ways not sending out a good vibe to some readers). You're right people need to seek help (especially if their doing damage to their selves or their spouses) anything emotional or physical is just wrong (I will say this in my own defense when I am in hypo I really don't know what I am doing I am just so "out" of it and angry...I go in that mode (I guess unless you have been there it's hard to know or explain) My husband has a way with me, he comes to me and holds me, (or he will walk me to the bath and put in some lavender) and it calms me right down) It's important to have a supportive spouse or family and friends! If not what do you have???