Remembering the Forgotten: Your Response to Dementia

When I wrote the article ‘Eliminating the Word Schizophrenic’ I stated that schizophrenia was the most stigmatized of all the mental illnesses. Somehow, I forgot to consider dementia as the stigma that it bears runs much deeper than schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and depression combined.

Almost everyone knows an older member of their family who ‘lost their marbles’ and lives in supportive housing. It’s a family secret in thousands of families. It’s an illness that due to its difficult presentation, makes people fearful of it. And when people are fearful of something, they avoid it.

Do You Know Someone who Suffers?

Think about your life. Is there someone you know who suffers from dementia that you have neglected to visit as much as you once did? Do you have an aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather who spends their days in a lonely mental health facility doing the same puzzles over and over again?

Rationally, I can understand why there is a tendency to further ourselves from a loved one with dementia. It is one of the most difficult things to bare when a loved one no longer remembers your name. Or even worse, if they become violent and disconnected from the rest of the world.

But just because it makes you uncomfortable, it does not give you the right to deny these people the love and support they deserve, at the time they need it most.

Intensely Difficult, Yet Intensely Rewarding

I worked on a highly secured dementia ward in a psychiatric hospital for some time. In some ways, it was the most difficult job I have ever had. In other ways, it was the most rewarding.

Most of the residents on the ward did not remember me day to day. I was often confused for a son or a grandson. Many of them were violent towards me, to no fault of their own. But every single day, no matter how distraught and confused a person was, I could make a small, positive difference in their day. Sure, they may not remember that moment five minutes later, but it doesn't take away the importance of having that moment.

Visit More Often - Stay Longer

All I'm trying to say is that just because your loved one is disconnected from reality, it doesn't mean that they can no longer experience joy. Even if you think your visits are no longer helping, keep going.

Mental stimulation has been proven to slow down the degenerative nature of the illness. At this point in modern medicine, its effects can’t be reversed but they can be managed. By simply visiting more often and engaging in loving conversation, you are increasing their chances of having more good days than bad.

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