Is Social Networking Increasing Your Relationship Anxiety?

Everyone has a story about a couple they know who've argued openly on Facebook. Or the person who was ostracized by their followers on Twitter. Online social networks can bring out the worst in public behavior for some people, spurred on by anonymity and groupthink. The average person might be plagued by the public nature of social networks. However, when you have a mental illness, particularly one with a component of anxiety, tools like Twitter and Facebook can become breeding grounds for obsessive behavior.

Relationships and Facebook: It's Always Complicated

For example, I've recently become interested in a man named Erik. We met a few months ago through work but hadn't seen each other socially until recently. Let's just say that certain events of a physical nature transpired and I believe that he's similarly interested in pursuing some level of social interaction. I'm not exactly sure what that level is because I was too wimpy to ask outright. However, Erik did send me a Facebook friend request the day after we hung out, which is the modern-day equivalent of asking for someone's number. I think. See, I actually haven't really dated since Facebook became popular, but I'm pretty sure it means something to "friend" someone after you've seen them naked. I think.

This Manic Episode Brought to You by Facebook

Perhaps I was already feeling anxious before Erik and I hooked up. And if he'd walked out of my door without making future communication, I could easily have talked myself out of caring about him with rational self-talk. But now that we're Facebook friends, I have access to a whole level of information to turn obsessive thoughts into obsessive behaviors. Before Facebook, I could wonder why a guy didn't call and create self-delusional excuses for him. "He must be really busy with work," I'd tell myself. But now, with access to Erik's friends and general information, I can act on my ridiculous impulses. When I post on his wall, I can continually refresh my browser to see when he posts back. Or I can go stealth and look at the pictures of his ex-wife; I'll use these to later confirm the lingering suspicion that, since I don't look like the ex-wife, Erik was just lying about how beautiful he thinks I am. I mean, if he was married to her and. . .

Insert positive affirmation here.

Unraveling Social Anxiety from Online Social Media

Don't get me wrong: there are many relationship benefits to online social engagements, like finding support for your illness from people around the world even if you haven't found it in your "real life" community. I'm reminded of some advice from a Twitter friend who I recently asked about the intersection of social networking tools and her obsessive-compulsive disorder. She reminded me of the importance of good mental hygiene across all situations, and the need to limit exposure to triggers.

So, at least for now, I'm turning off the computer, taking some deep breaths, and limiting the number of times I visit Facebook daily. I'll let you know how that all works out.

Find Tracey on Twitter, Facebook, and her personal blog.