Unraveling the Layers of Gambling Fixation

Gambling fixation doesn't look the same for everyone. Very quickly into my gambling escapades, I realized that each person’s journey is unique, and this is determined by their motivations, vulnerabilities, and circumstances. Looking back at my own experience, I see that I became an interplay of personality traits. Through the winning, losing, and desperation phases of my journey, my emotional struggles, personality, and attraction to the allure of gambling unlocked in me the chaser, escape artist, risk taker, denier, and isolationist. These are types of gambling fixation.

The Chaser Gambling Fixation Trait

I started my fixation on gambling as the chaser, which remained my identity throughout the winning phase. I was driven by the thrill of the win and was at such a high that I was convinced I would never lose. I believed I had unmetered luck until I didn’t, but even through the losses, I was still stuck chasing the thrill of the win. This bottomless desire led me deeper into the clutches of addiction.

The Denier Gambling Fixation Trait

When I dropped into the losing phase of gambling, I embodied a new personality trait: the denier. Despite mounting evidence of my quick descent into gambling fixation, I became adept at denying the severity of my compulsion. The denier within me constructed a shield to protect me from the stark truth of my problem gambling.

The Isolationist and Escape Artist Gambling Addiction Traits

During the desperation phase, I evolved into an isolationist, risk-taker, and escape artist. With my fixation over gambling escalating, I became more impatient and fueled to escape life and disappear into the glitzy world of casinos and the allure of possibilities. At the same time, I became increasingly isolated. To hide the extent of my gambling fixation, I distanced myself from those close to me. To forget the harsh realities and chaos I had unleashed on my life, I dug myself deeper into irresponsible gambling. Combined, these personalities became my undoing, which made my recovery journey excruciatingly difficult.

When I began reconciling the rift between my gambling compulsion and the reality I tried to escape, I kept switching between personalities to justify the need for even a little gambling. Any money in my hand would call out to the risk-taker in me, begging for the adrenaline rush of placing a bet.

My recovery journey took a lot of learning and unlearning. Understanding the type of gambler I was in each phase has been a crucial aspect of my recovery and has also helped me avoid relapses.