Helping Me Understand My Son with Schizophrenia

I just wanted to write and say that I really enjoyed your book, "Ben Behind His Voices." I learned a lot from it and I can relate to it a lot too. I can relate to Ben as well.

In 2009 I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was 20 years old. I had visual and auditory hallucinations since I was 17 but it was never diagnosed until my first psychotic break at 20.

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Like Ben, I was angry as a teenager. My relationship with my parents has always been stressed but this was most evident when I was a teen. There were shouting matches nearly every day. Mainly because I didn't have enough friends, I didn't dress like my parents wanted me to, I didn't take part in enough extra-curricular activities, I listened to my music too loud, etc.

Most of this was probably related to early signs of schizophrenia. I didn't have a lot of friends because I struggled to relate with others. I didn't dress like my parents wanted me to because I really didn't care about my appearance...at least not to the point that I felt like I needed to impress anyone. I didn't take part in outside activities because I was bullied and picked on...I was eccentric and my classmates didn't understand that. My parents would eventually find out that I was listening to my music very loud because I was trying to drown out the voices.

In high school I was in the top 5% of my class. I studied hard...that was something my parents were proud about. I graduated with honors. But it was hard because frequently I was non-verbal at school. My teachers were concerned about me but didn't know how to help me. How do you help someone that can't tell you what is wrong? I guess that is probably what they were thinking.

I did well in college until the end of my sophomore year when I began to become psychotic. I was a good student still, and I had a fiance. I worked as a dog trainer at Petco. But at the beginning of 2009 I started to fall apart. I couldn't focus. I had trouble communicating. I was hallucinating. I felt very distant. My grades fell. I skipped class. The only place that I could function was when I was teaching dog training classes...but even that was not the same.

In March 2009, I was admitted to a psych hospital for the first time. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I spent my 21st birthday in the hospital...which I find quite a bit of humor in considering how interesting the guests at my party were. The first hospitalization was followed by 13 more hospitalizations in 2009. I've lost count now but the to-date total is almost 30 hospitalizations since 2009. Each of these was a varying degree of a psychotic episode.

My fiance broke up with me due to my diagnosis. I had to move

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back home. I lost my job. I wasn't allowed at a family reunion because some of my relatives were uncomfortable about being around a schizophrenic person. I had to go on disability.

But, I did graduate college with a degree in Psychology. I started a blog called "A Schizophrenic And A Dog." There was an article about me in Schizophrenia Digest. I was featured in a television show on Animal Planet. I've been published in a book about disabilities. I've had a few of my written works featured on blogs and websites. I take my medication as I should. I am lucky enough to understand and be aware of my illness. I recently had a full-time job, the first job since my diagnosis, that lasted a month and a half. I now live on my own in Kentucky. And, I may be participating in an 8 month long research study about schizophrenia.

The successes definitely outweigh the losses.

What has helped me the most is finding a medication that works (Thorazine) and receiving consistent therapy. Also having a pretty good support system.

My mom isn't as supportive as you are of Ben...but she makesprogress. I'm going to really work at trying to get her to read your book because I think she could learn a lot from it. I know I did. I'd never seen the struggle through schizophrenia from the viewpoint of the mother. It gave me a lot of insight into how my parents have probably felt.

Thank you for reading my email and for writing the book. It is an amazing book. I really hope the best for Ben...you portrayed him as such a nice guy that it is impossible to hope for anything but the best for him. Also, thank you for being supportive of him. Some of us don't have that, and Ben is really lucky to have you.

I lived at home for 3 years and paid rent to my parents. It worked out pretty well until they decided I needed to move out and get more independence. I like living on my own but I sure do miss home. I'm glad you have welcomed Ben back into your home.

Katherine - thank you for sharing your experience with us - and I hope that your family continues to learn, and empathize, and support- as we have tried to with Ben. The more we all understand the others' point of view, the more we can all make a difference. Thanks!