Self-Improvement: What To Expect From Funny In The Head In 2012

"Why raise the bridge when you can lower your expectations of the river?" Taz Mopula

You may be surprised to learn that even the irrational, off-kilter, cattywhumpus and – yes, I’ll say it – whackadoomius among us gaze upon the vast, blank canvas of an unused year and think to ourselves – how can I do better?

Of course, in our case this means – how can I be an even shinier wing nut, a more twisted slinky?

Way back when, Mark Twain reminded us, “It isn’t easy being eccentric.” This observation is as true today as it was when he said it – which is why I’ve had a good long look my own shortcomings and failures in 2011 and put together a list of resolutions which – with luck – will make my humble blog even funnier in the weeks and months to come.

For Publication: Funny In The Head Announces New Year’s Resolutions

1. When reaching for a funny, fictitious name I will not immediately summon my old stand by Chumley. Indeed, I will stop pretending that there ever was a person named Chumley Scintilla Fortesque Smythe Frampton Smythe Entwhistle, Third Earl of Basingstoke-on-Trent.

While I think we can agree that it would be lovely if that actually was somebody’s name, there comes a time, does there not, when one must separate the appeal of what may be from the appall of whatnot and such like, maybe.

2. Writing this blog often demands ready access to obscure mental illnesses with bizarre, comical names. Historically my go-to complaint has been Munchausen by Proxy; it’s bizarre, it sounds bizarre, and the more you learn about it the more bizarre it becomes. But it needs a rest, I’m afraid, along with another favorite, Tourette’s syndrome.

Now, to be candid, I could rummage through medical textbooks for splendidly odd and rarely discussed complaints – or I could just make some up and let you think I had. For example: It’s-Faux-You Disorder, Delusions of Humility, and Aspidistraphobia (fear of houseplants).

3. Lately it’s become fashionable to speculate about the mental illnesses of historical figures, and even diagnose them! It’s a wildly unscientific practice, and easy to parody, but I think I can do better.

In upcoming blogs I resolve to diagnose the mental illnesses of popular cartoon characters, and even provide treatment programs. I don’t think you need to be Freud to figure out what Smurfette is all about, and Yogi Bear clearly has an eating disorder.

4. Finally, I will use my alter ego, Taz Mopula, to popularize slogans that link absurdity and mental health. I’ll start with these snippets of Taz Mopula wisdom:

"Think Globally - Act Sillilly."

"Life is good! Death is poopy!"

"Honk if you love noise pollution."

"How much rain can an umbrella stand?"

"Ebullience is great, but not in a china shop."