Profiles In Psychology: Doctor Zick Meind Pfrawed

"I’m mad about sanity and wild about good manners." Taz Mopula

These are wonderful days to be whackadoomius! Awareness of mental health issues is at an all-time high, and those of us troubled by unruly squirrels have a cornucopia of resources to draw upon.

But it was not always thus. Medical care specifically targeted towards mental health is a relatively recent phenomenon, and while we all understand our indebtedness to giants like Carl Jung and Oprah Winfrey, lesser lights responsible for pushing the discipline forward are often overlooked.

Doctor Zick Meind Pfrawed is one of these unjustly slighted geniuses. Fortunately, a recent surge of interest in this complex, daring man has revealed that his contribution to the field of psychoanalysis is far greater than originally thought.

Here is a partial listing of Dr. Pfrawed’s accomplishments:

· Credited with originating the phrase: “Mmmm, and how did that make you feel?”

· First to establish patient/doctor power dynamic by always making patients wait past designated start time, even when patient arrived early.

· First to scribble shopping lists, vacation ideas, and peevish letters to the editor while pretending to jot notes referencing patient diagnosis.

· First to realize that insanity, (far from disqualifying an individual from practicing psychiatry), actually improves their level of expertise.

· First to realize it’s all your mother’s fault.

· First to rank patient value using a complex algorithm balancing degree of whackadoomiousness, extent of medical insurance, and entertainment value of psychosis.

· First to bill for an hour but only deliver 50 minutes. (This is widely considered one of the most original, and lucrative, innovations in all healthcare.)

· First to realize that, if a doctor’s chair is behind the patient, it is possible to nap during interminable recitations of pointless childhood memories. (This breakthrough in itself secured Dr. Pfrawed’s place of honor within the psychiatric community.)

· Originator of the now iconic – (“Hmmm” – followed by a chin scratch) – one/two combination move.

Ironically, the great Sigmund Freud himself tried to popularize the – (“Hmmm” – followed by a rear-end scratch) – one/two combination move. This was not popular with patients and failed to catch on.

Memorable Misstep

Though justifiably admired for his multiple contributions, Doctor Zick Meind Pfrawed is perhaps best remembered for his controversial white paper – “The End Insight Will Be When The End In Sight Is” – presented in 1902. In it, he asserted that all therapy should be aimed at the point where therapy is no longer required.

Early psychiatrists, busily saving for second homes, sailboats, and life-sized self-portraits, were horrified by the idea that a patient could one day be cured and consequently no longer require costly treatment. Dr. Pfrawed's professional status declined accordingly.