Bipolar -- Why Me?

It's normal to ask, "Why me?" when you have bipolar disorder. And while some people may see this as just feeling sorry for yourself, it's much more than that and it is very normal. It's certainly a question I have asked. So let's delve into the question of "why me" with bipolar disorder.

Asking 'Why Me?'

When something devastating happens, asking "Why Me?" is normal. Why did a tornado hit my house and not my neighbors? Why did my child die of an illness why others survive? Why did my brain betray me when everyone else I know is fine?

These are normal questions. Yes, they burgeon on feeling sorry for yourself, but I would consider them important questions nonetheless. You need to sit with those questions and answer those questions if you expect to move on. If those questions are always niggling at you and if you have never satisfied them, then their poison will not be excised. 

Why Do I Have Bipolar Disorder?

Asking why you have bipolar disorder is very normal. Every person who gets diagnosed with a devastating illness wants to know how they got it. They want to know what they did wrong to get it. They want to know why they, out of all the people in the world, got it. 

I understand these questions. I believe we have all asked them in one form or another. 

The answers are complicated, of course. But put simply, the reason why you, personally, have bipolar disorder is individual. It's a combination of nature and nurture. It's the triumvirate of biological, psychological and environmental factors that have come together in a way that is unique to you and manifested as bipolar disorder. You did nothing wrong. You were unlucky.

Getting Over 'Why Me?' with Bipolar Disorder?

Understanding why you have bipolar disorder is impossible. Our science isn't there. Science doesn't have the answer for you. No matter what you do, no matter who you talk to, no matter what you learn, you will never know. That is something with which you will have to come to terms.

But I hope that, eventually, you realize, that's okay. If I listed all the things about me that I understand and all the things I don't, the things I don't would be much longer. I don't know why I have certain talents. I don't know why I need glasses. I don't know why I like ice cream more than seems humanly possible. These are the mysteries of life. And I'm okay with them.

I get that the mystery of bipolar disorder is one that is not nearly so warm and fuzzy. I get that its impacts are slightly more devastating than needing glasses or rationing time with Ben and Jerry. I understand that far too well.

But I have made peace with that. I have accepted the fact that I will never know why my family seems to breed addicts, my grandfather was an abuser and I have bipolar disorder. I have accepted the fact that no matter how much I understand, I will never truly know why. 

And what I know is that the acceptance matters, not the answer to "Why me?" 

Bipolar and "why me" go together, but so do acceptance and moving on. So if you're struggling with the question of "why me?" I feel for you. But try to understand that there is no answer and that's okay. Once you truly get this, once you truly accept this, a slice of peace is waiting for you. And that will give you some power back with which to fight the bipolar and we could all use a bit more of that.