Bipolar Depression – When Will I Feel Better?

Been in the pit a cpl of years now. In the process of clearing my system.After that I hope to find something med wise that will work. Also going out in the sun for 20 min per day

I wish more people knew that there is a genetic component to depression. Check out the MTHFR research. Then, contact 23&Me.com They will send you a saliva test kit which you return to them. They'll send you an analysis of your personal genetic structure which you can then send to, I think, Genetic Genie?? who will send you an interpretation (it's very complex.) When you know whether you have the particular genetic defect that causes depression, you can then find out what supplements you can take that will change the chemistry of your genes and correct the problem. You will also be able to speak to other people who discuss what they are doing. Good luck. AA

I'm just sharing my experience with Bipolar II to let those who experience this know that there are others feeling the same way.
Everyday I live life like it's a dream and I feel like I was born into the wrong body. Nothing people says, or do, will really change how I feel. The days pass by and at the end of the day I ask myself, "Did I do anything today?" because all the feelings just vanish and I don't feel any emotions or remember anything. No emotions when I watch TV, read, talk to people, etc. I end up becoming depressed, because I'm depressed. I know how I should be responding to things that happen, to what people say, but I just don't feel anything. At the end, I end up just faking everything to seem normal.
Where are those energetic, hopping bunnies that should be within me? There wasn't really any huge event that changed me. I've always been like this for as long as I could remember. Like a lifeless, grey bunny hopping around in a world full of color. Everyone around me feels happiness, empathy, excitement, etc, but I can't. It's difficult to think of words to express those feelings because I don't feel them.
The best thing to do now is to share this experience with your family, cousins, friends and peers. There needs to be more coverage on Bipolar and one day a treatment will be found. I've started to share this only recently because I was scared in the past, but life is just speeding past me. I almost don't care anymore.
By the way, DR. BEN CARSON FOR 2016 PRESIDENT! The candidate with the most experience in healthcare.

I just came out of 18 months in the darkness but the hypomania that has taken its place may turn out to be worse. I normally look forward to being a little manic, especially after the longest bout with suicidal ideation I have ever had to bear but this new HM episode is an SOB. I am really angry and impatient now. It is going to take a lot of effort to keep from reading the riot act to my managers and losing my job. My poor wife having to live with a husband on the verge of collapse so long and only to have to live now with Mr. Hyde.

Natasha, your writing means so much to me. Bipolar makes a person feel so alone, even living among a supportive group of people who don't have a mental illness. They can't know how it is. This blog and Burble have eased that feeling of isolation a lot for me. Your case is very similar to mine, so I really relate. The way you are able to put your experience with bipolar into words is phenomenal! I admire that a lot. My depressions always last a long time too. The depression never truly leaves. I'm on the best meds ever, but nothing is perfect. They allow me to slog on much of the time. Without them I'd be dead, because I was at that point when, finally, a medication crossed the med resistance line. Hugs to you in the pit. My affectionate thoughts are with you.

How are you right now, Natasha? Years ago I read a book about going through intensely difficult and painful times. After doing everything we could to face the situation, sometimes all we had left to do was to breathe. Sometimes we were so drained, breathing is all we could manage. Breathing. I never thought I would aspire just to breathe, but considering the degree of pain I was in, it was comforting to realize that that was plenty to do to be proud of myself for those seconds or hours or days and it still is.

Fortunately, my anti-depressants are working for me. I don't feel as lifeless and hopeless.
Depression was one of the worse times in my life. I just wanted to live in a nursing home because I could barely do anything. I hope I never have to go through a long period of depression again. Hope you find something that will lift you up sooner rather than later...Pam

This too shall pass.

For what it's worth, based on my own experience with depression & much research & clinical experience:
1) Each time feels likes the worst ever, because your memory of past episodes are just shadows. Reality trumps shadows every time.
2) Depression LIES. It tells you nothing will ever get better, that you're finished, that it's all your fault. It's an extremely talented, powerful liar. Reality is VERY different.
Good luck! You do great work and you matter to lots of people.
- Greg

Why did you opt for meds if you didn't need medical intervention in the first place?. You say you finally beat all the crazy stuff once you quit meds.

Don't know when my last comment will be published, but just wanted to say to Betty that this is a post on when will people get better from bipolar depression. Yes, she talks about her current situation, but she is also giving to her readers. They should hear other perspectives and solutions. Even if a study says that overall people do best with meds and psychotherapy, that doesn't mean that finding applies to everyone, it just means for the overall population, that was what was found (of course, those studies may have other biases affecting real world individual applicability, e.g., how long the study was conducted, what meds were used).

Leave Natasha alone.
She's kind enough to let you post here. Your motivation is simple but wrong. She didn't ask for your advice. Why do you push your anti-med crusade all day everyday?

I extended heartfelt compassion to you but it didn't make it. I hope you will find relief for your pain soon. I can relate.

Sorry you aren't feeling well. I agree with Guy, have you ever considered tapering or not always treating depressive episodes with meds? Every time I feel my mood going down the tubes, my psychiatrist and I decide WHETHER adding something pharmacological is a good idea or not. He fully acknowledges that doing something med wise may make things worse rather than better, that it really is a crapshoot whether something will help, as you also allude to. We consider other options, like more frequent therapy sessions (i do my psychotherapy with him too, so this works out well) or upping my game with other helpful things (for me, that has lately been getting extra sun for vitamin d, and some studies show sunlight itself has positive mood effects and increases serotonin). Also, another thing I'd add is that psychotherapy isn't just about the techniques learned, but the relationship between provider and patient (and studies have shown therapeutic alliance is one of the most important predictors of successful psychotherapy). When I feel myself going down the tubes, a big part of what helps me is the act of having someone who has a history of sticking with me no matter how bad things may seem, and is fully committed to helping finding something that works well for ME as an individual. As a result of all this, things have tapered down naturally med wise over time. Again, hope things get better soon.

Hi Natasha, sorry that you're struggling so much and can't seem to find a medication to help with your depression. I was there for a very long time. 15 years! Tried over 30 different meds. A dozen ect treatments. My illness kept getting worse. I finally made the decision to, under a doctor's care, slowly taper off all the meds. It wasn't easy, took some time and learning new coping skills and ways of living, but I finally beat the bipolar depression, and mania and psychosis and all the other crazy sh*t I was experiencing while taking psyche drugs. Have you ever tried tapering off meds? I know some people have a hard time withdrawing from such powerful drugs, I sure did. But in the end it was worth it; for me and the people in my life. I know some people are REALLY opposed to anyone coming off meds. Why is that, when this approach has worked for many? I know other bipolar people who are doing better off meds, just like me. My last psychiatrist was fine with me trying this approach, he gave me a safe withdrawing schedule and is happy to know I am doing well today. And he knows, as well as i, that I was once bat sh*t crazy.

Natasha, sorry to hear that you are suffering. My heart goes out to you. Do you have complete confidence in the doctors you see? Are you confident in your doctors? Can it hurt to check out other mental health specialists?

You missed diet and exercise... in addition to therapy and medication. For me the switch flipped when I started exercising. I started very small at first and went up from there. Consistency is key. I forced myself to do a little bit each week with the limited energy that I had and I was surprised how well it worked over time

I am sorry you are struggling, today. I have most certainly been there. I wouldn't wish on you, what you allowed to continue on your blog toward me, when I was struggling as you are now.
Take care, Natasha.