3 Ways For ADHD Dads to Earn Respect From Their Teens

How do you maintain parental authority when your frazzled ADHD mind makes you look like a parental chump? Teenagers constantly test the bounds of your authority whether you have ADHD or not. Still, with a brain filled with cotton candy where gray matter should be, the ADHD parent has some unique challenges. Here are some tricks I use to keep a good rapport with my kids and preserve the illusion of authority.

[caption id="attachment_702" align="aligncenter" width="250" caption="Photographed by the Elf"][/caption]

How My Daughters Might View Their ADHD Dad

I imagine I can come across as mercurial to my girls. I lay down the rules, forget about them, then suddenly remember them and enforce them in a hurry. I forget important dates and misplace paperwork. I'm usually running late when I drop them off and showing up late when I need to pick them up. What a terrible dad I must seem to them.

Take this morning, for example. The Elf, my 15 year old, attends Early Morning Seminary, a weekday church class. I nobly offered to drive her this morning because I wanted my wife to sleep in so we could watch the last two episodes of Chuck. I figured I'd be up anyway since my sleep schedule was upside down again. Then I became immersed in my writing.

At seven to six, I realized the time and called on my cellphone and woke her up. Then I became immersed in my writing again. Thirty minutes later, she's ready and not only am I not ready to go, but I have no idea where my wallet is. I only had an entire evening to prepare for this.

I ran around the apartment for ten minutes frantically looking for it. I even checked my hanging pants three times. Good thing, too. Three times truly is the charm, though my eyes must have been cursed because I had previously checked the pants and not found the wallet the two times before. How does one do that exactly?

At any rate, we arrived at seminary thirty minutes late and she says "Dad, do I have to go in now?"

I, of course, level-headedly and with great understanding stated "We went through all this trouble to get you here. You're going in."

A Loving Dad Doesn't Have to Be A Perfect Parent

So the Elf had the unique pleasure of arriving late, attracting attention to herself, and only receiving fifteen minutes of spiritual instruction for her efforts. I'm lucky she came back to the car. I should have received a text stating, "Dad. Met guy named Knuckles over by dumpster. Heading to Las Vegas. Have a nice life. xoxox". Considering how typical this morning was for me, how on earth do I get her to do anything I ask of her?

Here's my secret:

1. Apologize - Soon after I told the Elf she was attending seminary despite how late she would arrive, I began to apologize for making her late. I sincerely regretted the situation I put her in, and apologized for not being more organized. She was visibly appreciative that her feelings were important to me. When I respect their feelings, they tend to respect me in return.
2. Compliment - After class, I made sure to compliment her for attending, and I praised her for her efforts in general to do the right thing. I let her know how proud of her I was. I didn't stop building up her self-esteem until she blushed and smiled. It's not manipulation when you are bailing to keep the boat afloat. I believe Confucius once said that.
3. Bribe - I'm not proud. I casually offered to bring her to McDonald's for breakfast which put a smile on her face and sealed the deal. Then I found out I was overdrawn at the bank and she had to pay for the meal.

Perhaps that wasn't the best example.

Well, aside from an unending string of embarrassments, I work hard on our rapport, and the effort pays off. I am not a perfect dad, but I am a loving one. In the end that seems to do the trick.